Pre-parenting: Work, leave and budgeting
November 5, 2014
PiC and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to parental leave.
He’s eligible for all state/federally mandated leave, and will have some days or weeks of vacation accrued if I carry to term as long as we’re careful about what we do up until then.
I have none of these things. I work for a small shop and so they aren’t bound by any of the state/federal leave laws. It’ll come down to a conversation with my generally accommodating and awesome (grumpy strikethrough) boss to work out something.
No matter what we work out, I’m staying on top of our saving right up until I can’t, in case anything happens and I can’t go back to work or I need more time. I hate this uncertainty.
Worst case scenarios.
If none of my leave is covered, I’ll need to work out the budget for being without income for 2, 3 and 6 months just to project how much money we need. At this stage, my feeling is that we’ve saved enough that I shouldn’t forgo a minimum length of leave (2 months?) just because of the money. It’s a luxury to take that time whether or not we have income but these are the first months of LB’s life, I probably want to be there. (And if I don’t, well, work should always take me back!)
A warning from experienced mothers
Try to prepare things before the third trimester, you won’t want to need to do too much at that stage:
This wars with my preference not to get ahead of ourselves preparing for something that, well, might not really … work out. As first-timers, we’re pretty cautious about the outcome; I think we’re both so cautious we won’t truly breathe easy about this whole pregnancy thing until we’ve got a healthy baby at the end of it.Ā We also don’t want to accumulate too much stuff, either. We don’t have a lot of room to begin with, so it really makes sense to purge everything we’d been meaning to move along and then add just a few essentials. On the other hand, ebbing energy is absolutely a concern and if I can expect to be even *more* tired at that stage, well… we’ll have to figure something out.
I’m grateful for some online resources that give me an idea of what on earth might be going on in there as I wait for time to pass. Though it’s always a great reminder that on some forums, people are dirt stupid and seem to think that all science was just a joke – be leery of those folks.
I’d read the scary stuff like SaverSpender’s first time mother notes and while I’ve had a ton of childcare experience, obviously I’ve hadn’t had any in the actual birthing department. Despite having heard what I thought was “it all” from so many mothers, there were still a lot of “ewwww ….. !” notes.
Reading also doesn’t prepare you to live through the bumps in the road, but having now done a certain amount of reading, I find that I”m not interested in reading all I can get my hands on anymore. I’m grossed out enough by the realities, there’s only so much one can take!
I’m not one of those people who either glow or enjoy their pregnancies. I’m doing my best to be healthy, be active and be responsible and I’m sure the end result will be cherished, but no joke, this is hard work.
Not that I know anything about motherhood, but my guess is you take all advice with a grain of salt and try to leave the rest as just noise. When you go on the internet I imagine you’re going to get all kinds of opinions about things related to motherhood, pregnancy and whatnot.
Have you ever had a puppy? It feels a lot like that so far. š But honestly the internet’s not nearly so bad, you can just close the browser and it can’t keep after you with unsolicited advice.
Heeee! That is SUCH a good comparison!
Except the puppy grows up in about a year. A middle-class kid never grows up. š
hm. I just read the SaverSpender post. My experience was actually pretty good really. I managed to have both of my babies between breakfast & lunch. As in, I felt a little off when I ate breakfast around 6ish and both were born before noon. My DH didn’t make it to the first one because he was working 5 hours drive away and didn’t hurry because he thought he’d have plenty of time. there was No time for any drugs. For #2 the OB didn’t make it in until well after the show was over. He was out mountain biking.
So, it doesn’t have to be awful. I wouldn’t say it was a fun thing but it ended up being fine. I agree though that nothing has tasted as good as the ice cream I had after my first.
I also think when doing your budget, allow some money to buy yourself some presents in the first few months. Every thing ends up being about the baby so it’s good to have the ability to do something nice for yourself. I bought myself really nice hand wash and lotion because my hands get really dry with all the washing and some books I’ve been wanting to read.
It sounds like your experience was pretty ideal, both times!
And great point about setting aside a bit of budget for ourselves. Much is already all about LB as we figure out how to juggle all the changes so we’ll need the reminder to buy a little sanity š
I’d hoped it might get easier for you, but I suppose the reverse was more likely :X
I hear so many EASY birth stories (my SIL just had her first without drugs – no time for them) – here’s hoping yours will be among them.
š I appreciate the hope, anyway. And who knows, maybe it gets a bit easier … š
Good luck! I’m a teacher and am not offered any paid maternity leave in my contract. The concession is that I can keep my healthcare. Thus, I chose (and was lucky to conceive for) a summer baby, as I’d still get paychecks due to the work I did during the school year. Our little one was born in early July. She was 6 weeks when I started back part-time (meetings and prep) and 8 weeks when school started.
I will say that I’m going to try and plan our next one better, if possible. I’d like to have a May baby, and I now think it’s worth losing a little bit of income to get a bit more time. Our gal is 4 months old now, and we’ve definitely settled in much more. If I could get the next one to 3-4 months, I’d feel more comfortable.
I think you’re on the right track with thinking about money. Be willing to allow for how exhausted you’ll be. I’m not even meaning lack of sleep, as I was able to become pretty well rested by sleeping when my baby slept (including naps). It took me 6+ weeks to recover from childbirth, and I didn’t even have a c-section, but I had a rough delivery with lots of stitches. If I’d been in a job that wasn’t time sensitive (ie I didn’t want someone else starting my classes for me), I think I would have taken another month off.
Thank you! And thanks for sharing your experience.
I find that I am both taking a risk and getting penalized for doing so taking as much time off as I’m attempting to so it’s good to know that it’d likely be worth fighting for it.
Here’s to the scheduling on your second working out as you hope!
Glad you found it helpful though… It won’t apply to everyone but it’s nice to at least know what COULD happen, right?
True – I prefer the approach of knowing what is possible, to some degree.
I find it astonishing that our country is still so freaking retrograde that paid maternity leave is not legally required. Period — doesn’t matter how small your shop is.
Taking time off to recover from delivery and to get used to dealing with a tiny baby is NOT a luxury. It is a requirement.
Even if you feel great, the third trimester is tiring simply because you’re lugging so much extra weight around and because your body is kicking into high gear. If you’re one of the many women who don’t feel so great, the third trimester is exhausting. And there’s a reason they call it “LABOR and delivery”: giving birth is the hardest physical work you’ll ever do. It isn’t that you want rest & recovery time; it’s that you need it. But you won’t get it even if your boss kindly condescends to let you off work, because babies wake up and squall through the night.
Don’t worry, though. Before you know it, the kid will be 21. Then you can rest. š
Before you know it, the kid will be 21. Then you can rest.
*cough* I’m told that threshold is 30. š Unless this kid is mostly me, in which case I can cut LB loose at 17 and be done.
More and more, with these policies affecting women, no matter how much I love the US in comparison to some places I’ve been (and I do!), I’m convinced that people are utterly short-sighted and want this country to spiral downward.
I am extremely lucky in that I get a year off and my company offers a “top-up” from the government sponsored “employment insurance”. I’ll be getting 93% of my income while on leave so I think I’ll actually be able to save money (no transportation costs, less eating out, less money on clothes). T could take the “parental” leave portion (which I believe is 9 months) but no top-up and he makes more money than me, so doesn’t make any sense. Hopefully you guys can come up with a good arrangement.
That’s really fantastic leave.
So far it looks like we can only get 55% of my salary for several weeks, it’s going to really suck for our cash flow.
[…] get me wrong, people sharing their stories as just that, like Leah did here, I’m all for. I love hearing other experiences. But NOT in that completely presumptuous, […]