October 16, 2015
Inchworm is officially mobile. Something clicked one day and ze went from struggling planted in one place, or wiggling backwards, to crawling forward in the most awkward foot-planting fashion. It’s clear that with every creep forward, ze is just preparing to stand up and walk. Often I’ll catch hir on all fours, hands and feet, butt in the air as ze tries to figure out how to get the front half in the air but fails. Not much complaining about this anymore – ze is too busy concentrating.
***
Ze figured out self directed play if I’m just sitting nearby. Ze is even better at it if I’m walking around and not watching over hir. But there’s always a risk that ze will finish with all hir toys and head for Seamus or his toys. He won’t bother hir, even when ze is trying to lick him, but I don’t want him to feel tormented.
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At some point, LB quit spitting up / drinking too much too fast. A little bit before ze learned to roll over, and hold hir own bottle, ze quit needing to be burped. We just honestly forgot because ze would wiggle away to do something and then noticed ze was rolling out the burps all on hir own. Excellent! The drool continues unabated, though, and still, no teeth. I’m enjoying the gummy grins though, so I’m in no hurry. Also, as I might have mentioned before, ze BITES. And holy hell does that hurt. I have a bruise on my arm from hir chewing.
***
When LB was just a speck, I assumed that I wouldn’t want to share my living AND working space with a Tiny Tyrant. It’s really weird to realize that I am quite enjoying it right now. Ze is a lot of work, but is at a semi-ideal stage right now where I can drop hir in a play area, leave hir to get into things, and redirect hir as needed. Ze explores anything and everything, tasting everything: Seamus, our shoes, electrical cords, our toes, carpet, rugs, drawstrings. You name it, ze wants to chew on it.
Note: Seamus is not a fan.
***
What’s the difference between a puppy and this baby? A puppy has dander and this baby has opposable thumbs with which to pick up electric cords for chewing.
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Unfortunately for us, LB’s mobility is not matched by hir language skills. Meaning “no!” and “no that’s dangerous” or “no that’s not for eating” or “no that’s not for you” are just amusing mouth noises we make. Meanwhile, Seamus jumps with every “no!” like he’s in trouble.
***
SOMEbaby thanks it’s hilarious to chipmunk cheek hir food. We were doing our usual sharing at dinner and ze just kept cheeking hir veggies. Ze likes them, normally, but I guess learning to hide your food in your mouth is an essential baby skill? After a visual check AND a finger sweep, ze spit hir greens at me with a cackle.
***
Ze caught a cold. Infant colds, from this experience, consists of 2 parts “aww you’re pitifully cute”, 3 parts “aww you’re just pitiful” and 95 parts “Ew snot bubbles!”
Our weapons of choice: infant Tylenol, nasal spray and the Snotsucker. That name, by the way, should have tipped me off to what it was but no, I just refused to use it. PiC did, and it helped a bit, but if you’ve ever wondered how an infant would react to waterboarding, we know.
P.S. There’s something very wrong with my child, ze loves the fake grape taste of the Tylenol. Gross.
***
For a little while, I had the timing on naps figured out and it was amazing. Then it changed again, and ze would do that terribly miserable scrunched up You Traitor face wail when put in the crib. I started handing hir a toy and walking away. Sometimes ze would just cry til ze slept. Other times ze would get up, play for a long grumbling while, then pass out mid play. As long as sleep happens, I don’t much care how we get there any more.
***
Cruising a Carter’s sale for a few things that ze didn’t get from the hand me down bag, I learned what crib shoes are. We were given some but I didn’t know what to do with them since shoes for a not-walking kid doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Shoes on an almost walking kid, though? As entertaining as putting shoes on a cat.
LB tweets
Doing my very best (but still terrible) whale sounds impressions for a wiggly grouchy LB’s entertainment.
Earlier…
Month 7: Ambulation
Month 6: Becoming human
Month 5: Toes
Month 4: Velociraptor Claws
Month 3: Growth Spurts
Month 2: Hates sleep
Month 1: Banshee
September 16, 2015
Inchworm is trying so hard to crawl but hates it so much. Ze wants to walk and walk NOW. One day, ze learned to hold out hir arms to us and hasn’t stopped since. We won’t pick hir up on demand every time, though, we don’t walk hir muscles to atrophy!
Often you can’t walk past without hir grabbing your ankle with both arms in order to use you as leverage. Hir balance still sucks though, so there have been more than a few faceplant scenarios followed up by earsplitting shrieks of pain. Nothing serious, just actual pain versus the usual surprise cry.
***
This child has zero sense of self preservation. Ze will launch out of PiC’s arms, flip off the edge of the bed like a flying squirrel without flight capabilities, throw head and arms backwards into a backbend whether on the ground or on someone’s lap with no regard for the likelihood of a concussion or a broken head.
***
We’re doing all kinds of solid and pureed foods so “hack it up, clear your throat” has become a daily part of our vocabulary.
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I don’t have time to read to LB as often as I’d like so I make it a point to talk hir through anything I’m doing whether it’s prepping hir next meal or explaining my work. Lots of history-of, why-we-do-things-this-way, it’s-important-because conversations. Ze thinks the formal stuff is the funniest.
***
Ze has lint contraband. I found it in hir leg folds in the first weeks of baths. After a few weeks of confiscation they were mysteriously clean and then I found it’d shifted to hir knees, then later still, in hir armpits. The latest stash zone is under the chin in the neck.
***
Sleep has always been weird. We’d have (3) 30-minute nap days and those were terrible. We’d have (2) mega long nap days and they were wonderful (but confusing. what did we do right?).
Ze has never slept through the night more than 2 nights in a row except for during SDCC. And mostly never sleeps through the night. We’d go from getting 8 straight hours to only 4 and 3, or 6 and 2. Or some weird combination in such a way as to guarantee we’d both be zombies.
There are days ze gets a 3rd nap just because the two were so stinking short ze would wake up still tired.
Basically our whole life is one giant sleep regression. Which, I guess, is good because we basically never get used to the good life of sleeping through? We’ve stopped worrying, fussing, or trying that hard to influence the sleep. We just stick to a routine for bedtime, and time the naps for a sleepy baby as best we can.
***
It shouldn’t, but this Washington Post article saying that parenthood is worse than any other life event including the death of a partner elicited a rueful chuckle. That could still come to pass, it was one of my terrors about becoming a parent, and I have seen where some experiences were hard enough that the parents declared No More after the first. I think PiC is actually in that camp after being so very worried about me during labor. And also we had a tough pregnancy. It’s hard to imagine how we could do that again but this time with a toddler running around needing attention too, especially as we still haven’t found good, reliable help.
***
*snorgle snargle* Now that ze has figured out crawling, climbing on things, and grabbing in a semi-intentional, sorta-accurate fashion, we’re all in trouble. Ze has a special Attack Face, a combination of a grin and a scrunched brow, maw stretched wide open, as ze prepares to destroy electronics in reach so I know to defend against baby drool within five seconds of The Face.
LB’s tweets
I hear paper tearing. I look up to see LB on hir back, huge chunk of newspaper in left hand, strip in right hand, huge sheet in mouth.
PiC: “I think ze might have eaten some newspaper. That didn’t taste good, did it?” LB shakes hir head really hard, no. Then jabs PiC in the eye.
LB is mild to moderate good at self directed play. Ze is a Master at grabbing everything ze isn’t allowed to.
Seamus is a little pissed. LB tried to snake his hedgie but he’s not allowed to steal Grey Wind.
Woke up to LB chirping to Seamus and playing w/Elly, hir crib companion. Possibly ze was plotting to take over the world.
LB vs the world
Stop screeching, I’m changing your diaper. This is a feature, not a bug.
Please don’t lick your brother.
Please stop eating the ground. And the recyclables. Ok fine, chew on your foot. Enjoy the flexibility.
How did you get fur up your nose?
We love …. cheap entertainment!
These interlocking rings. I’ve strung them across hir chair, down from dresser drawer handles, on hir stroller, anywhere I need hir to stay put for a little while so I can do things. Ze loves to chew on them, pull them apart, and just wave them around. Also good for securing toys into the stroller when ze loses interest and drops it.
Earlier…
Month 6: Becoming human
Month 5: Toes
Month 4: Velociraptor Claws
Month 3: Growth Spurts
Month 2: Hates sleep
Month 1: Banshee
August 12, 2015
Baby Kisses: It took me a while to understand why LB would glom onto my cheek like a little suckerfish, and lick my face. Ze is trying to kiss us back! And it’s basically the weirdest, cutest, funniest thing. Ze obviously doesn’t know how we’re kissing hir cheeks, but ze is doing hir best estimate.
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LB loves to chew on hands, mostly my hands though sometimes hirs are good too, and lick knees. Ze has odd taste.
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I can’t decide if this belongs here or in a money post but I’m figuring it’s about LB, so … LB is trying out a lot of new foods, just little tastes, but won’t be ready to transition off milk for a while longer. Until then, whether due to fatigue (baby or syndrome related), or not hydrating enough, or some other thing, my milk production has been dropping significantly so we rely on formula a lot. It’s convenient but I hate the cost and I hate the inconvenience and the waste when ze suddenly decides 1 oz into a 5 oz bottle that ze is cranky and doesn’t want that bottle after all. I hate that we have to chuck formula at $1/oz! So I want to keep providing hir almost all breastmilk but it’s just not happening.
***
Speaking of foods, ze has been an adventurous eater indeed. It seems that the last two months of watching us eat and not share has motivated hir to take every proffered food even if ze thinks it’s disgusting at first. I know this acceptance of food may change when ze gets older but it’s fun right now.
***
In what seemed like a flash, LB figured out how to try to push hirself into a sit position from a flat on the belly position, and then learned how to actually sit up. It just … happened. A friend with an older baby marveled at how strong ze was – I didn’t think it was abnormal for a baby to be able to get up on all fours and rock and scoot backwards at this age but what do I know.
***
I keep comparing pictures of LB from when ze was a week old to now and the change is astounding. So much so that it doesn’t look like the same human at all. I birthed a cute tiny alien and it’s turned into a cute tiny human!
***
“Babies need to get frustrated. That’s how they learn.” Great advice from @vanitygames the first time LB was the Angriest of all Inchworms and I felt bad for hir. Now when ze hollers from frustration, ze gets encouragement and a little bit of support after ze has given it a really good try. Independent (angry) baby!
***
I’m understanding why cats imitate baby voices now but it’s really creepy when I can’t tell if that’s a cat yowling on our street or LB waking up from a nap prematurely.
***
Last in the series of vaccines! Ze was a total champ. Angrily screamed for about ten seconds and then sat up like nothing had happened. That’s about the standard for any “but you’re fine” fall when ze topples over and conks hir head not terribly hard. Given how hard ze has head butted me in the face without even blinking, I’ve taken to pointing out that ze is merely startled for most of those very comparatively gentle head conks. After a second, ze seems to agree.
***
I no longer try to soothe most of LB’s crying. Not because I’m a heartless monster, but because most of hir crying is frustration over not knowing how to do something or wanting to do something or just wanting attention. Instead of trying to soothe, I redirect to a new toy and 90% of the time, ze is amenable. Also, I don’t hand hir toys anymore. Ze wants what ze can’t have, so I play with it in front of hir and if ze gets interested, ze’ll leap-crawl over.
Baby Savings: It’s important to remember this is artificially inflated due to not having reliable childcare and not withdrawing cash to pay for the trial nanny days.
Up to$29,346.84.
Month 5: Toes
Month 4: Velociraptor Claws
Month 3: Growth Spurts
Month 2: Hates sleep
Month 1: Banshee
July 27, 2015
What is it with people who feel like their sole purpose is to educate on the Right Way to Mother? Not Parent, because I notice these folks don’t ever lecture PiC on parenting, just Mothering. I’ve asked him, he’s puzzled that this keeps happening.
Some people think that because I’m a first time mom, everything I do or worry about is because I’m a first time mom and scoff at my decisions as that of a rank amateur. My life experience, my values, and my ability to evaluate a situation and make a decision were evidently all switched off once a child passed through the birth canal. Nope, it’s all new-mom nerves now! I’m a trembling, jello-jiggly wreck of an excuse for an adult now. Be forewarned!
Other people think that just because they now have experience with their first child, everything that happened to them is absolutely canon and will happen to me.
The latest round was a first time father who thinks, nay, insists! that we must get our wee Bean into a daycare or professional care as soon as possible because, as he puts it, the “separation anxiety will only get worse”. He lectured me soundly on how he’s speaking from experience, and that what he hears from me about finding a suitable carer, it’s “already a problem” because “no one is good enough.”
Mind, he didn’t bother to listen to what constitutes a suitable care provider. He just assumed that because this is our first go-round, we’re incapable – or rather, I’m incapable – of allowing an experienced person take care of our progeny. It’s clearly because I’m a first time mom that I object to bad judgment and blatant negligence or unreliable people. If I had another, I wouldn’t be so foolish as to insist on someone who can care for LB safely and reliably.
Be proud of me for not rolling my eyes so hard they could have doubled for gyroscopes.
Instead of nodding and smiling, which might have shut him up but I doubt it, I mildly noted that I don’t, in fact, have issues with relying on people to help with LB. I could see that he was ratherput out by my inability to just take his well meaning but totally unwelcome and misplaced advice.
Certainly people and children have separation anxiety but I’ll not be railroaded into believing that we’re fated to endure weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth if I don’t give LB the boot now.
LB gets on well with new people, with or without me and PiC in the immediate vicinity. We make it a point to take hir and Seamus out to meet people so that ze can enjoy new faces and new voices. Ze loves the sound of new languages and enjoys a good “flying LB” no matter who administers it.
Sure, we’ll get some things wrong. But you know what? Every parent does. This is the first time we’re raising this child, and we’re doing our best for our child. People who think that we (I) don’t know what we’re doing because this is our first time at this rodeo can get stuffed.
As any parent worth their salt will tell you: every child is different. You learn more techniques that might work with each new one but that doesn’t mean you’ve unlocked the secrets to all children, forever.
If any parent shares their stories with me, I’m happy to hear them. I’m happy to extract useful techniques from those stories. Moralizing at me and outright telling me that my knowledge, skills, and life experience are worthless next to your one experience with your own child and family, though, that just gets my goat. It reminds me of that uncle who spent half my grandmother’s funeral lecturing me on the importance of getting into a good college. I was 24, graduated already, and had been supporting my family for oh, 5 -7 years by then. We don’t speak anymore.
Seems to me that people are all eager to proclaim their right to their own values, morals, or beliefs but completely fail to recognize that they ought to then respect the rights of others to think for themselves.
Though, if people quit annoying me, whatever would I write about? 😉
:: Surely, I’m not the only one blitzed with unsolicited fodder, am I?
:: EDIT: I should note, in both instances, the well-meaning father and the uncle, I wasn’t asking for help or advice or even talking about the subject they brought up. They cornered me, said hello, and then started lecturing. In the parenting case, he basically told me that I was doing it wrong (though he didn’t know how I was doing it) and that his way is the only way. That’s the thing that puts my back up.
When I post here, I welcome your thoughts and comments whether it be advice or something else!
July 24, 2015
Short story: “Sorta.”
As not the most helpful PF blogger ever, I took a most laissez-faire approach to saving on newborn and infant expenses. I set up Amazon Prime/Subscribe & Save orders for diapers after price comparing the Swaddlers we use to Target prices.
PiC won’t let me switch because he insists he needs the yellow/blue stripe and I’m not gonna argue with the guy who always says it’s his turn to get up with the baby tonight. We might save a hundred bucks or so over several months of diapers but that wouldn’t buy me sleep.
We happen to love the Amazon branded wipes and they’re the same cost as the best bulk price at 2¢/wipe. Fine. We save on having it shipped free so we’re not wasting time and gas.
Sticking to breast milk as much as possible.
LB eats like a fiend, anywhere between 20-30 ounces a day, and I can provide from 50-90% of that depending on the day’s yield. Formula costs nearly $1/oz so we can see that I’m saving us an average of $20/day. This is a lucky choice: not everyone can breastfeed and I choose to because I can.
We did buy a handful of bottle brushes at $2.50/each. It’s necessary to keep the bottles and nipples clean and sterile.
Almost everything else is optional or preloved.
We have some baby soap and ze is bathed about twice a week to fend off that old shoe funk.
Almost all hir clothes, towels, cloths, gear and toys are hand me downs. Ze has a lovely pile of books to look at (and try to eat) and a couple sets of blocks to play with when ze gets older.
Of four hand me down baby carriers, we picked out the two that fit us each best and didn’t splurge on the lovely $200 wrap sling thing that I yearned for.
We don’t do baby swings but we have a reclining chair that was handed down. The wipes warmer was a luxury concession on baby real estate and also a hand me down. We don’t use it anymore since ze has gotten old enough not to have five changes in the middle of the night.
Everyone kept insisting the Diaper Genie was a Must Have. We just used the plastic bags that the diapers came in, still smelling faintly fresh, as a trash bag and take it out daily. One benefit of living where we are, the dumpster is easily accessible and doesn’t stink up the place.
We’re staying within our allotted cash flow pretty well, only dipping dangerously low in the checking account once or twice when I pulled a large sum out for retirement contributions.
July 20, 2015
Here’s a thing that irked me. I took high school biology. I took AP Biology. I took even more biology in college. And I learned the following timelines for gestation:
Mice, 20 days
Humans, 9 months
Elephants, 640-645 days
I can do math, too: 9 months x 4 weeks = 36 weeks.
So imagine my surprise when sometime last year, I learned that “carrying to term”, you know, to completion, was actually 40 weeks. That’s 10 months, folks. That’s not 9 months – what are we doing to our youth telling them that a full human pregnancy is only 9, when it’s actually 10?? [Ok, my outrage is just on my own behalf.]
Experienced parents may ask, to paraphrase one of my favorite shows, “what’s really the difference between 9 months and 10 months?”
To which I paraphrase-answer: it’s a WHOLE OTHER MONTH!
It makes a difference!
At 35 weeks:
I’d be one week away from being done.
I was remarkably unwieldy but every time I think “nearly there!” someone moves the goal posts. First it’s “LB could come at 36 weeks, no problem!” Then it’s “It’d really be better if LB came no earlier than 37 weeks!” Then, “38 weeks is really better …” This was extra time for me to get even more clumsy, folks, which I didn’t think was possible! (update: more unwieldy? Yes. More clumsy? Actually not possible.)
Under the new system, I had five weeks left.
The WHOLE 5 weeks remain fraught because it could still happen at any minute. I was surrounded by “oh I delivered at 33 weeks. I delivered at 35 weeks. I delivered 4 weeks early and had nothing ready!”
At 38 weeks, I see that we’re still working on some pretty important stuff that maybe should have been taken care of earlier:
“His lungs continue to mature and produce more and more surfactant, a substance that prevents the air sacs in his lungs from sticking to one another once he starts to breathe. Most other changes this week are small but important: He’s continuing to add fat and fine-tuning his brain and nervous system (so he can deal with all the stimulation that awaits him once he makes his entrance into the world).”
Sigh.
We were not concerned about physical-things readiness. LB had a place to sleep, a box of diapers, a stack of clothing and a car seat. Those are pretty much the things you need to bring the newborn home. Also a name would be good. But if LB arrived Week 35, it wouldn’t be a big deal in terms of stuff.
It’s just that for our peace of mind, in the disaster zone of Craigslist-bound stuff and all the donations and crap that our place had become, this stuff needed to begone before LB arrived lest we go right off the deep end.
One, I can’t stand being surrounded by so much stuff. Two, cleaning is going to be the last thing on our minds with a (potentially squalling) infant to tend to, ’round the clock.
I don’t know why we keep saying pregnancy is 9 months but here’s my plea: stop!
Update: I’m laughing at having written this months ago when still pregnant and never re-editing it after. Note to self, mathing is different when your brain is extremely preoccupied with creating a new creature.
July 15, 2015
Summer weather in summer months? In the Bay Area? This is confusing. We’ve had days of 80+ degree heat and it’s just not right.
In other news, LB is hir father’s child. When hot: Do Not Touch.
***
On the subject of touching: toes. Ze has toes and would like you to know that ze likes them, can grab them, and will occasionally mouth them. I flip between “Talent!” / “Showoff” / “Gross”
***
The developments seem to be more incremental in this month but the effect is huge. Ze suddenly managed flipping from belly to back again. Previously ze could turn hir head to follow sound but only did so selectively. Now ze is actively trying to figure out where certain sounds are coming from. Toys, or would-be toys (aka everything), are huge incentives – ze will work for ages to reach something crinkly.
***
Obviously, everything still goes into the mouth for taste testing and chewing. I’ve got three bruises on my arms from where ze latched on like a (toothless) moray eel and wouldn’t stop chomping. Moms are, apparently, delicious. This has led to some rather unfortunate painful biting incidents. Clearly empathy hasn’t developed yet because Ow! just elicits a big grin and sometimes a squeal.
***
I used to love the 3-month age best but 5 months is pretty awesome. Ze has opinions but they’re no longer all grouchy.
***
LB thinks that hair is the best handle a human adult can come with. Woe betide this kid who tries to latch hold of someone bald! Watch out for these hands otherwise! Ze grabs hold of my hair every chance ze gets and yanks out at least three hairs a day. OW.
***
Handclapping has morphed from a scary thing to a hilarious thing. If I clap a rhythm, ze will grin and waggle hir eyebrows at me!
***
Seamus laid down in front of us on the rug one day, and LB decided ze wanted to try petting. They sniffed each other’s noses and then Seamus obligingly offered his head for inspection. LB was delighted with the muzzle, soft ear, and his neck, touching each inquisitively and then trying to grab on. Of course I stopped hir before ze administered the classic grab and twist, but he stayed stock still, patiently letting hir explore with hir little grubby fingers. My rule in these situations for safety and sanity is that Seamus is in charge of the interaction’s duration. Forcing him to put up with hir past his patience would be the biggest mistake. (Especially since his patience is so vast.)
***
Talon trimming update: Managed a FULL set of talons in one session. Ze was wiggly and kept yanking hir hand away but did not freak out, scream, or otherwise get upset.
***
This child clearly hasn’t learned empathy yet. When ze bit me while nursing, I said OW! and gave hir the “no” face. In all other things, when I give hir the no face, ze at least looks back soberly. Hir response after chomping on me? A wide gummy grin. Like I was playing. HRMPH.
***
Aside from my computer and all related cords, hir favorite new toy:
The Oball ball with rattle (click picture to buy at Amazon)
***
Baby Savings: Thanks to some generous gifts from family, diligent savings on our part, and not continuously paying for childcare(!), LB’s savings account has – holy crap, I didn’t even realize this – $25,000.00. That’s freakin’ amazing. Of course, that’s before we deduct the cost of hir diapers, wipes, and formula. And penalty fees for pooping on us. It’s gonna take a hit for the poop. Also the penalty for being the Mayor of Fartopolis because holy moly are hir farts stinky.
Month 4: Velociraptor Claws
Month 3: Growth Spurts
Month 2: Hates sleep
Month 1: Banshee