About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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October 8, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,816.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Ways to plan ahead to cope emotionally this winter.
Unique elk in California may be killed under controversial plan
A good thread on testing and viral load and infectiousness.
I really struggle to understand people like the commenters on Noemi’s post: “I don’t want to pay for college for all, fund maternity leave for all, pay for health care for the masses when my own family does not have it.” Wouldn’t your family have these things, by definition, if we all had them? So … What exactly are you opposed to? Other people also getting those things? Is this a failure of logic or a declaration that you’d cut off your own nose to spite your face?
Moving along to deliberately choosing to not be an asshole, Solitary Diner does some thinking about conscious spending that I ponder from time to time when I’m running a financial fire drill or worrying about the future of our finances. Which may be much of the time. We’re, so far, doing well compared to so many others even if I don’t know if and when our jobs might be at risk. I’m doing my best to balance those concerns with today’s reality and planning for a rough ride in the future. I feel like I’m balancing plates in both hands and one on my nose! But it can be done, and we can still care deeply about giving back to the world in meaningful ways.
Purple’s last day of work, and her move to Atlanta. We are completely different people in so many ways but I truly admire her chutzpah. I don’t think a reality exists where I am still me and could stomach retiring on $500,000 even if the math bears out the projections every which way you run it. I’m just too risk averse! So living vicariously has to be it for me, for now!
Inclusivity
For better or for worse ….
October 6, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,816.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Week 29 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 29, Day 199: Between JB and Seamus, and now TBD nickname Smol Human, I am not getting anything like enough sleep.
I was teetering on the very edge of the cliff of No Patience, and nearly bit off PiC’s head for asking me any questions.
I had to take several deep breaths and a giant step back, and stop working for a little while. I did a spot of organizing. Stress cleaning usually evens out my mood and stress organizing was close. It took the edge off at least but it was enough for me to realize just how tired I was. I never snap at PiC.
After I realized that I’d been woken up or disturbed no less than a dozen times over the night, I gave up trying to fight and went to lay down for a short 30 minute rest. I really needed a couple hours but I did not have that luxury on a Monday. We made it through but not without a lot more bumps and bruises along the way.
After hours, I discovered Seamus, fresh off one round of medications yesterday, has developed yet another problem! That poor pup cannot get a break. I gave him some medication and monitored it but he neither improved nor seemed in distress so we left it til morning to talk to the vet. (more…)
October 5, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,886.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from an investment property (which is all saved for maintenance) and investing in dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks and cash back sites (Ebates, Mr.Rebates). Some posts have affiliate links that pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running and I’ve added a way to support the blog in the sidebar to the right!
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
***
Dividend income. We received $435.94 in dividends in September.
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October 2, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,886.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
1. I made deluxe grilled cheese sandwiches (ham, tomato and cheese) for the first time in forever. I cannot remember the last time I made a grilled cheese and it was delicious!
2. Sleep eludes me most nights now (not good) but on the weekends I’m allowing myself a midday lay down when I need it. Remembering that it’s ok to take care of myself is a big step. We all (well, not JB) took a good portion of Saturday afternoon to rest instead of forcing ourselves to run all kinds of errands.
3. In the aftermath of RBG’s death and the absolute circus of politicizing her death before we can even mourn her, and the gross absurdity of nominating a SCOTUS justice to take her seat less than two months before the election, I’ve been bogged down with despair and rage and spiritually exhausted. I’m also physically exhausted for other reasons but none of this helped that. Thanks to Katherine and Cloud for sharing their actions, and particular thanks to Cloud and Nicole and Maggie for sharing actions consistently. This stuck and when I had energy, we donated to flip the Senate.
Challenges this week: Seamus’s legs were extra wobbly this week and my poor buddy fell down a couple steps. I couldn’t catch him in time, and he had a bloody nose from it.
Birthday dinner should have been lunch but the day itself was incredibly emotionally rough, and I couldn’t shake the funk until I admitted how much I’d been replacing hurt over not being important enough to remember on the day with an emotional shield of telling myself that my birthday didn’t matter, and therefore I didn’t matter. It all bubbled up in a strong sense of worthlessness on the day of. That was no fun at all. But. Weathering it was good for me long-term.
4. We enjoyed outdoor patio, far from other people, self service burgers for my birthday dinner.
5. Therapy has been one revelation after another, in session and out. As I metaphorically open up and flush out old wounds, I start to see the ways I had devalued myself as a person as a self protective response starting way back when I was still dependent on people who didn’t care about me. I am working on being less harsh because I shouldn’t have to be a horrible drill sergeant to myself to prove I’m worthy. A) it never proved anything to the parent who didn’t love me. B) it only hurt me, not them. C) it didn’t make me more lovable if I forced myself to be the most productive person ever.
It was a warped sense of logic where I decided to make myself indispensable as an alternative to understanding and accepting that my horrible parent and sibling just didn’t love me and that it was their problem. If I blocked out the latter, I wouldn’t have to face the hurt or pain of the truth. Instead I set myself up to be used and to turn their indifference into self-loathing. Lose lose.
And it led to my telling myself this terrible message: 
As I stay committed to the journey of leaving behind all the negative self narrative about my lack of worth, the less inflammation I’m encountering when I occasionally eat carbs or sugar. In January, I’d swell up like the Michelin Man after three sneak bites of something delivery. Now, I can have meals that include the verboten gluten or carbs or sugar and only feel twinges and aches. The fibro isn’t gone but the inflammatory response to food is significantly reduced.
My totally amateur theory is that removing these own self erected obstacles is removing stressors on my body so that it’s not so “on edge” and teetering on a cliff. Therefore it’s less primed to go inflammation-mode at the first possible challenge.
6. We got our flu shots done! I was flabbergasted at our HMO’s inability to give us any appointments at all online through their flu clinic scheduler. I’m glad that I emailed our pediatrician to ask for help. They called back to set us up with a real appointment rather than a one hour drive up slot and though it was a terrible experience due to having a child who is VERY VOCAL about their fear of needles, we got it done.
:: Have you managed to get your flu shot?
October 1, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,886.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
That California uses prisoners to fight fires and then deports them is sickening.
That the IRS finds it more efficient to audit the poor than the super wealthy is no surprise but it’s also incredibly frustrating to read.
A sobering look at America from another perspective: “In the last three months America has lost more people than Sri Lanka lost in 30 years of civil war. If this isn’t collapse, then the word has no meaning.”
I went through this explainer for the propositions on the CA ballot and found it a very helpful summary. Thanks, Cloud!
I thought our real estate adventures were moving fast, but Ali and Alison powered through their home purchase in a blink of an eye.
Penny and her family bought a new to them car. I’ve spent a long while thinking we needed to replace one of our cars this year as they age. They are both past 200,000 miles so it’s only a matter of time. With the two big dogs and the long distance driving we do a few times a year, it seemed best to be financially prepared for the inevitable. But with the pandemic, we’re not traveling. Where are we going in 2020 that requires luggage? Nowhere! It’s probably not happening through some significant part of 2021, either. So I have another year to save up.
Grasshoppers
September 28, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,886.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
Week 28 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 28, Day 192: I skipped therapy last week and I have to wonder if that lack of release valve adds to my Monday frustration level. I didn’t sleep well or deeply, so that could be the problem too, but end result: I was on edge all day.
It was a two oatmeal bar kind of day and I felt like I was overindulging but it was my sugar free gluten free treat and darn it, I needed a bit of something good today.
Or I could have just been feeling sick because I was fatigued, who knows!
Belatedly I remembered that I’m supposed to work on not blaming myself for every time I feel sick or tired or overwhelmed or in extra pain because that’s both not knowable and counterproductive. Blaming myself isn’t taking responsibility or a means to diagnosing the issue as I’d believed, it was just another way to be mean to myself which causes extra stress and pain.
Sounds a bit woo woo but changing my self talk has honestly helped reduce both intensity and duration of pain flares, which I may have mentioned before, so an attitude adjustment was in order.
For a while now I’ve been playing the worst game of figuring out why I feel like X or Y or Z: pregnancy or pandemic?? And in the end the only answer that made sense was: yes.
Seamus’s eyes, from that long worrisome period where he had a terrible eye ulcer, are finally in good shape again!
Week 28, Day 193: My roller coaster day. Started in a weird mood, and I was touchy about every little thing. Then overseeing kindergarten and having to hear the teacher praise the kids sixteen times in an hour for “being so smart” aggravated me further – hasn’t she ever heard of the fixed and growth mindsets?? Please. Stop. That.
With Penny’s kind assistance on some wording, because I was too irritable to be polite yet, I drafted a diplomatic email to the teacher asking her to focus not on “smarts” (what is that even in five year olds) but on effort and time. We’ll see if she actually replies or responds positively. There are a lot of things about her class that I find to be subpar but I can let them go. Fostering a fixed mentality though, I can’t.
I also don’t love that she keeps mistaking my kid for another Asian kid in the class and scolding them for the other kid’s actions or inactions. We keep an eye on JB from a distance so we know when they are following directions and when they aren’t. We wouldn’t intervene anyway because we know we should let the teacher manage their class, but there have been multiple instances of JB being scolded when they were actually following directions. I’m not quite sure how we’ll approach that but both of us will observe for a while longer and then deal with it.
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September 25, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,816.35; Rural libraries, $321.62.
1. I’m grateful to have already purchased the obligatory nibling holiday gifts. They should be ready for delivery well ahead of any holiday rush / election-related USPS breakdown. I want all our holiday stuff done before Halloween. In fact, I need all holiday things OFF MY LIST before a busy and bizarre holiday season.
2. I’m also very grateful we won’t be traveling for the holidays this year.
Challenges this week: I’m not sure how much more loss I can take. May RBG’s memory be a blessing, may we do all the work to honor her memory and her body of work fighting for us.
3. We had a masked and distanced dinner and a movie (doors and windows open for air) with a couple of very local friends, and it was lovely. I even played hairdresser and cut our friend’s hair (masked, outside). I was whipped by the time they left but it was nice to have some fun. We always stay isolated for at least two weeks after any get together. It’s been four weeks, in this case, but we are generally isolated anyway. Our county’s infection rate remains high. Even if things now just feel surreal, we are still mindful that there are too many people who don’t take this illness seriously and we can’t trust our fellow citizens to take sufficient care to limit the spread. Even if the virus weren’t fatal to us, we simply can’t risk the impact of a slow recovery or a long tail, or worse yet, chronic lingering symptoms. We have plenty of chronic issues in this household without signing up for more.
4. A king sized bed with a headboard is a glorious luxury.
:: How was your week? Do you have anything good planned for the weekend?