About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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August 13, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62; Rural libraries, $321.62.
KassandraDasent on what the Black Tax really is at FemmeFrugality‘s blog.
K. Wright on money five months into the pandemic.
I struggled for years to get adequate care for my chronic pain so reading about the decades-long and systemic dismissal of Black women’s pain and illness by the medical establishment is absolutely infuriating. We all deserve better than this.
Immunology Is Where Intuition Goes to Die
The Role of Cognitive Dissonance in the Pandemic: “One of us (Aronson), who was a protégé of Festinger in the mid-’50s, advanced cognitive-dissonance theory by demonstrating the powerful, yet nonobvious, role it plays when the concept of self is involved. Dissonance is most painful when evidence strikes at the heart of how we see ourselves—when it threatens our belief that we are kind, ethical, competent, or smart. The minute we make any decision—I’ll buy this car; I will vote for this candidate; I think COVID-19 is serious; no, I’m sure it is a hoax—we will begin to justify the wisdom of our choice and find reasons to dismiss the alternative. Before long, any ambivalence we might have felt at the time of the original decision will have morphed into certainty. As people justify each step taken after the original decision, they will find it harder to admit they were wrong at the outset. Especially when the end result proves self-defeating, wrongheaded, or harmful.”
Winter is coming: Why America’s window of opportunity to beat back Covid-19 is closing: “Unless Americans use the dwindling weeks between now and the onset of “indoor weather” to tamp down transmission in the country, this winter could be Dickensianly bleak, public health experts warn.”
I’m looking around and I think it’s pretty clear Americans are going to completely squander what’s left of our opportunity to get this thing under control. Americans continue to amaze me in all the wrong and terrible ways.
I needed some good stuff:
What a lovely affirmation! The video is worth watching, I just had to take a screencap for folks who don’t click through links: https://twitter.com/pearlsnappea/status/1291878131880665095?s=19
This thread led me to this designer’s collection which is absolutely gorgeous. I’ve never seen a collection of dresses where I loved almost every single one of the creations. Just some really lovely eye candy.
I fell in love with this adorable stamp shop.
A 2-year old profile of Seanan McGuire. I adore every Incryptid story she’s ever written even though some make me sad because they’re too short. I can’t handle the Wayward Children books right now but that’s mostly because of where I am in life and also pandemic. Middlegame was spooky good and spooky and good.
This is how I dog paddle
August 10, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62; Rural libraries, $321.62.
Weeks 19 and 20 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 19, Day 129: The thought of keeping an actual physical non-for-public consumption / blogging Covid-19 journal came to me this weekend. I don’t know whether I find the time but maybe …??
Week 19, Day 130: JB pushed all the boundaries during an unsupervised lesson today and we had A Very Firm Talk. I was incredibly disappointed in their choice to do that when they knew I wasn’t going to be able to oversee.
After a couple conversations with their teacher, I realized that that was in fact the most logical time for it to happen. Still not happy about it.
We also found out that our favorite Thai restaurant will be temporarily closing and they don’t have a firm reopening date, and I had a minor flip-out because A) I am a Virgo and I HATE CHANGE and B) WHAT IF THEY NEVER REOPEN.
My day was jam-packed with work-related things that were not getting my own work done and that was tough, mentally. I also hate interrupting my regular work routine so much! It had to get done though, it was a long-term thing that needed my attention.
We did get our good news about Seamus though, and that was a real shot in the arm mood-booster. The alternative of his not getting better was a fairly dire one.
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August 7, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62; Rural libraries, $321.62.
1. We discovered that not only does Gott’s Roadside have gluten free buns that are pretty good, I seem to be tolerating that carb content well enough that I can enjoy a burger WITH a bun!! WOOOOO. Of course that feels like lifestyle inflation because, my goodness, it’s a $9+tax burger. But it was a burger on a bun which I haven’t had in ages so I’m still happy. *happy burger dance*
2. Our friends sent JB a lovely Comic Con in a box gift and that was just so thoughtful and lovely.
Challenges this week: Technology has been kicking my behind. All week, Wi-Fi has mostly been working for everyone BUT me, and I’m right next to the router. My old laptop that JB is using for lessons is a touchscreen and the touchscreen function just quit. My phone’s necessary basic apps just quit and I spent many many hours fixing it to no avail. We mirror computer screens to the TV so we can oversee lessons from afar and that keeps disconnecting but refusing to let me change it. On a very minor note, I had to cancel our Highlights subscription for High Five Espanol, the bilingual magazine, it was nowhere near the beginner level I was hoping to share with JB. I had a few years of high school Spanish and a little workplace Spanish under my belt, and this was above my level. So that was a disappointment.
3. I had another fraught nightmare about fighting with my dad over some life news and in the dream I absolutely told him off for all the selfish manipulative hurtful things he did. For the first time in two decades of these nightmares, I didn’t wake up feeling upset by the fight. Instead, I felt mentally and emotionally unburdened. Working with my therapist has let me open up to the idea that it’s actually ok for me to be mad at a parent and say so. Culturally, the very idea has been anathema and I think I’ve even subconsciously not allowed myself to feel that anger in a real way, I’ve just been making myself feel guilty for even feeling it because that’s a “betrayal” of my family values. As if his actions that caused the valid anger were not the much worse betrayal of our supposedly shared values! It’s interesting that I intellectually knew that but very clearly did not feel that deep down. It wasn’t my fault that he made the choices that he did and I am allowed to have feelings about how he harmed me and my family. I don’t have to feel guilty about those feelings. This is some progress!
:: How was your week?
August 6, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62;Rural libraries, $321.62.
I’m a long time Angry Little Asian Girls fan and I need this “I hate people” design in pretty much everything – this is 2020 in a nutshell.
MIXED + PASSING – LET’S TALK ABOUT RACE
You Don’t Batch Cook When You’re Suicidal (formerly: The Price Of Potatoes & The Value Of Compassion)
This cat puts up with so much scruffing.
Fiction: Grandmother Beetroot
Indian Matchmaker: Two of my most profound decisions in life made a lot of sense: first, to exit my community in search of companionship, and second, to exit marital companionship, to not marry at all. When the game itself is dirty, why yell at a mirror pointed at it, reflecting the moves for all to see?
This gorgeous blanket octopus!
Sounds of a sleeping seal
August 3, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62; Rural libraries, $321.62.
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from an investment property (which is all saved for maintenance) and investing in dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks and cash back sites (Ebates, Mr.Rebates). Some posts have affiliate links that pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running and I’ve added a way to support the blog in the sidebar to the right!
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
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Dividend income. We received $193.60 in dividends in July.
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July 31, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62; Rural libraries, $321.62.
1. We tried roast beef for my sandwiches and I’ve discovered that a good cheese and roast beef sandwich on the keto bagels that PiC makes for me is kind of like a keto friendly cheeseburger! Such a happy food discovery.
2. Two, wait three more, great discoveries: our local dumpling shop set up their own online ordering system so I know the money we pay goes entirely to them, we got 10% off an order over $25, AND they sell frozen bags of their dumplings so we can just stock up on those to avoid too many take out runs for when I’m not up to making our own dumplings.
3. I keep nickel and diming myself on every single purchase to control budget creep but finally said florf it! and bought myself a few much-wanted e-books on Kobo. They were all great. My brain is happy. And of course it wants more. Because I gave it a cookie, so now it wants milk, and a straw and and and…! I am so predictable.
Challenges this week: I caught a one-two punch with the rental and had to sacrifice half a work day to figure things out. It was not fun. We are two weeks out from the supposed start date for school and we still have zero information to go on. We also just found out that PiC’s company has a large number of layoffs planned and we have no information other than “a large number by the fall”. Of course that news has put us on edge.
4. Weirdly enough, after starting the process of making decisions based on what I want and need instead of what I “should” do financially, even though nothing is resolved yet, I feel a hundred pounds lighter. I’m less moody and grouchy overall and I have an extra half bucket of patience. It’s a much missed, now unfamiliar feeling. I don’t know how long it’ll last but I really like it and hope it’s here to stay. I’m going to need every ounce of patience I can get!
:: How was your week?
July 30, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,713.62; Rural libraries, $321.62.
K. Wright’s right: The Privilege of ‘Always Negotiate’ I have always advocated for myself and negotiated for more money, but it doesn’t always work, it doesn’t always work to the degree that I hope or want or deserve, and I know that more than a few people would penalize me for even asking. I’ve had a strange combination of luck where the workplaces are incredibly toxic but either I had the backing of a strong advocate or they felt like their hands were tied so they had to give me more but they also punished me for it.
I’m not at all surprised that Courtney Milan’s white doctor husband gets no pushback when he stands up for patients’ rights to refuse an exam vs Michele Harper’s experience but I am utterly and completely disgusted with law enforcement and her trainee and her former colleagues who obviously did not have an issue with violating patients’ rights.
Related: I also think that the officer and watch commander should have been personally liable for their actions in arresting Utah nurse Alex Wubbels when she refused to comply with their illegal demands, not just fired and demoted. Maybe that’s what it takes to get officers of the law to actually respect the law they’re supposed to uphold.
Also related: I am so incredibly tired of terrible people.
I hope white people stay out there screaming this truth until it finally breaks the police and federal government brutality.
Brave Saver: “This is the core of what enrages me about traditional financial advice: it actively harms people. There are so many of us who read or hear personal finance advice that leaves us feeling ashamed, worthless, hopeless, and filled with despair. And how can we move forward when the solutions we seek all turn into emotional and mental blocks?” Note – I didn’t have this problem when I was using blogs as a resource 12-10 years ago but the PF world I delved into and loved was incredibly different then. It was almost all stories about people working through their struggles, it wasn’t all this making money off their platform How To and pushing an agenda.
Purple was surprised that she hit her FIRE number this year after all.
Yay for Kitty and paying off her mortgage! I wistfully think: gosh that’d sure be nice and also: gosh but I’m not willing to dump all our cash into the black hole of our mortgage because it needs so much to make it happy.
BABY RED PANDA AT OREGON ZOO!!!!
Bloodlines: short fiction by @etwurth
I cannot carry a tune in a bucket so I admire those who can. I don’t enjoy talent shows and reality shows as a rule but happened across ten year old Souparknika Nair’s Britain’s Got Talent audition and her voice just blew me away.
I hope this bear is doing this for fun