About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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August 19, 2019
Parental Perspective
Whatever our challenges, I keep reminding myself that we really only have a limited window of time to teach JB.
Sooner than we think, ze is going to be exercising independent thought (for good or ill) and making zir own choices.
On that note …
You be you, and I’ll be me, and that’s the way we’re meant to be
There’s this song the kids sing that cracks me up with their earnestness but it makes a great point, especially for parents.
I catch myself, every so often, imposing my fears and worries on zir. Next fall, we’ll be facing kindergarten. In order, I hate change, hated going to new schools, hated meeting new people. So of course, I find myself worrying about zir transition, adjusting to the new school, to new people, to new routines and I have to catch myself. That’s me and my worry. Ze isn’t me and is so different, my worries aren’t zir worries. So then I take a step back and push away all those preconceptions so I can see and hear what ze really cares about. (more…)
August 16, 2019
This is my weekly list of things that were good this week, even if they weren’t all unadulteratedly good things. Please do share your good things in the comments!
1. Last week, we had the pleasure of a short visit from faraway friends and it was so lovely. PiC hadn’t met them before but he’s always game, and so is JB, so everyone was happy.
2. Seamus isn’t happy with me these days. He’s got an eye condition that requires eye ointment 2-4 times a day and he hates it. He actively resists me when it’s time for medication which is highly unusual behavior for him. To make up for it, I spent time sitting on the ground with his head in my lap for a while, petting him, and JB joined me for petting time.
3. We had a delightful weekend visit with our friend and her baby. All the infant cuteness! Baby and I made a mess together with finger foods.
4. JB received a brand new jigsaw puzzle with 100 pieces and we worked it together. I realize that without a kid around, I might have a lot more time but I’d also forget to do fun things like puzzles and coloring.
5. Two weekends in a row now, I’ve had to lie down both afternoons. I feel a lot less guilty about it when JB and PiC also have a lie down it turns out.
6. I really needed something to get my brain out of the rage-depression-funk so I’ve been trying to make things to redirect my brain. I’ve been noodling these around for over a year trying to come up with good ones and finally felt like maybe it was ok to share here. What do you think?
A little something for…
Those of us with medical mysteries (white text on dark and black text on light),
The voracious readers among us,
Our cat-lovers,
Another one for cat-lovers,
Our dog-lovers, and
Pibble fans.
:: What are some of your good things?
August 15, 2019
Glaciers Are Melting Underwater. It’s Worse Than Previously Thought
Neko Case and her dog, Bruce
I admire Elyssa for being able to take a year off. I am not at the place in my life where I’d be able to try that but I can admire it.
Happy four years, Penny!
Breastfeeding isn’t free
Bob’s money-parenting moment
“Dumb dumb mister” – much cuter than it sounds.
All I read was the headline: “Would You Sell Everything to Travel the World?” I laughed. No. Never. Not if I had a choice about it, anyway. Zero knocks on people for whom that isn’t a laughable notion of course, I used to think a nomadic life sounded great too. I loved the idea of being a city girl, I loved the notion of being location independent. But at this point in my life, I know who I am and what makes me happiest. Even just traveling for up to 2 weeks reminds me who I am. After ten days away, I am awash with fatigue and a burning desire to be left alone. I am a homebody. I am the happiest in my hobbit hole and only venturing out when I feel like it and running back home to nest and read books and eat and read some more. I have no desire to constantly be on the move or even just without a home base. Who are you?
We talk a lot about what constitutes the middle class in the PF world. I consider us upper middle class but reading this WSJ article, it strikes me again (without judgement) that we have such different ideas of what the buying power of an UMC/MC income is. For example:
The two-child couple earned just over $100,000 until 2017. They had a roughly $106,000 mortgage, about $97,000 in student-loan debt and $24,000 in car loans.
Then Ms. Young, 33, moved from a full-time to a part-time faculty position at a university because of its budget cuts. With income reduced to around $70,000, they still felt confident enough in their earning power to borrow $48,000 to finance two cars in 2017.
We have a mortgage that’s twice our combined annual incomes and don’t have any other debt so we have a similar debt ratio to the couple in the article. But for us, at this ratio, I don’t consider ourselves in a position to be taking on additional debt. We will need to replace my car and I have to think quite carefully about what we can “afford” and how we’ll pay for it. We both blanch at the $30k price tags of any newer cars despite our very solid savings program because those savings are specifically for future retirement. I need to start setting aside savings that are meant for spending on a car but we simply can’t get behind the idea of taking on an auto loan again if it doesn’t make very clear financial sense.
That gap between what we think an UMC income, or even an MC income, should buy remains fairly large. Even I wonder why we “can’t afford” (cannot easily pay for, without financial consequences) to just buy a new car when we make and save as much as we do. The reality is still that because we have to save as much as we do, we can’t spend freely. It’s one or the other.
Making friends with rhinos
August 12, 2019
Nicole and Maggie’s post stirred up so many feelings for me about family and money requests. My parents were able to keep a roof over our heads until about 1999, then Mom got horribly sick: diabetes, high blood pressure, TIA, early onset dementia, heart problems, severe dental problems, you name it, we had it. (A related APW post that also stirred up my blood and made me yelling NOOO)
I was already working to pay for college. That morphed into paying rent and everything else. It wasn’t easy on minimum wage, but much like that metaphorical frog, I didn’t notice because it was gradual. It started with covering part of rent one month, a utility bill another month, then a car payment, then more and more.
The money requests weren’t just from my parents. As soon as it seemed like I was flush – signaled by my paying all the household bills in full, on time which wasn’t really normal for our family circles – the requests started coming from all kinds of extended family. Word must have gotten around that I was a community bank without red tape. Wow, my naivete! For all my savvy about making and saving money, I sure didn’t have any about protecting my money from family.
Requests I’ve fielded over the past 20+ years (more…)
August 9, 2019
This is my weekly list of things that were good this week, even if they weren’t all unadulteratedly good things. Please do share your good things in the comments!
1. Friday: I’m so grateful for a pretty quiet day where I could just concentrate on my own things to do and whittle that seemingly neverending list down to something less horrifying. And then two rest days to come, though I may have to work at least one of them to make sure I can make my massage appointment next week without extra stress.
2. Saturday: Our library is so fantastic. They have a free books truck every month at our farmers market and JB got to pick free books. Also their stone fruit game is unmatchable – grocery store nectarines cannot hold a candle to farmers market nectarines and peaches. I’ll pay the premium for five excellent fruits a week rather than save $1/lb on subpar fruits. It’s $4.50 vs $3. Not gonna break the bank.
3. Sunday: Is it a fibro flare? Is it because I cheated and had a gluteny, carby, surgery treat? Is it because I overextended myself? Is it because the weather got colder? Who knows but I could not stay awake and upright this afternoon, like yesterday afternoon. It’s obnoxious. But PiC had borrowed a movie from the library so we had that to distract JB with and ze was like a hot water bottle on my side so I could rest. Yay?
4. Monday: The depression is a bit intense today. I forgot that it usually takes the form of rage and self-resentment but here it is. So, focusing on the good stuff again!
I was about to go through all the rigamarole of canceling our internet with Comcast and starting a new package with AT&T or a new service with them with PiC but I had to check first to see what date our promotional period ends. I had zero intention of negotiating because they’ve historically never accommodated my request for a promotion for existing customers. They offered me an overpriced bundle to stay, which was expected, but then they offered me the same service for the same promotional price for another 24 months. I’m shocked! Also I’m thrilled I don’t have to deal with this again for another two years.
This blueberry lemonade flavored sparkling water tastes weird so I’m going to try the blood orange flavor next!
:: It’s been such a packed week I couldn’t fill the rest of this up but good things did happen. Do share yours?
August 8, 2019
Scans from “Integration is a Bitch” by Tom Floyd
The Crane Wife
Awwwww these boys
Moriah Joy: The Privilege of Acting Poor but Getting Rich
Like Purple, I think about death a lot.
Tami has hit a particularly rough patch and it’s going income for some time. This is one of my personal nightmares – hitting such serious health issues I can’t work to pay our bills but I’ve been incredibly lucky so far. If you can help, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
The Investor Class
Love is Thicker Than Blood
Whale accidentally ends up with mouthful of sea lion. (they’re both fine)
A thread on pitching editors that I think is also useful for cover letters and other related things.
Kindness Vs. Cruelty: Helping Kids Hear The Better Angels Of Their Nature
“We’re born with the wiring for both kindness and cruelty, so altruism is not inevitable. It’s a skill and a habit that we have the power — and responsibility — to foster, one good deed at a time.”
Four foundations pooled $30 million to save Ebony archives and donate them to the Smithsonian.
Over the years I’ve wondered why we didn’t move more towards a year round school, this article discusses the complications thereof: “It is easy to misconceive summer vacation as a simple product of agrarian needs rather than this more complicated story of demands for standardization, teacher professionalization, budget problems, lax attendance and fears of overburdening students. And this historical inaccuracy matters. The misperception leaves today’s reformers fighting the wrong battle, while conceding that the school calendar is something that deserves deference as if it was carefully constructed with best practices in mind.”
Thanks to tumblr for this gem
August 5, 2019
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have some tiny cash flow we don’t touch from an investment property and investing in dividend stocks. We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. Our side income comes from Swagbucks, cash back sites (Ebates, Mr.Rebates), and tracking physical activity through Achievement (my introduction to it). Some posts have affiliate links that pay a tiny commission to keep the blog running.
Our big long term goal is to replace our day job income before my health prevents me from working.
***
Dividend income. We received $184 in dividends this month. Our year to date net dividends are $2,080.42. I currently reinvest all our dividends.
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