About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
1. Friday: Complaining does help. I was telling Tenacious Feminist of my tired-woes, and one of them was a Target order I couldn’t quite complete. The order was started to restock our sunblock but one of her suggestions got me out of my chair to check another item and it turns out we still have 2 sunblock tubes, I just missed it on my last check! $33 order bumped to “save for later” for the next time there’s a sunblock sale and we need things.
2. Friday: PiC found a $50 piece of equipment he thought had been lost. YAY for not having to spend money on the same thing twice!
3. Friday: Also I figured out how to fix my sunglasses that JB royally messed up. That’s a relief. I started this day in a very deep funk and all the little things are adding up to help bring me out of it.
4. Saturday: I still hurt all the time, and I’m fatigued like you wouldn’t believe, which can trigger pain (or the pain can trigger fatigue for a fun turnaround), but my dietary changes have wrought changes I would never have believed could happen ten years ago. I can hold a pen to write today. I can hold a dog’s leash in my hands without them swelling up into oven mitts today. I never thought I’d get this much function back, ever. I know it can go away but getting this much back even for a short time is just about unbelievable.
5. Saturday: We had to drive a long way to see family for Easter and we both made it out of the house on time (gasp!), we also made such good time we were able to lollygag and hang out for a while before meeting up. Such a novel unstressed mortification free (I hate running late) experience.
6. Monday: Everyone was dragging because of our very-busy weekend but we made it out the door to our respective destinations and managed to get some things done.
7. Tuesday: It was a glorious 77 degrees almost all day. I was in heaven.
9. Wednesday: I lost this post and was very sad, and then 801red (my tech support) found it and I was very grateful. He’s the best. Highly recommend.
Tragic Sandwich: I worked on homework with Baguette last night, and she is starting to understand parts of speech and how they go together to make sentences!
10. Thursday: I’m unlikely to spend the money on it but I’ve gone so many days, multiple days, with not swollen fingers that for the first time in 10+ years, I thought it might be nice to get a wee little wedding band for myself. Just something light and small off Etsy or the like. I didn’t get one when we got married to save money, sure, but mostly because it felt pointless to buy anything I couldn’t wear more than a day at a time because my fingers were constantly swelling up and deflating at random times.
An interview with Kassandra Dassant, talking finances after 40: Building her Business and Finding Her Purpose. This is a timely read / series for me as I examine how I want to end my 30s and how I want to enter into my 40s.
* We bought a new furnace and ductwork and for my pains, we got higher bills. We’re using the furnace now that it works, and it actually warms the house. FANCY THAT. It’s expensive but for the same price as when we first moved in and didn’t get any heat in half the house at all, we have a warm house for an hour or two in the morning and when guests come to stay.
** Museum membership: once JB is over the age of free (3), and because we’ve been enjoying the Cal Academy as a family regularly this year, we will need to upgrade from our Individual Plus membership ($149) to the next grade up: Family for $249. Increase: $100/year. We are going to check for any employer discounts though.
Total increase: $1380.
With the exception of the furnace, we’ll be paying $1380 more this year for exactly the same services that we were getting last year. Awesome.
Though we did get cost of living increases in salary this year, after taxes, it’s not much so I still feel pressure to earn more and cut costs elsewhere to ensure we keep pace with our savings and giving goals.
A minor regret: I should have taken up that Sprint free year offer that was kicking around for a long time. I was being cautious and didn’t because I wasn’t sure about Sprint service quality so I missed the boat on that. Darn. I have a Mint Mobile offer on my desk but I’m hesitant to go to a relatively unknown experience. I know friends with GoogleFi, Republic Wireless and Ting but none of their plans would save us a real chunk of money given my data needs.
:: What do your cost of living expense increases look like this year? Where are you saving a good amount?
1. Friday: I finally grew a brain. Instead of getting up super early (for me), then being frustrated that I couldn’t wake JB up for 20-30 minutes because ze still needs more sleep, I just went straight to work and got a bunch of critical stuff off my plate. Then I went to tackle the sleeping dragon.
3. Saturday: We didn’t plan on it but we had the afternoon free to support PiC at a memorial event that went twice as long as we expected. JB was in good spirits and we had just enough supplies to keep zir fed and occupied, luckily. Physically, I was thrashed afterward for days, but it was an important thing for us to have done together.
4. Sunday: Working on the weekend is not a fun thing but I was glad to get through a few hours of work this morning so I could spend the afternoon doing fun things without stressing over the bad Monday to come.
6. Monday: Sunday’s work made SUCH a difference to my work day. I don’t want to always require weekend work but I will build on this momentum. Also I’m proud that I’ve consistently checked on Friend 1 (a dear friend going through some really tough life stuff right now) consistently every week this year.
7. Tuesday: The past 10 weeks have been ultra-stressful for work reasons but also for personal reasons. A friend’s wife has been an absolute snake to us, actively stirring the pot and having tantrums worthy of 45. Because we’re unable to cut her out of our lives for a specific period of time, due to prior commitments that are bigger than us, we’ve been dealing with her shenanigans for the short term. I realized this week that it was really getting to me, priming my brain for drama every day, so I actively decided today that it doesn’t matter what she thinks or wants or has a hissy over, she simply does not exist today. Or tomorrow. Or the rest of this week. Even after another bout with insomnia last night, I can feel that decision actively reducing my stress.
9. Wednesday: I slept well enough to wake up early all on my own this morning! If I can keep this up through next winter, we can skip forking over a great deal of money for the daylight alarm clock I was considering. Come to think, this might actually be related to some spring/summer weather? If so, I may just be putting off the inevitable for another year but that’s fine.
10. Thursday: I got SO MANY things done today but most importantly, I actually had an appetite for the first time in three weeks.
Done by Forty: “In poker terms, the meritocracy argument is an example of resulting: of judging the quality of our decisions based on the results of those decisions. If you get a good result, you made a good decision. If you get a bad result, you made a bad decision.
Except that life doesn’t work out that way.”
Just when I thought the credit reporting bureaus couldn’t be grosser, it turns out they’ve got this going on: “Equifax has marketing material pitching employment status to debt collectors who want an early nod that someone is no longer employed.”
Earthquake liquefaction zones are why I don’t put much faith in Bay Area property values. Won’t mean much if our home falls into an earthquake created abyss.
You Could Have Today. Instead You Choose Tomorrow: It’s a hugeprivilege to be able to choose this life this way. I worked my nalgas off to get to choose like this and even then a huge degree of luck came into play to make that happen.
I have been thanked for my work as a manager in the past but those were both quite unexpected and very unsolicited thanks. I have always said that it’s a totally thankless task, particularly if you’re doing it right (advocating for your people, supporting them without micromanaging, rewarding them as appropriate for their situations and needs). Frankly, I do it for the management money, not thanks. I can’t imagine going into it seeking that kind of validation from my employees. Generally it’s not going to happen.
I don’t know which kid came up with this brainstorm but JB has been a huge fan of mixing up socks. I’m guessing this would bother some parents but I’m looking at the bright side – no need to bother matching up socks on laundry day, other than making sure that all pairs are complete.
Morning routines and bribery
There has been discontent in my heart having to shepherd JB from one morning task to the next. It’s the same dang thing every morning, why was it taking an HOUR to chivvy and scold zir from brushing teeth to using the toilet to getting dressed to breakfast and finally getting jacket, socks, and shoes on??
Ze has no problem getting these things done when motivated but ze is totally not motivated on school days. Sigh.
I’ve started adjusting some of my approach. Sometimes supportive, sometimes challenging, trying to take cues from the mood of the moody-sleepy child, and it’s slowly starting to be less frustrating.
Practice patience
We’ve been having some trouble with patience all around. PiC and JB, normally best buds, have been at loggerheads almost every day and we’ve had to have some venting sessions. I think we realize we’re both feeling the effects of our work stress, which uses up our limited willpower, and facing off with a contrary and sometimes melting down four year old is just not happening.
Between my weekly Good Things posts and being much more mindful of work stress spilling over into general irritability, I’ve been able to back down that feeling away from the edge. (more…)
1. Friday: JB had gotten up incredibly early this morning which was good but it meant ze was low on patience and energy by the time ze got home and threw an incredible tantrum when I expected zir to follow up on our agreement: New puzzle if ze finished all zir evening chores. I had to hold very firm because ze escalated into unacceptable behavior (screaming and throwing things). I didn’t lose my head or my temper while dealing with it, thankfully.
2. Saturday: We had to take my clothes to the tailor but my reliable place had been purchased by a new person. I was a little worried – I’d never used him before and his prices were really high. But he was very kind to JB, entertaining zir a bit even though PiC was there to mind zir, and even giving zir a gigantic chocolate bar when we returned later that day to pick up the clothes. He’d changed their business model to a same day only model, which was weird, but also kind of nice to knock out that chore in one day. Exhausting but nice. Now I have 3 nice articles of clothing that I can wear a lot.
3. Sunday: JB is really feeling crafty this weekend so we spent the whole morning working on sticking our Safeway Monopoly game tokens to a board and redeeming the online entries (we won a coffee and a Refreshe drink) and sticking stickers to things.
5. Sunday: To start bringing down that CPW on my nice clothes, I swished my way around the Cal
Academy in my newly tailored beautiful floor length with half sleeves and pockets maxi dress from Elhoffer Design.
Bonus, I found a new use for my two little cardigans that I was going to sell – the grey and green sweaters work perfectly over this dress when I need a little more warmth.
I’d forgotten how nice it is to have nice clothing that also fits well! It was a luxury I let go when I stopped working in places that required me to look professional.
6. Monday: The IRS withdrew our money (which wouldn’t be a good thing generally but I got nervous about mailing our payment as a check. I should have just paid online!). California paid our refund and the stinkin’ HOA FINALLY reversed their erroneous charges ($300)! That “only” took 3 months of constant emails.
7. Tuesday: On my mission to find some important paperwork, I ended up decluttering a nice batch of old crappy photos. Win some, lose some. (I didn’t find the paperwork.)
8. Wednesday: One batch of chickpeas burnt so badly they went straight into the compost, the other batch was pretty good. Neutral? Then I concentrated on really putting together dinner instead of distractedly doing ten things at the same time and it became rather beautiful.
9. Thursday: I woke up really early, earlier than intended even, and it wasn’t painful. I didn’t love it but I needed to be up early and it was nice not to have to force myself out of bed.
:: How was your week? What were some good things that happened?
I covered our paycheck deduction increases in 
