About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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January 29, 2018
On occasion, we receive gift money in varying amounts and while I always know what to do with it, I don’t know how to write about that money.
When it’s a $5 or $10 red envelope for JuggerBaby, that’s easy. Savings, call it side money.
But when it’s a substantial gift to zir 529 fund or to one of us from, say, a relative disbursing money ahead of their passing as part of their estate tax strategy, what do I do with that? It feels somewhat dishonest not to discuss it when I talk about our savings and money strategies.
But am I being dishonest if I don’t discuss it?
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January 25, 2018
Jim’s daughter joins us in the PF blogging ranks, briefly.
There’s sexual harassment in every industry. This is one experience in the professional kitchen.
Penny’s post reminds me of my biggest last-moment-if-only-I-knew-it. The night PiC and I got married, I hugged Mom and told her I’d be back later. She was clinging to me, anxiety-fueled, wondering something, and I gently disgengaged her so that she could get some rest. Honestly, I was still too keyed up from worrying about her the whole time we were getting married. We drove back to SF the next morning after brunch with out of town friends and didn’t stop in on her. A few days later, she was gone. She’d been quite ill for a long time but not terminal – it was a shock for all of us.
She didn’t have any good days anymore, but I thought we still had a chance to reverse the health issues, or stop them from progressing. I was wrong.
I would be great at the crappy dinner party. We do this with my favorite relative regularly. But PiC would seriously be challenged by this.
Some people expect to retire from long careers in the military, but it’s important to understand that there are lots of reasons that might not happen. Military Dollar helps by sharing those stories.
I grew up watching Serena Williams grow up and dominate on the courts and will always be in awe of her. It also enrages me that her medical professionals continued in the same well known vein of not listening to black women about their health, particularly in maternal health.
I love window shopping with Sherry. She’s got me ogling these beautiful Olivia Burton watches which are awfully tempting since I can’t find the dang links to lengthen the strap of my one 12 year old watch I’ve worn for years, worth maybe $50 originally, which now pinches me something awful. Apparently you can retain pregnancy weight around your wrists. The indignities of motherhood abound. This design feels most classically me, though these artsy designs are delightful to look at. Usually designs come across as “clutter” to me, and I doubt I’d ever choose leather because I wear my accessories for decades and never doubt my ability to wear out even leather, but they’re beautiful to look at nonetheless. But don’t worry, old watch, I’ll
Interview with Kristi Yamaguchi. She was a Big Deal when I was growing up and the only reason I was interested in skating. She was also probably the inspiration for my secret Olympian dreams and honestly there’s a secret part of me that hopes that I can regain enough good health in retirement that I could revive that dream. I know, I’m crazy.
AMAZING
January 24, 2018
I’ve been battling back some seriously expensive impulses lately. It’s been months of being grumpy because my rational side knows it’s right. It’s not the right time or it’s not in the budget for us, given our financial goals.
My irrational sliver of self continues to whisper and it’s frustrating the snickets out of me. It continues to say, “yes, but ….” HUSH, YOU.
I make pragmatic decisions every single day, regardless of what I wished or hoped or wanted. It’s easy because my first priority is to be efficient and effective. So why won’t my whole self settle down?
This is my attempt to work out what the problem is.
It’s relatively easy to say that we will go to Japan for a three week food fest or Australia and New Zealand to hike for a month someday but not this year because I don’t want to leave Seamus that long. I’m still traumatized. Those are my castles in the sky. I know the kind of money we’ll need to have ready to spend, and we are not ready to spend 5 stacks of money on a vacation between dogsitting (3 weeks away would cost at least $1000!), airfare for three, lodgings, food, and so on. Time off isn’t easy to come by right now, either, but that’s neither here nor there without the money piece settled.
I’m fine with giving up some things now so that we can have financial freedom later when it’s going to be critical for my health to have that freedom – we moderate eating out and travel, for example. We don’t stop them, we just don’t do it every week. But some thoughts keep chugging around my brain like they’re stuck on a toy train track, refusing to accept the pragmatic “No.”
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January 22, 2018
This is old hat for old hands in the PF blogging world but in direct contrast to my move toward simplification in our investment holdings, I’ve finally decided to “complicate” our cash savings and set up a proper ladder. A CD ladder!
All of 2017, I’ve been fiddling with our cash reserves because it feels foolish to hold so much cash but it also feels foolish to invest when stocks are at all-time highs. Conflict!
On January 1 2017 I rashly threw a huge amount of cash into long term (5 year) CDs at Ally. I had no plans for this cash so why not? Then the neighbor happened. Dammit. When you break a 5 year CD early, you lose 6 months of interest, so I scraped cash together every other way I could before July 1 to pay for the house reno to avoid cashing out my CDs for less than the principal I put in. I knew those terms going in but on Jan 1st, it sure didn’t SEEM like there was any reason to need that money in less than a year. Fool.
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January 18, 2018
YOUR DEBT IS NOT SLAVERY, SO STOP SAYING IT IS. This should go without saying but it really doesn’t.
I don’t usually eat cookie dough but this log is calling my name. Salted Butter Chocolate Chunk Shortbread, come be mine!
Are you a boring investor? Liz at Chief Mom Officer is and she’s not wrong.
How to write a condolence note. I wish I’d read this a long time ago.
And linked to Nina Kalanithi, can I just saw how weird it feels whenever I see unexpected dotted lines like when a blogger I read for a long time turns out to be related to someone I’ve known for a long time. I read an excerpt of A Breath of Air a long while ago and always intended to finish reading it. I’ve read Jo of A Cup of Jo for years, on and off, and had completely missed that Nina was Jo’s sister.
I love Tawcan’s Dividend City. I had the “buy what you love” philosophy in mind but definitely didn’t think it through this way! I think this analogy makes so much sense. Now we just have to build an ethical Dividend City. Unless I chuck it all for ETFs.
The Skype sex scam – I had no idea this was a thing but it’s disgusting and worrisome. We live so much of our lives online, and I feel the tremendous weight of the responsibility of teaching JB to protect zirself from falling for any of hundreds, or thousands, of scams online. Related scams discussion.
Families!
January 17, 2018
I’m Awake!
JB’s zir ability to go from deep sleep to wide awake in 0.7 seconds is fascinating. We never wake the baby if we can help it but, and this is a problem I sure wish we had in infancy, sometimes ze sleeps in so late that we have to. I try gentle tactics first, out of habit: tickling zir face with hair, calling zir name quietly, slow back pats. When nothing works, I give up and try to get zir dressed as ze sleeps. Right about then, ze pops straight up asking: What you doin??
When ze wakes on zir own, zir brain goes into gear. It’s not clear if ze just starts thinking immediately or if this is a remnant of a dream:
– Daddy! DADDDDYYYYY! May I p’ay (play)?
– Is it my birfday? (No, not for 6 more months)
– Where is Uncle’s doggy? (We haven’t seen him in 6 months)
– I’m an elephant!
– May I have Allouette?
I almost envy zir – I take 15 minutes of grogginess, if not grumpiness, to become conscious.
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January 15, 2018
Quick recap – It was time to cut off my father who I’ve supported for nearly 20 years. I grieved, then started the process.
For several days, I ignored that manipulative email convincing me to keep helping. After closing my bank account that he had deposit-access to, so that he can’t deposit any cash in an attempt to twist my arm into writing more checks for him, I found calmness in my soul again.
With that protection, I responded to that email with a faux-contrite decline to provide further funds saying that I couldn’t come up with anything extra.
That’s not precisely true, when I have to, I can usually find a way to scrape money together but I’m simply not willing to take a second job to support him again. I phrased that as “I can’t”.
We are truthfully groaning under the weight of our current obligations: a five digit annual bill for property tax, a five digit annual bill for daycare with two increases expected this year, a merely terrifying mortgage, and corresponding insurances but all that aside, he doesn’t need, or get, to know the true state of our finances when he doesn’t care about our well-being. In a world where my Dad loved me, he would have expressed concern for us when I described our faux financial distress even if there was nothing he could do about it. In reality, he didn’t reply for weeks.
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