About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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July 17, 2017
[Part 6] We’re officially the mostly apprehensive owners of a new-to-us home.
Without even taking a breath to let that sink in, we don’t have time!, we’re nose-deep in demolition and renovation work. Our final walkthrough revealed even more work that needs doing, if you can even believe that there’s yet more to do, and it’s been nothing but stress.
My credit card is melting from all the swiping, American Express’s emails about Large Purchases are tinged with a sense of alarm, and let me tell you, Mint.com is JUDGY. Yes, I know our household spending is above average!
The contractors are hard at work tearing out walls, digging out dry rot and black mold, and filtering the air with air scrubbers until it’s habitable.
Our job is collecting all the materials that we need ready for installation once the demolition dust settles. We’ve bought: kitchen appliances, kitchen cabinetry, bath tubs, plumbing fixtures, lighting – soooo much lighting, doors throughout the house, and vinyl windows. We still have to buy kitchen countertops, bath cabinetry, flooring, paints, more lighting there is no end to the lighting purchasing this will be the most well lit home in the universe, tiling, closet doors, and about 23 million other bits and bobs and joes and marks and michaels.
Everyone who isn’t paying the bills says “oh it’s great, you can get the home you wanted, just the way you wanted it!”
I think “When will this horror show be over???”
The money is flowing out so fast, even though I have the ready cash to pay the credit card bill, it’s like watching a tornado slowly rip apart my home. It’s fascinating, and terrifying, and impossible to look away. We came within $900 of my generous credit limit which has never happened before.
Our styles are clashing
For me, and partly for PiC, the worst part of the process (even worse than the spending so you know it’s bad): having to research every single thing we’re going to buy – did you know that there were so many toilets you can buy? Did you know that toilets have lids that opened automatically? Did you know how creepy it was to walk down an aisle of toilets and have them all open their lidded maws as you pass through?
And LIGHTING. Holy mackeral, lighting. PiC spent one Sunday looking at 1000 chandeliers and lamps. That’s not hyperbole. Literally, 1000 lighting options. And that’s only one of 17 research sessions.
The sheer volume is one problem. Our approaches are another.
I research a thing, find out the quality parameters, and armed with a fair amount of information, choose the three I like best and ask PiC to pick his favorite.
PiC researches a thing, researches its history, the history of its history, the entire range of possibilities that exist, he researches down to a molecular level and then presents me with a dozen choices. His way drives me crazy. My way drives him crazy.
Shockingly, we have managed to negotiate our differences with only one tiff so far.
I don’t want him to feel rushed and like he’s compromising on pieces that we both have to live with – I would hear the grumbling for the rest of our natural lives. I also don’t want to feel inundated with information, bombarded in fact, and short circuit every time someone asks me a question because it’s one question too many – some unlucky soul would eventually lose a limb, or a face to my severely compromised temper.
Solution! He is now the man in charge of all the initial research, I only have to give occasional input to steer his selections and then we finalize our choices together. I am the woman in charge of all the money: paying the bills, approving budget for each item, finding discounts and promo codes, tracking all receipts, returns, exchanges, deliveries, and arm-twisting when something goes awry.
On that note… savings!
Or at least savings on spending we had to do – not to be confused with money that we keep safe in the savings account, there to stay, grow, and flourish.
We have ordered a handful of our materials from Build.com and Houzz.com. I was skeptical at first but a friend confirmed that he’d ordered furnishings from Houzz and while it was imperfect, their customer service was good, so I was willing to give them a shot.
How I saved at Build.com: At the time of this writing, you can get 2% off at ebates or 3% cashback at MrRebates. Check both to choose the higher rebate, of course. That was stacked with a summer sale coupon code, and I asked their chat associate to give me the 5% discount from signing up for the email list which never arrived. They did me one better, assigning a discount that was equivalent to another 7% off the total.
The key here is to create your account and fill up your cart first, stay signed into your account, then hit up the sales associate. If they dig up a good discount for you, ask them to send you the link to the saved cart with the discount instead of letting them complete the order. Close the tab with your own cart, load the link and make sure it’s showing the right items and discount. Close that link, and then go to ebates/MrRebates to reopen Build.com. You should then be able to load the cart from the newly reopened Build.com to show both the discount and proceed with your purchase.
Reminder: Gratitude
Even while the money flows out like heart’s blood, here’s perspective for you: We could be in Make Smarter Decision’s boat – budgeted but without anyone to hire! We have acquaintances who have been paying double mortgages for months and still don’t have a good contractor on board. We know people who chose to manage the whole project themselves and hire the subcontractors themselves, they’re all in a world of hurt. Demand is so high that it’s not uncommon for subcontractors to walk off a job for a better paying one without a word, and they just don’t care!
Yes, we are paying big bucks for this work to be done, but at least it’s getting done. Those folks carrying double expenses have spent nearly half our budget on just owning two properties and that’s before a lick of work has been done.
:: Have you had good or bad experiences with contractors? Are you into Do-It-Yourself for home repairs and renovations? Would you splurge on the best fixtures and appliances and doo-dads if you were outfitting your forever home?
July 14, 2017
Homestyle! My insistence on making the first part of this in the tiny Le Crueset meant that I have to add a box of chicken broth which totally changed the taste.
I didn’t make that mistake with the second and third soups. Note, I’ve started making the soups smaller and simpler because my soups always turned into thick stews. Play with these proportions to get the right level of soupiness or stewiness for your taste.
Ingredients
8-10 cups of water
1 finely diced onion
2 lbs of chicken or 6 thighs/legs
1/2 cup barley
1 finely cubed carrot
1 finely cubed zucchini
Salt and pepper, to taste
Minced cilantro for garnish if that’s your thing
Directions
Remove skin and fat from bone-in chicken thighs and drumsticks. Poach the chicken for 20-25 minutes or until cooked through, then remove it to cool in a serving bowl. Strain the water into a bowl, and put it back in the pot. Set the broth to boil on low, with a dash of salt, plus diced onions and barley for another 20 minutes.
Add carrots and zucchini to the pot, cook for another 6-8 minutes on a low boil. Taste the broth and add salt and pepper if it’s needed.
In a separate pot, cook your pasta shape of choice. Our current favorite is ditalini – tiny tubes! Drain this pasta and toss with some olive oil so it doesn’t stick, set aside in a serving bowl.
Shred the cooled chicken.
Voila! Ready to serve!
Put some chicken and noodles in the bowl first, then pour the veggie soup over the top. Garnish with cilantro if you like it.
July 12, 2017
Books, books, everywhere
Did you know that some daycares let kids take books with them to their napping cots? Ours does and now JuggerBaby has to take a book, or five, to bed with zir every night.
We’ve had to set a hard limit of 2 small books for the bed lest ze fall asleep perched atop a mountain of all the books ze can carry.
Helper monkey
Amidst a really hard weekend of meltdowns, JuggerBaby turned into a most helpful creature. Once summer rolls in, Seamus’s allergies flare up, every single year and he requires twice daily feet wraps to ward off infection, calm his hot spots, and relieve his itching. It’s pathetic. This summer, though, his human sibling didn’t just try to horn in on the foot wrapping “fun” like last year when ze demanded I “yap feet!” for zir to look just like Brother. This year, ze is more advanced and less self centered. When ze spotted me closely examining his feet, ze loudly announced that Brother had “ows!” and ran to bring me the first aid kit, his treats, and generally made zirself useful by hovering closely and giving him treats as I worked.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say he appreciated it but he didn’t hate the treats.
Just one bite
JuggerBaby still has terrible table manners – frequently trying to steal off PiC’s plate; depositing rinds, peels and cobs on my plate like it’s zir mobile compost bin; randomly overstuffing zir mouth with one food only to chew it and spit it out because you stupidly offered zir something else to eat next. Next can’t come too soon for this toddler. We’ve learned our lesson – never ever offer zir anything new when that mouth is full.
The one thing that’s gone well is ze is still open to new foods and tastes. Even if ze doesn’t think ze will like it at first, occasionally refusing foods on the basis of I don’t wanna, ze is still willing to give anything a single bite trial. We tell zir often: just try one bite. If you don’t like it, then swallow that bite but you don’t have to eat any more.
I’m positive that wouldn’t have worked on me, but it’s perfect for zir. Ze has often rejected food out of hand, mostly out of pique. The dawning realization that this pancake/salmon/pickle is awesome is followed by a delighted “I LIKE it!!!”
Success.
Perhaps my proudest moment was serving a totally new dinner of grilled salmon, rice with mixed veggies, and broccolini the other night. Ze has eaten all these food types before but I’ve never served this meal. With zero fuss over the food, ze cleaned zir plate and asked to try the arugula quinoa salad too. Though ze returned a half chewed arugula leaf to me, “I don’t like it”, I can’t blame zir. Peppery leaves? Why??
Ze has come around on the notion of cake, too. Last year, cake was strange and distasteful. This year, we can’t get enough of it!
I wonder if this will be consistent into zir older years. I recall being very adventurous when I didn’t know better, eating fertilized eggs and jellyfish and other interesting native culture foods. Never durian, though, that stuff is a taunt from hell. As an adult, though, I’ve had to actively push myself to try new things like beets and kale and parsnips, or give previously despised foods a chance like yogurt and tomatoes.
Precious #parenting moments
- JB: I want yoom.
Me: Broom?
JB: Ya. Yooom.
- Me: Did you just suck the butter off the green bean, then give it back???
JB: Yes!
Me: …… just … go.
JB: JUST GOOOOO!!!
- From across the room: *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow.
Me: JB?
JB: Mama?
Me: Stop hitting yourself?
JB: *thunk*
- PiC: Want to share a banana?
JB: Yes!
PiC: Here. Have a bite.
JB: My ‘nana. Dadda get own ‘nana.
- Me: Go wash your hands.
JB: I wait my toon.
Me: ? It is your turn.
JB: MAMA WASH, I WAIT TURN!
:: How was your palate as a kid? Is it better or worse in adulthood?
July 10, 2017
On Money
Income
Our normal income comes from two full time day jobs.
We experiment with earning money on the side, including minimal cash flow that we don’t touch from an investment property and investing in dividend stocks.
Some side income comes from Swagbucks, selling clothes on Poshmark which is hit or miss, and tracking activity through Achievement (my introduction to it).
The long term goal is to replace our day job income before my health declines and prevents me from working.
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July 5, 2017
What I watched
Man to Man
A Netflix exclusive described as: “Disguised as a bodyguard, a special agent must complete his national secret tasks while pandering to the whims of his ill-tempered world star.”
I really didn’t know what it expect but in my flu-weakened state, I was willing to give almost anything diverting a try to distract from my aches, fever and chills, and swollen throat. The fact that it was entirely in Korean with subtitles was a bonus for once – it forced me to stop working and actually rest. It started out as a light silly comedic take on a spy story, the actors’ expressiveness, or lack thereof, tickling my funny bone every few minutes but the plot thickened and the characters started to develop surprisingly quickly. Quite quickly, actors I’d taken for one-turn guests had become characters with a bit of depth and interest.
It’s fascinating to see the peeks into Korean culture, both as its portrayed on the screen (chicken and beer!) and also in how the actors act. It’s so different from American acting in subtle ways. It plays to the ridiculous, it uses shades of overacting, and yet employs so much stillness to convey thoughts, reactions, and meaning. These may be unique to this particular Korean genre, rather than Korean acting, but it’s effective and I love watching it.
Kano
I’d never heard of this movie before, we happened across it totally randomly. A story set in the time when Taiwan was still occupied by the Japanese, it’s a baseball movie but also a redemption movie, and a love story, and an interesting perspective on the Japanese occupation where the war wasn’t the focus. (more…)
July 3, 2017
Shopping, man alive I hate shopping.
We’ve been doing a lot of it for the new place but it simply isn’t growing on me. Obviously it’s still a necessity, even if my budget and energy reserves prefer MacGyvering a way out of the need to buy, but every so often, I reconsider whether we’ve been making good choices. Going through our belongings to winnow them down reignites that feeling that the less (trivial) stuff we have, the better, though we don’t have as many regrets as I thought we might.
I’m glad we didn’t buy ….
- Custom blackout curtains for JuggerBaby’s room: $300. We bought cheap paper accordion blackout shades to see if it would help zir sleep better for about $10. They’re inconvenient, being cheap paper with absolutely no frills whatsoever, but they’ve done the job and we won’t have to regret leaving them behind.
- A bigger car. None of the garages that we’re seeing in our region are big enough to handle both of our current cars without a squeeze, much less a massive SUV.
- An address stamp and embosser. The stationery lover in me desperately wanted one of each – so pretty – but the commitment phobe in me kept saying don’t do it. Turns out the commitment phobe was right.
- Custom designed checks. When my first 50 checks ran out, there was a $5-20 upgrade available for some awfully cute checks. But I’ve learned my lesson. In 2002, I paid $12.95 for 1200 adorable baby animals checks and by 2012 I still hadn’t used them all. It broke my heart to shred them when I closed that checking account. Because once in a while I’m achingly softhearted.
I’m annoyed that we bought ….
- All hair accessories that aren’t the standard clip-free hair tie, or tiny claw clips. I can use absolutely nothing else successfully but yet I still wasted money on a really nice and soft Blom headband that I never use, these nice black thin headbands to hold back hair that don’t fit my tiny head, and these cool spin pin things that would have held up masses of beautiful hair if I were Jean of Extra Petite, but I’m really not.If you noticed a pattern here, it’s that I foolishly fall into the pit of thinking that my hair and I are meant to coexist peacefully. We’re not and it’s well past time I learned that.
- A dozen undercabinet replacement light bulbs. Now that we’re moving, we have no use for this particular type since we’re designing our lighting to be as energy efficient as possible. I suppose we’ll leave them as a little gift for the incoming buyers if they pay top dollar.
I’m glad that we bought …
- My new cell phone. I’ve been able to download some money-making apps (Achievemint and Poshmark), take a ton of great pictures and video of my family, work while on the road.
- Two tank tops from Target. They cost a grand total of $12 but they fit just perfectly and look great. They won’t last forever so it’s sad that they immediately went out of stock.
- This simply perfect, though slightly pricey, Barefoot Dreams cardigan
. I used a gift card to reduce the sting. It was my plane sweater for our most recent big trip, and it was perfect! It was warm and cozy, but not too heavy, snuggly enough to wrap around myself and JuggerBaby who allowed it, and it has pockets which is a lifesaver as for a mom with only two hands. After our trip, it was exactly right for wrapping up when I was down with the flu, or when the weather turned unexpectedly chilly. This probably doesn’t seem like much but I don’t have any clothing that’s both ultra comfortable and suitable to be worn out doors in the presence of other people.
- Our recliner before JuggerBaby was born. It was expensive, and new, but it was the only way we managed to get zir to sleep some nights as an infant. It’s now a cuddle spot when we have visiting infants, and when JuggerBaby needs a comforting rocking.
- Comic-Con badges for this year. It’s a combined family visit and cherished tradition.
I’m still on the fence about whether I’m happy about buying a new home – it’s the source of quite a lot of stress right now!
There’s a theme here, of course there is. I tend to appreciate very utilitarian things over time, and fail to appreciate things that are mostly for form, and less about function. Here’s a conundrum: my need to have a stockpile of supplies that we’ll use versus my need to have less stuff and not waste money on stuff we don’t end up using.
:: What are some of the best things you’ve ever bought? Worst?
June 28, 2017
Over lunch with friends, my fortune cookie said: you will never need to worry about a steady income.
What’s your first reaction?
A) SCORE
B) Why, will I be too dead to worry?
My second fortune cookie said: You will always take on the hardest possible tasks in life.
That’s not a fortune, that’s a character indictment. So judgmental.
My third fortune cookie: You will live many years in material comfort.
Could they be the last years? I am happy to keep working to earn my way while I’m relatively young, it’d be nice not to have the “many years” dry up before I do.
It’s possible that I take fortune cookies far too seriously. It’s not at all possible that I eat too many fortune cookies per meal.
Ok, but big picture, here.
I’m not a risk-taker. I make highly conservative decisions at the best of times because I’ve known some of the worst times. Since I was 18, no job could be considered on the merits alone: challenges, opportunity, compensation. They had to be weighed with respect to the kind of sacrifices it would require from me, the impact they would have on my quality of life after I subtracted the time and energy required to do the job well.
Chatting with a friend who came to chronic pain late in life this week, they’re becoming burdened with the same uncertainty and reluctant awareness of their startling new physical and mental limitations. They’re taking steps back from intriguing job offers that they would have leapt at ten years before, declining opportunities that sound amazing and challenging with the queasy awareness that it’s amazing but very likely just too much for the new them.
Being a saver is definitely me, but it’s hard to tell whether I would always have been this conservative if a chronic pain disease hadn’t taken over my life. It’s also hard to tell if I can train myself to see past my limitations to find opportunities that won’t seriously negatively impact our lives even as they expand our horizons. Do such opportunities exist? I don’t know, but the first step is asking the question, right?
:: Are you an optimist or pessimist, a saver or spender? Do you save anything for the return trip, or do you put all your energy into your outbound journey, like the guys in Gattaca?