About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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June 8, 2016
I ran across Blue Bloods on Netflix and flipped it on to be background noise. I was surprised to find myself enjoying the show. It’s wish fulfillment. Isn’t most tv?
I’m neither anti-establishment nor pro-police. I’ve multitudes of family and friends in both law enforcement and the military and, as a result, have had the ideals of what police and military are meant to be instilled in me early on. Not all of our police departments conduct themselves with the honor and integrity we should be able to expect from them. They’re in positions of authority, and with that, I’m all about Uncle Ben-isms here: With great power comes great responsibility. I wish more people understood that.
The main characters, the Reagan family, seem to be everything I’m not: white, Irish, Catholic, family with years of service in the police force. I disagree, and sometimes vehemently, with some of the storylines that they run and stereotypes they perpetuate. And it’s not escaped my notice that there aren’t very many Asian faces, if any, in the show. I’ve noticed this more and more. It’s not like there aren’t Asian actors but you wouldn’t know it from watching this drama, or most other shows, on mainstream tv.
It drew me in because there’s a kernel of what I know police can be: balancing fair and tough, trying to do the right thing by the citizens, trying to serve and protect, without seeing the citizens as the enemy. This is what my family LEOs try to be and what I wish we could have confidence in. The Reagans are flawed but fundamentally good people trying to do the right thing for the good of the people, wrestling with thorny ethical problems, held to a mostly higher standard because the patriarchs were both officers who served as police commissioners. And they make mistakes. But they learn from them.
It’s wish fulfillment another way, too. Would you believe there are moments I fight off envy of that family? Envy that the family fights for one another, looks out for one another? Envy for made up characters in a tv show. Can you beat that?
Professionalism isn’t just for sometimes
Jamie Reagan: “On the side of the patrol car that I drive, it says ‘courtesy, professionalism and respect, not judge, jury, and executioner!'”
The public should be able to trust that you practice the ideals you say you stand for. Your customers, your clients, and your employers should also be able to trust that you will make the best decisions you can whether or not someone is watch. Whether or not it’s convenient.
Danny Reagan: “Your money doesn’t make me stupid.”
Having money is, and provides, a certain kind of privilege. It shouldn’t buy you more rights, and having less money shouldn’t mean you have fewer rights. And money shouldn’t dictate how you treat a person, or your job. Or here in California, it shouldn’t buy you the right to squander precious and scarce natural resources because you’re a fat cat jerk who thinks that your money buys you the rights to waste water on keeping a lawn green while there isn’t enough for people to drink or bathe in.
Frank Reagan: “If what she said doesn’t count because it was a she who said it, then it doesn’t belong in police work.”
Sexism has no place in your professional conduct.
Parenting: it’s a lifetime of terror
Jamie, whinging about his dad being overprotective: “You’d think it was him they put a hit on.”
Oh kid, you have no idea how much a caring parent would 1000x rather they were harmed in their child’s place if it would save their child pain.
Financial responsibility starts early
Frank Reagan: You should learn to cook. There are a few years between eating out on your parents’ dime and when you can afford it yourself.
Kids should understand early on that what they’re enjoying now, as a result of their parents’ hard work, is something they have to work up to. You don’t typically graduate from high school or college and have the ability to buy a 3 bed, 2 bath, with a yard and garage, and eat out every week.
Have discretion, always
Renzulli rips into Jamie: You were undercover and you didn’t tell me?
Isn’t the point of undercover is that you don’t tell anyone? I get that there’s an extra bond of loyalty between partners but in general, I think it makes sense to maintain your cover.
PC Frank Reagan to DCPI Garrett: Can you keep a secret?
DCPI Garrett: Yeah.
PC Frank Reagan: Good, so can I.
:: Are there tv shows that you were surprised to enjoy? Does the homogeneity of TV-land match your real life experience? Are there any shows on Netflix or Amazon Prime that would make me feel better about the world? Or that are worth trying?
June 6, 2016
Last year, we managed a tidy prepayment on the mortgage and I was hooked on the taste of paying it DOWN.
DRUMROLL PLEASE
After more than five months of painful paperwork and terrible service, we finally refinanced our dang mortgage!
The process
I shopped rates on BankRate, with Quicken Loans, Bank of America, Chase, Citi, SoFi.
The lowest possible rate offered was on a 30-year 7/1 ARM at SoFi. My internal conflict raged: a very low interest rate equals big savings and a huge increase in cash flow. But an ARM? I’m a low-to-moderate risktaker and at first, the idea that the rate increase could spike to nearly 8% in Year 8, while symmetrical, is risk that I wasn’t sure I wanted. Partly because of my love for maximum savings, I was 80% sure that the ARM was the right way to go and 20% an irrational worrywart because of the high ceiling on the allowed rate increase.
Cut to a scene of me doing calculations on ARMs vs fixed rates like a squirrel hopped up on an illicit stash of nuts.
The math showed that I was right. Even if we only paid the new, low, monthly payment for the next 7 years, in the worst case scenario of the interest increasing to 7.5%, the monthly payment would still be a couple hundred dollars less than what we pay now. In the meantime, our new monthly payment would be under $1000 per month and the interest rate? Under 3%.
A review of SoFi Mortgage
Hands down terrible. Absolutely NOT RECOMMENDED.
StackingPennies had described her experience refinancing her student loans with Earnest: “It was very much a Silicon Valley company designed for millennial who can’t stand bad web design, inefficient processes, or too many phone calls.” SoFi and Earnest are competitors in the same market so I assumed they’d be competitive. I also gave them a shot because several friends had praised them for their student loan refinances.
My experience with them? Awful. No good. Very Bad. I had a better time of it when I bought our investment property with a long distance broker and a traditional lender. They were the total opposite of what I expected.
I asked them to conduct everything by email because I needed everything in writing and my work doesn’t allow for me to stop for phone calls. It took three phone calls and three weeks to get them to comply with this one request. Meanwhile, they kept badgering PiC by phone. Why? I don’t even know.
Their email communication was like risque summer wear: barely there, and totally unprofessional when it did show up.
One of the weeks when we were in contact, we exchanged more than 20 emails because the assistant couldn’t possibly manage to ask me for a complete list of required documents. She had to ask for nearly 20 documents across 7 emails. You’d think she was being paid by email volume. The rest of the time, she was so unclear in her terminology I had no idea what she was asking for. Then she couldn’t possibly make sure that all the files she requested had a home for upload on the submission site. Then the submission site was a total jerk and would eat some of the files that I uploaded.
They kept getting important details wrong, and giving me important information too late. They’d send random clutches of documents for signatures without any explanation. Without fail, they’d ask me for documentation at absolutely the latest possible time to ask and then rush me to supply it. As if I don’t have a full time job, by virtue of which I qualify for the dang loan, and just sit here chewing on my nails, nervously awaiting the next email to fulfill their desires.
Can I remind you that it took nearly half a year to complete this? My last mortgage took less than 20 days to finalize from the point of agreement with the buyer to closing.
It’s like the alien wearing Edgar in Men in Black II. They superficially look like a modern, tech-savvy, version of a mortgage company but the skin barely covers up the fact they are really not human.
Go figure – when I shared my frustrations with some friends, half a dozen told me that they hated SoFi’s mortgage side too. Every complaint I had was echoed, and in some cases, they definitely had it worse. A few of them abandoned ship when they were in their 4th month. I can’t blame them.
The end result
It’s OVER. If I’m lucky, if I work these cards right, the next time I have to talk to them is when we pay off the loan. Wait, I’d better not have to talk to them then. Just send me that dang title.
Our mortgage is now a sane amount.
I’m happy the refinance is concluded but that took so long, I’m ready for the next phase already. Which is what?
Now I take advantage of our extra cash flow to pay down the mortgage even more! My goal is to throw at least $70K in extra payments at the loan over the next 7 years, assuming stable income over that time.
If we manage that, we’ll be within $100,000 of payoff.
There remains the question of whether we might attempt to buy a larger home during that time. We’d both really like a bit more room but it doesn’t feel realistic. I stalk the market monthly. The prices just keep going up, and quality isn’t in line with the cost. We can’t find anything that gives us enough space to warrant a move but also isn’t a dump for under $1.5M. I don’t yet see where I make room in our current budget to save 40-60% of a greater than $1M amount in less than 7 years. (I refuse to take out a jumbo loan.)
I’m also unsure I want to start over with a new mortgage – we’ll be so close to paying this one off! I’d love to be mortgage free and stay that way. Contrast that against my love of more dogs and hope for more space (but not too much) … I’m not sure yet which will win out.
:: Do you have an ARM or a fixed-rate mortgage, or no mortgage at all? What’s your dream home goal? Are you a someday owner or a forever renter?
June 3, 2016
Theme: Adult time, me time
We’ve got a lovely neighbor who is genuinely happy to take JuggerBaby for 10-20 minutes if we need, probably longer if we asked, in the evenings. We’ve exchanged kids a few times now, her family is great with JuggerBaby and ze is totally into hanging out with them. Ze isn’t in the least bit shy of running up and demanding a snack. (The well trained kid in me groans at this imposition. But we are happy to feed their little guy when he asks for a snack so fair’s fair?) Their little guy is much older but he loves the company of anyone at any age, so he’s hung out with us a few times too, sans parents, and he’s hugely entertaining when he’s not running around in circles.
It’d be the perfect arrangement but alas, they’re only here for a little while. It’s hard to find people we consider a good fit: trustworthy, patient and firm, very reasonable, willing to tell a child “no”, and just easy to get along with. We’ll stay in touch, I’m sure, but they won’t be just on the same block anymore and sometimes, we just need a hand from someone who can be there without a long commute or scheduling two weeks in advance.
I mentioned earlier that we found babysitters – yaaayy! But they are only available the occasional Saturday and run at least $25/hour – OUCH.
We’d originally imagined babysitting to be the solution of buying ourselves some free time, some guilt free time, where we happily paid someone to help out with JuggerBaby for an hour or two to do something for ourselves or just get some work done. It’s tough when we’re both timing almost everything on the weekend for hir naps. It’s even tougher staring down the barrel of hir phasing out the second nap. (Say it ain’t so!)
We work at making sure PiC gets his gym time, that’s as important to his mental health as my quiet no-people time is to mine. Thus far, I’ve gotten by with thinking of daycare days as double duty days: It’s when I get my quiet me-time, and I get all my work done.
Once in a while I think wistfully of a time when I wasn’t on the dog or the baby’s schedule. Mostly, I think I’m as rested as I can be given health issues, and as fulfilled on a personal level as I need to be, right now, but eventually I’d like a little bit more. Nothing scheduled, I hate the commitment of taking weekly classes. Just the odd hour once or twice a month where I am solely committed to just doing whatever I want.
I don’t want to say that it’s entirely down to JuggerBaby that we don’t get our time, in that blamey kind of way, because I don’t resent it. The reality is we chose to have a human puppy. That’s fine, it brings a whole load of work and compensates with fun and laughter and snot and drool. It’s relatively even. But ze just happens to be the reason this period carries extra scheduling challenges.
I know this is a problem everyone has to some extent with their families, friends, work, and all their other obligations.
:: Do you get enough time to yourself? How do you carve out time for yourself? Do you prioritize alone time and social time?
June 1, 2016
ON MONEY
I use Swagbucks. Here’s a handy tutorial if you’d like to join and earn.
- MTurk experiment, total earned: $12.65. I originally planned to try it out for ten consecutive days. Since I can’t stay not-sick for more than a few days at a time, that didn’t work out. No big deal, this is still just an interesting experiment. This will be added to our side money when I cash it out. So far, most of the HITs (human intelligence task) have been very low payouts. We’re talking about less than a dollar. I happened across one that paid more than pennies on a Wednesday evening, completed it immediately, and banked $6. I suspect that, for my purposes, if I just use this intermittently as I have time on weekdays, I’ll build up a tiny nestegg of earnings. This isn’t likely to be a true source of income replacement unless I’m willing to put quite a few more hours into it. If I do get past the beginner’s hurdle, and am offered the more lucrative HITs, it’ll be worth the time I put in. Like I said, it’s an experiment and I’m willing to see how it plays out, picking and choosing the higher payouts from this point forward.
- I still hate that daycare doesn’t make it easier to automatically pay them. I still refuse to set up autopay at their site because I will NEVER authorize withdrawals of “any amount” from our checking account, are you kidding me?
- On the subject of being stuck in the Paper Ages, I don’t understand why our new FSA contractor refuses to do direct deposit. They mail a paper check and statement for every redemption. I wish the company had consulted us even a little before changing but it’s done now. What a waste!
- You would think that offending the stomach gods and being unable to eat for 5 days running would translate into savings, but that has not been true at all.
- Three notices from TradeKing this month: Dividends paid! Woot! My portfolio is still small enough that three dividend payouts only add up $100 but we’re heading in the right direction. Bearing in mind that my investing strategy is to buy and hold, I also intend to earn income from the dividends with the expectation that they will provide income before retirement age. My body hasn’t done what you’d call IMPROVE with age so we have to plan for the scenario in which I’m still alive but too disabled to work for income at an early enough age that it creates financial hardship. I refuse to be complacent and pretend that won’t happen in hopes of getting better – that’s not yet done me a lick of good and believe you me, I spent plenty of time in denial.
- We spent money and bought a car. That deserves a post of its own. Especially because it looks like more money is needed.
- We spent money and refinanced the mortgage. That also deserves a post of its own. Coming soon.
- I’ve been just as frustrated as you might imagine with all our free time being monopolized by the car, the mortgage, and the estate planning. So much so that I’m happy we spent money and resolved the issue. Mostly.
- Our net worth is down 0.1% this month. The aforementioned expected, not awesome, spending took us down a tiny peg.
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May 30, 2016
Hawaii is awesome.
But Hawaii is also very expensive. It’s a high COLA and it’s only somewhat cheaper to have fun there if you’re resident because you can take advantage of the kama’aina rates. Otherwise, it’s expensive to buy groceries, eat out, and get around.
Part of this was possible because – well, I was going to say “we lucked into basically free accommodations” but that’s not accurate – our accommodations didn’t cost anything out of pocket but it wasn’t precisely free. We offer home-cooked meals, the guest bedroom, and rides to and from the airport to a variety of friends and family. This costs money, time and effort on our part but we don’t begrudge the hospitality because we have learned to set boundaries and offer only what we can truly give.
On occasion, and without any hints or nudges from us because we don’t expect it, some friends will offer us the same, either in their home or wherever they’re traveling.
In this case, friends happened to be traveling to Hawaii, had a free room in their rental home, and offered it to us. We were responsible for all our other costs, but we were welcome to stay for free and that was most excellent.
When free isn’t exactly free
Now you know me – when someone says “I have a free room for you in Hawaii”, I’m gonna say, hold on, lemme see if I can afford that “free” room. It costs something to get there, to get around, and to survive there, ya know! But it’s Hawaii and it’s been years since our last real vacation where I wasn’t pretty much working the whole time so of course I was going to find a way to make it work.
And indeed I did.
Our travel cost breakdown
Lodgings, $0 (est cost for 1 week, non-fancy: $2100)
Airfare for 3*, $35 (cost if we paid cash: $1500)
Groceries and eating out, $230
Gas, $20
Rental car for 1 week, $130
Taxi, $50
Boarding, $450
Gifts and things, $150
total: $1065
How did that happen?
After a few hours of research, I settled on flying United, hoping to snag a pair of fancy First Class / Coach class combination flights. The extra stop and short leg in Coach class meant that it was a Mixed Class booking and therefore would cost fewer miles.
If that worked out, I theorized that we could manage not buying a seat for JuggerLB who, even several months ago, was already unbearably wiggly. I succeeded in piling up enough miles with a couple of credit card bonuses, but failed to finalize the booking because we weren’t allowed to combine all our miles into one account to book the two seats at the same time. Drat.
Never mind, thought, we still had enough miles then to book three coach class seats which gave us the wiggle room that was sorely needed with JuggerLB.
The car rental nearly torpedoed my hopes when I saw the rates trending around $300-400 for the week. Put together with the fee to board Seamus, I just couldn’t see spending $1000 before we even left the airport.
ENTER: credit card membership benefits! It turns out if you hold a specific kind of CitiCard, you get complimentary Hertz Gold membership status and also extra discounts. I hadn’t seriously considered Hertz because they tend to be the most expensive but after combining that with our AAA membership, I saved us 60% on our week-long rental. And we were back in business!
Actually, those were the four biggest expenses, in order: accommodations, airfare, dog boarding, and car rental.
We simultaneously economized and didn’t.
On food. We treated our friends to a few meals out, at varying levels of expensive, and they bought enough groceries to provide us breakfasts and light lunches. We supplemented with deli lunches and other small desired delicacies.
We loaded up on mainland treats for our friends’s kids and some of our own foods for the week so that we wouldn’t have to pay $9 for a box of cereal or $7 for a jar of peanut butter.
On boarding. We could have gone with a cheaper sitter but we know and trust this one, and I’m still traumatized from losing Doggle in the hands of an irresponsible sitter. Seamus was in good and caring hands with this person and that’s the only way you’re going to get me to leave him behind.
On tourist stuff and having fun. Having a kid that still has to nap twice a day seriously limits your options when most attractions take half a day or more because of traffic or distance. We used to skip one of the two naps on occasion for special occasions but JuggerLB has hit a phase where skipping a nap means being too tired means ze will bite, usually me, and it HURTS.
I would have loved to swim with dolphins but, in the end, couldn’t bring myself to pay nearly $300 for less than an hour of fun.
Making a virtue of my cheapness and JuggerLB’s required rest periods, we enjoyed the sun and the water that was practically at our doorstep, free movies, and the free ice cream social. Also the free parking. I hate paying for parking so much that I celebrate a little extra when we travel and don’t have to pay an astronomical amount to leave my car in a safe space for a while. Oh, and each other. We had a lot of fun just hanging out together, chasing JuggerLB, and relaxing. I haven’t gone 24 hours without thinking about working, working, or thinking about work problems in I don’t even know how long.
I’d also forgotten how much the aloha spirit and relaxed island attitude toward time melts away my stress. There’s something magical about island time: it seems to pass three times more slowly. It was totally worth all the work and trouble to make it happen. Though technically I guess you’d say we paid $1000 for three of us to go and one of us NOT to go to Hawaii.
:: Have you visited Hawaii? Is it your kind of vacation? If not, what is?
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May 27, 2016
Mood: resigned
- We had a lovely dinner earlier this week, our treat, with an old friend who is passing through SF. They are so seldom in CA we were lucky they could fit us in their hectic stay but it was so good to see them all. Unfortunately the only place that could accommodate our party wasn’t particularly reasonably priced. On the other hand, at those prices, service was quite good and the location was perfect for everyone to relax for an hour or so.
- I didn’t get to fully enjoy the visit because I’m still in thrall to the evil that lurks in my respiratory system. It keeps getting worse and by this point, I’m not entirely sure how I’m still sitting up in defiance of the laws of physics and good sense.
- My doctors have a plan of diagnosis but so far we’re striking out. There must be an answer to what’s plaguing me, they think they’ll find it, but a somewhat skeptical side of me wonders if it’ll just come up as something else that’s not curable. Because that’s what we were really missing at this party!
- Poor Seamus is also on the medical merry-go-round. I’m treating a few more problem spots and his vet and I have an agreement about how we’ll take things since his problems are chronic too. We’re calling them allergies for lack of a better diagnosis but in general the poor guy is just made miserable by whatever’s going on with him.
- I’m awful tired.
:: Has cold & flu season gotten any of you? How are you keeping well? Do you have Memorial Day plans?
May 25, 2016
I caught this question on Twitter and loved it. Without saying those three words, how do you tell your loved ones that they’re loved?
Bonus points if it’s free! Well, ok, most of mine are free in the sense they don’t cost money but they cost time and often expertise.
How I tell PiC I love him
- I finished our tax return.
- The baby’s down for a nap, hit the gym if you want to.
- [midday text] Dinner will be on the table in 30 minutes.
- Save room for dessert!
- You have fresh bath towels and clean underwear in the drawer.
- Booked our tickets for Hawaii/vacation for $35 out of pocket!
- Seamus and I already went on long walks.
- We’ll go out AFTER you take a nap.
- Merry Christmas, we own more stock.
- I bought us an investment property.
How PiC tells me he loves me
- I’ll walk the dog, just relax. Also, here’s your tea and a couple of biscuits.
- I’m going to the gym, back in 1.5 hours.
- Thanks for raising the kid today.
- I’ve got the baby, go back to sleep.
- LB and I went to Costco.
- Did you want to do some writing? We can go for a walk.
- There’s a cookie for you in that box.
- Want to go to NY and see Hamilton?
- Menu planning is not just your job. I can plan too.
- All the dumplings / sashimi is for you.
How I tell friends I love them
- Check your mailbox.
- Check your inbox, I edited that thing for you.
- Tell me when you’re in town, I’ll take time off.
- I’ll be over in fifteen minutes to change your bandages.
- No gluten? No sugar, dairy, meat? No problem.
- You can have the last brownie.
- Angry Cat’s ears are clean now. So are Grouchy Dog’s.
- I still have to work but I’ll come over and work so we can talk.
- I’m lending you this awesome comic book.
- Go do your thing, I’ll watch the kids / walk the dog.
:: What are your ways to tell people you love them? Are you a splash-out indulgent sort or is that only for special occasions?
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