About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
When we talk of heroes, I imagine people doing big, important things, of the lifesaving variety.
I grew up on dramatic heroics, capes and cowls, and icons like Amelia Earhart,Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman. People who stand up to the whole world, sometimes against unspeakable odds, and changed the world long after they were told to sit down and be quiet.
This video brought unabashed tears to my eyes and got me thinking. It’s not often that we get to see the results of our good deeds for others, if at all, but it’s the rare person who hasn’t benefited from the help of others who never expected thanks in return.
These are a few people who made a bigger difference in my life than they knew.
Bus driver #1
Randy was driving the last route of the night and, as usual, I had lost track of time. Running out into the deserted street, in the dark, in a bad neighborhood, I leapt onto the bus’s steps, making him jump. I made it!
But I hadn’t. He’d just returned from the last drop-off. When he understood why my face fell, he swung into rescue mode and stomped the gas pedal all the way to the nearest train stop. I thanked him profusely as I ran for the train. I never got to thank him in person after that – he stopped driving that route soon after.
Bus Driver #2
The second driver, Johnny, was driving my regular route during a particularly bad time in my life. Everything was falling apart. Mom’s illness had suddenly progressed, leaving a Bizarro Mom in our house, and my bosses had gone ’round the bend. Things were bad bad bad but I still needed that job. Every morning, I tried to breathe deeply to make it through another day, and held back a surge of stress-induced nausea. Johnny would drop us off, booming: Have a good day and don’t let anybody steal your joy!
It always made me smile. It was often my only smile of those working days, and I was grateful.
Mentor, Codename Sabrina
I’d worked several years years of retail by the time I started on my first industry-job but I was still a young pup in the white collar professional world.
My introduction to office life was tumultuous. It was rife with poor management and terrible people, and directly led to my discovery of Alison at Ask A Manager (Googling “is [terrible boss thing] normal?”).
There was one person I met in the course of that work who made it survivable. She was an institution at her job, working with us from her coordinating office, and she taught me so much I needed to know to succeed at my job and more. Without her almost daily feedback and steering, and diplomacy when our managers were being even more unreasonable than usual, I’m not sure if I would have overcome the many and barbed hurdles thrown up by my direct colleagues and managers.
With it, I went on to be a high performer both in that office and well into the rest of my career.
We kept in touch over the years, and I’ve always been grateful for her friendship, wisdom, and warmth.
:: To whom do you owe thanks? Why? What little things made a difference in your life? Tell me your stories?
MTurk experiment, total earned: $44.05. Up $31.40 from May’s ending total of $12.65. As money making experiments go, this continues to be teensy tiny beans. I use it in the few minutes a day I designate for my (non-existent otherwise) water cooler breaks so no harm done. Gives my brain a breather from the problems I’m working on and makes, literally, a few bucks.
Last month’s big news: We spent money and 6 long months to finally refinance the mortgage. Ahoy, the prepayment scheme! I’m really excited about that. That, and cutting our mortgage in half so that the second half of our mortgage payment all goes to principal. DELICIOUS. We’re under $250K now, and I’m eagerly targeting when we’ll be under $200K.
Last month’s other big news: We finally bought a new to us car. After maintenance and accessories (which sounds so fancy but really isn’t), we are out a couple thousand dollars. For that price, we can FINALLY get around without plotting logistics on a chart.
I keep forgetting that our crockpot broke a couple months ago after rendering unto us, in its last faithful service, producing fantastic ribs for our dinner guests. I know it’s “only” $30-40 to replace it but given our pile of other necessary expenses that add up very quickly, and *points up* that list of spending these past two months, I’m extra not ready to spend a penny more. The crockpot recipes must continue to pile up for now. Even that mac and cheese one. *sniff*
I continue to be not surprised, but surprisingly irritated, by the fact that Dad is behind on his utility payments. He insisted that he could take them on three years ago (four? I can’t remember now) but I didn’t totally trust him so I kept online access to the accounts. Sure enough, when I logged in to the water and electricity bills, they were glaringly overdue. Think he said anything to me? Gave me any warning that he was struggling with them? History repeats itself. So we’re sinking an unbudgeted $100-300 in utility bills every few months because he simply can’t do me the courtesy of talking through the income shortage with me.
Highlights of my #1GoodMoneyThing this month: I bought stocks instead of stuff which are dropping like rocks thanks to Brexit but I’m buying long; deposited reimbursement checks for various reimbursable things; returned two baby carriers to Amazon because PiC found a decent one for $50 on Craigslist!
We’ve been holding a lot of cash because I have a problem. An addiction, almost, to keeping cash on hand. Left over insecurity from that long layoff? Maybe. But it was time to get off my bum and move cash into our investments. I don’t want our eggs too heavily in any one basket. Overall, most of our savings go into pre and post-tax investment accounts, and real estate, there to grow and multiply, we hope.
Building up a portfolio that throws off anything like real income in annual dividend income is challenging. We need a lot more capital invested.
To add to that challenge, as I shared at the Jolly Ledger recently, I have some rules.
I’m a long position investor, otherwise known as buy and hold.
It cannot be built on blood money. Companies need to conduct their businesses in a way that would make me want to work for them. Disclaimer: I aim to invest in ethical companies as far as is practicable – I’m not an expert and don’t have an army of researchers at my fingertips to confirm that all my choices are good but I’m doing my best.
I won’t invest in tobacco or gun companies. Even though I do not disapprove of gun ownership in principle, the way this country is unduly influenced by the NRA and gun lobby isn’t acceptable. There’s a difference between short term mistakes and long term wrongdoing or simply being harmful and the gun lobby has long ago crossed over to the dark side.
Spirits Abroad, by Zen Cho
I can’t say enough how much I loved this book. It was gifted to me and I’m so grateful I have friends who will insist that I MUST read this or that book because the few from whom I will accept that badgering are always right.
The Darwin Elevator by Jason M. Hough
A freebie from ECCC, this was a mildly entertaining read but I couldn’t help but be distracted by the protagonist’s “attraction” to the standardly beautiful female scientist character that rang false. It was, of course, his motivation for action and felt pretty stupid. As written, I would have been a lot more inclined to believe his motivation if the physical attraction was never mentioned / didn’t exist. I suppose you could say I object to distracting romance but it’s more that I find so much written romance to be unbelievable. (*thinks* maybe I find standard human romance unbelievable too…)
Which leads me to a friend’s book. As a rule, if I am friends first with an author, I often hesitate to read their writing. It’s oddly uncomfortable for me because I’m an alien to know an author as a person and read their works. What if I don’t like it? I’ve evolved beyond grade school is so many ways but not in this: I want to like and respect my friends but I cannot do that if they display a lack of integrity or write poorly. I was, therefore, both relieved and impressed that Erica Monroe’s A Dangerous Invitation was both well written and engaging. Her heroine was both spirited and believable and the research into the language and society of the times blended so well it was a joy to read. Yay I get to keep admiring my friend. (more…)
This is an entry in the #FinHealthMatters contest sponsored by Center for Financial Services Innovation and FinCon. This is my first year attending and the prize would help tremendously. One of the winners will be selected by top engagement on Twitter and Instagram using #FinHealthMatters. I’d appreciate your support by sharing this post with the hashtag on Twitter!
My parents did their best. Graduating from high school, daughter of immigrants, I headed to college armed with a $1000 scholarship, a minimum wage job, and the knowledge that it was my turn to study hard and make good on their sacrifice.
Ignoring for a minute that I’d been experiencing increasingly debilitating bouts of idiopathic pain, I couldn’t hide the thrill of embarking on Ye Grande Adventure of Adulthood.
“Weeping may endure for a night…”
It happened fast. Mom was diagnosed with diabetes. There were complications, she needed surgery. I stepped in with my meager paycheck temporarily, I thought, until she was better. Post-surgical anxiety and depression set in, the diabetes was complicated by a stroke, the stroke left her unable to work, and her inability to work sent her into a tailspin from which she never recovered.
Managing the household in her stead, an endeavor chronicled here for moral support and posterity, was more downs than ups, more tears than laughter.
To my horror, I discovered that Mom and Dad had been using credit cards to fill in gaps for years, paying only the minimum payment, to the tune of $100,000. It didn’t make sense! They worked 365 days a year. We never ate out, never vacationed, rarely shopped. Where did it go?
Answer: They’d been helping our extended family for decades.
I couldn’t leave. No one could pick up the pieces. Their family was unwilling to return the help, Dad was out of work and Mom wasn’t well. I felt obligated to fix the mess while hiding our shame from more affluent friends. (Y’all, everyone was more affluent than we were.)
The next decade blurred into a haze.
I ran the overtime meter, paying the bills, cutting swaths off the Family Debt, started my first IRA, started saving, and brought home my college diploma without any debt attached. Success, purchased at a steep price.
While I was focused on my family, my life path had changed, irrevocably. The stress of trying to settle my family on firm ground exacerbated my long-elusive diagnosis (fibromyalgia) so the career I’d dreamed of was impossible. And now, Mom, my inspiration and strength, was gone.
Any hope of rescuing my good health was sacrificed on the altar of filial piety. Now my job was to create my own financial safety net before my body gave out. It was time to make my own way in life, career and especially money.
I learned to plan: for tomorrow, for forty years from now. I needed to pay this month’s bills and know we could pay next year’s. I needed to know we would retire someday. Saving and investing were top priorities, equal to paying off that crushing debt, and I never regretted it for a minute.
Financial health means we work for our future, instead of scrambling to escape the morass of our past.
It means PiC and I were home together with our JuggerBaby when ze was born.
It means that we can afford reliable (expensive) childcare.
It means that when, not if, my health declines further, we don’t have to choose between medical care or food.
It means we can support those in need, lend a hand, and celebrate friends and family.
It means that we can grow old, keep a roof over our heads, and try to leave the world a better place than we found it.
:: What was your moment of joy, when it all turned around for you, financially? How are you financially fit? What drives you to do better?
Like a scab, I keep picking at it reminding myself how much money we just spent to see if I’m over it yet. (Nope.)
My 3.5 year old phone was slowly spiraling down the drain, losing capabilities as the months ticked by, and I stubbornly refused to replace it thinking that I’d miraculously figure out how to revive it. Part of this was money stubbornness. I didn’t WANT to spend the money, period. Part of it was the fact that my research on replacement phones has yielded nothing but frustration.
My priorities in no particular order: cost, lots of memory, great camera, can consistently make calls and send texts, the right size.
That last one was shockingly hard to manage. This trend of ever-larger phones is tough on my small and rickety hands. I didn’t want a tinyphone, my eyes aren’t 21 anymore, but it also couldn’t be enormous.
I’ve loved my experience with Android phones. It’s been six mostly happy years on Android, and six years post-iPhone, so I really didn’t want to change back to the iPhone.
But all the Androids suffer from giantitis, alas. The shockingly few that don’t were well out of my desirable price range. They also felt like a more risky purchase because I had never used those brands before, and the smaller handsets were brand new designs. I had what felt like premonitory (but probably weren’t) flashes of paying for a lemon that couldn’t be replaced.
Apple, however, had just released an iPhone that was 4 inches with plenty of memory. For $500. Oh lordy, I couldn’t face the thought.
I kept browsing, putting off the replacement, and the inevitable.
Well, I was asking for it. Sure enough, the plan to buy well before my old phone died to give myself some options became the “oh crap, buy a replacement phone tomorrow!” quest.
In one of those Monty Pythonesque moments, JuggerBaby grabbed my hand at the park, dragging me to the exit with all haste. Between saving hir face from abruptly meeting the cement, and catching myself from being swung into the brick wall while saving hir face, my phone popped out of my pocket. It fell screen first, of course, like a piece of buttered toast always seems to land butter side down. A terrible victim of gravity and circumstance, it landed on a most-unfortunately placed rock at the park. At first I thought it was only chipped, but the damage was done. Within days, the screen responsiveness was nil and I was at my computer placing an order for in-store pickup.
Going to the dark (Apple) side
You wouldn’t think that after ponying up nearly $550 for the phone itself that I would balk at another $30 for shipping, or an additional $20 for a SIM card but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.
I could have ordered from T-Mobile if I wanted to pay in installments rather than taking the hit all at once. It was tempting but why pay an extra $50 for the privilege of paying over time? If I had a place to stash that cash where it would generate some serious returns, sure, but I don’t and I didn’t want to think about this for 36 months.
Instead, we planned a family outing into the city and took JuggerBaby on hir first subway ride into San Francisco and Union Square.
iPhone, with tax: $542.66
Otterbox case: $10
City adventure, BART: $15
We toured the brand new Apple store, (only 2 weeks old!) and enjoyed a snack-lunch on the lovely outdoor porch attached to the store. Inside, they were prepping for some presentation with a floor to ceiling screen and before heading back to the BART, we lounged in the lounging-type room on the clearly kid friendly furniture.
We watched as a small pack of kids, JuggerBaby included, constructed a tunnel of chair blocks to crawl through. One odd and creepy little girl, dirt smeared all over her face, ignored by her dad, took it in her head to try bullying JuggerBaby. She kept bringing chips over and leaning in close to JuggerBaby’s face to say “MMMM!!!” while holding the chips out of JuggerBaby’s reach. I’m not sure what that was meant to accomplish, JuggerBaby was confused about why this kid was being such a jerk because ze is used to kids who share and aren’t jerks.
Perhaps ze is a little spoiled by the people in hir world right now. In daycare, ze loves sharing hir food and snacks with everyone, and generally assumes that others are similarly inclined.
The weekend before, ze smiled to a little girl, maybe 5 or 6 years old, hanging out by the deli with a bag of chips, and waved at hir chips. We chided hir, “those are her chips, come on, let’s go.” But the girl quickly hopped off the wall and came over to give JuggerBaby a chip. It was awfully cute, but also a pleasant surprise.
Anyway, the phone. It was successfully retrieved and even came with equipped with a SIM card that was prepared for T-Mobile for no extra charge.
So, what do I think?
I deeply appreciate a phone that works. Being able to make and receive calls when needed, send and receive texts, check my work email from the road, being able to navigate the phone’s touchscreen relatively reliably? AMAZING.
After a couple weeks of it, I can say that I’m not in love but I am definitely not unhappy that I bought it.
The camera quality is great. Especially compared to the not-quality of my last phone. Both photographer and subject had to stay perfectly still if there was a hope of the photo to maybe come out clearly. Clearly that was ideal for my fast-moving child and dog.
I detest the inability to attach photos from anything but iCloud. We primarily use Google photos to share photos but iOS and Gmail are simply not compatible in the way they were on an Android. I hate having to find workarounds to attach a file from my phone.
Some apps are clunkier for iOS. This was a surprise.
I miss being able to toggle between apps on screen without exiting them officially by hitting the Home button which I have to do on iOS. (If I’m wrong, please tell me what I should be doing instead!)
The native Health app is both creepy and helpful: it automatically tracks my steps so now I’m obsessively checking my metrics. Before I couldn’t be sure how low my activity was on high pain days, now I have metrics. It may not be good for a mind that has a tendency to obsess over data, but it is satisfying to set a goal of hitting at least a mile every day and see how activity correlates positively with more manageable days. I wouldn’t say low pain, those are rare, but when the pain is not in my spine or more than two limbs, it’s possible to push myself to hit that minimum activity level. (Yes, I know a mile is nothing for a normal human but I have to start somewhere when most days it feels like I’m wrestling a sack of decrepit bones and overtaxed sinew out the door.)
I may never be an Apple cultist, never have been, but I am a great fan of having functioning electronics. Cross your fingers that I didn’t just jinx myself again.
:: Do you have brand loyalty when it comes to your phones? Have you had a great experience with either Apple or Android? Should I spring for AppleCare or is that a waste of money?
Depending on how it goes, you might wish it had, but it won’t.
Spoiler Alert: We survived flying with an active, task oriented, curious, very mobile toddler!
We took two trips this year that required flying, changing time zones for one. The flights ranged from pretty good to Are we there, yet??
We flew Alaska Air for the first time in a decade, and discovered they were both pretty infant-friendly, and had a nifty 20-minute baggage guarantee that meant we waited zero time at baggage claim. I LOVED that. There were no other children on our Alaska Air flights but the flight attendants were actively engaged with us as parents, and offered us coloring books and crayons. They also encouraged us to belt JuggerLB in when appropriate, reassuring us that safety was more important than avoiding crying. All of that was really helpful in calming my slight case of nerves since it was our first flight and I didn’t know how ze would react to all of it. This flight was only about three hours so it was a useful data point in seeing how an airline might handle parents flying with children, and how JuggerLB handled travel.
We then crossed time zones with United, which had no baggage delivery guarantee, but was pretty quick. On the flip side, they misplaced our stroller for a while, and that gave us a bit of a scare. They weren’t actively unfriendly towards kids, but they definitely didn’t have anything for them either. While we were prepared to entertain JuggerLB, every little bit helps.
Booking midday and midweek flights
At this stage of life, I’m finally all about the Tuesday / Wednesday / Thursday flights.
We flew with JuggerLB as a lap infant but since the midday and midweek flight was only partly full, the flight attendants shuffled seat assignments to make sure we had a seat for hir anyway. As long as we didn’t get the absolute back row, we didn’t care where they put us. On Alaska, at least, it seemed to be such a routine thing they didn’t even mention it to us. The drawback of booking a midday flight is that it cuts into both morning and afternoon naps, and for a shorter flight, JuggerLB isn’t about to sleep and miss a minute of travel fun.
Getting to our destination with plenty of daylight, whether in a new city or getting back home, was a new and delightful change. We typically get in late at night when we travel and I much prefer the midday arrival. We had time to settle in and have a leisurely dinner without cutting into a full night’s rest.
Things I found especially useful
For quiet play, I left all the chiming or electronic toys at home. Instead, we packed board books, plastic rings, colorful window clings. Your mileage may vary from airline to airline but on one flight, we were offered a small box of crayons and coloring book which we happily accepted, and everyone was given snacks and drinks in plastic cups which came in very handy for more toddler distraction.
We packed multipurpose washcloths for cleaning up spills, to hold taut and form a pretend tray for LB to stack toys on, and save my clothes from sticky accidents. Drool bibs were a must because a teething toddler is drippy drooly, empty water bottles doubled as toys, and hir velcro tabbed shoes were entertainment for a solid ten minutes at a time.
We had our own snack bag: crackers, pretzels and cheese, raisins and pre-cut fruit all staved off the hunger between milk sessions. Ze was being weaned off bottles for our first set of flights but travel was not the time to be fussing about cups with those uncoordinated hands. SFO TSA was remarkably efficient, by the by, they simply sent us through with hir, and scanned all hir liquids, the stroller, and the car seat, and even helped me carry the car seat over to our pile of stuff after the security check. Pleasant and helpful – never knew they could be so good!
Plastic baggies were huge time-savers. I stored clean clothes, extra empty bottles, diapers and wipes, and medicine in them. When things spilled, as they do, the wet stuff went into the plastic bag and we moved right along.
First flight recap
LB was bouncy-excited about a plane full of hostages to hir. They were all in one place and couldn’t escape!
We were lucky, the flight attendants were already rearranging the passengers for weight distribution so they graciously made sure that we had an extra seat for LB. Wonderful surprise! We did lots of in-seat play, focusing on keeping hir attention on us and our games, taking advantage of that third seat to move more freely and keep toys on the seats. Ze zeroed in on rearranging the seat back reading material for at least 20-40 minutes, so we were scrupulously careful about not letting hir actually touch the seat back. The people in front of us weren’t crankypants and giving us the evil eye to begin with, like some child-haters do, and we weren’t about to give anyone cause for it.
When the wiggly was uncontainable, the two of them did lots of walking up and down the aisle, waving and smiling. Ze made a friend of most people with hir smiles, and more probably with hir generally quiet play. I think ze hollered in excitement about three times and cried once. But ze completely missed takeoff and landing, impervious to the pressure changes, and may that forever be the case.
Second flight recap
We did all in-seat play, due to unexpected turbulence, but we had a few unlooked for perks. The plane wasn’t full, again, so the attendants rearranged seating to give hir a seat which the person in our row was offering to do (random nice people!) when he thought we’d been separated, AND the middle seat in front of us was empty. That meant we could let hir play with the seat back materials and also use the tray. We don’t let hir use or touch the trays if people are in the seat. Ze likes to bang things on the tray, or bang it up and down, and that’s just rude.
We thought we needed the iPad but we never even got to most of hir regular toys because ze was having so much fun pulling out the safety cards and rearranging them. I’d brought some cool window clings that ze didn’t quite know what to do with so we spent half an hour with me placing them on the window and hir removing them. Those things probably won’t be able to cling to anything ever again.
Third flight recap
I felt like a terrible parent when we realized that ze was having teething pain after we took off. Ze has never noticed take off or landing, I should mention, so far ze has had good luck with the change in pressure. May that always be the case! Since ze hadn’t been drooling or teething for a few days, I’d packed up all hir medications and checked the bag. ERROR. I won’t be making that mistake again! An hour into the flight, ze was huddled, miserable and feverish, and in need of Motrin.
We lucked out in sitting near a lovely family with an infant of their own, and who hadn’t foolishly checked in their medications so they gave us their travel bottle. I offered to pay or replace it but they waved me off. It’s amazing how nice some people can be.
We had some trouble getting hir to take all the meds but the side effect of hir discomfort was that ze took two catnaps on the long flight. That’s totally abnormal and was clearly because ze wasn’t feeling well but it got us through the flight somewhat less exhausted than if we’d had to entertain hir for the full 5 hours.
Fourth flight recap
No such mercy on this flight, though. Not that I’m wishing JuggerBaby was sick, even if ze is easier when sick. I just hoped that ze would have found it old hat enough at this point to relax and nap. Instead, ze played hard and grouched harder. There was some crying on this flight, and that sucked. We took it in turns to play, feed, and distract hir, wishing heartily for time to pass faster.
Obviously we made it back safely and each in our respective pieces but you couldn’t have sighed a bigger sigh of relief than we did once ze was fed, clean, and put to bed. HOME SWEET HOME.
:: Do you find flying stressful? What makes it easier?
ON MONEY
Philosophically speaking
What I read
This is an entry in the #FinHealthMatters contest sponsored by Center for Financial Services Innovation and FinCon. This is my first year attending and the prize would help tremendously. One of the winners will be selected by top engagement on Twitter and Instagram using #FinHealthMatters. I’d appreciate your support by sharing this post with the hashtag on Twitter!
Like a scab, I keep picking at it reminding myself how much money we just spent to see if I’m over it yet. (Nope.)
Depending on how it goes, you might wish it had, but it won’t.