About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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May 30, 2016
Hawaii is awesome.
But Hawaii is also very expensive. It’s a high COLA and it’s only somewhat cheaper to have fun there if you’re resident because you can take advantage of the kama’aina rates. Otherwise, it’s expensive to buy groceries, eat out, and get around.
Part of this was possible because – well, I was going to say “we lucked into basically free accommodations” but that’s not accurate – our accommodations didn’t cost anything out of pocket but it wasn’t precisely free. We offer home-cooked meals, the guest bedroom, and rides to and from the airport to a variety of friends and family. This costs money, time and effort on our part but we don’t begrudge the hospitality because we have learned to set boundaries and offer only what we can truly give.
On occasion, and without any hints or nudges from us because we don’t expect it, some friends will offer us the same, either in their home or wherever they’re traveling.
In this case, friends happened to be traveling to Hawaii, had a free room in their rental home, and offered it to us. We were responsible for all our other costs, but we were welcome to stay for free and that was most excellent.
When free isn’t exactly free
Now you know me – when someone says “I have a free room for you in Hawaii”, I’m gonna say, hold on, lemme see if I can afford that “free” room. It costs something to get there, to get around, and to survive there, ya know! But it’s Hawaii and it’s been years since our last real vacation where I wasn’t pretty much working the whole time so of course I was going to find a way to make it work.
And indeed I did.
Our travel cost breakdown
Lodgings, $0 (est cost for 1 week, non-fancy: $2100)
Airfare for 3*, $35 (cost if we paid cash: $1500)
Groceries and eating out, $230
Gas, $20
Rental car for 1 week, $130
Taxi, $50
Boarding, $450
Gifts and things, $150
total: $1065
How did that happen?
After a few hours of research, I settled on flying United, hoping to snag a pair of fancy First Class / Coach class combination flights. The extra stop and short leg in Coach class meant that it was a Mixed Class booking and therefore would cost fewer miles.
If that worked out, I theorized that we could manage not buying a seat for JuggerLB who, even several months ago, was already unbearably wiggly. I succeeded in piling up enough miles with a couple of credit card bonuses, but failed to finalize the booking because we weren’t allowed to combine all our miles into one account to book the two seats at the same time. Drat.
Never mind, thought, we still had enough miles then to book three coach class seats which gave us the wiggle room that was sorely needed with JuggerLB.
The car rental nearly torpedoed my hopes when I saw the rates trending around $300-400 for the week. Put together with the fee to board Seamus, I just couldn’t see spending $1000 before we even left the airport.
ENTER: credit card membership benefits! It turns out if you hold a specific kind of CitiCard, you get complimentary Hertz Gold membership status and also extra discounts. I hadn’t seriously considered Hertz because they tend to be the most expensive but after combining that with our AAA membership, I saved us 60% on our week-long rental. And we were back in business!
Actually, those were the four biggest expenses, in order: accommodations, airfare, dog boarding, and car rental.
We simultaneously economized and didn’t.
On food. We treated our friends to a few meals out, at varying levels of expensive, and they bought enough groceries to provide us breakfasts and light lunches. We supplemented with deli lunches and other small desired delicacies.
We loaded up on mainland treats for our friends’s kids and some of our own foods for the week so that we wouldn’t have to pay $9 for a box of cereal or $7 for a jar of peanut butter.
On boarding. We could have gone with a cheaper sitter but we know and trust this one, and I’m still traumatized from losing Doggle in the hands of an irresponsible sitter. Seamus was in good and caring hands with this person and that’s the only way you’re going to get me to leave him behind.
On tourist stuff and having fun. Having a kid that still has to nap twice a day seriously limits your options when most attractions take half a day or more because of traffic or distance. We used to skip one of the two naps on occasion for special occasions but JuggerLB has hit a phase where skipping a nap means being too tired means ze will bite, usually me, and it HURTS.
I would have loved to swim with dolphins but, in the end, couldn’t bring myself to pay nearly $300 for less than an hour of fun.
Making a virtue of my cheapness and JuggerLB’s required rest periods, we enjoyed the sun and the water that was practically at our doorstep, free movies, and the free ice cream social. Also the free parking. I hate paying for parking so much that I celebrate a little extra when we travel and don’t have to pay an astronomical amount to leave my car in a safe space for a while. Oh, and each other. We had a lot of fun just hanging out together, chasing JuggerLB, and relaxing. I haven’t gone 24 hours without thinking about working, working, or thinking about work problems in I don’t even know how long.
I’d also forgotten how much the aloha spirit and relaxed island attitude toward time melts away my stress. There’s something magical about island time: it seems to pass three times more slowly. It was totally worth all the work and trouble to make it happen. Though technically I guess you’d say we paid $1000 for three of us to go and one of us NOT to go to Hawaii.
:: Have you visited Hawaii? Is it your kind of vacation? If not, what is?
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May 27, 2016

Mood: resigned
- We had a lovely dinner earlier this week, our treat, with an old friend who is passing through SF. They are so seldom in CA we were lucky they could fit us in their hectic stay but it was so good to see them all. Unfortunately the only place that could accommodate our party wasn’t particularly reasonably priced. On the other hand, at those prices, service was quite good and the location was perfect for everyone to relax for an hour or so.
- I didn’t get to fully enjoy the visit because I’m still in thrall to the evil that lurks in my respiratory system. It keeps getting worse and by this point, I’m not entirely sure how I’m still sitting up in defiance of the laws of physics and good sense.
- My doctors have a plan of diagnosis but so far we’re striking out. There must be an answer to what’s plaguing me, they think they’ll find it, but a somewhat skeptical side of me wonders if it’ll just come up as something else that’s not curable. Because that’s what we were really missing at this party!
- Poor Seamus is also on the medical merry-go-round. I’m treating a few more problem spots and his vet and I have an agreement about how we’ll take things since his problems are chronic too. We’re calling them allergies for lack of a better diagnosis but in general the poor guy is just made miserable by whatever’s going on with him.
- I’m awful tired.
:: Has cold & flu season gotten any of you? How are you keeping well? Do you have Memorial Day plans?
May 25, 2016
I caught this question on Twitter and loved it. Without saying those three words, how do you tell your loved ones that they’re loved?
Bonus points if it’s free! Well, ok, most of mine are free in the sense they don’t cost money but they cost time and often expertise.
How I tell PiC I love him
- I finished our tax return.
- The baby’s down for a nap, hit the gym if you want to.
- [midday text] Dinner will be on the table in 30 minutes.
- Save room for dessert!
- You have fresh bath towels and clean underwear in the drawer.
- Booked our tickets for Hawaii/vacation for $35 out of pocket!
- Seamus and I already went on long walks.
- We’ll go out AFTER you take a nap.
- Merry Christmas, we own more stock.
- I bought us an investment property.
How PiC tells me he loves me
- I’ll walk the dog, just relax. Also, here’s your tea and a couple of biscuits.
- I’m going to the gym, back in 1.5 hours.
- Thanks for raising the kid today.
- I’ve got the baby, go back to sleep.
- LB and I went to Costco.
- Did you want to do some writing? We can go for a walk.
- There’s a cookie for you in that box.
- Want to go to NY and see Hamilton?
- Menu planning is not just your job. I can plan too.
- All the dumplings / sashimi is for you.
How I tell friends I love them
- Check your mailbox.
- Check your inbox, I edited that thing for you.
- Tell me when you’re in town, I’ll take time off.
- I’ll be over in fifteen minutes to change your bandages.
- No gluten? No sugar, dairy, meat? No problem.
- You can have the last brownie.
- Angry Cat’s ears are clean now. So are Grouchy Dog’s.
- I still have to work but I’ll come over and work so we can talk.
- I’m lending you this awesome comic book.
- Go do your thing, I’ll watch the kids / walk the dog.
:: What are your ways to tell people you love them? Are you a splash-out indulgent sort or is that only for special occasions?
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May 23, 2016

Sarah Jeong’s experience with someone getting hold of her account and routing numbers confirms that I’m not paranoid about bank accounts. I’m exactly worried enough.
We have to give out our routing and account numbers to receive payments but, as her experience shows us, money can be withdrawn that way, too, without any authentication or verification required.
Fifteen years ago, before there was actual proof or anecdotes that giving out my account information for deposits was a problem, Dad asked me for them both so he could deposit some cash for me. That in and of itself wasn’t an issue, but it did raise a question mark in my mind.
The bank assured me that my account and routing numbers could only be used by non-accountholders for deposits but they didn’t back up any of those assurances with facts. It was a very “trust me” moment. (Needless to say, I don’t.)
How I protect my money
That left me with an uneasiness that never went away. When I started simplifying all my bank accounts, after the wonderful days of 5% interest yore were a distant memory, I still opened 2 extra accounts.
We have a joint checking account where all our money gets funneled. I keep one month of expenses there. The cash that I need easy access to goes into a nearby savings account, the cash that doesn’t need to stay liquid, is immediately transferred to be invested or into the Super Secret Locked Up Bank Account.
We have a second checking account for the real estate investment property: income is auto deposited by the property manager and the expenses are automatically paid every month. There’s not much left at the end of each month, but there’s some. That overage is swept into a savings account too.
This way, if anyone gets the account and routing numbers of either checking account and manages to finagle a withdrawal, I’d be out a month of cash and Really Annoyed but at least the damage should end there.
:: Do you worry about bank security? How’s your banking set up?
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May 20, 2016
Mood: Inspired
- We put everything on our SPG card for the Starwood points that earns. And yet knowing this, I’m still surprised when I review our credit card charges mid-month and see a $1000 total, think “oh, only $1000.” ONLY? Well, yes. Food, utilities, baby supplies, household supplies, car maintenance, gas, medical stuff, dog food and medications, everything goes on that card. “Only” $1000 is pretty good. My reality is so weird now.
- Come to think of it, I don’t know why AmEx is so nice to me. They only make $95 per year from me and I net at least 3-5x that amount in hotel room reward redemptions annually.
- I notice that Amazon has changed their return process so that they have two options: refund to original payment method, or Amazon gift card. They don’t tell you what the original payment method was, and it defaults to Amazon gift card. I’m sure they were counting on this: I was in a hurry processing my last return and assumed it was paid for by a gift card to begin with so I zoomed right through that screen. Pay more attention than I did, especially if you’re returning big ticket items. You want that money back in your pocket!
- Blackout blinds! Does anyone have them? We’ve been thinking about them for a while and I’m not ready to commit yet. I’d love to know if you’ve had any experience with them or recommendations.
- PiC said to me this week, after some family time: I don’t want to leave (the family) and go to work. I would rather stay home and raise the JuggerLB, so I fully support any plans for early retirement. Music to my ears! Of course, I conduct our finances as though he was fully on board with quitting his job in ten years anyway, it’s just nice to have his enthusiasm about the prospect. And I like that after family time he wants more family time, not to just get away from us like some people.
- As usual, when the whole family came down with some sort of viral junk, JuggerBaby recovered in about 4 hours and the rest of us geezers were laid out flat. Baby germs are the worst!
:: How did you fare this week?
May 18, 2016
Rictussempra!
I leaned back against the side of hir crib as ze stealthily, unsteadily, inched away from me, leading with hands gripping bar by bar, heading for the opposite wall. No idea what ze was after. I couldn’t see from my position and I wasn’t trying. It was easier to peep through the bars and catch hir eye, then dramatically fail to hide behind this crib bar or that slat. Ze took the bait, reversing course, shaking with increasing ebullience after each of my faked gasps of horror.
A baby predator, more enthusiastic than skilled, catching the scent of weakness and running it to ground with cackles like fireworks, bright bursts of delight, a lopsided grin showcasing nearly five Tic Tac teeth. Dropping to all fours on final approach, ze menaced me like a tiny tiny bull, bobbing forward, backward, threatening to leap and smother me in drool and laughter.
Ze dissolved into uncontrollable chortles and I want it to last forever.
Who’s the boss?!
Ze clambers up, heedless of danger to life or limb, to plop into our laps or atop our legs with a book in hand, imperiously opening it to a page, and pushing it up to our faces with an insistent “‘ey!”
Read it to me!
When we’re both in the same room, ze insists that we share reading duties. I read one page, ze takes the book away and places it in PiC’s hand. He reads a page and a half, ze switches again.
I think ze learned this from Seamus. He used to insist on specific turn-taking when we played, too.
Temple of Doom
After an 11 hour daycare stint, I braced for impact. LB loves the place but an 11 hour day of playing and socializing with, in all likelihood, no more than a one hour nap had the potential to end in tears (hirs) and bruises (ours). This wise mama had dinner ready by the time they walked in the door, and what a grin it was on that child’s face when we said hello. It was hardly believable but not pushing our luck, we quickly started to feed the beast. Not quick enough. Within several bites, and ten minutes, the excitement of the day came crashing down, and ze flopped over sideways in hir chair, trying to navigate a spoonful of mashed potatoes into hir mouth, piteously crying. Considering hir aim when upright, that effort was doomed.
Ze sat up abruptly and alternately stretched out hir arms to me and yelling at PiC “Ma-ma! Pa-pa!” while he went for the bedtime bottle.
Once freed from the confines of the high chair, ze was all grins again, cackling for peek-a-boo and stood to dance in the bath when the joy was too much. Best moments of the night, I thought.
Dressed and damp, we three laid on the bed together, Seamus stretched alongside the bed to complete our set, and ze drank hir bottle. We normally put hir to bed solo, freeing the other parent to spend a few minutes cleaning up but it’d been a long day.
Hir drinking flagged, tiny fists curled around the bottle drooping lower and lower until I lent a supporting hand. The “enough!” push back never came. Ze drained the bottle but gripped it tighter. Tentatively, PiC produced a second bottle and we tried to extract the first but ze grabbed it back with both hands, insistently. We tried again. This time, the second bottle slid in place the split second after the first was released and success!
Then I realize we’re celebrating the tricking of a one year old so that does a little number on the self esteem. But only for a minute.
:: Do you triumph over children? Are you a mess when you’re tired or hungry?
May 16, 2016
I found a dime in the couch cushions, which never happens by the way, and not ten minutes later, PiC stole my thunder with his goof.
The man is practically perfect in every way but he does have the occasional humanizing flaw, and this particular one happens to be the kind that drives me right up, over, down the wall again.
He misplaces things.
It’s always something important: wallet, credit card, sunglasses. (And he likes his sunglasses so of course they’re nice ones.)
This time it was his iPhone – he had it when he went to run a last minute errand in the evening. He didn’t have it when we were clearing up for the night.
!!!
After we both tore the place apart looking for it, he realized the last time he remembered having it in his hand was at the store. And remembered setting it down and thinking DO NOT FORGET THIS. For my part, I knew he took the phone and could not for the life of me recall seeing it in his hand when he returned. I knew that didn’t mean he didn’t bring it back but, well, the chances are ever not in our favor in these things.
Don’t Panic! (oh, we panicked)
For us, the three most important things about our phones are the pictures we take on them (thousands!), access to personal data, and the cost of replacing the handset (hundreds!)
The first problem was covered, mostly. Both our phones are set up to back-up to a server. I hate that his phone only runs the back-up when it’s plugged in to charge. It makes a certain kind of battery life saving sense but it’s a crappy feature because if it went missing during the day before being plugged in to charge for the night, we’d lose a day of photos. Really cute family photos, as it happens.
The second problem had me in a silent tizzy. See, after a bit of research, the Internet confirmed my fears. If your phone is picked up or stolen by a scumbag, the best case scenario there is they wipe the phone and sell it. The NOT best scenario is that the scumbag is an enterprising individual and uses the power of existing hacks to hack the phone with the data intact. That means PiC’s emails and various apps would be as unto a Giant Buffet of personal information for the entrepreneurial jerkbutt.
I sent PiC on a mission to change all his passwords for his emails, at least, and then we’d figure out the rest of the apps and access thereof.
The third problem was bubbling away in the back of my mind, not least because I still haven’t replaced my handset yet: $$$$. Unprepared as I am to pay $400-600 for a new smartphone (even though, yes, I do a lot of work on it), I am less prepared to spend double that for two new phones. There was an almost unfair amount of grumpiness in my belly as I tried to digest this grotesque bill.
What we should have done before losing the iPhone
Now, if you’re smart or self aware, you can take steps to protect yourself before losing your iPhone that will help you out if the unhappy event occurs. I do most of our technology set-up but was chagrined to realize that this was something I’d neglected and he couldn’t remember if he had done it.
Know your security features and, as my Filipino mama would say, turn them things on! Go to your Settings, iCloud, and Find my iPhone. Also, turn on “Send last location” – if your phone is on the last drops of battery life, it’ll send its location at that time before it dies.
I’m being very specific to iPhone as we go forward because I have an Android and most of this doesn’t apply to users of my ilk.
After we lost the iPhone
We’d turned the place upside and shaken it. No phone. Searched the premises of where it was last seen, no phone. Checked with security to see if anyone had turned it in, no phone.
It was late, and only getting later, so as he considered whether it was worth leaving a note at the presumed location of the loss, I texted his phone with a contact number. I had a feeling that it wasn’t worth doing because as late as it was, no one was going to hunt down security to give them a found object, phone or not. They’d likely not see it til morning, and so we wouldn’t know til the next day whether a Good Samaritan would have handed it over or if it was really missing. But there were a few things that we COULD do.
Use the Find My iPhone feature! You don’t need the app to check on your phone’s whereabouts, you can check it on a desktop. When you use this Find my iPhone feature, it turns on Activation Lock so that your Apple ID and password would be required to open up the phone. If you can’t quickly track it down safely, turn on Lost Mode. This will remotely lock your phone with a four-digit code, displays a custom message with your phone number on your Lock screen, and keep track of the phone’s location. It also suspends the ability to make payments using Apple Pay, if you use it, until the phone is home safe. Unfortunately PiC hadn’t turned this on, or we might have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.
Make sure you have the ability to brick your phone: Remote Erase. If you’re sure it’s never coming back, my personal recommendation is to brick that sucker. Mind, you should only do this when you’ve given up hope of getting it back because this wipes your phone clean and you won’t be able to track it anymore if you were doing so before. You can, however, restore the device if you do find it again so that’s good news.
Make sure that you know how to remove access to your accounts. Gmail has a handy option to revoke access to your email account to specific devices. One click security protocol, I dig that. If you have other apps, like I have Twitter on my phone, you should be able to log onto those programs / accounts from a desktop and revoke access to the missing device.
Google also reports the last time there was activity on the phone so we knew, for what it was worth, that it had synced to Gmail two hours earlier.
Make sure that your cell phone isn’t the only backup identity verification. While changing his email, PiC’s only option for one of his email addresses, if he didn’t get a security code texted to his potentially compromised phone! was to wait 30 days for a new secondary email address. This is intended to prevent hackers from slicing through your security in a neat 30 minute period, I’m sure, but it was highly frustrating because we hadn’t considered it from the lost the phone angle.
Many programs let you have two options: a backup email address or a phone number. We will be setting up backups to each other’s phones instead of our own so that we’re not up a Crap Creek without a paddle again.
Duh.
The Almost Anticlimactic Conclusion
After the two hours of high drama, trying to find the phone and revoking access to it, our friend wandered into the living room.
“Rev? Did I take your phone?”
…
We’d had a family night and friends were staying over. Forgetting that her phone was still in her purse and mistaking PiC’s phone for her own, she’d pocketed it and gone to bed. We two were talking, distracted, and never saw it happen. It didn’t occur to us for a second that that might have happened. The phone was and had been safe the whole time!
We’re calling this a cheap lesson in the importance of Stop Leaving Your Stuff in Random Places!!! and in securing mobile devices. It’s kinda like the kid who runs away to teach his parents a lesson in appreciating him, only better/worse.
Also I confiscated all phones in the morning to check everyone’s settings to make sure they were properly set up. Now we all have a handy list of what to do if you ever lose your iPhone (for real).
:: Have you ever lost your phone? Do you routinely back up your phone? What’s the most valuable thing about or on your phone?
*Part of Financially Savvy Saturdays on brokeGIRLrich, Disease Called Debt and Frame to Freedom*