About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
I feel prolonged guilt over the most nonsensical things. I was participating in a volunteer project years ago when the depression set in. I felt so bad about not completing my part of it, even though it was totally voluntary and it didn’t significantly affect anything that I stopped, that just a month ago I had one of those dreams where the person I “let down” (during only one of the worst times of my life) asked me about why I stopped.
Meanwhile, it’s been nearly 15 years since I’ve spoken to my maternal grandparents and some aunts & uncles. Not an ounce of regret. Didn’t invite them to my wedding and ignored them at Mom’s funeral because they’d been utter dipwads from forever before, and then harassed me every single day after she died because they wanted to pay for her funeral so they could pretend they loved her.
I read blog comments from years ago and get verklempt that I don’t know what happened to them (M is for Money, 444 express, The Quest – if you’re still reading, I can’t find your new URL?)
How can I be of service to you? When I’m in a really bad mood, or crappy stuff has been going on, my only refuge is sending a nice card or gift to someone else having a hard time.
Babies are weird! So weird that sometimes I refer to them as “just like a human!”
A majority of minorities. I know nearly as many lefties as righties and more people who hail from US territories than I know people from any state but CA. Offline that is. Online, where would you say you’re from? Originally or now. And: lefty, righty, or ambi?
When stressed, clean the house or balance the books. Going over spending and savings spreadsheets calms me down better than anything else.
I’m more likely to give money to charities, say, for refugees, than give birthday gifts to people I know but are well off. My $20 to a charity is likely to matter more than any $20 gift I could give someone who makes perfectly good money.
Happy Friday to everyone and Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!
We were looking forward to a quiet season but it hasn’t been the smoothest of holidays. We all got sick, got better, and got sick again. All my devices have gone kaput so something will have to be replaced before I find myself in the Stone Ages communicating by pictographs and signs. Someone rammed our car full of passengers and left me irritably coughing with hopefully-not-cracked ribs. The car is very likely to be written off as a total loss which gets our goats because it’s a really good used car, and we just bought new tires and replaced the windshield. We don’t WANT another car, we like this one! Then Christmas Day plans went awry but at this point, who really cares? I just want to hunker down under a pile of blankets and stop coughing.
But we’re all still here and no one is seriously injured or ill. Seamus is thrilled to be meeting cats. The cats, not so much. But he perseveres.
LB is upbeat to the point where friends wonder, “is ze always this cheerful?” (Assuming a full stomach, yes.) What a change from several months ago when it was, “is ze always this angry?” (Yes) Ze is loving this winter and first Christmas and we didn’t need any presents to achieve Maximum Happiness.
We’re grateful all over again that we’ve made it through another year, and one full of change and growth, and come out the other end having learned a lesson or two about communicating and boundaries. Relationships are hard work, no doubt about that, but if you’re doing it right, there should be that feeling that it’s paid off with each cycle of lessons. There’s no yardstick to measure a successful relationship except whether or not you’re having new discussions / arguments / lessons that you’re learning from and moving on, I think.
And on that almost philosophical thought, I hope everyone is staying warm (or cool if you’re on the East Coast), happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise!
We’ve been enjoying Hamilton so much that it’s permeated our every day. The creativity of translating the American civil ha-ha just kidding Revolutionary war, focused on Alexander Hamilton’s life, into a musical is amazing – the breadth of musical references, historical references, literary references (was that a MacBeth reference? It was!), the combination of the early colonial language with hip-hop cadences and slang are perfection.
When’s the last time you were so thoroughly earwormed? It’s not possible to include all my favorites, I’d just end up posting the whole musical.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that part of the overwhelming charm of the whole thing is how gracefully Lin-Manuel Miranda handles the explosion of love and admiration: taking the time to share more of their music even though they’re already on Broadway. Check out #Ham4Ham, it’s astonishing how much energy he and the cast bring to giving his potential audience a show.
I haven’t yet read the biography that the musical was based on but this makes me want to. The musical doesn’t try to make us love Hamilton by glossing over his mistakes and flaws, they’re showcased alongside his genius and accomplishments. And the flaws of the Founding Fathers (save for George Washington) are right there with Hamilton’s.
All this to say: I am loving the musical and am trying to figure out how we squeeze a trip to New York to see the original cast into our schedule and budget.
Parenting: Hamiltunesing with my baby
Who knew having a baby who’d go along with your musical shenanigans would be so fun?
Encouraging LB to stand on hir own, take a step, or do squats: RISE UP!
With a fantastic aside from George Washington on not taking the easy way out
Giving hir a bottle in hir room
Sing and lure with the bottle:Do you wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens? Answer: *rapid crawling after me*
Thinking about hir future and the world we live in
Dear Theodosia (naturally)
Bonus: Ze will stand up and clap along to this Ham for Ham:
Careering
Living with ambiguity while others excel and advance
Don’t be Charles Lee
Meaning, don’t: Take a role with responsibilities you won’t shoulder, run away from the disaster, then run around badmouthing your boss. Poor form all around, dude.
Note: Check out George Washington being classy. “History will prove him wrong”, indeed.
What’s more important? Career or Family?
Before LB was born, a father figure and a fellow workaholic tried to find a gentle way to tell me: enjoy this time. Ze will only ever be a baby, and a child, and my cuddly little one once. And it’s so important not to miss it like he did. I’m glad I’d already learned that watching him or I’m sure old workaholic me wouldn’t have understood his good intentions.
Relationships
Oh King George, you’re pretty much like every creepy ex boyfriend who couldn’t deal
This is going to serve as a cautionary song for LB and everyone in hir generation. Kids, if your partner talks like this? GET OUT.
*** I lied, I had to add one more favorite: YORKTOWN ***
So much to love here:
Immigrants, we get the job done!
Hercules Mulligan!
“it’s either than or meet the business end of the bayonet!”
“With my friends all scattered to the winds
Laurens is in South Carolina, redefining brav’ry”
LB has always been a bit of a Pull Everything Off Everything and Throw it Around kind of kid. Naturally, this is great motivation to get mobile and mobile ze is. These days, we often catch hir doing pullups on the most unlikely objects, and trying to swing hir leg up on said objects in order to escape or get into something. SMH.
Ze has now scaled piles of boxes, the bed, the sofa, and the refrigerator. I wouldn’t worry if ze demonstrated a lick of sense about getting down from furniture that ze does when climbing on boxes – at least climbing off boxes ze holds onto things. Beds? Nope. Just dives off, headfirst. This kid is jonesing for the world record in earliest self-inflicted concussion.
***
LB & sharing. I thought it was too early but ze started offering hir chew toys to Seamus, and then graduated to offering (forcefully offering) things to me. Ze thought I should enjoy tasting the folded clothes that ze was pulling back out of boxes and was quite insistent, mashing it against my mouth.
Ze offered hir auntie some prechewed snacks and saw right through hir fake eating motions. Ze was displeased by the fakery.
I’m seeing shades of past me and past sibling in hir.
There’s a story about how Mom once “had” to take a big bite out of a fake donut my sibling made. Heartless younger-me said: “why on earth didn’t you just pretend to take a bite? What does a kid know?” I’m starting to see why Mom just rolled her eyes, saying HE KNEW.
***
Things that are absolutely hilarious to hir: Scrunching up hir face with a grin and making the zzzzzzzzz sound.
Blowing mostly-spit raspberries. This might be a holdover from pool time when ze was encouraged to “blow bubbles” (baby translation: drink the pool water)
Having us pop out from behind things going BOO!!!
Going limp when we’re picking hir up. Just because. Not even because ze doesn’t want to go where we’re going, just because it’s fun. Ze also likes to hang onto furniture and hang backward as far as ze can like the tiniest gymnast that could. Then occasionally forgets to keep holding on and lands on hir head/butt. Still doesn’t stop hir.
***
“No!”
Ze has been hearing this since Month 4. No, we don’t tantrum to get our way.
No, we don’t chew on electrical cords, do you want to end up like that puppy who could only lick out one side of her mouth?
No, Seamus doesn’t want you to check his mouth while he’s eating! He’s gonna bite you accidentally and then feel so bad about it.
Ze still reacts to “no” with a grin and does whatever “no!” referred to, faster.
That’s my kid.
Speaking of Not Foods, we’ve officially joined Club Dog Food. Oh yeah. That’s right. LB found a dog bowl with kibble in it (fools! fools!) and sure enough, a handful went into hir mouth. Five kibbles later, I’m pretty sure I got them all but I’m not going to feel guilty if I didn’t. You’d quit diving into a chompy infant’s mouth after they sprout a couple of ivories, too.
I swear, ze bites more than 20 years of dogs combined.
Things we enjoyed…
We were reading regular books to LB because we like stress and fending off grabby hands. Ze loved it too, spending most sessions trying to “turn pages” more than listening (anyone who’s seen an infant knows that means “tearing them out”).
We are now converts to the board books, only about 6 months after they would have been super useful. What? We’re fighting clutter.
Three months after LB was born, life was less than ideal. I was restless, impatient, and struggling to find my place again. And any clothes that would fit.
Then: The closet’s my usual target for a shakedown when I’m feeling antsy but it makes no sense to weed out clothes until my weight settles. The possible casualties of a post pregnancy body:
Two “new” bras that are two Christmases old. Suckers aren’t cheap! hadn’t They didn’t get into rotation before falling pregnant (as the English so elegantly put it) so I don’t get back to normal, I’m out $130 for new bras.
$100 for the tailoring of my wedding dress that has pockets and fit Old Me like a glove.
On the other hand, at least two pairs of shorts would fit me if I stay this size.
Now: I’m still shedding pounds, months later, so the closet is only undergoing organizational changes. No layoffs yet, but a few rehires.
Then: Just one among many things that are uncertain at the moment.
Now: Still true. Less a feeling of frustration and more a feeling of anticipation, though. A touch of the resting winter, preparatory to a new year?
Then: Our taxes can’t be filed by April 15. I hate having to file an extension.
Now: Still hate this but it may not be the case in Tax Year 2016!
Then: I’ll have to return to work sooner than I like and I don’t know how well that’ll work with LB’s lack of schedule.
Now: Not having answers wasn’t a disaster. Surprise!
Then: If I want to branch off into my own projects sooner rather than later, this requires a commitment to the one most likely to produce some kind of income. Don’t know what that is, yet.
Now: I still want to but until I can make a few hours to test the right thing, I’m working on the writing project.
Then: Seamus is rotund and I’m not sure if it’s diet or exercise related. It’ll take some time to sort him out.
Now: He had put on ten pounds of sympathy weight. We cut back on his food and increased his outings, and he’s back to his svelte self. Incidentally, that meant I was getting more exercise more regularly but I didn’t lose much more weight til the Great Flu of the summer and fall. Nothing like disease to manage your weight. /sarcasm
Then: LB is changing every single day. That’s a good thing but at the same time, whatever worked yesterday doesn’t work today and definitely won’t work tomorrow. Keep hopping!
Now: Yep, ze just keeps changing but the behaviors and habits are starting to become a little less wildly different day to day. Ze has now slept the whole night through to a reasonable hour in the morning TWICE in hir life!
Then: We can’t make any major money changes right now. Well, can’t and don’t need to. But I’m kinda bored with status quo – I want to be making decisions and making it happen! (probably a sign that getting back to work is a good thing.)
Now: No longer true! We kept on saving all year, I’ve made investments, we’ve traveled and correspondingly spent what we experts in personal finance might call “a crapload” of money doing so.
As we bleed money this year-end, I want to put up Christmas lights. To remind myself not all is lost? Irrational? Maybe. It’s not like we’re going broke. It’s just a remarkably expensive close to an otherwise pretty good year. And it was a good year. (I jumped the gun on the yearly recap but being grateful for what you have and accomplished isn’t the worst perspective to wear before writing a wish list.)
Except for this disgusting viral thing that was so bad it knocked us all down for more than a week, badly enough we would have headed to the ER for the fevers if we couldn’t get them down. Losing that week was bad enough but the lingering aftereffects just rub salt in the wounds. Oh, right, salt and wounds, the bleeding money thing. This is what our Fall has looked like.
Annual expenses
Car registrations: $450
Life insurance: $900
Property taxes: At least $5000
Christmas presents: $260
Museum memberships: $350
My IRA contributions: $5500
*Increase in childcare expenses: $1500 (per month for now. Expect this to go up. Of course.)
One-time expenses
Estate planning, retainer: $4000
Miscalculated tax, $700
Stock purchase for Christmas, $10,500
Mortgage prepayment, $XX,000 (not prepared to put that in print yet!)
All this wouldn’t seem that bad, even, if it hadn’t been preceded by a few months of higher expenses (hello, Summer).
Still, it has sucked up every penny of our cash reserves, our incoming paychecks for a few more weeks at least, and even touched our savings. That was the last straw.
Looking at the due dates for the stuff I can’t change, you’d think I would have been smarter than to take on the voluntary stuff (life insurance, memberships, the lawyer) at the end of the year but noooo. Of course not.
Is it just me or does the end of the year bring you the gift of annual expenses?
At some point, we’ll likely take LB back to Asia to meet relatives. That sounds all yay family and fancy-like but every single time I say it, and I test it on myself every so often for desensitization purposes, alarm bells of Preparation, Will Robinson, Preparation! go off in my head.
We haven’t even flown domestically with hir yet, I’m not at all prepared to wrassle a child this active and interested in everything on a flight for double digit hours.
It finally sank in why my friend said Travel as much as you can in the first year. It’s all much harder after that. Oh. Some of them, when they can move, they MOVE. This one does. Holy mopeds, this one does.
Logistics
Passports:US passports for any minor child under 16 costs $105 and is good for five years. I don’t know in what world a child looks even remotely similar five years on but I’m not volunteering to pay that price more frequently.
Among other things, they require both parents to apply in person (or one parent goes, the other parent sends a signed, notarized form), proof of US citizenship, and evidence of the parental relationship.
Flights: Ze is a lap child until the age of two but since the last time I received sage travel advice, ze has become even squirmier. Even if we manage to squeeze in a flight before hir second birthday, I think our sanity demands a separate seat. This means an extra cost whether we manage to swing award flights or pay out of pocket.
Packing: Holy CATS I’m not looking forward to this. Bright side? Ze isn’t going through 11-20 diapers a day anymore. Less bright side: hir diapers are huge now, in comparison, and we still have to carry a supply of them. Also the stroller since it would be lovely not to be incapacitated by hefting this most-healthy, not-yet-walking, heavy child for miles. And of course, there’s the car seat thing. Traveling with a kid still in a car seat is most definitely anti-minimalist but I will do my best. It feels like Stroller City around here so I’m totally against buying an umbrella stroller to add to the mix, but I’m open to any other suggestions to keep the mess down.
Health check up: Ze was an absolute trooper for hir flu shot, after being given something to bite down on like any good ole Wild West character, but the battery of injections needed to go to Asia makes me cringe. Still, better a jab than a multi-week illness. *For the record, I got all the jabs and still got sick when we traveled to Asia as a youngun. If I wasn’t so sick, I would have been extremely bitter.
On the plus side
I suspect this will make for a good story, no matter how well or badly it goes. So as long as we survive, I’ll be excited.
There’s really no economic payoff on this choice, but I don’t think we expected there to be one. (Though, can you blame me for checking?) Oh but naturally it’s going to set off all my travel planning / deal hunting neurons and I’ll be obsessed with that for a good long while. You always need a good obsession to chew on.
