About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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July 20, 2015
Here’s a thing that irked me. I took high school biology. I took AP Biology. I took even more biology in college. And I learned the following timelines for gestation:
Mice, 20 days
Humans, 9 months
Elephants, 640-645 days
I can do math, too: 9 months x 4 weeks = 36 weeks.
So imagine my surprise when sometime last year, I learned that “carrying to term”, you know, to completion, was actually 40 weeks. That’s 10 months, folks. That’s not 9 months – what are we doing to our youth telling them that a full human pregnancy is only 9, when it’s actually 10?? [Ok, my outrage is just on my own behalf.]
Experienced parents may ask, to paraphrase one of my favorite shows, “what’s really the difference between 9 months and 10 months?”
To which I paraphrase-answer: it’s a WHOLE OTHER MONTH!
It makes a difference!
At 35 weeks:
I’d be one week away from being done.
I was remarkably unwieldy but every time I think “nearly there!” someone moves the goal posts. First it’s “LB could come at 36 weeks, no problem!” Then it’s “It’d really be better if LB came no earlier than 37 weeks!” Then, “38 weeks is really better …” This was extra time for me to get even more clumsy, folks, which I didn’t think was possible! (update: more unwieldy? Yes. More clumsy? Actually not possible.)
Under the new system, I had five weeks left.
The WHOLE 5 weeks remain fraught because it could still happen at any minute. I was surrounded by “oh I delivered at 33 weeks. I delivered at 35 weeks. I delivered 4 weeks early and had nothing ready!”
At 38 weeks, I see that we’re still working on some pretty important stuff that maybe should have been taken care of earlier:
“His lungs continue to mature and produce more and more surfactant, a substance that prevents the air sacs in his lungs from sticking to one another once he starts to breathe. Most other changes this week are small but important: He’s continuing to add fat and fine-tuning his brain and nervous system (so he can deal with all the stimulation that awaits him once he makes his entrance into the world).”
Sigh.
We were not concerned about physical-things readiness. LB had a place to sleep, a box of diapers, a stack of clothing and a car seat. Those are pretty much the things you need to bring the newborn home. Also a name would be good. But if LB arrived Week 35, it wouldn’t be a big deal in terms of stuff.
It’s just that for our peace of mind, in the disaster zone of Craigslist-bound stuff and all the donations and crap that our place had become, this stuff needed to begone before LB arrived lest we go right off the deep end.
One, I can’t stand being surrounded by so much stuff. Two, cleaning is going to be the last thing on our minds with a (potentially squalling) infant to tend to, ’round the clock.
I don’t know why we keep saying pregnancy is 9 months but here’s my plea: stop!
Update: I’m laughing at having written this months ago when still pregnant and never re-editing it after. Note to self, mathing is different when your brain is extremely preoccupied with creating a new creature.
July 17, 2015
For a hermit/homebody, I’ve sure been doing a lot of travel deals scouting.
It’s a restless, bargain hunting soul that’s trying to rev up the trip planning machine. There’s nothing quite so satisfying as nailing a deal combination that gets you to a Must See Destination for way less than expected. Add to that the desire to travel before the Wiggle Worm doesn’t fly free anymore and you get a particular sense of urgency. So I figure why the hell not? I’ll figure out how to juggle travel and work and an increasingly active baby.
Destinations we’re stalking bargains for now through 2016: San Diego, Hawaii, Seattle, Asia, Chicago.
***
All my flights of fancy trips are big time-consuming things, requiring lots of time off and probably a lot of patience, possibly more than either of us have. No reason not to dream, though, right?
Someday trips:
Take the whole family on a road trip across the States. Take a few months to do it properly and go through: the Eastern Seaboard (visit friends, eat seafood), Louisiana (visit friends, eat seafood), Tennessee (visit friends, eat BBQ), Montana (just because), Iowa (visit friends, food?), Utah (I’m told the drive is spectacular, but what food is there?), Colorado (visit friends, food suggestions?). I think other states were suggested on Twitter: Massachusetts, Kentucky, Washington. Am I missing any?
Australia for a month. Maybe Australia + New Zealand for 6 weeks? I’m hearing that food is expensive in at least Australia, though, which isn’t awesome because travel is all about food for me.
Japan for a month for all the Japanese food I can think of, particularly sushi. Katherine at Feather Factor has blogged about some really neat ryokan I’d love to try.
Iceland. Peru. Thailand (again). Italy (again). Galapagos.
***
Then again, I get the yearning for home after two weeks abroad, almost like clockwork, so maybe these month(s)-long journeys aren’t truly my cup of tea. The trek across the States could happen if we got truly brave and did an RV, maybe, so Seamus could come with us. Missing home is much worse when missing the dog is part of the mix. Being away is much better when your whole chosen family’s with you.
July 15, 2015
Summer weather in summer months? In the Bay Area? This is confusing. We’ve had days of 80+ degree heat and it’s just not right.
In other news, LB is hir father’s child. When hot: Do Not Touch.
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On the subject of touching: toes. Ze has toes and would like you to know that ze likes them, can grab them, and will occasionally mouth them. I flip between “Talent!” / “Showoff” / “Gross”
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The developments seem to be more incremental in this month but the effect is huge. Ze suddenly managed flipping from belly to back again. Previously ze could turn hir head to follow sound but only did so selectively. Now ze is actively trying to figure out where certain sounds are coming from. Toys, or would-be toys (aka everything), are huge incentives – ze will work for ages to reach something crinkly.
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Obviously, everything still goes into the mouth for taste testing and chewing. I’ve got three bruises on my arms from where ze latched on like a (toothless) moray eel and wouldn’t stop chomping. Moms are, apparently, delicious. This has led to some rather unfortunate painful biting incidents. Clearly empathy hasn’t developed yet because Ow! just elicits a big grin and sometimes a squeal.
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I used to love the 3-month age best but 5 months is pretty awesome. Ze has opinions but they’re no longer all grouchy.
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LB thinks that hair is the best handle a human adult can come with. Woe betide this kid who tries to latch hold of someone bald! Watch out for these hands otherwise! Ze grabs hold of my hair every chance ze gets and yanks out at least three hairs a day. OW.
***
Handclapping has morphed from a scary thing to a hilarious thing. If I clap a rhythm, ze will grin and waggle hir eyebrows at me!
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Seamus laid down in front of us on the rug one day, and LB decided ze wanted to try petting. They sniffed each other’s noses and then Seamus obligingly offered his head for inspection. LB was delighted with the muzzle, soft ear, and his neck, touching each inquisitively and then trying to grab on. Of course I stopped hir before ze administered the classic grab and twist, but he stayed stock still, patiently letting hir explore with hir little grubby fingers. My rule in these situations for safety and sanity is that Seamus is in charge of the interaction’s duration. Forcing him to put up with hir past his patience would be the biggest mistake. (Especially since his patience is so vast.)
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Talon trimming update: Managed a FULL set of talons in one session. Ze was wiggly and kept yanking hir hand away but did not freak out, scream, or otherwise get upset.
***
This child clearly hasn’t learned empathy yet. When ze bit me while nursing, I said OW! and gave hir the “no” face. In all other things, when I give hir the no face, ze at least looks back soberly. Hir response after chomping on me? A wide gummy grin. Like I was playing. HRMPH.
***
Aside from my computer and all related cords, hir favorite new toy:
The Oball ball with rattle (click picture to buy at Amazon)
***
Baby Savings: Thanks to some generous gifts from family, diligent savings on our part, and not continuously paying for childcare(!), LB’s savings account has – holy crap, I didn’t even realize this – $25,000.00. That’s freakin’ amazing. Of course, that’s before we deduct the cost of hir diapers, wipes, and formula. And penalty fees for pooping on us. It’s gonna take a hit for the poop. Also the penalty for being the Mayor of Fartopolis because holy moly are hir farts stinky.
Month 4: Velociraptor Claws
Month 3: Growth Spurts
Month 2: Hates sleep
Month 1: Banshee
July 13, 2015
I keep moving the finish line. I’ve admitted I have a problem before but now I’ve caught myself in the act.
Adding up our net worth, I realized we were 85% of the way to a major milestone. It happened a lot faster than I was expecting to be. We’re not right on the edge of there yet and I don’t know off the top of my head how long it will tale naturally but it’s in sight.
My breath stopped for a full 30 seconds as my brain went into overdrive: what could I do to force that number to hit the 100% mark? And considering the generally slow creep of increases each month, how much time could I shave off the previous ETA?
Explaining my bouncing tapping fingers to PiC, in the same breath as declaring us close to Milestone 1, “but then I need to figure out how to deci-uple that!”
Look at that! From meeting Milestone 1 straight on to Milestone 10, without a pause for breath, celebration, or even Milestones 2-9.
I have a problem. That’s the first step right? I’m addicted to hitting goals. I’m addicted to saving money. I’m addicted to self validating by meeting expectations.
I can never exceed expectations because the second I’m in shouting distance of a goal, it becomes the first of ten other goals. If I don’t have ten other goals? No problem, my next goal is to come up with ten good ones.
This is pretty much exactly the same impulse as my shopping problem. Got a cookie? Great! What’s next?
I need to learn to stop and savor the moment. Wait, I need to actually reach the moment first and then savor it. And not immediately be staring at the horizon scanning for the next flag to capture.
See? I told you PiC was good for me. If it weren’t for him insisting on celebrating, ever, I’d never even recognize my problem.
July 10, 2015
So how did I do with my Q2 plans?
Professional:
Finish the first draft of my writing project: add 20,000-40,000 words.
No. This obviously impacts my next quarter. I was going to be down on myself about it but realized that I’ve been holding down a full time paying job and full time momming while we continue working on childcare and surviving that means it’s OK that I haven’t made a ton more progress but I will and I’m willing to buy my time back.
Set up a mailing list for anyone who’s interested in reading the book(?) project to get updates when the time comes.
No: I did decide to use Mailchimp but tootled around waiting to see if anyone wanted to send me a referral.
Got off my duff and signed up because waiting would only benefit no one or not me.
Then realized I don’t think I want to use Mailchimp right now so maybe I’ll just take names and email addresses via Google Survey.
Test 3 possible business ideas.
No: I discarded several out of hand once I realized that the proposed target audience either wouldn’t pay for the goods/services, would be a pain to work with, or wasn’t viable with my preferred business structure.
Blog at least 3x/week.
Yes: I posted about 3-4x/week depending on the week.
Personal:
Spend a weekend with at least one friend we’d like to see annually.
Yes and yes: did this twice!
Visit LB’s cousins.
Yes: Ze LOVED meeting the cousins.
Get outside to walk 5 of 7 days per week.
Maybe: Most days, but 3-4 days per week sometimes, so I’ll call this a pass. The point is to get outside most days.
July 6, 2015
Welcome to the second installment of my blogging the Write A Blog People Will Read Course!
NOTE: This is a review of how I’m learning from the course so this is just one possible experience.
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In Module Two, we’re learning not to write just for the sake of having words on the screen, but to write what matters. By that measure, at best, 5% of the early years of this blog (no, no, don’t go see, take my word for it, please) were anything but flotsam.
Most of it was meandering bits of daily jumble. Not at all compelling unless you were just wondering what I’d done or worried about that day. (No one was.)
Writing something that matters.
Much like the difference between living to eat and eating to live, there’s a vast gulf between churning out text for the sake of posting things and crafting a piece that, well, people want to read.
This lesson hits me square between the eyes. Great writing is a revel and a joy to read. The writing here doesn’t meet that standard in my not-so-humble opinion.
I don’t cookie cutter my money posts just to have something to post but does it have value to anyone else? Beyond exercising my writing muscles and keeping my money mojo going, what does my writing about money and family and so on really do for my readers? Is it informative and engaging that you know my month to month thoughts or am I just shouting into the wind?
(In)accessibility
A good friend from the blogging world, not so incidentally a successful blogger, told me once that my posts are too long and “vocabulary is far too extensive”.
I understood that to mean that I fail hard at the general rule of thumb that in order to write for the broadest audience, you ought to be clocking between a sixth and seventh grade level. This is a valid and valuable criticism. Even the NIH recommends this level of writing!
I’m not sure how not to write like I think. That means using words that taste right in my mind. What you see here is the voice I hear in my head. And like a perfect, warm apple pie with the exquisitely flaky crust, and five dashes of cinnamon, using precise words to communicate is so satisfying. Even when I sound like a nerd.
(It’s because I really AM a nerd.)
D’you suppose that’s what keeps my audience to the elite few? 🙂
Does my blathering feel inaccessible to you? (Is blathering a common word? I have the worst trouble with this.)
Killing your little darlings
Maybe this is where my efforts should most be concentrated.
I do edit most writing, truly. First drafts are painful to read. But sometimes, final rounds of edits leave me with posts that have tripled in length and I suspect that your eyes probably start glazing over by the time you scroll a third or fourth time.
Reflection
There’s a lot to digest in this second module and learning how I should apply the lessons. Good advice is only useful when you implement it, after all.
See my review of Module 1
July 3, 2015
We’re in between childcare helpers, still, so these days my schedule is a really weird non-routine routine. It’s not terrible, but it’s a really incredibly full day. I still log at least 8 hours of work, not continuously, but thank goodness my work allows this kind of flexibility.
If we’re really lucky, LB actually stays asleep after we put hir down at least til 8 hours later. Someday, I dream of this someday, maybe ze will even sleep 10 or 12 hours. In the meantime, every weekday is looking something like this:
Between 4-4:30am: get up, change diaper, feed, PiC gets up and tries to get hir back down to sleep, while I collapse in bed.
Between 7-7:30am: If I’m lucky, ze did got to sleep and is still sleeping which means I have time to brush my teeth and get to work. If not, ze probably got me up again and PiC is too beat so it’s my turn to play with hir for a couple hours til the next nap because ze is up for good.
Between 8-9am: Zip through some work before PiC leaves for the day. PiC makes me breakfast, I absentmindedly scarf that down with one hand, the other hand still working. LB lands in my lap to “help” for a while. If ze’s cooperative, ze will play with toys. If less so, ze will attempt to take over typing.
10-12pm: Try to get LB down for a nap. Wash dishes, wash bottles. Work like the wind while ze is sleeping.
If I get a 3rd hour of nap, I can do some household stuff: Pay bills, update tax filing info for 2014, get the laundry going, put food in the crockpot, follow up on weird things with billers.
1-3:30pm: feeding/diapering, play with a very awake Wiggle Worm. Read books, dangle toys. Take hir and Seamus out for a walk. Let hir “crawl” on the floor while I catch any easy to answer emails.
3:30-4pm: feeding, convince The Angry Inchworm to take another nap if ze is tired. Sometimes it’s a 30-45 minute third nap, sometimes this is the second nap of the day and lasts an hour or two. Seamus will start angling for his medications because after he takes them, he gets dinner. Whip through any dishes, knock out some more work.
Between 5:30-6:30 pm: LB will be up and at it again so I’m all hirs. Feeding, diapering, and playing again. Feed Seamus. PiC gets home at some point and takes over for an hour of daddy+baby time. Sometimes they go out for a walk with Seamus.
7 pm: I start gathering a change of clothes and we’re blasting some tunes for hir bath. We’ve got this down to a science, now. Ze was terrified by the big bathtub but with music, toys, and a super efficient routine, ze’s cool with it now.
7:30-8 pm: If we’re in good odor with the baby gods, ze is finishing up the bedtime bottle and nodding off. If not, ze demands another bottle and is wide awake.
9 pm: Adult people dinner. Talk through anything we need to discuss, if we still have brainpower. Sometimes PiC can get in a workout before dinner. Sometimes we BOTH get to take showers. Sometimes I’m still catching up on work. Other times, I’m trying to arrange travel or figure out what’s up with our commitments.
11 pm: Remember that thing called sleep and stumble to bed wondering why the hell we didn’t do this earlier.