About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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May 12, 2015
Well, that didn’t last long.*
We are cautiously optimistic.
After some real stink bomb interviews, we found someone who was a great deal more “home style” than the others. Ella didn’t have a professional looking resume, her English wasn’t enough to get by so she needed a translator. But. Her meeting with LB was the best of all, she immediately (with permission) picked up LB and had a whole conversation with hir. Ze was grinning and responding with coos and cackles.
We decided to have her start a few days a week to rescue me and see if our read on her and our instincts were right. I’d be right here to assess the situation so we both felt like it was the only way to really get a feel for how well we’d work together.
We mostly spoke Spanish. Well, she spoke and I limped along painfully translating each word and eventually responding about two sentences behind in every conversation. It wasn’t awful but it sure was a workout for my brain and hearing me butcher her native language couldn’t have been easy on the ears.
What stood out from this trial period?
She brought a translator to confirm details with me each of the first few weeks, having estimated rather accurately how much we were clearly communicating. She could have just let us struggle along and figure it out slowly but instead she made sure we were on the same page. She even asked, “Is there anything I want her to differently?”
She paid attention, took initiative and took direction well. When I spoke directly to LB, suggesting it was time for exercises or to play for ten more minutes before eating, Ella was ready to execute without my having to translate or repeat myself. This wasn’t a test, I was willing to repeat myself for her when necessary but she paid attention so that I wouldn’t have to.
When LB was upset, she quickly cycled through the troubleshooting as I suggested things. She knew what to try but also took suggestions readily. She didn’t have to be told that as LB’s mother, I’m going to know what’s changed and what’s working right now. Sometimes I don’t know but when I do, Ella is receptive. We’ve disagreed about things on occasion but it’s not become an issue.
A couple of our interviewees were pretty condescending and the gall of that in the face of not being able to hold the baby!
Life is looking up
It took a few weeks, and I had to repeatedly tell myself to step back and let her do the job because it’s darn hard letting a stranger care for LB, but I’m feeling a lot better.
Physically, “just” working the desk job again instead of hefting LB’s ever-increasing weight for 8-12 hours a day makes such a big difference. I’m tired enough from the broken sleep at night, adding the full day workout was too much. Now I can recover a little and just have two jobs: make the “bread” and make the milk.
I can think! We’re not running out of diapers or wipes or whatever because I’m not too tired to think ahead to when we need more.
This place is cleaner. When I’m stuck on a work problem, I clean to think. Since LB is hanging out with Ella during the day, I can do the dishes, wipe down a counter, or sort the pile-up on the table.
Hell, we’re cleaner! Never in our lives has the opportunity to brush our teeth and shower been so precious.
I finally finally got to cook again. It was just a crockpot meal but that represented a milestone.
I still wish that we could handle childcare on our own, or that Mom was here to mind her grandchild like she always always wanted even if it meant she teaches the kid even more mischief, but what’s the use of wishing for things that can’t be?
Like I said, cautiously optimistic because sharing my work and home space is weird but so far, so good!
*And after a miscommunication, Ella quit. Rather than seek clarification, or accept my clarifications when I realized that she had misunderstood, she stopped showing up. So that sucks. And we’re back to square one. But I guess I can enjoy this time of not getting dressed every day while we search for a replacement? Bright side? Anyone? Bueller?
May 11, 2015
“A tiger can’t change his stripes” strikes me as a terrible metaphor. No, he can’t, not without a bucket of hair dye and opposable thumbs but what does that have to do with whether not he can be trained or taught to hunt differently? Or, say, whether a person change their habits?
Anyway. That came up because I have a secret. Or I had a secret. I shared it with PiC and now it’s your turn.
Several years ago, I made a large loan, with a very long payback date. Large to the tune of five figures. Not high five figures, I didn’t have that kind of buying power. But five figures that I scraped and scraped (and scraped some more) to save at a time that every penny was cherished. That savings, and the loan, represented my hope that things would get better someday.
Because the loan mixed family and money – which I’ve since learned almost always equals disaster – and because making mistakes like making loans on unfounded faith irritates me, I buried it. Refused to even think about it. That’s not like me, but since the money was gone, ostriching was to preserve my sanity. And embarrassment. You understand.
PiC never knew I’d made this loan, it was made long before our marriage and my policy of “la la la that never happened” kept it safely buried.
Over Easter weekend, it occurred to me that the loan is officially due this summer. It’s time to either get it back or truly mentally cut it loose. This particular monkey’s had a free ride long enough on my back!
About three stilted and awkward conversations later, it’s been suggested that I might actually see my money back mid-summer. This is me not holding my breath… sort of. (Just in case, cross your fingers?)
Then it was time to tell PiC.
I would have told him anyway but, regardless, it felt weird. “Hi honey, I either gave away or am getting back a LOT of money!” He took the news like he takes most of my money maunderings: with a nod and a shrug.
I mused aloud: assuming it really is repaid, what am I going to do with that money?
He piped up: I can think of a few ways to spend allllllll that cash!
*pause*
Me: [skepticism face] [I know he’s trying to get my goat]
Him: Dammit, no, I couldn’t! I’d want to put it on the credit card for the rewards! What have you done to me?!
Me: HAH! HAH! I knew I trained you better than that!
I kid, but at the same time, I’m immensely proud of how PiC has taken in all the money talk that’s come his way in the past decade.
He’s really easygoing in his money habits which means that in our relationship, I’m the “doer” as he calls it. When I’m dissatisfied with a service or when someone tries to overcharge me, I’m not confrontational but you know I’m going to write a letter or make a call and get my darned satisfaction!
In recent days, he’s done me proud, I tell ya!
A) He called out the car rental folks for causing a serious delay for us. They borked pickup, sending someone out to get us more than an hour after they were expected, didn’t have the reserved vehicle at the location I’d specifically called to confirm, and didn’t have a clean vehicle at the second location. Hugely inconvenient. He got a day knocked off the rental bill.
B) After I explained the long term consequences of an “only happened once” interest charge on a credit card, he called the company and had the interest charge removed and the now-triggered ongoing charges waived.
What does this have to do with tigers and their stripes?
Not a lot. Just that, with time and patience, maybe some of the familial relationship can be repaired. Maybe not.
Either way, PiC’s a great example of someone learning to be better with money even when it’s not strictly for survival.
And if we get that money back, it’ll go a long way to shoring up our cash flow, and just maybe my faith in people.
May 7, 2015
People keep saying that renting is throwing money away and I can’t help but snort in derision when I hear it. If you were literally throwing money at a landlord and NOT living in the lodgings you paid for, sure, but I’m quite sure that no one is talking about that.
Personally, while I do like the idea of home ownership for the financial equity-building aspect under the right circumstances, I’ve always had a soft spot for renting and this weekend was a perfect example of why.
We have a neighbor who insists on scattering seed all over the mutual property, trying to attract the damn pigeons, and he succeeds. He’s now escalated to putting out trays of water and seed for them too, which means there’s seed, shells, and plastic trays littering the neighborhood along with a ridiculous amount of bird poop in a lot of places.
Some of our neighbors have CDs strung down their balconies, others have Fort Knox-like barbed things bristling up from their balcony rails. You can see why, poop streaks down the walls and their rails despite their precautions.
Aside from the poop factor, the litter attracts other vermin and the pigeon feathers are everywhere which is not awesome for allergies and the poop causes long term property damage. All in all, no matter how much I like animals, these critters are not welcomed neighbors.
PiC got into a tiff with the main (and only, I’m sure) culprit this weekend.
He politely asked the man to stop feeding directly on the shared property areas, as it encourages the flock to move closer and closer, they’ve taken to roosting right over our front step now!
The man went off on a frothy-mouthed tirade about how he intends to attract them, that the poor birds are starving with no possible food source, that humans destroy wildlife with their concrete, that we’re horrible selfish destructive people, and on and on.
I’ll note that while he has such contempt for us humans, he’s still living right here amongst us in the reviled concrete based home instead of communing with the nature that he’s advocating for.
I’ll also note that he’s all about having the animals but his plan evidently ends there. I’ve had to stop him feeding my dogs French fries because apparently any food is better than letting a dog go on a walk without five treats.
He doesn’t take good care of his own pets which are adorable but filthy and reek of urine. They urinate and defecate everywhere they go and stink up the joint. I don’t think he should get rid of them, I think he should actually take care of them! Incontinence is treatable and in some cases, leaving it untreated puts them at risk for further medical problems related to that incontinence. He lets them run loose everywhere, one of them was hit by a car because he refused to leash them walking in the dark, right into a driveway where cars pull out.
But no no, let’s lure in every creature you can think of to make up for the depredations of humans, and never mind what shape the poor animals will be in.
Also I’m not cool with the rats and roaches and whatever else that’ll move in with the abundance of extra food bits he keeps tossing out his windows and scattering on the sidewalks.
I stood up for this guy before when other bullying neighbors tried to rally the neighbors against him. I felt bad for him at the time when it was just about his dogs. But now he’s letting in anyone who comes to the locked gate without question, totally disregarding security concerns despite several break-ins made possible by his irresponsible behavior. He was a crank before all this degenerated into him flying into a rage, and he’s just getting worse. Goody.
If we were renters, this wouldn’t bother me quite so much. We could seriously consider moving when the lease was up and the long term property maintenance wouldn’t be my concern. So long as this guy’s living here, he’s going to be a pain.
May 6, 2015
We tried to be really careful about how much stuff we bought for the baby, and mostly did well, but babies still need a fair amount of maintenance related things and parents definitely need some stuff for sanity’s sake.
On review, I think we have a good idea of how well we did for this fourth-trimester phase.
We should have bought/stocked up on…
Diapers and wipes. Duh. (preferences below)
The First Years Deluxe Nail Clipper
Things we wanted more of…
Evenflo Classic Glass Nurser 8 oz
Hospital blankets and swaddle blankets
We love…
Our Chicco Car seat & stroller set
LB hated the car seat at first but came around after a few weeks. The stroller is awesome. It took months but we found the perfect lightweight, one hand collapsible, complete overhead canopy coverage stroller that we can both use. Ze loves staring at the sky when we’re out for a walk and conks out for naps in it.
aden + anais Swaddle Blankets
Amazon Elements Baby Wipes, Sensitive, Flip-Top, 80 Count (Pack of 6)
Baby bouncer kinda like this. Ours was a hand me down, and too big for LB as a newborn but ze has grown into it and figured out that kicking really hard makes it rock. We can actually put hir down to hang out while we eat sometimes. Ze is still insistent on being held a lot more than we’d like but this gives us the occasional break.
Boppy pillows. We used this ourselves as pillows when cuddling, to prop hir up when nursing or bottle feeding, as an arm rest when bottle feeding.
We hated…
Huggies One and Done Refreshing Baby Wipes, Cucumber and Green Tea
Too wet. Soggy, even.
Pampers wipes, Sensitive
Too dry! And too thin. These are two of the three Bears of baby wipes, for us.
Not worth it…
We got an adorable cradle hand-me-down and it was in great shape. Sadly, LB wasn’t having any of that putting hir down business when ze was small enough to use it, and when ze finally was ok with laying around to play or maaaaaybe nap, hir wingspan was just too wide. And what child sleeps with hir arms flung wide to either side? MINE. Of course.
I still have a box of 100 Lansinoh disposable nursing pads. They were highly recommended and I’m sure they’re great but I can never remember to use them, and generally I’m pumping or nursing frequently enough not to need them. *shrug* There is a point to ordering things online with free returns, I don’t have to leave the house to get my money back.
May 4, 2015
People tend to make assumptions the second they hear that you own rental property and, for those who aren’t knowledgeable, many of those are wrong.
1. You’re rich. (Correlated: You will be rich tomorrow if you just got started today.)
2. You’re always making money, usually hand over fist.
3. It’s easy money, and profitable as hell.
4. Landlords can charge anything they want.
Obviously we’re not rich. Far from it. I certainly intend to be but this is one part of a long term plan to get there, this isn’t the end all be all.
The point is to make money but it’s not easy and not an overnight get rich quick scheme.
There is a risk and a truckload of expenses involved: I took on a mortgage, with all the associated home buying costs like closing costs, realtor fees, inspection and appraisal fees, and a higher interest rate because it’s not an owner occupied property.
And whether or not we have renters (aka income), I’m still responsible for all taxes, damages, repairs, and association or other fees every month. My profit is AFTER I pay all those bills, if anything is left.
Profit margin is dependent on two main factors: fixed expenses and rent. I’d love it if I could engineer a 50% profit margin but the only “control” I have is on the expense side. It’s down to what decisions I make when buying. The price point has to be low enough with a high enough property value so that when the mortgage and all the other costs are added up, they are less than the amount of rent I can charge. And I can only charge what the market will bear. If rents in the neighborhood or region are $1200/month for a 4 bedroom, 2 bath single family home, and I’m trying to charge $1500/month for a comparable property with no distinctive features worth $300 more per month, all because my expenses are $1400/month, guess who’s got 2 thumbs and is SOL?
Or say your expenses are lower and you can still make a small profit charging market rates – if you get hit with multiple repairs, month after month, even small ones, you’re still looking into an ever deepening hole.
You’d better have some slush fund saved to keep covering your expenses during times of vacancy, and any rental income budgeting sheet worth the paper it’s printed on includes a minimum assumed vacancy percentage, because just try crying to your bank about how you can’t pay this month because the rent was paid late or your property stood vacant.
Believe me, they’re just fine and dandy taking the house along with whatever money you’ve already sunk into it if you were fool enough to believe that you didn’t need to pony up more cash out of pocket from time to time.
I didn’t get into this intending to lose money but as an investor you have to know the basic risks you’re running, and yes, losing money is absolutely a real risk.
April 30, 2015
Change from Jan 2015: 8% increase
On Money
I’m working away at Swagbucks to earn Amazon money for household, Little Bean, and dog things we need. Feel free to join using my referral link if you like!
***
Retirement: I’ve been doing lump sum contributions to my IRA at the end of each tax year, but I should really do it monthly instead. Mostly for superficial reasons: seeing $5500 come out of the savings at once is more painful than ~ $500/month. Plus I can probably cash flow that $500/month if I’m creative, rather than taking it out of savings at all! Or am I getting greedy?
***
Update: screw it, I’m cashflowing that sucker. 2014 contribution, done.
2015 contributions, set up as recurring withdrawals.
2016 contributions, will automatically go forth and withdraw.
It’s like a monthly gift to myself!
*** (more…)
April 29, 2015
Who do you trust to make health care decisions for you?
We’re making out our advanced care directives and while we have a basic idea of how we’d take care of each other, we need to designate decision makers if both of us are out of commission.
Our criteria
Who has enough basic knowledge of medicine and the medical establishment to be an advocate?
Who would understand our wishes AND comply with them regardless of their personal feelings, philosophy or religious beliefs?
In sum: who could we trust to intelligently make health care decisions that are in our best interests as we see them?
Our candidates
It might seem like “family” is the automatic answer, but as with other issues, that’s not necessarily the case.
I have a couple relatives who work in the medical field directly or indirectly and I would trust one of them to take the time to exercise good judgment, and seek the expertise or resources necessary to make the best possible decision for us.
PiC has a couple of friends in the same position. We would trust one of them to do the same or serve as a resource to the primary decision-maker if medical complications had to be addressed.
The other considerations are location and availability.
The person/ people we designate would have to be willing to drop everything to come to us to make those decisions in the event. While we’d certainly pay for those travel expenses, there’s no doubt that would be highly disruptive to their family lives.
Aside from the actual legalities, we need to have a clear conversation with the nominees to be sure this was something they were ready and willing to do, and make sure they have all our pertinent information as well as what we want done in case of incapacitation in writing.
At the moment, I’m fairly certain I know who I’d designate as mine. We still need PiC’s decision.
:: Have you got either a designated decision-maker or do you know who you’d trust to do the honors?
