November 13, 2023

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (180)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 4, Day 225: Remember that rest I was really hoping to get this weekend, but knew I wouldn’t? I was not wrong! The three hour party turned into a five hour rendezvous because the kids REALLY didn’t want to leave when the party was over and our friends clearly needed help cleaning up after the … 100? guests left. That is a wild guess, it just felt like 100 people. Far too many people. Smol Acrobat and I were overwhelmed before we even got into the house so we hung outside for a while. I didn’t mind but my body most definitely minded. Then Smol’s body took a swan dive into a fever during a terrible night of “sleep” wherein I had to get up to hug them six times, once an hour or so. Naturally, they woke up at 7 am refreshed and chirpy while my joints were rusty and creaky like the Tin Man’s. I couldn’t raise my left arm half the day and my knees were shot.

On the plus side, I did manage to plow through enough work to call it a day, order toothpaste for Sera, and pick out a holiday card for a friend’s kids.

Year 4, Day 226: Smol Acrobat and I are miserable today. Very little sleep and they’re feverish and alternating between chills and sweats. I’m not very symptomatic, thanks to my antiviral, but I have an echoing chamber of nothingness in place of my brain and the body aches are this side of overwhelming. PiC took the day off to take care of Smol so I could work. It should be my turn to take the day off tomorrow, since Smol won’t be able to go back to daycare until they’re fever free for 24 hours. They tested negative on our home test. PiC insisted he’d take the day again and take care of them. We should probably split the day.

I am going to try to catch some rest tonight since sleep deprivation is eating me alive. The irony is that when Smol is sick, my subconscious goes to hypervigilent mode and wakes up 4-6x a night listening for them even if PiC is taking the night shift. So even when they aren’t waking me, I’m waking me. Very counterproductive, body.

As extra fun, JB’s jaw expander just fell out of their mouth. How is that even possible? It was glued in!

Year 4, Day 227: Smol’s fever is down, thankfully, but they’re still dripping like a faucet with a hacking cough. We’re juggling a bit of work and staying home with them today. About half their class is out sick too.

You’d think it was obvious to me at least that we’re doing this without much help but my therapist observing that out loud was a funny perspective. She recently observed: “you don’t have any grandparents, or aunts and uncles, or friends that are helping out. You’re doing a lot on your own.” And … yes.. Day to day, I forget that the reason other people around us can do so much is they have family to rely on. Hell, I’ve been jealous that other people have family to rely on and I still forget that that’s why I feel overwhelmed at times. If it’s not done by me, then it’s done by PiC. And if he’s not doing it, then I’m doing it. We expect JB to help out but there’s only so much that they can do while also attending to their schoolwork and activities, AND still being a kid – they still get hours a week of just being a kid doing whatever they want (within reason). It’s a lot more obvious to me on days like this that it’s just us when the chips are down. I get one week a year when my favorite relative comes to stay where I can relax but that’s it. Just the two of us.

I’ve been putting things to my list to buy when the Black Friday sales come up but some prices are good enough to buy now. I surprised the family with a refrigerator whiteboard and everyone was quite pleased with it. 🎉 Little wins!

I’d better add a hairbrush. All the little protective tips on mine have fallen off, I think I’ve had this one since 2002, and hairbrushing hurts. I also want a new desk chair and a whiteboard for my office. My desk chair is still good but not good for me. My body needs something with a lot more give. PiC can have this one since he’s just been making do with a dining chair.

Lots of small things to keep on my radar. Returning PiC’s crappy bike light for a refund. Sending thank you cards and personal winter holiday cards. Figuring out how to handle the holiday card for the wider masses and how many I need to send – we haven’t sent one since 2019. I hate that Costco stopped doing photo prints. They were a good low cost alternative. Making sure everyone has medication supplies through January, no one wants to be fighting pharmacy crowds in December. Buy some real Sudafed, speaking of the pharmacy! Finish organizing the hand me downs to share with small cousins. Repair my skirt’s torn pocket.

Year 4, Day 228: When PiC asked me on Sunday how my work week looked, I mumbled some not words in reply because I couldn’t yet wrap my head around the future yet. Sadly, I wasn’t prepared as to how this whole week would be wrecked by the mutant virus circulating through Smol’s daycare. It’s been a week of coughing, sniffling, and worryingly high fevers. The doctor just confirmed that their lungs sound bad all over. But since their breathing is still fine so we’re to keep an eye on them and report back in two days if the fevers continue. The doc expects this will need another week or two to clear up, at best. I don’t even want to think about “at worst”.

I was overly optimistic about my antiviral ‘s ability to safeguard me from Smol’s germs, too. I’m congested and my throat is giving off all the warning signs.

Naturally this is when a new major deadline that can’t be pushed off springs up at work.

And since nothing is going our way right now, I ran the wash and found after the fact that a diaper had somehow gotten mixed up with the clothes. It left white bits on EVERYTHING including my favorite (black) t-shirt.

I would like to quit everything now, please.

Year 4, Day 229: Friday food review! Fancy baked potato night: baked taters topped with butter, sour cream, cheesy broccoli, bacon crumbles, shredded cheese and our homegrown chives! Everyone not named Smol Acrobat loved it. Smol Acrobat’s excused, they are so sick this week. The bacon crumbles are amazing by the way. A bag from Costco has made eating so much tastier. I add them to eggs some mornings, I topped my Mac n cheese with them and that was heavenly.

November 6, 2023

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (179)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 4, Day 218: There is going to be so much disruption this week. Two tomorrow for Halloween: the kids’ school parade and then trick or treating. Two appointments on Wednesday for the kids, and PiC has a procedure that requires anesthesia Thursday so I’ll have to handle the drop off and pick up of everyone that day. Taking several deep breaths as we plunge headlong into the fray.

Underlying all this has been a gratitude for the flexibility that I have had to DO all this stuff in the first place. Unfortunately this gratitude was shattered today with news that I can’t share yet. If things go in one direction, the job as I know it, with all the stuff that makes this job good for our lives, would probably go away. It’s always been work, of course, but it has also been a set-up that let me do my best work at the least cost. Losing that would be devastating.

If my job changes substantially next year… whoof. The urges to (obsessively) go through our money to figure out what our options are and to wander the neighborhood muttering imprecations under my breath are strong. This timing is crappy. We’ve lived with slightly bated breath for more than a decade as this grew from a start-up and it was always possible for it to disappear at any time but it’s still crappy timing. We’re projected to pay back the emergency fund next August at best so that’s a small stresser. My health is improved but not enough to add a commute to our lives and work in an office again, even if I was willing to. That’s the much bigger stresser. The cost of commuting and in person work is too high. For now I don’t know anything concrete will happen so I just have to hope like hell that the economy swings things in my favor.

I’m also on my 12th sore throat for the year. I would really like my body to stop overreacting to viral infections by causing sores in my throat which is nearly as bad as getting sick.

Year 4, Day 219: We had a break with Halloween tradition this year, inviting new friends out since our usual Halloween friends were booked, and the kids had a LOT of fun. The new friends haven’t ever done it this way before and their mom predicts they’ll want to do it this way again next year. The kids were like Energizer bunnies, still bouncing to go go go after we adults were throwing in the towel. We even stayed out an hour too late and they STILL wanted to stay out later. My body wanted to have some words. Of course now I’m also going to have angst over whether our usual friends will be free and want to go out next year. I don’t mix friend groups as a rule, it gets too chaotic and it’s harder to enjoy each set of friends so we’d have to pick.

It’s spreadsheet day but after working until almost 11 pm, after walking miles for trick or treat, I simply have to push that to another day. I love spreadsheeting.

Year 4, Day 220: The world’s worst dental appointment was had today by Smol Acrobat who screamed all the way through their cleaning. I have no clue why. They’ve been eagerly anticipating this appointment for weeks and excited about all the goodies. They specifically freaked out about having to lay down for the exam and cleaning, so now we have to practice doing brushing and flossing laying down.

I plowed through my work in four hours and rewarded JB for their hours of chores and mostly staying occupied without bothering me too much with a trip to the library.

We still haven’t celebrated our wedding anniversary, so we need to decide if there’s something we actually feel up to doing. One more hectic day to survive this week, first.

Year 4, Day 221: Today was the MARATHON day of this marathon week. Drop off JB. Drop off PiC. Drop off Smol Acrobat. Go home, scarf three bites of breakfast, and turn back around. Pick up PiC. Work for a while. Pick up JB. Take them to self defense. Pick up Smol Acrobat. Pick up take out for dinner. Yell at my phone’s touchscreen for refusing to work. Make it home slightly late for the PTA meeting.

Brain: fried. Body: Extra crispy.

Year 4, Day 222: Friday food! I took another run at seafood pasta because PiC needed a low fiber diet this week and tried this recipe with shrimp, scallops, and calamari. My first try was only with the calamari using another recipe and while it was ok, it was pretty bland. Adding a lot of butter and broth turned things around nicely. I also accidentally harvested a plate of tiny potatoes while I was fertilizing the garden so that turned into a small batch of Japanese curry. Enough to feed four and have some left over. We relied on freezer food Wednesday, the Trader Joe’s Indian and Costco lasagna, which are all delicious but absolute torture on my sore throat. We’re on week two of that particular beauty. I need non-spicy foods for this throat. We tried a new Thai restaurant yesterday. It was pretty good and they had DUCK. The pad kee mao duck could have used a lot more duck but it was tasty nonetheless.

I also knocked out a few outstanding to do things: Putting out the final Lakota Families call for the year, sent the call out 2 emails, sent cards to my doctors to thank them for being supportive and attentive healthcare professionals. I pulled some special stickers to mail to a friend.

October 30, 2023

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (178)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 4, Day 213: 89% humidity. YUCK. Not only is it terribly uncomfortable, it’s making our green onion’s soil moldy. Double yuck.

I almost skipped ordering a couple of Bonne Maman advent calendars this year. A few years back, they were $35 each so I didn’t mind paying shipping on top of that. Also, the pandemic was new. $45 after tax and shipping for a bit of joy wasn’t too steep. This year it’s $45 PLUS another $15 for ground shipping PLUS tax. Over $100 for two? Couldn’t do it. Happily, this morning I spotted a free shipping offer for orders over $65 and so jumped on it.

Also I feel very stupid. I’d just completed a course of the antiviral meds about a week and a half ago. Then another sore throat comes up again on Friday! Out of frustration and concern that taking it too often will make it ineffective, I stubbornly refused to take the next course of antiviral meds for a few days. Kept hoping it would go away so of course it’s just gotten worse by today. Sigh. I have an earache and a whole lot of regret for not taking it immediately like I should have. It was right here.

Year 4, Day 214: It officially smells like fall-cold. There’s a crispness and a cold layer to the air that signals the start of real cold weather. I would normally enjoy this but for the sharp stabbing pains in my throat when I inhale deeply. Continued regrets. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers.

I just discovered a whole stash of comments from the last six months that WordPress randomly hidden from me. ARGH. Rude! Will be making my way through those.

Year 4, Day 215: My therapist would like me to believe that I deserved a childhood, and to be a kid when I was a kid. I firmly believe this for my kids and for all kids, and want to do everything I can to help all of THEM. But believing that *I* deserved one and didn’t get it? I’m having a real mental block (or emotional) with that. Heck, I don’t even think I “deserve” (am worth) to use the furnace during the day to be warm in the house. I feel guilty using the space heater to get warm (only at intervals when I’m too cold). This is an oddly thorny issue to get through.

Those jackals at Lifetouch have ramped up their grifty ways. The Digital package with a class picture and 2 digital images is now $42. The Basic package (with 5×7, 3×5 and 2x3s) is $27 but they’ve taken away the class picture and it costs $18 to add a class picture. I don’t want the basic package and am annoyed at how they’ve engineered it so you have to pay $40+ if your kid cares about a class picture (they do) no matter what you get. That extra $15-20 could go to help someone pay a bill. I don’t want to waste it on Lifetouch. And we can’t get JUST the class picture, you have to get a package. *grumble* And WHO wants 8×10 school pictures? I’m sure someone does but I sure don’t want them every year. Never did when I was going to school, don’t now. Also they’ve doubled the prices. It used to be $15 and then $17 for a Basic package with a class picture, some wallets, and a few 5x7s. That’s why I never had this level of irritation over it – about $20 was an acceptable price. Now it’s more than $40 for less than what we got before.

Year 4, Day 216: I’m plotting the calendar for next year at work and at home. For home, I’m trying my absolute darnedest to schedule appointments for next year in the first 8-9 months of the year. If we can avoid regular appointments in the last three months, then the holiday crush might feel less bad. Right?

For work, I’m working on coverage for everyone’s hoped for vacation times and that preparation starts yesterday. That may still be too late! There are so many logistics to juggle: recruiting! Hiring! Training! Bah!

This is my deliriously tired attempt to assert some measure of control over what feels like endless chaos against the bigger backdrop of the world in chaos. There is so much terrible that’s out of my control. I’ve got to start focusing more on the things I can affect to avoid giving in to fatigue and despair.

Year 4, Day 217: One of many rushed days (still in my future), I had to wrap up work after picking up JB to take them to a family event hosted by PiC’s employer.

What a time to find out that I’m not cut out for the spinning teacups anymore. Thankfully it was low key regret, nothing major, and the kids loved the buffet. There was an abundance of hot dogs but we’re apparently entirely spoiled by Costco hot dogs, no one else’s hot dogs seem worth eating. Dinner for Smol Acrobat was: popcorn, watermelon, crackers, a single slice of a turkey wrap, a cookie and some hot dog. JB’s dinner was many popcorns, cotton candy, a quarter hot dog, many many swedish meatballs, some pasta salad and penne pasta with meat sauce.

It went longer than I expected so it was quite painful having to finish working but finish I did! Because I’m responsible. Tired but responsible.

Even nature is getting into the Halloween spirit! Our spiders have blanketed our hedges with spiderwebs. It’s not as obvious as the store bought decor but I think it’s beautiful and not at all creepy as long as I don’t have to touch the hedges for any reason. There must be 1000 spiders in there to have spun this many webs. (Very little exaggeration, the hedges are huge and the webs are legion.)

For next week, I’ve ordered the Halloween themed snacks for JB’s class. I’ll put aside a set of plates and napkins to contribute to their class party next year so that doesn’t feel so last minute and annoying when it comes up. I’ve scribbled my list of wants and needs to shop for during the Black Friday sales (a tiny kingdom for two sets of travel sized bottles that won’t spring a leak after a couple years!). I’ve worked up a gift checklist so I can keep track of whose gifts are already taken care of and methodically wrap and store them instead of haphazardly sticking them in the gift box and trying to remember who gets what. PiC will be having some screening tests at the hospital so we’ll have to manage his diet more carefully next week. He feels like it’ll be simple so I’m going to do my best not to worry too much. But I do plan to make him a simple seafood pasta since he liked that. Last time it was too simple though, with sliced calamari in sauteed garlic and olive oil. It needs more flavor. I’ll add shrimp but it needs something else.