About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
***
Dividend income. We received $387.50 in dividends from the stocks portfolio. All reinvested, of course. Someday it’ll add up to a real income.
We picked up $20 from the Lithium Ion battery class action settlement.
PiC is signed up for our city’s bike commuting incentive and rode enough to redeem $25 in gift cards. That’ll pay for more bike equipment: A better bike light, safety is important!
Year 4, Day 94: Rough start at 2 am with Smol Acrobat’s sadly calling for me: “Mama, not feeling good. Not feeling good, mama.”
They seemed to have dodged the COVID bullet from two weeks ago but they caught a different cold this weekend instead and a bit of fever was starting up. We cuddled so they could sleep again, while I tried to read my book on Kindle and remembered sitting with JB for them to sleep at this age.
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Weirdly enough it was a very un-Monday sort of day. Work was manageable. I had time to dig into a bigger project I’d put off for months. I still forgot one I’d been procrastinating, but that’s no surprise.
I had enough time to review some plans for the rest of summer, cook bulgogi and prep rice and salad for dinner, make PiC’s coffee for tomorrow and tidy up the kitchen a touch. Heaped on top of a pile of greens, the bulgogi made an excellent “steak salad” for me where I’d normally have devoured 3 cups of rice. We have enough left over for tomorrow thankfully, when I’m going to be running to stay on top of it all.
Year 3, Day 95: Smol Acrobat decided that it was PiC’s turn to suffer last night, rejecting me totally out of hand. I was trying to spare him. He was already facing a late night working but Smol was adamant they wanted nothing to do with me.
Despite that, this morning was unexpectedly smooth. Smol was irritatingly a jack-in-the-box at breakfast but their current obsession with the timers on my phone was leveraged to get them to wash their hands, put on their socks, shoes, and sweater. Each of those things is usually a separate, exasperating, fight until I want to pull my hair out. But letting them watch multiple countdowns got us right through to getting buckled up in the car. Whew!
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PiC bought me four ounces of fresh brie and I just realized that it must be consumed before July 3. I’m on it!
Year 3, Day 96: I’ve been rehabilitating my 15 year old backpack. It was a work pack that morphed into a Con bag and then became the go-to for everything backpack. It was the best pack. When the strap started fraying and separating, in fact when half of it was detached, I mournfully tried to replace it with an identical one but of course they just don’t make them anymore. Last week, I started wondering: what are the chances I can actually rebuild this strap? And replace all the zipper pulls that aged and broke?
I set the foundation of the strap bridge over the weekend and bought some upholstery needles for the bridge/patch ($3). I searched for zipper pull replacements but couldn’t commit to any style or price. Then inspiration struck today! I gathered my old free Con lanyards that we hold onto but don’t need, trimmed off 2/3 of the length and sewed some seams. They’re ugly but perfectly serviceable, easy to clip on and off, zipper pulls! š
Excessively pleased with myself.
Year 3, Day 97: What a terrible morning. Smol got me up at 6. We muddled through the next hour looking at videos on my phone until body could start to function. We made breakfast (sausage! eggs! English muffins! toast!) for everyone and things were fine. But JB was sluggish, and didn’t get in gear until it was late and way past time to go, and they were in danger of missing the field trip bus. Think they’ll learn to get moving when we tell them that they’ll be late? (No, me neither) and PiC has caught whatever Smol Acrobat and I have. Boooo.
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This afternoon was a bit of a blur. We went for a walk, put up the garbage bins, she did zooms in the backyard, I cooked dinner, and went back to work for a few hours. Usually we walk later in the day and I feed her right after but I needed to be done with cooking dinner earlier than usual so my internal clock was tilted sideways. Embarrassingly, the days are starting to blend together so much I forgot I hadn’t fed Sera š¶ dinner until much later than usual. She’d just patiently shadowed me the rest of the afternoon, without any increasingly pointed signals like Seamus would have given like tapping the food bowl or yodeling at me.
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After dinner, I put in the first of four seams on the backpack patch. The curved needle is exactly the right tool š In hindsight, though, starting on the less padded side of the backpack would have been wiser. My hands ache from forcing the unfamiliar needle through the thickest part of the padding. The seam is ugly as all get out too, but that’s less important than how strong it is. With a quadruple thread, it seems like it’ll be quite strong indeed. Again, I’m quite pleased with tonight’s incremental progress!
Year 3, Day 98: Always nice to wake up to a swollen ankle. From sleeping. /sarcasm
It’s been swollen since yesterday but didn’t think it was worth mentioning if it’d pass in a day. It has not.
As long as I keep my weight off, I do ok but just ten minutes of hobbling around in shoes leaves my whole body aching with the knock-on effects of walking abnormally.
I got my first mammogram today. Friends and family warned me about the experience and it was as advertised: painful! It hurt too much to breathe when instructed to hold my breath, so I couldn’t sabotage it by gasping for air, and the technician was quick, so it went about as well as it could have. Results were back same day: negative. Many friends and family have been through the breast cancer wringer and we lost one dear friend to ALS after she’d bested breast cancer, so despite not having a family history (that I know of), a negative result is a relief.
1. I am making real progress on my backpack repair. I made new zipper pulls! š
2. I bought three Kindle copies of Kate Elliott’s The Keeper’s Six to give away! Leave me a comment (include your email address in the comment, it won’t be visible publicly) and I’ll send it to you. Please claim in 24 hours.
If not redeemed, I’ll pass to the next person who wants it so they don’t linger, unloved forever.
Year 4, Day 87: Historically, terrible nightmares have plagued my nights but they’d eased off the past couple of years. Last night, they were back with a vengeance. Genocide, cannibalism, and persecution all night long. It was a relief to wake up and shake it off.
*****
PiC and JB spent all morning and half the afternoon helping our friends move. Smol Acrobat and I stayed home, since they would only have gotten in the way, and played, ran errands, and muddled through lunch and naptime. After JB returned and both kids had eaten, I whisked them both off to the park to get them out of PiC’s hair. I got almost two hours of work done all day. š¤¦š»āāļø ah well. Tomorrow’s another day. (Look at me, I don’t even have anxiety over this lost day!)
JB was reportedly helpful but also furious that the new rental’s fridge was cleared out but not cleaned. As they scrubbed, they fumed: how rude! Who rents out a place and DOESN’T CLEAN IT??
Total spent: $31 on diapers from Target.
Year 3, Day 88: I’ve been searching for the 3-ring binders that I like at Target. I’m looking for the kind that have a very hands friendly design, a single tab to open the rings instead of the standard design where you pull the top and bottom tabs. I don’t always have two good hands to work with.
Silly me, I hadn’t flipped the binder over to check the brand. It’s a Staples brand! No wonder I kept striking out at Target. The prices on binders range wildly between $4-23. š This one is the right one and mid-range at $13. I’m waiting until I have enough Staples reward money to buy it. I don’t want to be out of pocket any more than we have to be.
*****
Related: I claimed earlier today that I don’t have a problem at all with spending and this immediately disproves that claim. š
I don’t have a problem spending money on other people. I have a problem spending money on things that are for me or my enjoyment. My beloved mentor, Coach Malika, would have something to say about my deprioritizing my needs and wants, and she would be 100% right.
Year 3, Day 89: Day 3 of waking up with swollen fingers crooked into claw hands. What’s up with that? Our weather has been normalish. Ah well. A thing I’ve been practicing with my therapist is not dwelling on the why because for me, right now, that generally leads to self blame and then we spiral into self flagellation. That leads to more pain. So funny swollen hands day! Wee.
*****
Today I let folks know that I’m picking our June Lakota families, plural for two reasons. First, because I noticed there are a lot of names that have been on the list for a month or more. That’s a long time, usually they get taken care of in a couple weeks. Second, I’m going to be so busy in July, it’ll be really hard to help another family so I should try to pick two before we run out of June.
I started working with the coordinator on the logistics of the first family while contributions came in. It always takes a lot of time and back and forth, and sometimes even phone calls which are at the bottom of my preferences list, to get a complete set of information.
As always, I am grateful all over again to have online friends who step up whenever I put out the call.
Year 3, Day 90: Success! We purchased 200 gallons of propane for June Family 1! This should help them heat water for cooking and bathing for the rest of the summer.
*****
I’m working on thank you cards to my long time physicians this week. No reason, just wanted to take some time to express my appreciation for their care, especially at the big moments in our lives, and supporting me through my ridiculous health journey without ever making me feel bad for seeking advice or help.
*****
This was one of my running running running days. Run to drop off the kids, run home to work, run to pick up the kids, run JB over to self defense class. Run home to make dinner. Phew! I wanted to call it quits when we walked in the door but there was still dinner and bath and bedtime to get through. Naturally this was the day that JB would drop and smash one of the glasses from the set my mom bought 15+ years ago right after dinner so I was too tired to even feel mad.
Year 3, Day 91:Ā MERCY. We cry mercy. Smol woke up crying 4 times in the night, just sobbing hysterically, as if they were terrified. Either they’ve begun having nightmares or they’re falling ill. The latter is often what precedes a feverish day. They’ve also been pretty grumpy this week, so we’re all worn down by today. Also I can’t raise my left arm today. My muscles feel like they’re being grated through the cheese shredder if I try, so I won’t be doing that.
*****
I’m working on shopping for June’s Family 2 today. An older man who has been in the hospital and is recuperating at home needed sandals, hygiene supplies and pantry foods. It took three attempts to figure out a shopping cart of staples at Target that would be shippable, and two tries to get the best prices for the food items I can’t get elsewhere from Amazon. They’re not my top choice but they are willing to ship to a lot of reservation addresses that otherwise can’t get service.
*****
It looks like we made it through the whole week without needing takeout! That’s a surprise. I don’t hold this over my head if we do need takeout anymore, fed is fed however we manage it, but I do like to acknowledge when we managed to cook all week.
1. I was in (self inflicted) PAIN on Saturday from a long day. We’d taken the kids to a family friendly event early, and ended up staying until the end because Smol Acrobat napped hard part way through. My feet were screaming, my leg muscles were on the verge of giving up. I popped a handful of OTC pain meds, hydrated as much as I could and passed out by 9 pm. The thing I didn’t do, which I used to do every single flare-up, was torment myself over the choice to have fun. I’d usually notice the pain and start mentally punishing myself for being weak, for making a stupid decision, for making the mistake of leaving the house.
2. Humoring Smol Acrobat by letting them take a spin around Target will net me a $5 gift card. We spotted this sign for $15 back if you spend $50 on Pampers, and I came home to look it up. I found the rebate site and it’s good for PG products in two forms: $5 back when you spend $20 and $15 back when you spend $50. Good for purchases between April 2, 2023 through June 30, 2023 so check your receipts!
It’ll take 6-8 weeks to get the prepaid $5 Visa. I also learned that I don’t want the Target brand 3 ring binders for my projects so that was helpful too!
He grew up in a financially stable household. I didn’t. I consequently spend a hell of a lot more time talking to JB about money than he does: how we have to work for our money, how we prioritize saving above all because we always want to make sure that if something happens to our ability to earn, we will have savings to draw on.
I give them a very modest allowance and require them to save a portion of it at all times, while letting them start to make decisions (and mistakes, though that gives me heartburn) with their money. I tell them that we expect that they’ll make mistakes as they grow up, that they’ll be better served making small mistakes now where they can learn about how their behavior shapes their spending and learn to adapt systems that will work for them and their habits, instead of against them. My anxiety is of course heightened by the fact that they are most definitely a spender personality. That was my brother. I hoarded my money from the first time I held and saved my own red envelope money, whereas my brother could always find another reason to spend. I’m still years away from seeing how my attempts at teaching JB to be wise with their money and generous to others will work out.
I don’t want them to have financial anxiety and YET I want them to have the skills that the anxiety taught me. I’m really not sure how to do that.
I think it’s interesting that Scalzi mentioned being open with Athena about their income and spending choices. I’m open with JB about our spending priorities but not about our income yet.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Smol Acrobat is getting to the age where we teach them about caring when they hurt someone. They’re deeply concerned when someone has already sustained an injury and will check on it daily for weeks. Months, even. But recently they accidentally hit me in the eye. My “ouch!” and reminding them gently to check in and ask “are you ok?” caused them to freeze up completely. No apologies at this age since we were told ages ago they aren’t developmentally ready to do that. That startled me, I didn’t think that would cause stress for them.
I’ve seen something similar in Demon Cousin. That kid blames the other person for getting hurt and has a screaming meltdown when asked to check on the injured party. I’m not saying Smol is going down that road, but I immediately saw the parallel and we practiced the line “are you ok?” many times with all kinds of different scenarios to take the tension out of saying it. They’re already good at “scuse me”, they do that at daycare a lot, apparently. We’d taught them to say excuse me when trying to get past someone (mostly Sera who doesn’t understand anyway but it’s a hell of a lot better than letting them yell at and smack her to get her to move). After an extended practice session that night, they relaxed and willingly used it to check in the next day.
They’re wielding many new words inexpertly this month: booboo, getting better. Healing! Sun waking up. Mommy, WAKING UP! (said while patting my face when I try to sneak in a nap during a reading session) Retty niaow! (Ready now). Pout pout fish, pout pout face. (said while squishing my face between their hands)
Pronunciation and enunciation are an ongoing struggle. Ta-do has finally morphed into towel. We’re working on strawberry. We need to get through this on our own because I will cry if we have to spend $500/month on speech therapy.
Pupdate
I’ve tried to invite Sera š¶ to be my office buddy many times, even bringing a bed in for her, but she’s always refused. I don’t force her, if she leaves she leaves. But it’s sad. I’m used to having a dog very nearby. Seamus used to lay with his head on my lap when I sat on the living room floor with him to work. I miss that.
JB carried an armload of costumes into the office and left them for me to deal with. Before I could, Sera š¶ staked them out as her nest. She’ll come and sleep in the office as long as she can sleep on the nest of JB’s clothes. It makes no sense.
Precious Moments
Smol Acrobat is currently obsessed with owies. JB’s owies, dad’s owies, relitigating the time they took an owie from that door six months ago, see? See here on this foot? Door! They need to check everyone’s owies to confirm they’re getting better.
They demanded to see my owies, rolling up my pant leg.
Oh, I don’t have an owie there.
“See! Owie!!” Prods my leg.
Oh. I guess they’ve heard me aching around the house. “You can’t, kiddo, my owies are in the bone.”
Year 4, Day 80: I usually come into Monday feeling wrecked but this Monday comes with the extra spice of marrow-deep regret after spending most of Sunday washing loads of lost and found laundry and packing them away, and sorting and packing several unexpected boxes of donations from our friends who had also kindly saved empty large boxes for us to use. Unfortunately I burned through all my energy and my reserves of energy without realizing it, so I’m burnt out today. I had to pace myself very carefully all day, taking loads more breaks than my usual one, and work wrapped in a heating pad.
We also had a call with the daycare director today. There was another incident on Friday with the Prior Offender who attacked Smol Acrobat, this time right in front of PiC, where PO started shoving Smol when they wanted the toys that Smol was playing with. PiC intervened and they kept at it anyway. It’s developmentally normal but we still don’t want them in the same classroom where they’ll be around each other all day, everyday, and I don’t know what options there are but there had better be some.
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The one bright note: Smol Acrobat sat/stood at the table and ate their whole dinner on their own. No whining, no playing with their food, no flopping all over the place ignoring their plate. They just served themselves and ate!! It was a tiny miracle. The one odd thing was they called the BBQ sauce “spicy”, wanted to try it, deemed it thumbs up “goot”, but insisted that they only dip off my plate. That was an acceptable price for their feeding themselves without fuss.
Year 3, Day 81: We recently inherited a stack of old page protectors, from someone’s closet cleanout which is perfect because dun dun dunnnnnnnn….
Big project! Going through our financial and personal paperwork making sure everything is complete and organized. The paperwork currently merely exists in two binders. It’s not going to be particularly helpful to anyone in the event of our deaths. So everything is going into page protectors. Tabs will identify sections and the claims pages for life insurance and disability policies. I’m missing some information for my supplemental life insurance through PiC’s employer, and we’re missing his birth certificate so those two items are on the To Do list. Once things are complete and in order, I’ll type up a table of contents.
I’ve started a similar project with JB’s school records and notable moments. I’ve kept a journal with notes and pictures for them, in an old composition book, but it’s bloated with all the photos and cards I crammed in there to easily write in.
This inspires me to move my recipes to a binder system, too! My old journal method is good for storing data/recipes and useless for finding them quickly. I’ll need to pick up a new binder and possibly more page protectors by the time I get all these organized.
Generally I maintain a primarily digital records existence but some things you need to have in hard copy.
Year 3, Day 82: We were notified that Smol Acrobat was exposed to a COVID-infectious kid last week. We immediately tested the kids and we all came up negative but it’s going to be an anxious few days waiting to see if anyone else develops symptoms or tests positive.
~~~~~
I’ve been trying to eat fewer carbs this week to see if it would help with my persistent pain spikes of the past few weeks and my unwanted companion belly bulge. It’s a bit rough going from ALL THE CARBS to some carbs, sometimes. This is a very moderate approach, just adding more veggies which I’ve always struggled with, and smaller servings of carbs but my cravings have zero respect for “moderation” and respond disproportionately. After three days of slightly reduced carbs, my body is urging me to throw in the towel. Shan’t. I’d like to give it an honest go for a few more weeks.
~~~~~
Listening to my mentor and old friend talk to another old friend, both of whom I met through the PF blogosphere waaaay back in the day, talk about money is so heartwarming.
Year 3, Day 83: I’m doing the dropoff commute today so that PiC can bike in without having to stress about JB. I don’t mind doing my share of dropping off for camp and daycare but it sure eats up a large chunk of my day.
I lost another 45 minutes this morning to observing interactions between a white cop and a Black man. It seemed calm at first but then the Black man became upset at whatever he’d been told and I immediately worried for his life. I worried even more when three more cruisers showed up and surrounded the area. Why do you need to outnumber one upset, but absolutely and clearly non threatening, person by six or more officers?
I sat there as a witness, ready to film if anything went sideways, and was so thankful when they finally all pulled away without laying hands on him or escalating.
I hate this about our society. I hate that the moment he showed anger, I feared for his safety and his life because so frequently police have taken less as an excuse to murder. I hate that this is the norm and that my Black friends and neighbors and fellow residents cannot simply be human without potentially putting their lives at risk.
Year 3, Day 84: Whoops, I lost the note I’d written for Friday. Quick summary: a huge load of work came in and I cleared it all under Monday is a holiday for everyone else and I need to take some of it off to mind the kids.
PiC and JB are scheduled to help our friends move too, so they’ll be gone for a while.
Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.