About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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November 1, 2022
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from investing in index funds and dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks, cash back sites (Rakuten, Mr.Rebates) and affiliate links to Bookshop and Amazon sometimes pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running. The sidebar has ways to support the blog and our charitable giving.
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
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Dividend income. We received $216.40 in dividends from the stocks portfolio.
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Many Californians should be getting a Middle Class Tax Refund between October 2022 and January 2023. Whatever we get will come in useful.
I’m getting ready for a lean start of the new year. Traditionally our income is always much lower in the first half of the year thanks to pre-tax contributions. Why did it take me so long to finally remember this is a pattern?
Now that I DO remember, I’m trying to stash some cash ahead of the turn of the year.
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October 31, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 220: Drat! Sera’s collar broke this morning. I’m not prepared to expend the brainpower I’ll need for picking a replacement because it’s never as easy as buying the same one we had – they never have the same one in stock when we need a replacement.
Update, yes, that took two flipping hours searching for anything like what we have now and then researching what IS available. Especially miffed because I tried PetSmart, Petco, Chewy, Target and no one had anything we needed in stock, so I ended up at Amazon after all. A, I could have saved myself a lot of time but B, I would have been annoyed at myself for not checking elsewhere first. Grump. In any case, I know it’s not realistic to swear them off entirely. My rule is we make an honest effort to buy elsewhere first, which we did.
My insides were out of sorts all day. Maybe they were set off by the (really, very minor in the grand scheme of things) routine disturbance of Sera’s collar, maybe I was already on the verge of it anyway. Couldn’t put a name to it however hard I tried, just felt like an emotionally shaken carbonated drink: agitated, anxious, unsettled, set to explode. I offered the inner simmering beast a stack of graham crackers to no avail.
Perhaps it’s the emotional kickback from being sick for two weeks and then having fun this weekend for the price of being physically wiped out. Perhaps it’s the temporary shake up at work that’ll settle down by next week. Perhaps it’s anticipating the launch of the Lakota Thanksgiving fundraising this week and hoping so hard for a positive response, and also anticipating/hoping for really good sales so we can buy the Lakota families so many needed things. Perhaps it’s anticipating another shoe will drop because when it’s been even a little quiet, I worry. Or perhaps my need to have all our holiday gifts taken care of by now; they most definitely are not.
Turns out there are plenty of reasons to feel unsettled…!
Despite my sorts being all over the place, something must be trying to place for me to wonder how to fix my chicken soups gone wrong of late (smitten kitchen to the rescue?) and even experiment with matzo ball soup. Neither the time or energy is actually available for these endeavors but it says something hopeful? delusional? that the desire sparks at all.
Year 3, Day 221: I slept like a bear hibernating for winter. Waking up in the morning felt like crawling out of a deep and cozy pit entirely against my will. (more…)
October 28, 2022
1. I made a giant 4 lb batch of beef-turkey chili that everyone, even Smol, loved. My taste buds are being weird again so all the lovely melded flavors were lost on me this round. But we had enough for a good dinner, enough to put up a meal to freeze for a busy week, and enough for a small meal later. Not enough to share with our friends as I originally intended so now I know to make an extra lb or two next time.
2. The kids got their flu vaccines and there weren’t any tears! JB opted for the FluMist, I didn’t know that was a live vaccine, and Smol didn’t get a choice but they were a champ for the jab anyway. Now it’s just me left for the flu, and JB needs to get their bivalent booster.
3. I scrubbed our bathrooms until they were about 80% clean and gleaming. At that I needed a 2 hour nap after. I’m glad that I stopped there instead of pushing for the full 100% because I’d be useless the rest of this weekend.
4. Halloween scavenger prep included buying prize stickers from a small business (check), making little tissue paper ghosts from used tissue paper (check) and finding hiding places for them (not yet). Gonna call that progress!
5. I stretched a pound of bacon for a week: breakfast egg and bacon sandwiches, breakfast burritos, adding some crunch to avocado turkey sandwiches that PiC got from work free. Usually it all goes into one giant bacon pasta. Nomz.
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October 26, 2022
The Background
The Pine Ridge Reservation is part of a larger territory established for the Lakota in 1868 that was later broken up into smaller tribal reservations. The Pine Ridge reservation portion of the territory includes Pine Ridge, Wounded Knee, Porcupine, Kyle, Oglala, Wanblee, Allen and more, and is now home to about 40,000 Native Americans. Pine Ridge County, within the reservation, is the poorest county per capita in the nation. Folks on the reservation are generally living in very poor, cramped conditions. Household sizes range from single adults to families with 16+ children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, all of whom need food, clothes and education. As you can imagine, with limited income, the need for assistance is great. It’s common for families to lack heat, running water, clothing, and basic household supplies, even more common for large families to run short of food.
For the past five years, friends have contributed to a pool of funds and I’ve used them to help families on the reservation through the Okini. Each year, our effort grows a little bit more.
This year, we have deployed 20 shipments so far, mostly directly to families, and a few to the Allen Youth Center to share with families near the Center.
The Idea
Directly supporting more indigenous folks on the reservation would be an appropriate way to observe this federal holiday. To be more efficient on this occasion, I thought we could send a big shipment of basics to the Allen Youth Center to distribute.
I discussed this idea with the coordinator handling the Allen Youth Center and she confirmed they would welcome any help we could give, in any quantity. There’s a massive need for things like socks, diapers, OTC meds, blankets, coats, shampoo and conditioner, body soap, laundry soap, lotion, pantry foods, etc. COVID continues to be a big issue on the reservation and medications aren’t easily come by.
This would benefit approximately 100 local families that live near the Center.
The Details
Initial pricing gave me a sense of how much money we’d need to supply just a few families (these are examples so this won’t necessarily be the pricing available near Thanksgiving):
Kirkland Diapers Size 1-2, 192 count, $26 ($9.50 off until Oct 23)
Kirkland Diapers Size 3-6, 222 count, $36 ($9.50 off until Oct 23)
Limit 2 per member, 2 boxes in each size: $392 pretax
Or socks! Good quality socks from Costco range from 3-5 pairs per package and run $10-13 a package. If we wanted to send 2 packages of socks to ten individuals so they’d have a full week of clean socks, we’d need $200-260 pre-tax.
12 boxes of diapers and 20 packages of socks requires about $720 with tax. I’d love to supply a lot more than that, but any of these items in volume is going to cost a lot, even on sale.
The Plan
With our usual giving circle and a few extra folks pitching in, we’ll be able to send something like a dozen boxes of diapers and 20 packages of socks. But if we are lucky enough to get much more funding, I’d like to send the following.
- To the Allen Youth Center: boxes of diapers in every size, cases of wipes, socks in various sizes, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, children’s ibuprofen, children’s cough and cold medication, thermometers, blankets, sets of shampoo and conditioner, packs of bar soap, lotion, pads and tampons, hand soap, dish soap, laundry detergent, men’s coats/sweaters/vests, women’s coats/sweaters/vests, childrens’ /sweaters/vests in various sizes, pairs of kids boots in various sizes, a selection of pantry foods.
If we somehow still have money after this, I will work my way down this list!
- We’ll supply families listed on the Okini, most of whom live outside the AYC area and wouldn’t benefit from the supplies shipped to the Center. I pick one family at a time and shop for them. This takes a lot of time and attention as I shop for every individual in the family according to their sizes and needs. These are sent directly to the family/families.
- The Okini holiday list, published mid-November: we’d pick a family and buy the requested gifts to be sent directly to the recipients.
- Pine Ridge’s neighbor, Rosebud Reservation, has a holiday party for their people each year and ask for supplies for the meal, gifts for their elders (socks and gloves), and gifts for the kids.
I’ll shop the best possible sales that are available at the time we have funding. With my full time job, full time parenting and life, I can’t optimize every single sale but I always do my best to make the most of every penny that comes in.
The Need
We’ll need our community’s help to help Indigenous families this holiday season. If you’re able to contribute funds, we would deeply appreciate your help, as would the families! Sharing this post widely would be a great help as well.
Important: To accept a wider range of donations, I’ve teamed up with my dear longtime friend Ruth Tillman. She and I go back over a decade and I trust her implicitly with financial matters. She’s publicly visible, whereas I remain pseudonymous, and she can accept money on behalf of the project at:
- Venmo: @RK-Tillman
- PayPal: ruthtillman@gmail.com
- Cashapp: $ruthkt
Please add a note that your gift is for Pine Ridge and include your email address to receive updates.
October 25, 2022
Life with JB
When we talk about small day to day things, what happened at recess, what events are upcoming at school, how they deal with conflicts, I catch myself having reactions that are projections of how I would feel (present day me) in those situations and feeling that way FOR JB. It’s hard for me to practice separating that reaction in the moment even though I know that it’s best for me to take a step back and let them have their experiences in their own way.
Mostly that’s about the bad stuff like kids being thoughtless or if they’re anxious about being left out because their good friend moved away (there’s a big trigger for me, abandonment) or if they’re grumping about the work (signs of potential slackerhood are a huge trigger for me as they remind me of my dad and brother). I’m trying my hardest not to fix, rescue, or solve for them. But how do I keep holding my feelings at bay so they don’t spill over onto JB?
I direct my venting to friends, or here, and hold out until therapy when I can safely be frustrated without worrying I’m stunting their emotional growth or making them feel like they can’t talk to us.
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October 24, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 213: I’m still hacking up a lung but a little less than yesterday so here’s to small improvements. But I discovered a painful bump, pimple?, on my shoulder and how am I still getting these in my forties? Is there no peace to be had??
Over the weekend I sent out a message to our giving group that helps me support folks on the Pine Ridge reservation year-round. I floated the idea of making a big purchase, taking advantage of the upcoming Black Friday sales, to send bulk basic goods to the reservation. Supporting indigenous people for Thanksgiving feels like the right way to observe that federal holiday.
Some folks were able to contribute quickly (yay!) and I started hatching shopping lists. One thing led to another, namely prices adding up really fast, and I started brainstorming ways to make the impossible happen.
Two boxes of diapers in each size (12 total) comes to $350 pretax. Just 10 packages of good socks comes to $280. I wanted to send a variety of supplies: socks, gloves, diapers, warm sweaters and vests, OTC meds, shampoo and conditioner, soap, lotion, and holiday gifts for kids (sports balls, puzzles, books). COVID is still a huge problem, the coordinator confirmed, and they can’t afford even the basic OTC meds.
Once again with the money we have, it’s variety vs volume. I hate having to prioritize.
I hate it so much I asked a couple of my high profile friends if they’re willing / able to help boost a bigger effort this year. Part of me secretly hopes it’ll be a massive success and we’ll be able to help so many families in one fell swoop. Part of me wonders if I’m biting off more than I can chew. Another part of me is pretty sure that I am. But I have a plan! It just needs money and good bargain prices!
It’s a good thing we had daycare today, we normally don’t on Mondays, because I got all my work done and set up some structure for a big fundraising effort this year.
FYI: you’re witnessing a real time obsessive spiral. I now have 50 links for dry goods and pantry foods that I’d like to buy to outfit X number of families and the cost most definitely leapfrogged the current budget by several leaps and bounds. One can dream, though, yes?
I also cooked dinner! Pork roast, rice, and bok choy. And Smol Acrobat even ate their dinner like a halfway civilized human! Except for the part after they calmly set their own bowl aside and demanded my plate. They wanted to eat off a plate like everyone else.
All in all, not a bad day despite how I felt physically. (more…)
October 21, 2022
1. We got our bivalent boosters! I’m just waiting for them to be available for JB now that it’s approved for their age group.
2. Mom win: JB really wanted to decorate a pumpkin this year and I remembered in time to get them one. $5, except there was a mysterious basket discount of $1 which made it $4. I got 35¢ back on that Safeway receipt. I haven’t cancelled Ibotta yet so may as well make back a little bit of cash with that data.
3. Moriah‘s girlfriend needs gender affirming surgery and they need some help funding it.
4. This show is Very Cute and also they have an all Native writers room which is pretty amazing: ‘Spirit Rangers’ creator made the show she longed for as a Native American child
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