May 30, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 66: 515 am wake-up.
Late last night I looked up ME/CFS to see if my night sweats might be a bonus symptom and it is. It also reminded me that both sore throats and flu symptoms are also normal bonus symptoms. I’ve been on my sore throat from a virus pain management all week to no avail. My throat stayed swollen and raw all week which is unusual for not developing the rest of the full blown cold or flu symptoms. Today I’m thinking this is an escalation of my CFS symptoms. Being solo with Smol Acrobat 3-4 hours a day twice a week is wearing me down harder and faster than usual. But it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. We don’t have daycare until October at the earliest. Le sigh.
So today’s short (naturally) nap was followed up by a looooong play session: checking out the new basket of toys I rotated in (yay new baskets!), working the 35 ml giant syringe I pulled out of a cabinet for their amusement, sitting down for a long session of sunblocking (their request). Followed up by the signs: all done, eat, milk. Remarkably civil compared to last week’s screeching and SITTING ON THEIR HANDS refusing to sign. We vacuumed, then went for a short walk, and then after reading a couple books, they hit the wall HARD. Me too, actually.
In an unusual move, I made myself take an hour to lay down instead of pushing through more work because my health needs it more than work needs to have one more email answered earlier.
Though actually the real internal battle was over taking the time to lay down versus cutting out more fabric for my next projects. I want to have fun, dangit!
But given the state of my hands and throat and head and well, the rest of me, resting had to be the wise move. Also, I need to buy that rotary cutter to help with the straight lines I’m simply not capable of achieving with a pair of scissors. I’ll need to cut out more mask filters as well and those are all straight lines, in bulk. (more…)
May 27, 2022
1. We had an abundance of plastic containers from our Hello Fresh experiment days. While we had to recycle some to make space, I keep finding new uses for the remainder. Reusing perfectly good containers makes me very happy, as does finding that we have containers the exact right size for a thing I need.
2. Despite his own exhaustion, PiC took the kids out for a few hours on Saturday so I could rest and it was the best I felt all week. Not having to be up and parenting or talking was such a relief.
I am absolutely sick over the constant stream of horror that is life in America. This latest school shooting where the police did absolutely nothing to protect the children being slaughtered, for an HOUR, isn’t even a surprise. It’s heartbreaking and sickening but not a surprise. I hate all of this. I hate that we don’t take domestic violence seriously. I hate that we ignore the links between DV and eventual mass shootings. I hate that the NRA has a stranglehold on the politicians who could do something about this but definitely won’t.
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May 23, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 59: La Mamá y Pequeño dia!
Ways it started right: I’d made egg salad for today’s lunches yesterday afternoon, and made PiC’s coffee in the early evening so it felt like we were a little ahead of the game for meals. Except dinner, I’m still stumped on dinner. We ate almost all our leftovers yesterday so today will require some kind of planning. Pasta carbonara again? JB calls it cheesy pasta, utterly failing to appreciate the bacon, but that’s ok. I got at least five hours of sleep. There’s nothing quite like reading on your phone to quiet your brain until it lands on your face because you sort of fell asleep but didn’t realize it before gravity took over.
Ways it started wrong: 445 wake up. I persuaded Smol to lay quietly for another 20 minutes. I had nightmares about trying to work and taking care of Smol while both my bosses were around. Then it shifted to trying to put Smol down for a nap but they were unexpectedly sweating and had a heat rash all over their body. Thank goodness it was just a set of nightmares. Then again, it was followed up by a dream about redeeming my hotel points for a weeklong vacation so that was better. I wonder where we would have gone.
*****
I’ve decided that the ending of White Collar was utterly unsatisfying. Yes, it was a lot of clever manipulation to achieve the ultimate end but I thought he’d learned to value his friends and family. How could he just abandon Moz??
*****
Smol-arity: they have an obsession with hugging my foot, and a current refusal to lay still for diaper changes, so today we put them together and had my foot sing them the alphabet while I changed their diaper.
They finally pieced together how to sign Thank You today!!! Very proud moment for mama, papa, and siblings.
*****
Do/did you hoard fancy hotel shampoos and conditioners too? We collected them wherever we went but we never used them it at home. Smol and I packed them up today for donation. I’m on a two week bender of clearing out things. We’re donating and handing down outgrown clothes and unneeded gear that could be put to good use by other folks. I’m claustrophobic from accumulated stuff and we need space for a dear relative to come visit. I want to be done with the mess of outgrown clothing and other household stuff well ahead of their summer visit.
*****
Do you feel your age more when you know eating a food will kick your butt (and you do it anyway) or when you don’t know and it kicks your butt?
Year 3, Day 60: Pizza for dinner last night kicked my butt and Smol’s 5 am wake up kicked PiC’s butt. He was a good sport and kept Smol alive until I dragged myself out to join them. 5 am is even too early for Sera, she won’t budge from her bed until I come out.
*****
We tackled the pasta carbonara today, Smol and I. Smol was screechily indignant that I wouldn’t share the raw diced bacon but they sort of settled down when distracted by apple slices and a bowl of pasta. A pound of garlicky bacon and a pound of diced chicken was tossed with rigatoni and it all came together with the egg/parmesan. Excellent work this afternoon! I made an enormous bowl of it since the “cheesy pasta” is popular. JB asked if we had enough to last the rest of the week. Not the way we eat! But there’s something very satisfying about making a dish that everyone likes eating.
Cooking burned the bulk of my midday time and energy. After we ate, PiC took over for the next two hours with the kids so I could sit down and work (“rest”). My hips were in dire need of rest by 2 pm.
*****
Progress in the room overflowing with kid stuff: toys have been organized into three baskets that will rotate every few days so Smol has the illusion of choice. More baby gear was boxed up, Smol found a brand new kid shirt in the office for the donation box. Donation boxes are piling up and may soon be ready for weighing and shipping. We’re in the stage where everything is worse, but it’s also starting to feel possible to visualize a finish.
Discovery! It’s deeply satisfying to cut out and prep new pieces of fabric for the pouches project. Prep is not my favorite part of sewing but it feels good to be setting up for fun.
My first success is a medicine pouch and it’s already in service. The second pouch will be for JB to store art supplies. The third pouch will be a mini diaper bag (literally just for Smol’s diapers and wipes) that gets tossed in the backpack for outings.
Year 3, Day 61: Huh, I wonder if inappropriately involving other people in your interpersonal relationships is a sign of something. Nicole and Maggie’s post made me recall that, many years ago, an in-law with whom I didn’t get along (but still felt entitled to my good graces despite only ever treating me badly) contacted a mutual friend. They asked this friend how to make me like them. My friend didn’t engage and reported back to me, she felt I should know that person’s mentality. I felt very betrayed at the time. I was a lot younger, I cared about certain opinions more than I should have. But perhaps it’s not a surprise that doing that, instead of speaking to me or treating me like a decent human, did not endear me to them. I didn’t appreciate that manipulation but I also didn’t realize the levels of manipulation that was until later.
*****
Thinking about the market and economy: I think our family is relatively prepared for a standard recession but I’m not so sure about our preparedness for stagflation if that might be on the horizon.
I’m grateful that I committed to a set investing schedule. Hindsight tells me I’d have refused to put money in the market most of this year during the highs and then been stumped when to do a lump sum deposit when it came back down because I’d keep waiting for it to go down “enough” whatever that is.
*****
TFW you ask the toddler what they want, because of the torrents of whining, and they have perfectly useful baby signs to communicate and instead they literally sit on their hands. 😒
*****
Mischievous Smol landed with their full weight on my hand and wrist at a bad angle and ouch ouch ouch it hurts. This wrist is particularly prone to triggering flare ups so now I’m paranoid this will decommission my dominant hand for weeks.
*****
I just remembered we need to plan to pack test kits for future travel. Test kits have to be on our permanent travel list for the foreseeable future. So second homemade pouch became the test kit pack. Tonight I cut out fabric and pieced them together for two more pouches. This next one will be JB’s surprise.
Sewing is as fun as I’d assumed it would be for retirement, only it’s fun now. Surprise! I’m learning to make simple things I need and it doesn’t always have to be a huge time commitment. I can spend 10-15 minutes a night doing some part of the fun.
Year 3, Day 62: 5:20 am wake up. 👎
My fatigue induced sore throat yesterday might not have been only fatigue induced after all. It’s back today, and I feel like someone siphoned all my energy. Smol Acrobat and PiC are also sniffling today, all bad signs. My hand and wrist are still aching from yesterday. This is not great. It’s our solo day, me and the littlest. I need to be functional!
Thankfully, they took a really solid first nap. I knocked out a lot of work, my meds finally started working on the sore throat a little, and sitting with heat directly on my aching body for two hours made a real difference. I like a lot of things about the colder weather we live in year round but my body hates it. Doing my solid best to keep away from fear and stress thoughts about my hand and being careful not to tweak it further.
*****
Cars made in this decade are like spaceships. We’re going to need a newer car eventually but I don’t look forward to the learning curve.
*****
Thanks for the reminder, Bethh! I ordered blackout curtains! They said it’d take a month for them to arrive. 🤞 Hoping it’s sooner and hoping it’s the answer to our 5 am wake ups.
*****
By mid-afternoon it was clear I needed a nap. I wasn’t getting one but since I cleared enough off my desk, BUT I gave myself permission to stop working at 5 and take a break. I sewed for a minute, ripped out the seam for four minutes because I sewed on the wrong side, and then sewed it again. Had to force myself to make a better call and stop with the one seam and go lay down. It feels weird to acknowledge that needing or wanting rest is a good enough reason to rest.
Thank goodness for leftovers. PiC cobbled together roasted broccoli and noodles from the pantry to go with the leftover pho broth we had left from earlier.
Year 3, Day 63: 5:20 am. Blergh.
Washing the dishes this morning, a memory surfaced. Now, I’ve never been a good napper, just like I’ve struggled with sleep for as long as I have actual memory (since 5 years old? younger?) This means napping has never been a go to for me. But my dad took an afternoon nap every day of my life. They were both up every morning at the crack of dawn, and worked 18 hour days, but Mom did all the cooking and cleaning and she never once took a nap or a rest. Seriously I can’t remember ever seeing him clean when I was a kid. He did when I was an adult but not when we were growing up. I know I thought about how unfair that was at some point, but that was more in adulthood. How much did this impact my thinking and feelings about taking needed rest? Something to think about.
*****
We’re both at the ends of our respective ropes. He’s burning the candle at both ends (working late and getting up early with Smol) and I’ve been sick all week with very little respite. It’s not great.
Grateful for enough leftovers to serve for dinner tonight. I forced myself to do much of the usual post dinner clean up during dinner prep so I’d have less to do when I finally hit the wall. Sadly my body doesn’t understand how to rest when it’s time to, so often I just keep trucking until the truck hits me. No different tonight, I squeezed in a half hour of sewing to make a markers pouch for JB and a giant pouch for myself for our test kits (and as an experiment in scale).
I’ve got a project brewing mentally and my sewing sister gave me enough guidance for it to brew more seriously than it was before. I needed to get an idea of what size bag would result from the latest extra large measurements. That’ll help me figure out the measurements for a lunch bag for JB. I COULD spend $30 and buy the super cute Hello Kitty lunch bag I want for them. It would almost certainly be cheaper than buying the fabric, the iron on waterproofing, and insulation to make them one. But I kinda really like the idea of making one myself now.
You can see the If You Give A Mouse a Cookieness unfolding in real time here: if you give Revanche a sewing machine, she’s gonna want to buy fabric for all the projects.
May 20, 2022
1. I don’t know if you remember but last fall, I was stressed. And one night, since fabrics were on sale and I needed a project to distract from the horrible stuff going on with COVID, and work, and our stress-faces at home, I bought 16 yards of fleece. That’s right. 48 feet of fleece. You’d think that at some point I’d do the math and realize we were about to be eyebrows deep in fabric but nope, that didn’t dawn on me until the fabric arrived and one of the designs just shipped on the roll. I’d bought so much they chucked the whole roll into a shipping container and called it good. I made four blankets of various sizes and designs for ourselves, and now I’m in the final stretch of my Stress Case Fabric Adventures. I think these last 9.5 feet will make one more blanket for a nibling and a pillow.
2. I MADE A ZIPPER POUCH!! Zippers were going to break my brain but fixing one mistake after another, texting my sewing sisters, on Sunday, I managed to complete a whole functional zippered pouch! Yes, you can buy all kinds of pouches but the sizes I need are really quite expensive. This cost $7 for a yard of fabric (which will yield 2-6 pouches depending on sizes) and $1.50 per zipper. The learning curve was a heck of a thing and it’s very clearly amateur work but it’s for personal use so that doesn’t matter.
Help this family seeking asylum
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May 17, 2022
JB’s been enjoying Kiki’s Delivery Service and they’ve learned the word “dirigible”.
It’s knocked Encanto and Turning Red off the roster temporarily for which I am deeply grateful because I couldn’t take hearing about them again and again and again. And again.
*****
I’d been meaning to adapt Nicole and Maggie’s weekly allowance policy ($0.xx per year of age) for JB because we want them to practice thinking about saving and spending real money in real terms. We’ve been remarkably behind on this practical application but I wanted to talk to them a lot about our spending choices and our money philosophies and teach them to think more critically about money than just “I want”. They turned the tables on me several weeks ago when I was looking at earrings that I wanted. When I couldn’t choose between two pairs, they said: buy them both! When I said I could only have one pair because I have lots of earrings already, they said: so you don’t need them, this is just a want!
I’m under no illusions that this process will stick when it’s their turn the first several times but I’m hoping the foundation is set well enough for a start.
When the book fair came around, we had a chat about gifting them a set amount since they hadn’t had time to save up yet. They had to think about whether the desire is to own books they’ve read before and know they like, want to reread a lot, AND wants to have on their shelf enough to move out other books that are less well loved, OR if they want to explore new books. They pondered and said they’d like to put some money aside for an Encanto notebook later. So they’re already starting to think along the lines of figuring out priorities, at least ahead of time. We’ll see if it holds up in the face of the actual book fair.
*****
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May 16, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 52: Smol’s waking up at 445 am was painful but I now have a theory that they’re waking up cold. I noticed their hands and feet were colder than usual and wrapping them up like a burrito and rocking them until they warmed up a little before putting them back to bed seemed to help. It took two tries but it bought us another hour of sleep to the much desired 630 point. Precious hour. PiC took over then and I got to rest just a little longer.
*****
All I wanted to do today was work on my little sewing project. Not work. Booo work. Alas. ’twas not my fate.
Smol granted me two hours of work time which I begrudgingly used wisely and then we were off to the toddler races. They searched the house for anyone else. No dice. Just you, me, and Sera makes three!
They snacked, which was really lunch, hoovering up all the leftovers I had intended to eat. By the time I was done pitching food into their voracious yet picky little maw, I was too tired to find food for myself. After cleanup, they made a strong bid for vacuuming time. They like to vacuum everyday. Or at least they like the sound of it. They went knocking books off shelves like a cat, and then we sat on the ground so they could practice buckling buckles, removing everything from my bag, emptying my travel pouches, and throwing everything out of my wallet. I put it all back in and they’d do it all over again. It gave me a couple ideas for creating more “discovery pouches” for their entertainment.
We picked up JB from school together and they seemed ready for a nap after but the joke was on us. They spent their entire nap period playing.
I crammed in another hour or two of work while they didn’t nap and then abandoned shop entirely for the chance to try and find them some warm pajamas at the local shops. No dice there either, unfortunately.
Thank goodness for crockpot leftovers from the weekend. The four of us dragged back in, exhausted and hungry, from our fruitless little venture and demolished huge servings of Kahlua pork and cabbage on rice. Two thumbs up. Even Smol ate with gusto. A rare treat, that. (more…)