About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
Read MoreJuly 1, 2022
1. Whenever I see an author I like on Twitter, I make sure to ask the library to add their books to our collection. Support authors!
2. Walgreens didn’t credit my $5 promo Walgreens cash after a purchase last week. Happily it only took two attempts on chat to get it credited. It’s gotta be the little things these days.
Challenges this week: everything, y’all.
June 27, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.Year 3, Day 94: 12 am, 2 am, 430 am, 445 am 515 am wake ups. I’m at my wit’s end today. Yes, it was a terrible night of sleep (half was my body being what it is and half was Smol) but it’s now what, three months of trying to ride this out?
This weekend I couldn’t take it anymore and spent some time researching a dozen articles on how to deal with borked sleep and there are so many many reasons it could be and half of them contradict the other hald. Bedtime too early, bedtime too late, too much napping, too little napping, low sleep need, more sleep need.
Today specifically, I’m frazzled between needing to work and needing to fix Smol’s sleep schedule because we cannot keep going like this. Diagnosing what’s causing them their early waking has me pulling my hair out though. They might average 3-4 hours of naps at day and only sleep 10 hours at night. They’re consistently getting up way too early every morning, bright and early and happy about it, but clearly they are still tired to be napping as much as they do. My working theory is to push them to take shorter day naps and hope that means longer night sleep. We’re testing this theory today but that also means I have very very very limited time to work. At best, two hours of nap time to work.
Naturally that means my computer was a steaming pile of rotten turnips. After an hour of troubleshooting and restarting (SEVEN TIMES), the file explorer finally started working only for another thing to break. I was on the verge of screaming. Thankfully, I managed not to blow my top and moved on to other things for a short while.
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JB complained of a sore throat at 9 pm, and since I’ve had one myself for the past four days which I chalked up to CFS, we went and took a precautionary test. Negative, thankfully, so sent them to bed with a dose of ibuprofen for the pain.
Year 3, Day 95: 515 am. Experiment has not yet borne fruit. I know, it was unlikely to change overnight but I hoped. Silly, I know. If it seems like I snapped overnight, it feels like I did! It was over the weekend. Suddenly I just couldn’t take this seemingly endless early morning waking anymore. I had thought surely it’d go back to a more reasonable time by now! (more…)
June 24, 2022
1. Equal parenting: I take the hit the first day a kid’s sick because I roll with the initial punch more easily. PiC then takes sick time to take them the next day(s) once he’s had a bit of time to adjust.
2. This is me being hopeful: we’re meeting a potential dogsitter for Sera this weekend. They’re a really long haul away, so I’m really not looking forward to that exhausting back and forth but cross your fingers that she’s as good for Sera as I hope she can be?
Challenges this week:
June 21, 2022
Thank goodness for four layer masks including an N95 filter layer. JB only missed a few days of school this year when they felt a little sick, just as a precaution, but they were tested regularly all year both at home and at school. They’ve been top notch about masking everywhere and so, even though we’ve had a veritable flood of COVID notifications from the school post Spring Break, they have stayed healthy and not gotten the rest of us sick. Their immune system is very robust but we are absolutely unwilling to risk any one of our family getting it from lack of precautions. I know it’s going to be hard to dodge this forever but the longer we can put it off, the fewer instances we have, the better for all of us. PiC and I are a great team but we are frayed beyond all imagining. So I’m ever so grateful that JB has been a star at staying masked indoors and out.
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JB makes friends with other kids, even just for a single hour to play, like breathing air. I’ve been bemused by this forever. This school year they decided they were besties with one kid, whose parents were social and willing to set up playdates, so we’ve struck up a little friendship with them which has been really helpful for us to fill in the blanks on stuff going on at school when the school failed to communicate well.
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JB is so resistant to learning how to learn. They’ll come to me with a concept that they were taught in school already, unable to remember it partially or completely, and then ask me what it is. Instead of telling them the answer, I direct them to the resources that they can use to refresh their memory. I’ve explained that this is because giving them an answer isn’t helping. I need to help them learn to learn. Inevitably this leads to a total meltdown. Flopping on the ground, “I can’t do it!”, whining, and grouching like it’s the end of the world because they “can’t”. I try to harness my patience but generally fail miserably because it’s “won’t”, not “can’t”. This reminds me of my older brother who refused, absolutely refused, every single academic challenge like he was allergic. He would work five times harder to avoid the work than the work itself required. I don’t know how to gently steer JB away from that.
Related to this, they are ALWAYS whining about their chores. They don’t have nearly the number of chores that they once did early in the pandemic and it’s still like pulling teeth some days to get them to go do them much less without the whining. We’ve had countless conversations about having an attitude about things they know they have to do and it’s so frustrating to keep having those conversations. They just aren’t working.
Their first solution to reduce the whining: fewer chores. Well, that is not an option. So.
Sigh.
I’m working on positive reinforcement but this plus their habit of talking back reflexively anytime we point out things that need attention is making me banana pants.
They immediately contradict us when the evidence is right there in front of them. There is no faith required here! All we ask is that they listen and process the information we gave them. Then if they see a need to contradict us, go ahead. We’ll always allow them to be right if we’re wrong but for the love of peas and carrots, establish that that is true first! They do this for every little thing!
Your shirt’s inside out.
No it’s not!
Look down.
Oh.
You tracked dirt in the house.
No I didn’t!
Look down.
Oh. I didn’t know!!
Well yeah that’s why I told you.
It goes on and on. We aren’t fans of this habit at all.
Smol is (inconsistently) dramatically empathetic to other people’s pain. It always catches us by surprise.
Smol has mastered the Weeping Angel defense. Unlike JB who would always turn their back to the (play) predator to run, Smol absolutely will not turn away from an approaching attack no matter how close they get.
They are mastering climbing on everything: chairs, stools, boxes, stairs….
Smol thinks it’s super duper hilarious to:
Their current daily obsessions:
Sera’s patience and bond with Smol Acrobat is a constant source of amusement (for me).
They obtained a new toothbrush so the first person they wanted to share it with? Sera.
They “brushed” their teeth, offered to brush her teeth, “brushed” their teeth again, offered to brush her fur with it. Noooo thank you. I’m accustomed to kids doing gross things but there are limits!
In turn, she sticks around for 85% of Smol’s attempts at bonding. There are limits for her too of course and when she hits them, she just gets up and walks away. We monitor them closely to make sure she never feels trapped and always has an exit.
Me: no, puppy, I can’t do that right now. I need to rest my muscles, they’re very tired and ouchy.
JB: Smol, mommy’s muscles hurt because she’s had some hard times.
Smol: ???
Me: 😒 *it’s true but I feel mildly offended anyway*
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Me: Ok, pick one book. It’s late and time to go to sleep.
Smol: *picks a book, flops on my lap and relaxes. Halfway through, they reach up, close the book and pick another book.*
Me: Technically, we only got halfway through so I guess that’s still …
Smol: *hands me a new book, hands PiC a new book, and sits down with another book in their own lap and opens it up*
Me: That’s three books. One each… Which ok. I guess…
Smol: *signs “read please”*
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A: I’m going to pick up pizza but leave you there to wash dishes to pay for it, ok?
JB: No way!! You stay there!
A: but I need to take the pizza home.
JB: then I will drive it home!
A: but you can’t drive.
JB: but mom and dad’s rule is that I cannot be left alone with strangers ever so there! Right, mom??
Me: hm, that’s true. How would you solve this problem?
JB: do you have your wallet?
Me: why do I need my wallet?
JB: hmm do you have paper?
Me: I don’t know ….
JB: I need light green paper.
Me: why??
JB: so we can draw pictures on it and make fake money. Then we can give that to them and go home!
Me: ok I guess that might solve one problem, but it creates a WHOLE OTHER problem of going to jail for passing counterfeit money.
JB: ok then we use someone else’s name.
Me: Identity theft. Oh boy. That’s…. Also a thing you get in trouble for.
JB: then we go hide! They’ll never find us!!
Me: um. Is all that worth it for a pizza though? Is there no other way you can think of to solve this problem?
JB: It is if you don’t have your credit card!
Serious question: Is anyone else concerned how quickly we turned to a life of crime? Over a pizza???
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JB: Mom. It’s EGGSHELLENT that Auntie came.
Me: yes, it is EGGSHELLENT.
JB: get it? Egg for Easter egg, shell for crab?
Me: well I DID get it before but now I don’t.
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JB: Look at it turning yellow!
Me: I see it.
JB: How can you see it from there??
Me: My eyes work fine! I can see it quite clearly.
JB: Well, your body doesn’t work right, what if you can’t see clearly!?
Me: The rest of my body doesn’t work right. My eyes are excellent!
JB: *radiates skepticism*
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JB spelled presents “prestents”: “I thought the T was silent!”
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Questions that make you hold your breath for a few seconds: “You know how you told me never to put my hand in the toilet?”
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I was trying to figure out why Smol started lunging at me when they’d been buckled into their pocket seat for meals. Finally figured it out when they started patting my knees. They were trying to sign “ready” but couldn’t reach their OWN knees once the tray was set up!
*****
I hugged JB and thanked them for that morning’s independent getting ready, and also for all their helpfulness during a particularly good week. They responded: It’s because of you!
I asked what they meant by that and they said: You’ve taught me MY WHOLE LIFE!
June 20, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.Year 3, Day 87: 530 am.
Cycling through pain, fatigue, brain fog, brain fog, fatigue, and pain in quick succession for the ten days has given me the chance to more closely judge which is the worst. For reference, being tired is being out of breath for a few minutes. Being fatigued feels like 50 lb weights attached to every limb and another 100 lbs of sandbags on my shoulders. Pain is like getting speared in every limb and/or joint, repeatedly, with a few twists thrown in for good measure. Brain fog is like a cotton stuffed head that you can’t think through or around.
In order, worst to least worst: Fatigue, brain fog, pain.
At least with pain, as crappy as that is, I can still make myself do things. It doesn’t often make the pain worse long term, just short term as I strain whatever’s being forced to work. I can’t do that with brain fog or fatigue. Powering though definitely makes the fatigue exponentially worse. So that answers an idle question I’ve had for years.
Caveat: this is applicable to mild to moderate pain only, and generally it’s rare for me to have only one symptom. Today it’s moderate pain so I can physically push through but with a side of brain fog so planning anything is futile. I am a lot of fun.
Now where do I please sign up for D: none of the above.
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I’ve been deeply unsettled over the likelihood of having a run in with my biodad at a family event scheduled for later this year. For the past five years, we’ve enjoyed family holidays to which he was not invited, by my request, but his invitation is not revocable for this particular thing. I understand that part. They’ve supported me well during this period but this is on the level of a family reunion, so even as much as I’d like to be sure we won’t see him, I can’t be. We’ve discussed this with JB and I’ve discussed with my therapist a lot. I’m still mad at him. I’m still bitter about all the shit he pulled, all the lies he told, all the money he stole, and the bonus attempts at manipulation after he was cut off. I’m not ready to forgive and I’m never going to forget who he really was. Now, we are approaching this event with the aim of personal safety (masked, outdoors, vaxxed guests only) and personal comfort. We’ll go for as long as we can with the kids and their needs, I figure at best we’ll be there for two hours. If he does attend, I have no intention of engaging. My preference would be for us to ignore each other completely. I certainly have no intention of introducing him to Smol Acrobat. I don’t know that he knows about them but he’s most definitely not holding my kid. Smol Acrobat wouldn’t want to be held by a stranger anyway. (more…)
June 17, 2022
1. I submitted a whole sheaf of FSA claims all at once to create a nice future dopamine hit. (The original plan was to submit it and forget it but darn I keep going back to see if it’s been approved. Tell me to ignore it now please!)
2. JB’s summer care is run by a childcare facility under their normal programming so I think/hope it’ll also qualify for FSA redemption. We’ll find out! Especially since we thought that $5000 dependent daycare money would be easily used up by Smol by this time in the year, but we currently don’t know when Smol will be able to enroll.
Physically been a rough week after an emotionally rough…. Feels like forever?
June 14, 2022
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from investing in index funds and dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks, cash back sites (Rakuten, Mr.Rebates) and affiliate links to Bookshop and Amazon sometimes pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running. There are ways to support the blog and our charitable giving in the sidebar.
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
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Dividend income. We received $904.36 in dividends from the stocks portfolio.
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