April 11, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 17: Hello Monday, we meet again. It started with my scalp itching dreadfully. It has for the past four days. Something set off my allergy-to-something that causes me to itch intensely at random times mostly when I’m trying to sleep. Ugh. Also I enjoyed chills and night sweats alternately all night too! Woot.
Then a jolt of stress with the news of a new sub-variant (but who didn’t see that coming?) (And when are we going to get any real protection for Smol and their cohort??)
Then we had JB shenanigans, they and PiC really got into it so I had to step away from work and take them to school to let them get some space.
Shortly after that, our invitation to start daycare in July landed in our inbox with a very short window to respond or lose our spot but we still don’t have a good vaccine. NGAH.
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Smol had such trouble with naps today! It led to a very Smol-activities day. I suspect the first time they were overtired and it took over an hour of fussing and playing to get settled.
I did a lot of work yesterday in anticipation of today’s bad napping and between nap times. We had lunch and then took Sera for a walk. They learned how to give Sera treats and Sera was very polite in taking them one at a time only when Smol was ready.
Then they both played / sunbathed / picked at weeds in the backyard for half an hour. That was a touch too much outside time for all of us.
When they got grouchy over nothing and flopped on their face, earlier than expected, that seemed like a sign. Just in case, I asked if they were tired and all done. They signed “all done.”
A short nap later, I had to retrieve them again because PiC had had a morning of meetings and JB pickup time, and needed to get SOME work done.
This time I spent my hour laying down and reading to them while they sat on my chest, snatching at my glasses like a crow in training and tore paper into bitty bits. That was … Fun? They really need to stop sitting on my chest. They’re heavy!
Thank goodness for leftovers but dammit I ran out of time and didn’t order in delivery for tomorrow and I think we’re going to be out of leftovers by lunch.
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I rounded out the night with reviewing our tax amendments and portfolio. I’m still working on getting CA to cough up my refund for 2017, Federal to cough up my correct refund for 2018 and we’re filing the amendment to 2019 for both now. Crossing my fingers that those will be resolved in the next three months.
A review of PiC’s employer connected portfolio made me rethink my “individual stocks are fine” mentality I had when reading Nicole and Maggie’s thoughts on ther
Year 3, Day 18: The 4:30 am babbling and yips were not at all promising for this day. PiC was my hero, taking Smol at 5 when it was clear they weren’t letting up with their conversational gambits. We had to make a real effort to get through the first part of the morning.
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I’m trying to let myself be honest with myself about the need for space between myself and family who have stirred up so much anger and betrayal with their stances toward COVID that I don’t even know what to do about it. (My therapist would say there’s nothing TO do, just feel. And that’s really hard for me.) Their approach has been, at best, reckless this entire time and I’ve been trying to pretend it wasn’t hurtful and enraging. I knew that nothing I said would make a difference. They’re completely set in their Fox News inspired stance and so I did my best to maintain neutrality toward them. But we’re in Year 3 and while my world has turned upside down, they continue blithely going about their lives with hardly any changes that aren’t imposed by others. And I’m so angry about all the loss, all the sacrifices, all the risk that the rest of us are having to deal with. I’m so angry that my kids have to miss out on family time because the rest of the family won’t vaccinate and some of them won’t even mask around the vulnerable members of the family. My heart is bruised. I’m in this storm and even though I have people here with me, the betrayal of my chosen family is so hard to bear. I feel alone when it comes to them. I know that it’s most intense right now because we’re still in it and because of the news about the vaccine being so much less effective with the new variants. Maybe these feelings will pass with some distance.
But I do have the right to be angry about how their choices directly affect us, now. That right isn’t something I’ve afforded myself in adulthood and it’s been harmful in a lot of ways.
*****
Poll: Is it possible for kids to stop interrupting and to remember as many as TWO directions they’ve been given after 30 seconds? Evidence currently suggests no. JB wanted to run a message to PiC, and I instructed them: Go tell Dad, then come back to clear the table and wash up your lunch stuff.
They return 14 seconds later and have already completely forgotten to clear the table. Come ON!
Year 3, Day 19: Well, when Smol makes it past 6 am AND has a good first nap, everything seems right with the world. I got some work done / rested on my duff so my body recovered enough from bad sleep and stress. When they got up at lunch time, we went right into a hearty pasta and fruit lunch, which they mostly ate instead of throwing on the ground. Except the sour fruit. That went flying. But a solid meal after a solid nap? It’s like heaven here!
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I am bearing a lot of sadness this week over our losses of last year. From one friend after another dying from various causes to (I can only hope temporarily) losing loved ones to their own battles, 2022 is the one year anniversary of a lot of loss, a lot of grief, and a lot of sadness.
I caught myself in a old habitual cycle of blaming myself for being a bad friend, as well, and that was distressing but after a while and after unburdening my heart a little to friends who are still here, I saw where I was sliding down the spiral again.
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Smol’s second nap was respectable enough that I managed to get through the critical work for the day and knocked off at 530 just as a blinding headache smashed into my right eye and took over my brain. I popped two acetaminophen and thanked the weather sprites for giving us a heat wave this week, on this day, that meant that I could take the kids outdoors for an hour and catch some warmth to attempt to shake it. We dug holes to plant sprouting potatoes, we found surprise purple potatoes that I didn’t know had ever sprouted because the plants never made it aboveground, and Smol attempted to eat a fresh dug potato. They didn’t like the taste of the dirt. I got some lovely pictures of all the kids and lots more silly bloopers.
PiC emerged from the office cave when we came back inside and thankfully cooked up a quick dinner. I was flat out of ideas and ability to stay upright. My back and legs ached and my stomach was cramping up a storm.
Naturally this being the night that I feel the absolute worst and couldn’t even stand up for shower, this is the night our accountant finally sends over the tax return for review. Of course!
I logged another hour at my desk poring over each page and marking down corrections. Glad I’d made a list of likely problem areas beforehand, it gave my brain a place to get stuck in when all my body wanted to do was fall over and stay down. It’s just too close to the filing deadline for me to be comfortable with pushing it off another day when she might not be able to make the edits for a day or two. I prefer to file in FEBRUARY so we’re well past my comfort zone. And it’ll be such a relief to shelve that to do.
Year 3, Day 20: I’m very sorry for all the people who hate it but I love the short heat wave that brought us high 70s – low 80s today. My grieving soul and aching body deeply needed this brief hug from the weather. I love the heat, I love being able to walk around outside in just one layer and not three. I love how fast my towels dry and how they smell almost toasty when they do. I love how quickly dishes dry when we air dry them. I love how I’m not freezing from the moment I get out of bed to the moment I get back into bed.
I don’t love the necessity for lots of sunblock every outing and lotion for thirsty skin but it’s worth the tradeoff for water balloon games and working outdoors and soaking up the heat to defrost my frigid marrow.
JB is among the set who doesn’t appreciate the heat by the by, they flung themselves through the doorway with the dramatic flair of a person discovering an oasis in the desert. That lasted until they realized this means cold treats and water balloons. Then they got on board with it.
It’ll go back to normal tomorrow but for today, I’m appreciating the good we have since the bad we have (so much pain, so many aches) is ever-present.
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I was worried about Smol’s inattention to reading last month. Today they decided to set that at ease with a vengeance. Not only did they very much want me to read to them before every sleep, they wanted a minimum of four books and at least two of them were specific requests. They refused to let me sing their going to bed song until I read Carl’s Afternoon.
Year 3, Day 21: Whew. A solid first nap from Smol let me get through a huge portion of my work this morning.
PiC took them out for an hour in the afternoon and I got through another lot then, plus their second shorter nap. I finally felt less stressed signing off this Friday than most every other Friday.
We got through this week but it was still very much a fail on the physical activity side of things. PiC was never able to get out for a run and that always makes a week feel not good.
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I did get our taxes done though! I was shocked we were due for a refund.
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Smol’s finally starting to get the “ready” sign a little bit, they were previously trying to slap MY knees, and “read” is coming along nicely.
They’re getting into absolutely everything and I can’t say with any certainty if we’re going to survive all this intact. We’re so tired.
I am really glad that we have a meal ready to go tonight. So tired.
April 8, 2022
1. Finally found the scrub brush I vaguely remembered and cleaned up my garden shears. (Though I did slice a flap of skin off my finger doing it. Ouch.)
2. I cooked! Deviled eggs and panko baked chicken thighs! And Smol Acrobat even liked the deviled egg. Much amazement.
3. We survived both of PiC’s hybrid on site work days with less angst than before. I don’t know what got us through this week better than last but I hope next week will be better than this week was.
Challenges this week: I had a prolonged day of feeling like a terrible parent and it fueled a severe pain spike.
I’ve been feeling very sad about the loss of a dear friend lately. They’re not gone-gone, but they’re gone from my life and I miss them a lot. I uncharacteristically sought out a Rabbi’s writings in search of some kind of comfort. I happen to appreciate Rabbi Ruttenberg’s writing a lot so this seemed an appropriate text. It didn’t actually bring me any comfort but I wasn’t really expecting that. It did give me something to mull over when I have mental capacity for it: The Trauma of the Golden Calf: Terror, Loss, Technical and Adaptive Challenges
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April 5, 2022
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from investing in index funds and dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks, cash back sites (Rakuten, Mr.Rebates) and affiliate links to Bookshop and Amazon sometimes pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running. There are ways to support the blog and our charitable giving in the sidebar.
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
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Dividend income. We received $270 in dividends from the stocks portfolio. Our YTD monthly average is $188. Not nothing, but also not self sustaining.
Tax refunds. We had a series of mistakes in my accountant missing our cost basis on some stock sales going back to 2017 which inflated our taxable income. We’ve been correcting that for the past 18 or so months and the refunds have been slowly trickling in. We have received $1300, two more filings worth $3000 and I’m still waiting for the big kahuna to be processed for a whopping $5200. All of those will likely go right back to paying the tax bill due this year or next depending on when they’re filed and paid. Probably next year since the IRS is s-l-o-w.
We’re going to be fined for all the Form 8608 that she missed too.
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April 4, 2022
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 10: Somehow, it’s never easier in the way you’d think it’ll be when just one of us has the day off. One of us is trying to use that time to get a lot of work done and then overdoes it, leaving the other one to overdo it with childcare and meal prep, and then everyone’s grumpy.
On top of that, Mondays are definitely the day you find out that someone screwed up two months ago. That despite your weekly confirmations that progress was being made on this project and finding out that not only was it not being made, it was never going to be worked on ever, and all your reassurances to dozens of stakeholders that it would be ready soon were wrong. Yes definitely a Monday thing. Chewed up precious precious time I did not have to spare. Chewed up patience I did not have to spare. Harumph.
Today felt like Friday. It was not.
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Smol times… While this is my favorite age range for babies/toddlers, it’s also the time they start the real tantrums when thwarted and it lasts longer than the time it takes to distract them with something else that’s shiny. They’re also really quick to spot anything you’re holding and declaring they MUST SEE IT. So thaaaat’s fun. (more…)
April 1, 2022
1. I can hide under my covers and check out books from the library on my phone and read them. 8 year old me would be SO JEALOUS of this kind of access.
2. There’s an earring maker whose crafts I love admiring but have held back from buying anything for a bit because Smol keeps ripping out my earrings and it’s not fun. I did find a pair that are perfect for a Christmas gift for a friend and since I was paying for shipping anyway, decided to pick out one bright colorful pair to go with my bright colorful dresses I bought a couple years ago. I normally avoid bright and colorful but I’ve been thinking that I could try branching out a little and even accessorize! I only agonized over spending the money a little bit. For a while.
3. This Direct Aid campaign to help Afghani citizens in dire need passed their goal but I think we should keep contributing as much as long as we are able. I’m really glad that Shep shared this last week.
Challenges this week: The top of my foot has been swollen for a week and I haven’t been able to convince it to stop. If it sticks around a few more days, I’m naming it.
We’re acutely aware of the continued devastation that Russian is wreaking on Ukraine and it’s all horrible.
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March 28, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 3: As promised, the Things Got Even Harder edition!
Challenge 1: 3 hours of sleep, y’all. Painsomnia had me deep in the marrow and it burned until 3 am. Of course, right when I finally drifted off, Smol’s white noise app, which runs on an iPhone so old it’s literally splitting apart, shut off and up popped Smol like a chirping jack o’lantern. I fixed it and went back to bed quietly cursing, and finally slept at 4 am. Fab. U. Lous.
Perfect way to start an incredibly hard first day of a tough week.
Challenge 2: PiC had to go on site for work today. That left me with Smol most of the day. So naturally….
Challenge 3: Smol woke up after a 45 minute nap sobbing fit to wake the dead. I’d prepared myself for a short nap and so I maintained my emotional equilibrium. I sat on the floor with them patting and humming, my butt going entirely numb, waiting for them to calm down. Usually they take about 10 minutes to stop crying and then signal they’re ready to get going. Today was weird. Of course it was. They kept kneeing me in the stomach when I stopped humming or patting, so I kept it up, working on my phone as much as I could while also patting and humming. My arms and butt were losing feeling steadily. But I figured I’d enjoy the cuddle however long I had it, it’s rare that they sit still anymore. Then they finally sat up, I got ready to get up, and FLOP. They burrowed onto my left shoulder, right cheek bright red. They’d been sleeping! And were going to keep on sleeping. Alrighty. So they got a catnap laying on me while I did what little I could on my phone. Momentary regret that my phone is too decrepit to have more work apps so I could make the most of that time.
Challenge 4: When they felt ready to get up, it was time to go go go for three hours. Time for food, play, more play, try to cram in a minute or two of work here and there whenever they veered off to do their own thing for a bit. Already tired, this was a particularly rough patch.
Challenge 5: Realizing I botched my own weekly meal / dinner plans by not ordering earlier. They sold out. Sigh. I’m too tired to kick myself. I’m just disappointed. We’ll figure it out.
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