About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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January 11, 2022
Honestly that “happy” feels really strange to say right now. As hard as 2020 was between COVID and the stress of The US Presidential election campaign (and all the Congressional races), this year was worse for us.
We lost Seamus this year and 8 more loved ones throughout the year. We continued to work full time and parent full time without more than a little bit of physical help (lots of moral support and virtual support but no one here to hand off the baby to for a few minutes).
After umpteen months of coping during a pandemic, there was big upheaval at work and the fallout from that is still swinging a wrecking ball through my life. That by itself would have been bad enough but piled atop the grief and pain and stress of my personal life, it was just too much.
That was the theme of this year. IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH.
2021 Highlights in Health
Without Seamus, I rise to the top of the Complicated Health list again.
- I continued brain therapy all year and fit in a couple massage therapy appointments. Physically, my pain improved significantly. I was living in a constant state of excruciating pain and it’s come down to an ebb and flow of moderate to severe pain in some unknowable cycle.
- It became obvious that my fatigue was less related to the pain than I previously assumed. My pain had improved but I still felt like I woke in a body weighted down by steel every morning and went to bed with double and triple weights every night. It turns out I check almost every box for ME/CFS.
- It took me half the year to physically recover from pregnancy and childbirth. I’m not totally back yet but the midwife who took care of me at Smol’s birth was amazing and my healing from actual childbirth was so much less painful.
- I was really lonely this year with much of my support network out of touch or out of reach.
PiC needed a lot more outdoor time than he got this year. He really needed more exercise to feel mentally and emotionally good. We are working on this.
JB, Sera and Smol Acrobat are all (with all our gratitude in the world) healthy.
The wild card: COVID. We got our vaccines as soon as we could get appointments and spent most of the year anxiously awaiting news on the kid vaccines. JB is now fully vaccinated and we’re anxious for the under-5 data.
Given my health and Smol’s vulnerabilities (a new baby who can’t mask and a still-developing immune system), we continued to stay relatively isolated and still stuck to most of the same rules even after we were vaccinated and in the case of the adults, boosted: Always masked, mostly outdoors. Global vaccine inequity haunts me. We needed to be much better people than we were, as a society, in 2020 and 2021, and it just didn’t happen. It makes me despair for the future that collectively we could not deal with this whole mess in a way that cared more about people than money.
2021 Highlights in Life
We celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary. We’re still happy with each other, rely on each other, and respect each other. There’s no one else we’d rather be in this whole thing with and that’s something I appreciate every day, no matter how hard the days are. Of course we have our moments, who doesn’t?, but they’re the exception, not the rule.
I marked 15 years of blogging. I’m glad to be here with y’all. I appreciate y’all being here with me, reading and commenting or still lurking (I see you now, C!!)
Last year I said: “Our personal lives will likely shift dramatically with an infant and no childcare.” YUP. But, while I hate the constant juggle, I love that I’ve had all this time with my baby.
JB was in school in person this year. I was highly anxious going into the fall but with their own excellent masking and the many precautions the school did end up taking, our anxiety has been overshadowed by their joy at attending and making new friends. I still hate their principal who we’ve met with a few times. She solidified the foundation for my dislike by lying to us about the communication protocols for COVID.
2021 Highlights in Money
- I ended 2021 with almost the same amount of cash in our checking account as we started. I like that weird feeling of stability or consistency that gives me.
- Our net worth went up 22% from last year. I think our savings rate worked out to approximately 50% but I’m not totally sure if that’s accurate. My spreadsheet turned into a bit of an octopus and well, tentacles everywhere. The data is good enough though, I don’t need it to be exact down to the penny for this summary.
- I stuck with our weekly investing plan all year, starting in June! This is a big accomplishment for me. This is related to the next point:
- On reflection, I realize that my reaction to the pandemic in 2020, though logical at the time because we had more risk exposure than I was comfortable with in the face of a pandemic, really emphasized that I need to stick with regular investing. We had enough cash in hindsight but that real uncertainty with the rental and lack of good tenants scared me into pulling back on all investing so I could have cash in hand to take care of a second mortgage without getting in over our heads. I really wish I’d had more faith that things would be ok if I carried on investing but that’s not how I work! So I am reminding myself to go into 2022 with my plan and stick to it.
- I went many many many rounds with the IRS working out amendments for my last three tax returns when I discovered an error in our accounting. Resulted mostly in refunds needed but also much teeth gnashing and hair rending.
- I added iBonds to our portfolio which I hope not to regret as I am still fighting with Treasury Direct for access to my old account.
- I quit our HSA / HDHP plan for 2022. In CA, we don’t get most of the tax benefits and the stress of tracking the costs we incurred through the year had driven me to avoiding seeking care as needed. I suspect that’s the design and frankly it’s not worth the rather minimal savings.
- Collectively, we did an amazing job with our Lakota families project. We fulfilled 18.5 requests for aid (the 0.5 is a box I haven’t been able to send because I’m in a fight with USPS over my account but I will get that done in 2022!). We started the year with a big load of kids’ supplies to the Allen Youth Center (part of the reservation meant to help the kids of course), and ended the year with a big load of gifts for kids. In between we helped 49 individuals in total, ranging from newborns to elders in their 70s and all the folks in between.
We continued to be fortunate in continuing to work full time and safely at home all year. PiC’s company went through some layoffs and reorgs, which was cause for some anxiety, but we have a solid money plan and we’ll stick to it. If we get hit later on with a change, we’ll deal with it as it comes. (I say through clenched teeth and deep breaths.)
Our spending stayed high this year. We had our internet covered for the year because of PiC’s working from home long term but that was a drop in the bucket compared to our spending. We spent a lot on direct aid, my therapy, insulation for the house, take out a few times a week when we were basically laid out on the floor with fatigue. We also spent a lot on groceries: some convenience foods, some decent ingredients for me to cook bigger batches of meals.
Financial Checklist for 2022
- Confirm that all our accounts have the right beneficiaries.
- Roll over the HSA from our employer-sponsored company to Fidelity (no fees!)
- Figure out our savings / investing schedule so that we don’t ever overdraw the checking account
Thoughts for 2022
Our family doctor said: “I don’t want to be a downer but I just don’t know about 2022.” Though that was very vague, I feel the same way. There’s so much that’s up in the air: Funerals, weddings, will Comic Con happen and can we go?, when do we get vaccines for the under-5 group?, the world is both metaphorically and at times literally (I do live in CA after all) on fire, Republican politics and politicians make me sick to my stomach. It’s so inhumane and the Democratic party continually caving the Republican pressure makes me want to scream.
My financial goals are the same: save more, invest more (weekly), give more. Aim for an FI number that’s not impossibly high but not too optimistically low.
Our expenses are going up. We will likely be paying for childcare and maybe a new car sometime this year (chip shortage dependent!). Both are still a little up in the air for various reasons but if and when they happen, they will be big wallops to our wallets. If interest rates stay the same, I’ll take a loan instead of paying in cash since the cash in the market is making more than interest is costing. This is a very weird choice for me in that I hate loans but I much prefer that to overspending.
We know to expect a minor increase in PiC’s salary. That will be going towards defraying the increased expenses, but it definitely won’t cover all of them.
COVID remains our wild card going into 2022 as we closed out the year with omicron sweeping the nation. CAN we get vaccines for our under-5s already? PLEASE.
:: I hope that 2022 is kinder to all of us. How was your 2021?
January 10, 2022
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 2, Day 295: What’d we do last year for Christmas? PiC asked. I don’t remember but I was a lot less stressed and anxious since we did no socializing. Though we also had a tiny baby so … Probably not less stressed but certainly less anxious than this year.
Today I had childcare coverage all day in the form of PiC still being off work one more day and it was both amazing and a grind because then I really really really had to make the most of that focused work time. I got caught up on a lot of important or overdue stuff with some intense effort to stay on task, so that’s something. I was sad to have missed out on midday baby snuffles and snuggles but that’s the trade off, isn’t it?
PiC took care of everything today: dog walks, feedings, kids, lunch, and dinner. I’ve got a great partner.
I’m still decompressing from a remarkably tough holiday season. We socialized much more than usual. We were super careful everywhere (vaxxed, masked, no indoor dining, running an air purifier wherever we could) and the anxiety that it still wouldn’t be enough was ever present. There was a lot of internal conflict when I met with conservative family members who did respect my needs (masked and outdoors meeting) but still clearly expressed their views which are in direct opposition to mine. We were able to say our goodbyes to a longtime friend and carried a lot of sadness back with us. My fatigue was always so bad that I felt sick most of the time – it expresses itself as cold symptoms when I’ve gone too far. Of course I rapid tested to be sure it was just my body sending up alarms and not COVID. Naturally that was another source of anxiety: we didn’t have enough rapid tests for the serial testing that I’d prefer considering omicron was taking off in the days after we’d hit the road. I was also trying to get all of us an appointment for PCR tests so we could be reasonably certain we were all COVID free before returning to school and that was an inordinate amount of effort. Of course I was working the entire time we traveled. Basically I now don’t want to leave my house for a month. Maybe two. (more…)
January 7, 2022
1. There is something REALLY satisfying about sitting down to roll over to your next year’s spreadsheets and seeing all the numbers lined up properly for once. I usually have my totals a little off for one reason or another and have to spend time fixing that but this year’s final balance on my manual spreadsheet matches my bank account! Woot!
2. Related: This year I want to track my investing income separately but in the same spreadsheet that I track all my normal budgeting things. I’ve adjusted the formulas to see if that works as planned. I don’t do new year’s resolutions but I do love financial fresh starts so I especially love when the new year is on a weekend so I can spend some quality time with my numbers.
3. I finally got to try spaghetti squash that someone else made and I liked it! We will try it on our own now that we know we like it.
4. This was a really good comment from the Ask A Manager updates: “And a reminder that so many times the people/situations that are taking up enormous amounts of real estate in our brain, turn out to be no big deal.”
Challenges this week:
I’m three miles beyond tired.
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January 4, 2022
On Money
Income
Our primary income comes from our full time jobs. We have minimal income from investing in index funds and dividend stocks (all reinvested). We earn money on the side to supplement our main incomes. We get a bit of income from Swagbucks and cash back sites (Rakuten, Mr.Rebates). Some posts have affiliate links that pay a micro-commission to keep the blog running and there are ways to support the blog and our charitable giving in the sidebar to the right.
Our long term goal is to replace our day job income with passive income before my health prevents me from working. I know from my Mom’s experience that qualifying for or relying on disability is incredibly tough or near impossible here in CA. Aside from that, I aim to do my best to make the most of what we can do while we can.
***
Dividend income. This was a very unusual month. We received $894.81 in dividends from the stocks portfolio. Our YTD monthly average is $400. This is definitely not going to cover all the bills!
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January 3, 2022
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 2, Day 288: In the spirit of caring about the little things we have, I’m a bit sad that I’ve finally worn holes through my blue socks. They’re the socks that PiC gave me ten or so years ago, and they’ve been good socks. They’ll be missed.
I also discovered the limits of our plastic ziplock bags. We’ve been using some of these for almost 7 years, and I put them back into rotation for the last time this week. I put my thumb through the side of two of the oldest bags. Whoops! We have stretched their lives as long as we could, though, and I’m proud that we are teaching JB not treat plastic bags as disposable either. I know on the grand scale this doesn’t matter but it matters to me that we make an effort to get the most use out of everything we have and not just cycle through waste thoughtlessly.
Year 2, Day 289: JB (and I do too) count every little get together with family or friends as another Christmas. There have been a lot. We’re masked, vaccinated, and running an air purifier for every possible encounter, and we’ve been rapid testing, but I’m still antsy so have been looking for PCR tests for days. I don’t want to be irresponsible sending JB to school if they’re somehow an asymptomatic carrier!
I finally lucked out and got appointments for all of us next week which is later than I wanted but at least it’s earlier in the week than what I was finding last week.
Year 2, Day 290: Our friend has passed. I’d been holding my breath going into Christmas Day and then again after when we didn’t hear anything. The moment I forgot to hold it, we got the news.
I was grieving coming up to this point and now I just feel hollow. 9 losses in the last twelve months.
I’m glad we were able to hold her hand one last time. I’m glad she was able to ask for a kiss and be delighted by it. I’m glad she was well loved and she knew it. But I’m so mad that we lost her so soon. I’m so mad we lost so many this year too soon. (more…)
December 31, 2021
1. JB and Smol Acrobat have had a lot of joy this week.
2. Sera has been unusually snuggly.
Challenges this week: Holidays are a lot.
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December 28, 2021
Navigating Conflict
JB has a cousin with terrible manners (ignores people talking to them, snatches things out of people’s hands, whines and pouts and shouts to get their own way as a first resort, makes themselves out to be the victim when they’ve accidentally hurt someone in the course of play, etc). Lots of small bullying behaviors, PiC says. Personally I don’t enjoy this kid’s company at all. I know they’re not at heart a bad kid. This is still on the parents who are totally permissive and let the kid get away with being a complete jerk. We see them ignoring the behaviors all the time.
Meanwhile, JB cherishes all their cousins and still enthusiastically plays with them even though there is a guaranteed conflict every 2-30 minutes. I’m not sure what to make of their willingness to keep playing with such an obnoxious kid but that’s not my issue. (Though truly I am puzzled by it.)
PiC and I had a long talk about our responsibility here as parents and adults because we want JB to learn to navigate conflict but we also do not want stand by and let certain behaviors pass, nor do we want JB to think that they have to accept these kinds of behaviors. Not least because it grates our very souls. We have no solid answers but we were ruminating on the good ways to deal with this. PiC commented that his enforcement of our rules across the board and being strict with the nibling is between us and the nibling, it doesn’t help JB navigate the issues. That got me thinking. Maybe it does. It’s our responsibility to enforce house rules: we don’t snatch things out of people’s hands, we respond when we are spoken to, we use our words.
And when we do our job, a job our relatives dismally fail to do, I theorize that it empowers JB to stand up for themselves and hold firm when they want to, when the cousin is being a jerk. I could be totally wrong but this is a working theory and this is a long term situation so we have way more time than I like to think about to keep navigating.
Creative work
JB has assignments to use their class assigned words in complete sentences and I think they’re a real hoot.
I will send a big package and it will have ghosts in it.
I will go around the poop so I won’t step in it.
A fish is going to eat me on Monday.
Life with Smol Acrobat
New tricks: they have mastered the M and B sounds. MAAAAAAMMMM MAMMM. BA BA BA BA! Bao bao bao! Ah BA!
We’re also playing games. They’ll pretend to feed me, or pretend to pick stuff up and give it to me and laugh when I play along.
It’s so interesting how they communicate at this age with no words. My friend wondered what they’re thinking at this age and I can’t get that question out of my head.
Clapping: is a huge source of entertainment. They rip off their bib with dramatic flourish and then clap for themselves so proudly.
I’m less proud because we’re usually not done with the meal, their hands, face, bib and now their shirt are a mess and now half that mess is on the floor. But they’re so happy.
Watching Smol go to sleep on a hard day is still a journey:
Insert a squalling or whiny or impatient Smol into the crib. Upon touchdown, I hand them their bear friend whose ears are suspiciously still wet even though no one has touched it for a couple hours. Gross.
They grin like they know what I’m thinking.
I wave and leave to watch on the monitor. They hold the bear by the ears and roll around for ten minutes, cuddling and snuggling. Just when you think, prematurely, they might be slowing up, up they pop. One hand in mouth, one hand petting bear friend, then they fold in half at the waist over the bear. Up again, then folded over again. And again. Soon they look like a tilting toy, a round bottomed baby, that keeps rocking forward and back and back and forward. Hand always in mouth.
Then they move over to another plushie friend, hello hedgehog. Hi hedgie friend. Nuzzle nuzzle. Hedgie goes on the head. Hedgie goes under the chin. Hedgie goes over the shoulder because hedgie isn’t big enough for a proper squish squash. Back to the bear friend. Pet pet pet bear face. Squish bear friend. Whack dog friend on the head with flailing hand. Intentional? No idea.
Fall over on face hugging bear friend. Pass out.
Reading buddy. They’ve always been reasonably attentive to their bedtime reading books but are usually too active after a nap to sit for a book. That seems to be changing a bit this month: they’ll sit and listen to two short books after naps too. Not always, but it’s a nice start.
Skills(ish): they JUST got motivated enough to hold their own bottle. Great. Just in time for me to start needing to plan to transition them off bottles in a couple months! Awesome. Also awesome, they don’t think milk should be in anything but a bottle. Water they’ll drink out of anything. Milk? No.
Pupdate
I spotted a flea on Sera the other day. You know I am deeply interested in taking good care of my dogs, so the first time that happened with Seamus, I had the screaming heebies and felt horrible about it, like I was a collosal mom dog failure. Since then I’ve learned that we have a surprising amount of wildlife here: pumas, skunks, raccoons, feral cats, all kinds of critters running around.
Even the most well kept dogs are going to catch the occasional hitchhiker. And generally that’s all it is. I check them thoroughly after every time I catch the odd one, it only happens once every year or so, and make sure they’re up to date on their flea meds and go on. Sera seems unnerved by the thorough flea checks. I assure her that she didn’t do anything wrong but I don’t think she gets it.
Precious Moments
JB singing a song from a toy, questioning the lyrics: I’ve been working on a bulldozer, all the livelong day. Wait. Maybe it’s hard to live all day? I’ve been working on a bulldozer living all day? I’ve been working on a bulldozer, it’s been a long day?