Preface, Part II
July 5, 2006
So, in my last post I asked how marrieds/to-be-marrieds deal with familial financial issues and felt that, in my mind, it’s a big enough question to merit its own post.
How DO you handle these matters? Certainly a great big dose of discussion, yes, but … do you have concrete rules or guidelines by which you abide? Do you take each situation as they come and talk it out? Please keep in mind that there are some very obvious steps such as determining our budget and the stretchiness of the budget waistband that won’t be taken until there are rings on fingers and such because there will be no shacking up (though Make Love, Not Debt did suggest a very helpful book to read if the shacking up is for you).
Boyfriend, hereafter shall be known as BF, comes from a well-off family that can and has afforded such things as paying for a vastly elegant wedding or contributing a huge chunk o’ down payment on a home. I certainly can’t and won’t ask for that sort of financial support from my parents nor would I from his.
Obviously, we’re quite at the other end of the spectrum and Dad despises asking for help and especially won’t accept help if he thinks that I would have to hide it (postmarriage) from BF. Which I wouldn’t plan on doing anyway, but it’s still rather an uncomfortable thing to bring up. In any case, BF is aware of my concerns, that I need for them to be “ok” before I leave the home.
And I’m equally committed to saving for my future with him as I am for my parents’ future so until we actually set a wedding date, our financials can remain, basically, our own business and responsibility. (This is also, more or less, a way to keep me from thinking: “You spent what on what?? Do you know that I have bought nothing for myself in X number of days, weeks, months, etc. just to meet Goals 1-6?”)