Notes from the Weekend
October 1, 2007
I know I owe a focused post or two, and I promise I’ll get to them soon. It’s just been busy-busy.
We went out Friday night, and I was introduced to the wonders of the gay bar: no scuzzy boys with any interest in girls. Stress free dancing!
I loved my birthday flats which were great after 3 hours of dancing in high heels:
The flowers and balloons are still impressive, but the flowers smell a little funny:
I’m still wondering what kind of impact the no-overtime injunction will have on my budget and whether or not that check is really going to come this week.
Best friend has found a cheaper wedding dress at the same bridal shop, so she went ahead and ordered my dress (we’re going with the strapless number) with the remaining credit of her deposit. So I’ll need to write her a check instead of using my credit card, dangit.
We spent most of Sunday at the hospital visiting BoyDucky’s dad. BoyDucky was told yesterday that they might have to consider buying a hospital bed for his father’s recovery period, and that they run $18,000!!! Dear Lord. I’m hardly prepared for the realities of medical care for my parents, now we’re facing the same for his? There’s a part of me that’s relieved that at least they’ve been making good money for the past 10 years, unlike my parents.
Odd Topic: I can’t help but wonder why I can’t ever get a potential MIL who actually likes me: the first and second things she said to me at the hospital yesterday were chastising me for not learning Chinese “even though I keep telling you that you have to learn. It’s so inconvenient, because you know we’re not going to speak English!” and “is it possible for you to be any skinnier? You need to eat more!” It’s not important, apparently, that I try to get all the other stuff right, like oh, life! It’s much more important that I stop inconveniencing her by learning Chinese right NOW. *sigh* I know, I’m being sensitive. But it’s just so aggravating! Instead of responding (negatively) because she was doing this in front of her nephew and niece from up north, and her sister and brother in law from NY, I just got really quiet. I know that BoyDucky probably wanted to say something, but that definitely would not have been appropriate, especially in front of company.
I hope in the future BoyDucky stands up for you. It’s the only way to deal with a tough future MIL situation.
I’m sure that hospital-type beds can be rented at medical supply places. My parents did that during the last couple months of my Dad’s life, after he had used up his insurance benefits for hospitalization. A hospital social worker could probably advise you (or rather, BoyDucky’s family) about that.
Your future MIL is probably speaking out of stress; I can’t imagine the strain she must be under. She just isn’t “censoring” herself–and if someone else is translating her words for you, they may sound harsher and more critical than she means to be. I think you have to translate her remarks into: “Wouldn’t it be nice if we both spoke the same language, and I’d appreciate it if you’d make the effort to learn mine, since I’m older and more inflexible,” and “I wish I could lose some weight and be as slim as you.” OTOH, it ought to be easy to win her over by learning a few Chinese courtesy phrases and eating her cooking with gusto. (Combine the two by learning the words for “this tastes delicious!”) Oh, and you can ask her for recipes, too (or at least ask to watch her cook, so you can learn her techniques).
I’d certainly give her the benefit of the doubt for now, and even if she meant the words exactly as they sounded, it’s worth the attempt to win her over, both for family harmony and for BoyDucky’s sake. My MIL is age 95, and it has been a long process of getting to know her better and gradually winning her approval. In the past few years, we’ve really become close. I admit, it isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort.
I agree with SavingDiva..
As well as Sabrina.
Learning how to cook her food and making an effort to learn Chinese might endear her to you – she KNOWS you’ll be part of the family soon, she just wants to.. bond with you. I hope it works out.
Incidentally, my MIL hated me when she first met me.. she thought I was taking Husband away from her (which I am.. HEE HEE), but over time she got used to me, and now she’s proud of me the same way FIL is.
Go figure.
I could have been less vague and bratty about my frustration.
BoyDucky had talked with her in private, as is appropriate, about not hounding me every single time she sees me, two years ago. Prior to that, she nagged me every time she saw me about the Chinese thing, for months, even though it wasn’t like she hadn’t known me for YEARS before that. So yes, she does mean every word of it. I have absolutely every intent of learning Chinese, but to hear my “failure” rubbed in my face every single instance instead of any encouragement or even just silence fuels my contrary side.
I DO understand that she’s speaking out of stress, and that’s why I just smiled and nodded instead of expecting BoyDucky to stand up for me. It just stings to hear that greeting instead of, say, a simple “hello” since I didn’t have to be there, and wasn’t obligated to go to the hospital after 14-hour workdays. I realize that she’s under an enormous amount of strain and I’m doing my best to support BoyDucky so that he can, in turn, support her, but nothing I do is anything more than what’s expected, in her opinion. I know her personality is such that her automatic reaction is to be critical in the name of practicality even if it comes across as rude and really uncalled for. This IS the same woman who harangued BoyDucky for wanting to come home with me to meet my dying grandmother, after all. And then wouldn’t speak to him after his return, since he’d gone against her wishes.
In any case, I know what I’m in for in the long run, and at least I’ve got a good enough rein on my temper for now not to respond in such a way that burns bridges. Someday I’ll even get over my pride enough to try to charm her. ;P I will, it’ll just take time and effort.
Sabrina, the rental idea is great, I didn’t realize that was an option and I’ll let BoyDucky know.
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