By: Revanche

Relationship Musings

April 16, 2008

I’ve been spending a lot of time with coupled people lately: newlyweds, married-for-three-years, expecting, family planning, long-term relationships, the works. It’s a little intimidating, truth be told, because it constantly reminds me of where I am in my life and relationship, or where I’m not. Or maybe “intimidating” is not the word I’m looking for, perhaps what I mean is “unsettling.”

In any case, that leads to my pondering how other people juggle their personal needs versus couple needs. Considering how difficult it is to carve out time for friends when busy with work and home priorities, I often wonder if their together time is also adversely affected. Does the romance get prioritized above all, or does it get pushed below the surface because it’s been subsumed into a category of personal life that has to wait?

This resonates even more strongly when BoyDucky and I try to schedule time to see each other. Figuring out when we’ve time to see each other, much less romantic getaways, is no joke when every weekend is struck off the calendar because of a litany of other obligations. There’s also definitely a need for us to balance the costs of an LDR and seeing each other by keeping dates during our visits low-key. Communication, in the meantime, via calls, emails or I love you letters keeps the wheels turning.

At the other end of the spectrum, my friend lives with his girlfriend, and I keep hearing that she constantly feels as if he doesn’t spend enough time with her. They live together! He doesn’t go out without her, ever, and she drives him to and from the train station. I can’t fathom a couple being more together. It may be that her expectations are simply misunderstood, or just too high, but regardless of rightness or wrongness, they’ve got to balance each other’s needs just as much as anyone else in a relationship.

It’s a bit of food for thought. How does one get from *here* in a relationship to that point where you’re ready to be committed, to live with another person, for the rest of your life and make it work? The path’s different for everyone, so I’m sure there’s no one answer, but it’d be great if there were a few more signs along the way about whether to turn off, or go straight for another ten miles!

4 Responses to “Relationship Musings”

  1. E.C. says:

    Have you considered making the announcement that a post is sponsored at the beginning rather than just in the topics at the end. I’m not so thrilled about clicking a link that I assume based on all prior experience is to another of your posts, only to get sent to some paid advertiser.

  2. ~e.c.~ You know, I hadn’t and that’s a great idea. I’ll do that from now on.

  3. Tanya says:

    Just a thought, after having lived with my boyfriend for 8 months after long distance.. it’s possible to spend a lot of time theoretically together and not get any quality time. Whereas when we were long distance, I would probably get a good four or five hours of phone time a week, and 2 date nights… now, I’m lucky if I can get him to look up from his computer and get him to mumble an answer to a direct question during dinner. (Yes, I am irritated with him today. Can ya tell? )

  4. ~tanya~ I know that can definitely happen. I know it’s not the case in this particular situation because he really caters to her and her schedule, but the situation you describe is one I’m a little worried about when BoyDucky and I change from LDR to … just R!

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