My goodness, introducing the SLDR!
June 13, 2008
I have it relatively easy in that we’re on the same coast, and within an hour’s flight of each other. But it’s still a major pain in the patoot to have to schedule every single possible meeting, days and weeks ahead of time. With gas prices being what they are, and a promise BD extracted from me two+ years ago never to drive up alone, there’s simply zero spontaneity in the daily part of our relationship. It’s not exactly heartbreaking, since I’m the consummate, OCD, organize everything to a fare-thee-well personality, but still. Definitely no surprise bowls of soup when we’re sick, no surprise flowers when we’re having a good day. Heck, sometimes we’re so busy or tired, we don’t even know the other person is sick or happy.
[….. That makes our relationship sound terrible. It’s not. It’s just the reality of the LDR that certain things people take for granted do fall by the wayside. And it’s not like we don’t eventually figure it out, it’s just that it’s not obvious the way it is when you’re face to face.]
But getting back to my point: the SLDR? How long can people tolerate and function in that sort of distance? And does becoming accustomed to it create a dynamic in which you have to relearn how to get along in closer quarters?
When you’re starting out in an LDR of any sort, you’re thinking of the practicality: the career moves, the growth, the freedom to build a life apart from the relationship so you’re not one of those attached-at-the-hip-elbow-jaw couples. They, frankly, annoy me. After some time, though, it gets hard. Exponentially harder. I’d guess that’s when people start breaking down and either splitting up or making plans to be in the same city at the same time, forever.
I wonder if the breakdown happens at a more accelerated pace for the SLDR?