By: Revanche

Wedding Registries: A time to judge?

August 27, 2009

Just when I’d gotten the whole anti-wedding rant out of my system, we’re confronted with a rather astounding creature: the only child, Miami bride who is marrying our dear friend.

Full disclosure: Literally the only things we know about this individual is that a) she’s an only child, b) she evidently likes him pudgy, and c) our friend is staying in Florida to be with her.

But if we may amateurishly practice the art of psychological profiling via behavioral observation to ascertain a little more about this mystery woman, let’s do!

Tell me, folks, what make you of this?

No registry information was listed in the invitation. The invite itself was classy, understated, printed on VERY nice card stock that shimmered. Since we’re associated on the groom’s side, there was no handy brides/maid of honor/bridesmaid grapevine from which to glean the shopping 411. Normally, I just give cash. But since we’re flying out there, we’re already spending a whole heck of a lot of money and frankly, I’d rather find a good deal that costs less than the $200 cash we’d feel obligated to give.

I cracked my knuckles (not really, I hate the sound of that) and went to work online. My first foray was to the Macy*s gift registry because what couple doesn’t register there?

And my-my-my! I had to double check the date to make sure we really ARE still in a recession. Also, I know our friend and he’s an REI dude. Like, a dude who has seen fine china but would be hard-pressed to identify the various implements and doodads involved in fine dining. I’m just going to go whole hog on the assumptions here and guess she never let him handle the registry gun but once.

A sampling for your pleasure:

Every single piece of Kate Spade china and flatware made or sold by Macy*s
~ A Platinum teapot — $238
~ A sugar bowl — $105
~ A salt and pepper shaker set — $82
~ A Platinum creamer — $90
~ A gravy boat and platter — $180

Every appliance known to man, platinum pricing
~ DeLonghi coffeemaker — $375
~ DeLonghi espresso maker — $140

Bedding must not be neglected ~ Hotel collection comforter — $760 [someone actually purchased this, btw]
~ Duvet — $470
~ Sheets (5 sets) — $95/each
~ Pillowcases (2 sets) — $95 each
~ Pillows — $220

Does it surprise you that my next hunch also panned out? Where else would this couple be registered? Bloomingdale’s? YES. Target? NO.

At Bloomie’s, we’re Monique Lhullier all the way:
~ 5 pc place setting, we’d like ten — $140 each
~ Creamer — $115
~ soup bowls, we’d like ten — $80 each

And Vera Wang for the flatware, of course.

Our friend is not in a profession where he’s going to be pulling down six figures a year, ever, so my faint hope is that she either simply is unaware that some of us po’ folk can’t spend rent money on a few objets d’art for the kitchen, bathroom or bedroom, or that she’s tailoring the registry to the style her friends and family are accustomed to giving. I find the latter hard to believe, though, because the wedding’s in three days and most of those selections are still wide open for purchase.

Whatever the reason, the registry seems to imply that this lady is waaaay out of his income league, and I can only cross my fingers that Daddy or Mommy’s money will be subsidizing their lifestyle if this demonstrates her idea of normal.

By the by? I did check REI. And Bed, Bath and Beyond. And Linens’n’Things. Nope on every single one.

I finally did find a decent combination of kitchenware that wouldn’t break the bank, found a 10% off coupon via retailmenot.com, and added a little ebates.com action to boot. All told, with gift wrap, it’ll be about $75 which is still way too much for a few baking pans. But what did they really expect? A bi-coastal wedding and they registered for nearly all $100+ items? *sigh*

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