By: Revanche

Wedding Registries: A time to judge?

August 27, 2009


Just when I’d gotten the whole anti-wedding rant out of my system, we’re confronted with a rather astounding creature: the only child, Miami bride who is marrying our dear friend.

Full disclosure: Literally the only things we know about this individual is that a) she’s an only child, b) she evidently likes him pudgy, and c) our friend is staying in Florida to be with her.

But if we may amateurishly practice the art of psychological profiling via behavioral observation to ascertain a little more about this mystery woman, let’s do!

Tell me, folks, what make you of this?

No registry information was listed in the invitation. The invite itself was classy, understated, printed on VERY nice card stock that shimmered. Since we’re associated on the groom’s side, there was no handy brides/maid of honor/bridesmaid grapevine from which to glean the shopping 411. Normally, I just give cash. But since we’re flying out there, we’re already spending a whole heck of a lot of money and frankly, I’d rather find a good deal that costs less than the $200 cash we’d feel obligated to give.

I cracked my knuckles (not really, I hate the sound of that) and went to work online. My first foray was to the Macy*s gift registry because what couple doesn’t register there?

And my-my-my! I had to double check the date to make sure we really ARE still in a recession. Also, I know our friend and he’s an REI dude. Like, a dude who has seen fine china but would be hard-pressed to identify the various implements and doodads involved in fine dining. I’m just going to go whole hog on the assumptions here and guess she never let him handle the registry gun but once.

A sampling for your pleasure:

Every single piece of Kate Spade china and flatware made or sold by Macy*s
~ A Platinum teapot — $238
~ A sugar bowl — $105
~ A salt and pepper shaker set — $82
~ A Platinum creamer — $90
~ A gravy boat and platter — $180

Every appliance known to man, platinum pricing
~ DeLonghi coffeemaker — $375
~ DeLonghi espresso maker — $140

Bedding must not be neglected ~ Hotel collection comforter — $760 [someone actually purchased this, btw]
~ Duvet — $470
~ Sheets (5 sets) — $95/each
~ Pillowcases (2 sets) — $95 each
~ Pillows — $220

Does it surprise you that my next hunch also panned out? Where else would this couple be registered? Bloomingdale’s? YES. Target? NO.

At Bloomie’s, we’re Monique Lhullier all the way:
~ 5 pc place setting, we’d like ten — $140 each
~ Creamer — $115
~ soup bowls, we’d like ten — $80 each

And Vera Wang for the flatware, of course.

Our friend is not in a profession where he’s going to be pulling down six figures a year, ever, so my faint hope is that she either simply is unaware that some of us po’ folk can’t spend rent money on a few objets d’art for the kitchen, bathroom or bedroom, or that she’s tailoring the registry to the style her friends and family are accustomed to giving. I find the latter hard to believe, though, because the wedding’s in three days and most of those selections are still wide open for purchase.

Whatever the reason, the registry seems to imply that this lady is waaaay out of his income league, and I can only cross my fingers that Daddy or Mommy’s money will be subsidizing their lifestyle if this demonstrates her idea of normal.

By the by? I did check REI. And Bed, Bath and Beyond. And Linens’n’Things. Nope on every single one.

I finally did find a decent combination of kitchenware that wouldn’t break the bank, found a 10% off coupon via retailmenot.com, and added a little ebates.com action to boot. All told, with gift wrap, it’ll be about $75 which is still way too much for a few baking pans. But what did they really expect? A bi-coastal wedding and they registered for nearly all $100+ items? *sigh*

14 Responses to “Wedding Registries: A time to judge?”

  1. If you did buy at Macy’s, keep an eye out to see if anything goes on sale. I’ve had Macy’s adjust prices for me for a wedding gift after I noticed that the item had gone on sale when I was checking the ship date. Since then I’ve always kept an eye out on my Macy’s orders and saved some extra cash on some dresses I ordered this past winter. I think Macy’s gives you a 2 week window, but not 100% sure. You can call or go online https://www.macys.com/service/contact/index.ognc?defaultSubject=ORDER&DefaultRegarding=PRICEPROMOADJUST#formstart. Many online retailers have similar policies.

  2. Moneymonk says:

    A salt and pepper shaker set — $82

    LOL… are u kidding??

  3. Miss M says:

    Thankfully none of my friends have had those tastes, some registered at Macy’s but for much more affordable things. I cant believe someone bought a $760 comforter, that’s crazy. I’m using the same comforter I took my freshman year of college, that was 15 years ago! Oh well, I hope you enjoy the wedding. Based on the registry it should be a stylish affair.

  4. Ginger says:

    Ugh. That is SICK!!

    Where does this woman live, la-la land??

    I have a love/hate relationship with gift registries. I understand their usefulness, but so many people abuse them like this.

  5. Kathleen says:

    I’m grateful my friends register at places like Target and Bed Bath & Beyond (but of course they sneaked in items like a $200 coffee maker). That woman is out of control!

  6. L.A. Daze says:

    LOL! Now I feel like posting a sampling of my friend’s registry. It would put that one to shame.

    Actually…going to do it right now! And will link back to your post.

  7. Money Funk says:

    Pillow cases at $95 for two??? Doesn’t the bed set come with that??? I feel sorry for you male friend. He’s gonna have his hands full with that one!

    I have to say, I love my JCPenny Outlet 400-count pima cotton sheets that I got for $30. $30! Totally cozy. Tell that girl to get real!

  8. RC says:

    Are you sure you aren’t forgetting the possibility that the bride simply is the kind of person to maximize credit card use?

    OTOH, I once went to a wedding registry late and ended up having to pick up all the miscellaneous items (i.e. less than $10 items). Apparently, they got delivered in parts over the course of the next week or so. (Day 1: “He got us just the salt shaker?” Day 2: “He got us the pepper shaker too?” Day 3: “One napkin?” etc…)

  9. I’d be mortified if anyone thought my wedding registry was tacky! I did register for fairly expensive items (i.e.: each pot was over $100), but also had a wide variety of items under $50, and a bunch under $20 as well.

    I’ve helped friends register too, and always force them to put inexpensive items on them too. I think variety is essential – it’s ok to have expensive stuff as long as you have inexpensive stuff too.

  10. I would totally judge. I can’t handle registry greed, it makes me annoyed.

    T and I talked about it and we’re not registering for expensive china, just things that we would actually (eventually) buy for ourselves. Because… I just don’t think my salt is going to be any saltier if the shaker was $80

  11. Sense says:

    Many thoughts:

    1) I’m inviting you to MY wedding! Giving a $75 gift while you are unemployed? Wow! My limit is usually $50 WHEN I HAVE A JOB. and that’s for good friends…

    2) That girl is really insensitive! I can’t believe she expects all that, and didn’t include less expensive items! Esp. in this economy…

    3) I hope they have a good marriage counselor.

    4) I may be rude, but if I go across country (or across the world for that matter) to be at a friend’s wedding, I don’t give a *real* gift. My presence is the present; the card and $30-and-under gift I usually bring is a little token.

    So far none of my friends that I did that for have expected even that $30 gift…and they’ve all liked my off-registry gifts (they’ve said so at least). I’d hope your friend would be aware of your situation, too, and not expect much.

    5) I also don’t usually shop off the registry if I know the couple well enough. Is going off-registry a major no-no? I always thought it was for the distant relatives who weren’t sure what the couple really needed; kind of a ‘suggestions’ list.

    6) Can you just get them an REI gift card?? HA HA, I’d LOVE to see her face when they open that one!

    7) Crazy.

  12. Karin says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  13. Karin says:

    Make her head spin by buying them a charity gift instead. E.g. an Oxfam goat:

    http://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com/
    product.php?productid=46

    No-one should be so grasping in this credit-crunched, overstaffed planet we have.

  14. Revanche says:

    Cents in the City: Great tip, thanks! We didn’t manage to get anything on sale, but I will keep an eye out.

    MoneyMonk: Totally wish I were!

    Miss M: Macy’s I’m fine with – it’s kind of a moderate middle of the road shop that’s easy access for a lot of people. It’s just where you go from there! 🙂

    Ginger: I understand that Miami Beach/South Beach does have a membership in LaLaLand … doesn’t it?

    Kathleen: Yeah, that was the next place I checked, but nothing doin!

    L.A. Daze: Oh My Goodness. You win. (or ..lose…)

    Money Funk: Oh definitely. Post reception, I can say he’s goin to have trouble keeping up with her. *sigh*

    RC: Oh dear. That slipped my mind. I really hope that piecemeal shipping doesn’t happen with our order. 🙂 I wonder why they don’t give you an option the way Amazon does?

    negative_net_worth: Absolutely, variety is essential! I guess I’m calling it less tacky and more thoughtless than anything. Mostly because I don’t know her, and until I know where it comes from (cluelessness? selfishness/entitlement?)

    stackingpennies: Ah, but would you want that $80 salt shaker if it DID make your salt saltier? 😀 It’s really fun letting my readers in on the judging, though, so I thank her for that. 😉

    Sense:
    1. Better get on it, then, I don’t know how much longer this generosity’s gonna last! 🙂 Truth be told, it helped that this isn’t even my friend so I didn’t dictate the price of the gift, it was a shared decision.
    2. I’m curious how much of it she actually got. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when she opened up those gifts.
    3. She’s got a Catholic priest in her pocket. Hope that helps.
    4. Normally, I just put a bow on my head for cross country trips. And a nice card with a picture of me 😉 I’ve never had the gift problem in the past: I’ve only attended/been invited to weddings of close friends and if we had to travel or pay for our dresses, the brides made it very clear our presences were gift enough. But those are MY friends. 🙂
    5. I never shop off-registry unless I’m very close to them and KNOW for certain what they want.
    6. I wish I’d heard that before I ordered!! 😀 That would have been awwwesooome.
    7. Only child.

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