The $400 Elevator Ride
June 11, 2013
Say hello to the klutzoid
It was like a scene from one of my You’re Awkward as *#$(@ nightmares. Or a really stupid, scripted tv show.
Rushing out to meet my friend, I grabbed a super bulky bag, shoved my feet into flipflops and locked the door behind me, leaving my phone behind because I was only running out for a second. I never leave my phone behind, not even to take out the trash or get the mail. But THIS day ….
As the elevator door opened, I juggled the dangerously slipping bag to get a better grip on it. In hindsight, I should have just dropped the cursed thing.
To my slow-motion, too fast to screech or catch, horror, both the bag and my awkward right hand smacked my kangeroo sweatshirt pouch at just the “right” angle to bounce the house keys right out of the pocket. They hit the wall, slid down, bounced on the ground and fell. Right into the elevator shaft. I heard it more than saw it: *smack* *jingle* *smack* *splash* as it descended to the unknown depths.
I stared at my friend. She stared at me.
Locked out. Keys invisible to the naked eye. PiC not due home for another hour.
My friend could barely contain her horrified, chagrined laughter but it fell on deaf ears. My otherwise benumbed brain was too busy trying to figure out how to break down the elevator shaft, or fish around on the lowest floor in hopes that the keys would be hookable.
No such luck, of course, there was no way to find them peering down into the two inch chasm. I always knew that thing was a disaster waiting to happen!
Stupid tax, stupid tax, stupid tax!
The call to the management company was possibly worse than kneeling on the floor of the elevator calling it names. They’d charge $400 just to call out the maintenance guys, plus labor.
Abandoning the keys would be a security risk – when they finally did come out for a routine check-up, chances were good they would find the keys and then someone would have a set of keys to our lives. Fantastic.
Replacing the keys and locks? Start at $200 for a key fob for the car, and keep adding the costs up from there.
This was too stupid, even for me. It fell into the realm of horrifically embarrassing, even, because it wasn’t just me leaning on the locking door dramatically sobbing quietly. I was keeping my friend hostage to the errand she couldn’t run without getting in our place.
Always have a spare
Neither cost was something I was prepared to pay. It’s more than we budgeted for an entire year of stupid tax/fees!
Luckily, we did have a spare set, otherwise we’d have been pulling out the credit card and docking my allowance. After a few rounds of calls, the company finally conceded that we could wait for a routine maintenance check, whenever that happened, but at least when it did happen, they would retrieve the keys at no extra cost. In a month, or three.
We’d just have to keep phone stalking them until that call was scheduled.
True story: It’s actually possible to be relieved and so angry you could spit at the same time!
In the end, it took a few months of nailbiting and waiting to get a confirmation the elevator servicefolk were coming out and we’d get our keys back without the hefty stupid tax attached.
Please, share a stupid/stupid tax story, stupidity likes company just as much as misery does.
Keys now go into a zipper pocket and get zipped in. Always.