Seeking change
April 20, 2015
PiC took a generous holiday last year to be home with us and, despite working through most of it, I was immensely spoiled.
He was an absolute superman! He only left me the chores I wanted: laundry, cooking, correspondence and gifts, all financials, tending to work and hobbies. Everything else was taken care of.
He was all over it: furniture related acquisition/building/maintenance, Craigslisting, car maintenance and upkeep, reorganizing, dog stuff (usually my specialty but on temporary suspension), keeping the house clean (always his specialty).
Oh, and feeding me fruit. He’s excellent at feeding me fruit regularly. It was great. Very nearly the ideal split of home life, with me continuing to work and him doing stuff he wanted to get done and in a timely manner.
It got me thinking that, despite loving having my quiet time and space, this suggests that my once upon a time dream of being the breadwinner and having PiC be the SAHD and house manager isn’t so farfetched after all. I just assumed that I couldn’t bear that much time in close quarters even with my beloved spouse but it turns out we enjoy each other’s company more than I realized!
The other piece of the puzzle is that after all this time with Little Bean, I do not like giving over hir care to someone else. I want to be the one hugging, cuddling, feeding and even changing hir. Failing that, PiC should be doing it. This is an odd sense of possessiveness (MY BABY) that I never expected to feel, or at least not this strongly, and the desire to be home with my child is utterly foreign.
Mind, I do not want to be a stay at home mom, I’d be terrible at that. Physically, I’m simply not up to it. And eventually, I’d get antsy to do other things, my brain would go right to mush and my temper would fray. I’m not the full time SAHM anyone would want. (Though, when I’m hung up on an idea that won’t develop properly, the idea of just cuddling LB while I think is awfully appealing. I am pretending that ze isn’t heavier than a sack of potatoes and demanding full time attention.)
I want to be home and available to LB, to continue to work and have my family be together.
What would it would take?
1. We need enough money to cover both our salaries and the full cost of good health insurance. Health insurance has forever been a main reason I’ve worked so hard. You can’t afford to be without it when you have a chronic illness. Sure, we could live on less but a) I don’t want to, b) we support more than just ourselves and I can’t force Dad to cut costs more (YET), c) savings is not optional.
2. Potential to grow as a professional and therefore potential to grow my salary further.
3. Be location independent, saving my energy for the important stuff.
I’m not an ideas and vision sort of person, I’m a Make it Happen sort so getting started isn’t the challenge, it’s coming up with a project in the first place. I’m an excellent troubleshooter but creativity isn’t my strongest suit.
Sidebar: I both admire and envy friends who knew exactly what they wanted, whether it was to stay home and rock the Best Mama At Home thing, or to get back into the fray at six weeks and rock the Career Lady thing, and were able to execute the plan.
Since my body is a jerk, a lot, things are a bit more complicated but this has my brain ticking again.
It could be time for a major career change once I lay out the details of what we’d be willing to take on and risk, or another change altogether for the same result. Let’s see!
Kamel would love to be a stay at home dad, but it is not the lifestyle choice, financially, we could make. He’s fine working too – he would just be a really great SAHD. Having a stay at home spouse is definitely appealing as far as lifestyle. Really frees up weekends for fun things vs laundry/house cleaning.
I hope you can make it work!!
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I forever hold out hope that we’ll do better soon! 🙂 I guess it’s a bit pie in the sky, and always was going to be as long as we lived here.
Well, I’m meant to be back at work in about 3 months – so right now I need to find out how many hours I’m expected to be/ want to be working and then find a nanny. I’m currently thinking around 3 days/week but I might do it over 4 days. I’m not sure how it will work exactly as there is a business restructure going on… I’m hoping I will still have a job then!
That’s a major life change as I’ve been on maternity leave for 11 months now. My husband will be back to full time work then as well. He’s been on 4 days/week since September last year. We’ve decided to go with a nanny because it means we won’t have 2 drop offs and will provide cover in school holidays and after school.
Oh that’s huge! I do hope you have the freedom to set your new schedule and that you have an easier transition. Avoiding more dropoffs is so great.
Oooh major life changes are so exciting! Good luck!
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Thank you!
Good luck!
I’m not considering any major career changes. After a new job this January and the one before, I’m hoping that this move is one that sticks. I do think this job will work out well for family / work-life balance stuff… but it is hard to know. Life changes, well, we’re still thinking about kids, but still don’t feel like I’m ready from the career side. And like you, we don’t have family near by, so I’m just nervous in general. I’m sure we can do it, but I am still not ready. For now, we are just focusing on turning the puppy into a good dog.
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Thank you!
I hope you’re in the right job for you right now and for a while yet! It’s too bad we’re not a bit closer for convenience’s sake but maybe we’ll still be able to help each other out later. Did you get the puppy yet?