Nannied! (or … not)
May 12, 2015
Well, that didn’t last long.*
We are cautiously optimistic.
After some real stink bomb interviews, we found someone who was a great deal more “home style” than the others. Ella didn’t have a professional looking resume, her English wasn’t enough to get by so she needed a translator. But. Her meeting with LB was the best of all, she immediately (with permission) picked up LB and had a whole conversation with hir. Ze was grinning and responding with coos and cackles.
We decided to have her start a few days a week to rescue me and see if our read on her and our instincts were right. I’d be right here to assess the situation so we both felt like it was the only way to really get a feel for how well we’d work together.
We mostly spoke Spanish. Well, she spoke and I limped along painfully translating each word and eventually responding about two sentences behind in every conversation. It wasn’t awful but it sure was a workout for my brain and hearing me butcher her native language couldn’t have been easy on the ears.
What stood out from this trial period?
She brought a translator to confirm details with me each of the first few weeks, having estimated rather accurately how much we were clearly communicating. She could have just let us struggle along and figure it out slowly but instead she made sure we were on the same page. She even asked, “Is there anything I want her to differently?”
She paid attention, took initiative and took direction well. When I spoke directly to LB, suggesting it was time for exercises or to play for ten more minutes before eating, Ella was ready to execute without my having to translate or repeat myself. This wasn’t a test, I was willing to repeat myself for her when necessary but she paid attention so that I wouldn’t have to.
When LB was upset, she quickly cycled through the troubleshooting as I suggested things. She knew what to try but also took suggestions readily. She didn’t have to be told that as LB’s mother, I’m going to know what’s changed and what’s working right now. Sometimes I don’t know but when I do, Ella is receptive. We’ve disagreed about things on occasion but it’s not become an issue.
A couple of our interviewees were pretty condescending and the gall of that in the face of not being able to hold the baby!
Life is looking up
It took a few weeks, and I had to repeatedly tell myself to step back and let her do the job because it’s darn hard letting a stranger care for LB, but I’m feeling a lot better.
Physically, “just” working the desk job again instead of hefting LB’s ever-increasing weight for 8-12 hours a day makes such a big difference. I’m tired enough from the broken sleep at night, adding the full day workout was too much. Now I can recover a little and just have two jobs: make the “bread” and make the milk.
I can think! We’re not running out of diapers or wipes or whatever because I’m not too tired to think ahead to when we need more.
This place is cleaner. When I’m stuck on a work problem, I clean to think. Since LB is hanging out with Ella during the day, I can do the dishes, wipe down a counter, or sort the pile-up on the table.
Hell, we’re cleaner! Never in our lives has the opportunity to brush our teeth and shower been so precious.
I finally finally got to cook again. It was just a crockpot meal but that represented a milestone.
I still wish that we could handle childcare on our own, or that Mom was here to mind her grandchild like she always always wanted even if it meant she teaches the kid even more mischief, but what’s the use of wishing for things that can’t be?
Like I said, cautiously optimistic because sharing my work and home space is weird but so far, so good!
*And after a miscommunication, Ella quit. Rather than seek clarification, or accept my clarifications when I realized that she had misunderstood, she stopped showing up. So that sucks. And we’re back to square one. But I guess I can enjoy this time of not getting dressed every day while we search for a replacement? Bright side? Anyone? Bueller?
🙁 I’m sorry. Language barriers make everything much harder.
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We were doing so well, too!
Wow! You just find a good one and she goes out the door. A good nanny, like a good cleaning lady, is a gift from God. One of the things I’ve learned about Latinas is that they have been subjected to so much cr** from so many directions for so many years that they’ve reached a point where they’re not takin’ any more!!! Sometimes they’re over-sensitive and will take offense at surprising things. It’s important to treat them with great respect and express your sincere appreciation for what they do from day to day.
For me part of the problem is that because I came from a working-class background, I tend not to see Latinas as especially different from me. But there’s a definite cultural disjunct there. Thanks to getting to know a beloved Latina colleague, I’ve been learning a lot about how a person’s culture, even if we grew up in the US, affects our experience of everything around us in subtle but very meaningful ways. It’s SO worth it to examine those cultural artifacts in a caring way, since we all carry them around with us..
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Turns out, sometimes it still doesn’t matter if you treat someone with great respect and sincere appreciation (as I would anyone taking care of my child, of course!). I welcomed her into our home and expressed gratitude, we had good conversations in Spanish even though my grasp was terrible out of respect for her discomfort with English, every day, but it seems something was still missing 🙁 A shame, really.
We had a p/t nanny for the first few years. She was Hispanic, too, but she spoke enough English for daily conversations. It was strange to share space and we also had our share of miscommunication as often happens between an employer and employee relationship. Best of luck with finding another good one.
Thank you!
Here’s hoping this is just a small set-back and you’ll find another competent nanny quickly. Now that you have this experience under your belt, maybe it helps you zero in on a replacement faster.
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The pessimistic side of me is worried that I won’t pick well again because I thought we had a good one in Ella and I never would have thought she’d quit by not showing up over a misunderstanding. I can only hope this won’t be a pattern 🙁
oh no! It was going so well 🙁
I’m sorry to hear that
I am apprehensively looking for a nanny too.. Or a daycare but Baby Bun will be a handful methinks
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Oh my fingers are crossed for you. I hope the childcare market for you is way better than what we have!
Oh no! Sorry to hear that she left, after such a promising start. Hope your next nanny will be a better fit!
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[…] The search for a nanny had become a bit desperate. We hadn’t found anyone that really suits. The first mother’s helper we tried seemed alright at first but her competence seemed to taper off. By the fourth day, I was still repeating basic care instructions and it was driving me nuts. [When baby cries, check hir diaper. Why does that have to be repeated??] Then it was ok. Then it was not. […]
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