By: Revanche

My kid and notes from Year 3.5

August 15, 2018

Looking Backward

Now that this particular transition is in the rearview mirror, I can breathe easy and be ever so grateful that we never had any trouble with reflux or transitioning JB from bottles to sippy cups to regular cups. (Ze still wanted zir sippy as recently as two months ago but just for fun, because rummaging through the cabinets gives zir nostalgia like it gives me, and has wholeheartedly embraced the late-introduced camelbak.)

A cousin is struggling with their kid’s transition away from bottles. They’re going on three and still refuses milk in anything but bottles and that reminded me that at least on that point, we were incredibly lucky. When I gave JB zir first couple of sippies just to play with around a year, ze chewed up the spout enthusiastically, then THERE IS WATER IN HERE. WHOA!

At around 14 months, I decided that traveling with bottles again sounded awful, so we were ditching the bottles. We started giving only water in bottles, and milk in sippies, then I started giving only water in sippies before naps because we were supposed to avoid teeth rotting from having milk before sleeping. Picky though ze was about many other things, this was a non issue. Within a week, the bottles were phased out entirely and the next time I heard a peep about bottles was when ze discovered the bottles stashed in the closet a year later and was Extremely Curious about what they were and why they were stashed. Thank goodness we had that bit easy.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I’m hopeless with change. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. There’s some irony in choosing to have children – the ultimate change agents – when you hate change as much as I do.

There’s tremendous growth and changes every single month, as they grow, but it looked like there were some things you could take as ironclad. Sure as death, taxes, and a hungry JB is an angry JB:

• Baths are the best places to be. Even an angry teething and confused JB would be happy when placed in a tub full of water. And cold water is AMAZING.
• Raisins forever.
• PiC is the preferred parent.

No matter what else shifted from month to month with sleep patterns, favorite toys, desired fruit, whatever – these things were solid. And then they weren’t.

First, ze started asking for me. That was a shock to the system! Ze never wanted me first. But I started being the preferred parent for a few activities, or at least I was called off the bench and not just oh that lady who lives here and feeds me and bathes me and keeps me alive.

A few months ago, getting into the bath and washing zir hair was like torment – ze screeched like a banshee! My child, getting wet and washing your hair is the entire reason we’re in the bath!

Last week, ze rejected raisins for an after school snack.

I don’t know what to do in a world where every single thing, every single opinion and fact, changes! What’s next, will the oceans run bright yellow and the sky go orange?

But that’s what parenting is made of: adjusting to a human becoming a person with opinions and thoughts and oh my. This is another way I don’t want to be like my dad. He latched onto my personality quirks and skill levels at age 17 even though we all lived together until I was 25. When I was 30, he was still telling stories of how I was an indifferent cook (at 17-21) even though I’d been married and cooking for our family for years by that point. Maybe keeping me a “child” in his head was part of how he allowed himself to steal from me, he cast himself as the permanently wiser elder in the relationship and refused to see me as an adult that more than deserved respect. I don’t know but I hated that feeling of being typecast for the rest of my life based on one single slice of my life, I’d like to not do that to JB either.

“Always”

We’ve been hearing a lot of “always” lately. It’s “Mommy ALWAYS lets me (thing I probably don’t let zir do)” and also aimed at me in reverse. Daddy ALWAYS lets me (thing)!

I often wonder if it’s wishful thinking or an attempt at twisting the truth enough to make it true. It’s very similar to times when ze claims a condition like “My tummy hurts” or “I’m so full” as a signal to move on from the main course to dessert (fruit). I generally ask if ze is saying that as a means of skipping ahead and then suggest ze take the truthful route because if you truly have a tummyache, you’re not getting a pint of strawberries.

40 months …

Of growth spurts are … Over? Ze has finally started to eat actual toddler portions at meals, throwing me off completely. Ze has been eating like a fiend since birth, literally, two and three times as much as expected and I’ve just gotten used to serving small adult portions. Now I have to think about small child serving sizes. It’s weird.

Gentle hands

Three and a half years on, and JB still “pets” Seamus with all the gentleness of a sledgehammer. It hardly helps to tell zir that he doesn’t like it, he won’t ever show it! He just quietly tolerates it and wags his tail, or even scolds me for being hard on the kid. You’re not going zir any favors, Seamus!

Given this, and Sera’s occasional skittishness, I’m still bemused at how Sera and JB have integrated. Friends joke that JB is enjoying finally having someone to boss around and I bet a shiny quarter that that does play a part in it. I’m pretty sure also that the fact that Sera has only been clingy with Seamus plays another big part in it. Sad to say, I think I birthed a child who isn’t a dog lover. Not the way I was. I was forever reaching for and hoping for dogs from the moment I saw one, JB just sizes them up as friend (leaves zir alone) or foe (pays attention to zir). It was always a possibility but this was one of the few ways I’d hoped ze would take after me. Ah well. All that matters is Sera loves Seamus who tolerates her in turn and Sera actually obeys JB from time to time thereby endearing herself to the Toddler Tyrant whose commands to Seamus are entirely ignored because he knows better than to listen to the child and so a certain peace reigns among my children.

New lessons and skills

See previous months for zir current responsibilities.

We’ve always done “writing” lessons wherever we could – drawing on paper, writing in the steam on mirrors, etc, and daycare has done an excellent job of encouraging the kids to write their names several times a day. Ze loves it, and even though minor rules of writing, like all the letters of a word should be next to each other, fly completely over zir head, we can see that ze is enthusiastic about the act of writing.

Precious Moments

Secrets
JB in a whisper: Momma, can I watch movie?
Me: Why are you whispering?
JB: So Daddy won’t hear.
Me: Because you think Daddy’s going to say no?
JB: Yes.
Me: What makes you think I won’t say no?
JB: *pause* Daddy, can I watch movie?
PiC: No.
JB: *wails* Noooo don’t say no to meeeee!!!!

The Skeptic
JB: Momma, can I have my green spoon?
Me: It’s dirty right now.
JB: Daddy, can I have my green spoon?
PiC: Did you think you’d get a different answer from me?

Coco: spoilers ahead!
At the end of a song, JB: That’s when he fell into the water!
PiC: Yes!
JB: And Ernesto jumped in to save him.
PiC: Yes.
JB: But he was a bad guy!
PiC: Yes, he saved him because he didn’t know who Miguel was, and when Miguel thought that Ernesto was his great great grandfather.
JB: But he wasn’t!
PiC: No, he wasn’t. Hector was, and Ernesto poisoned him when he just wanted to get home. That wasn’t ok, he didn’t use his words.
(Me: I’ll say.)
JB: No! He didn’t use his words AND he didn’t ASK. He didn’t say excuse me, can I poison you?
PiC: No, if he asked, Hector DEFINITELY would have said no thank you, I don’t want you to poison me.
JB: But can I be a Ernesto costume?
PiC: ???
Me: Ze wants to wear an Ernesto costume for Halloween.
PiC: Oh. Because he has a big hat and sparkly guitar?
JB: Yes! But I won’t be real!
Me: You mean you’re just pretending to be Ernesto? What if you dress up as Hector who also had a big hat before he was poisoned?
JB: No. I want to be Ernesto.
/Scene

I know you (bedtime themes)

At 8:30: Ze promises not to call me repeatedly after I go through our bedtime routine.
9:30: Ze has called me for the third time.
Me at the door: YES?
JB: My shirt is hot.
Me: Then take it off. No more calling, go to sleep.
JB: Excuse me mommy but I called you because I didn’t want you to come ask me “why did you take your shirt off?”
Me: (to myself: hah ze got you there!) Oh, I know why you took it off. Take it off and go to sleep.
JB: Ok, have a safe nap!
Me: You too!

Learning about emotions

JB: Mommy, can I help you make mac ‘n’ cheese for dinner? We hevn’t had it in a looooong time.
Me: Yes, that’s fine.
JB: Mommy, you are filling mah bucket!

JB: I like watermelons. It makes me CHEERFUL.

But it’s just Play-doh….

JB: Dis is the garbage, mom, and if you tousch it, the bugs will come out and EAT ALL OF YOUR BODY!
Me: OH NO I don’t want that
JB: Ok den don’t tousch it. Be VERWY careful. I’m verra careful betuz I’m a worker.
Me: You’re … a worker?
JB: Only a worker can do dis. Not kids!

It’s hard being human

JB: Look! I did it myself! Hoo-hoo!
Me: Yay! Woohoo?
JB: YEAH! Hooooo-hoooo!

Backseat Baking with Auntie

JB: why you put yogurt in.
Auntie: It goes with it.
JB: Oh….. Mommy always lets me pour dat in.
Auntie: Oh really.
JB: yessss

It might be a fever. Or meningitis.

:: When did you start plotting your Halloween costumes? Were you for the Dark Side or the Rebellion?

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