Good Thing Friday (85)
October 2, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,886.35; Rural libraries, $346.69.
1. I made deluxe grilled cheese sandwiches (ham, tomato and cheese) for the first time in forever. I cannot remember the last time I made a grilled cheese and it was delicious!
2. Sleep eludes me most nights now (not good) but on the weekends I’m allowing myself a midday lay down when I need it. Remembering that it’s ok to take care of myself is a big step. We all (well, not JB) took a good portion of Saturday afternoon to rest instead of forcing ourselves to run all kinds of errands.
3. In the aftermath of RBG’s death and the absolute circus of politicizing her death before we can even mourn her, and the gross absurdity of nominating a SCOTUS justice to take her seat less than two months before the election, I’ve been bogged down with despair and rage and spiritually exhausted. I’m also physically exhausted for other reasons but none of this helped that. Thanks to Katherine and Cloud for sharing their actions, and particular thanks to Cloud and Nicole and Maggie for sharing actions consistently. This stuck and when I had energy, we donated to flip the Senate.
Challenges this week: Seamus’s legs were extra wobbly this week and my poor buddy fell down a couple steps. I couldn’t catch him in time, and he had a bloody nose from it.
Birthday dinner should have been lunch but the day itself was incredibly emotionally rough, and I couldn’t shake the funk until I admitted how much I’d been replacing hurt over not being important enough to remember on the day with an emotional shield of telling myself that my birthday didn’t matter, and therefore I didn’t matter. It all bubbled up in a strong sense of worthlessness on the day of. That was no fun at all. But. Weathering it was good for me long-term.
4. We enjoyed outdoor patio, far from other people, self service burgers for my birthday dinner.
5. Therapy has been one revelation after another, in session and out. As I metaphorically open up and flush out old wounds, I start to see the ways I had devalued myself as a person as a self protective response starting way back when I was still dependent on people who didn’t care about me. I am working on being less harsh because I shouldn’t have to be a horrible drill sergeant to myself to prove I’m worthy. A) it never proved anything to the parent who didn’t love me. B) it only hurt me, not them. C) it didn’t make me more lovable if I forced myself to be the most productive person ever.
It was a warped sense of logic where I decided to make myself indispensable as an alternative to understanding and accepting that my horrible parent and sibling just didn’t love me and that it was their problem. If I blocked out the latter, I wouldn’t have to face the hurt or pain of the truth. Instead I set myself up to be used and to turn their indifference into self-loathing. Lose lose.
And it led to my telling myself this terrible message: 
As I stay committed to the journey of leaving behind all the negative self narrative about my lack of worth, the less inflammation I’m encountering when I occasionally eat carbs or sugar. In January, I’d swell up like the Michelin Man after three sneak bites of something delivery. Now, I can have meals that include the verboten gluten or carbs or sugar and only feel twinges and aches. The fibro isn’t gone but the inflammatory response to food is significantly reduced.
My totally amateur theory is that removing these own self erected obstacles is removing stressors on my body so that it’s not so “on edge” and teetering on a cliff. Therefore it’s less primed to go inflammation-mode at the first possible challenge.
6. We got our flu shots done! I was flabbergasted at our HMO’s inability to give us any appointments at all online through their flu clinic scheduler. I’m glad that I emailed our pediatrician to ask for help. They called back to set us up with a real appointment rather than a one hour drive up slot and though it was a terrible experience due to having a child who is VERY VOCAL about their fear of needles, we got it done.
We are all getting flu shots tomorrow. I have a whole protocol where I line them up with a mini candy bar in each hand. Last year there was no crying! (The year before that my oldest, who was 9 at the time, pitched an enormous fit; the 3 year old was completely chill…)
Jenny F Scientist recently posted…Mystifying Choices
Oh my gosh, that’s genius! I wonder if that would work for us. Is candy a limited thing in your household?
Oh yes, very limited. They get two mini candy bars: one for sitting down quietly, and one for not losing it afterwards. This year I popped one in under the mask and gave them the second one when we got outside. We were in and out in 10 minutes and nobody had a meltdown (there was a little quiet sobbing but I tell them they don’t have to like it, they just have just do it).
Jenny F. Scientist recently posted…In Which Waffling Occurs (Not By Me)
I also hold their left hand/ hold down their left arm while they get the shot. It prevents both hitting and feeling alone.
Jenny F. Scientist recently posted…In Which Waffling Occurs (Not By Me)
I got my flu shot last week! I had the day off and made it happen. It was actually easy – I walked into a local grocery store/pharmacy, found out I had to make an appointment, but the form was online and the next appt was in 10 minutes. In all it took about 40 minutes from parking my car to walking away with my shot completed, and would have been half that or less if I’d known about booking in advance.
Woo for a fast and easy flu shot!