Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (36)
February 8, 2021
Week 47 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 47, Day 326: Sometimes I forget that it’s been 326 days since I could see the human elements of my family out the door to their work and school respectively, then settle down to work with just my dogs. I miss that. My introvert soul is struggling with that lack of a break.
***
My Twitter folks and blog readers are the best. Those who are able shared the Giving Project, and those who are able contributed. Having this work has been a balm for my grieving soul, having some additional resources helps. I appreciate y’all deeply.
Week 47, Day 327: I don’t know if this is due to stress, lack of sleep, or PPD which I’ve been fighting but I haven’t been able to feel full for days. Weeks, even, possibly. I eat full relatively balanced meals but feel physically hollow afterward. It’s like I hadn’t eaten anything. It’s exasperating and I don’t even bother trying to eat enough to feel full anymore because it seems pointless. No matter how much I eat, I don’t feel any satiety so I’ve been walking around feeling hungry for ages. It’s gotten so that I am both hungry AND lack appetite at the same time. It’s weird and I don’t know what’s going on.
***
I spent hours working on more fulfilment for our Lakota Families. My grieving process demands that I do things. Helping people distracts and helps my feeling of loss.
Week 47, Day 328: Two weeks ago, I decided that this absolutely hateful experience with Seesaw couldn’t continue the way it’s been going. I needed to change it so I suggested that we work on our attitudes toward it and each time we did well, we’d get a treat. I don’t insist on them doing all the assignments, the only thing they’re learning is patience and hand eye coordination from these and so I decided that two per week are sufficient.
The first time, it was a disaster. There was anger, there was yelling, there was frustration. There were also chocolate zucchini muffins afterward but they felt like no treat at all given the terrible situation. However, we reviewed how things went down and discussed how we could do better next time. The second time was still … ehhhhh.
This week? We got results! They were able to get through the two assignments without any whining and even found a couple ways to kind of game the system so they weren’t just repetitively typing the same word over and over when they already knew how to type it and spell it. I’m ok with that.
***
I hate just about everything about breastfeeding. D-MER plagues me and it’s like a despair throat punch every time I pump or BF. Hate it. Hate it so much. But I’ve found a compromise of just pumping twice a day and only nursing at night mostly works. I would stop entirely if it weren’t for the flexibility it gives me at night which maximizes my very minimal rest time.
***
Sera doesn’t quite seem to notice that Seamus is gone. She hasn’t been looking for him, anyway, not the way she looks for humans when they’re not in their usual places. Once PiC goes outside, she sits and waits for him by the door. It’s weird. She absolutely adored Seamus so I expected some kind of reaction but she doesn’t have any discernible concern. She has gone back to guarding PiC when he’s on calls, though. I thought today that maybe she’s trying to guard him from those voices she can hear but not see.
Week 47, Day 329: We managed some balance today. It wasn’t an easy day but we checked off some boxes that we normally struggle with.
We took a half hour walk as a family, JB had a decent lesson with their tutor. PiC was exhausted and was sent away for an hour long nap. Smol Acrobat followed soon after and actually had a near three hour nap which is unheard of. It was amazing. Leftovers for dinner! There’s a great Japanese curry place that takes every precaution that we like and a take out order from them stretches two meals. I like all kinds of curry even if this one isn’t GF. I have found that I can tolerate some gluten if I don’t go overboard so I make exceptions for the really good stuff.
***
Three more tax documents arrived in the mail, they’re scanned and logged in. We’re getting pretty close to having all our documents in. I am looking forward to filing and being DONE with the last of the 2020 tax stuff. With this filing, I can put the rental behind us! Then that gusty sigh of relief that’s been waiting in the wings can truly burst forth.
Week 47, Day 330: Smol Acrobat’s micro catnaps might be the death of us. This baby can be desperate for sleep and yet wake up after only 10 or 15 minutes of dozing. Each cycle make them more tired and desperate for rest, so they get that much more worked up after each waking.
Then, just when they fall asleep and seem to be peacefully out, they pee and become outraged by the wet diaper. Siighhhhh.
***
PiC’s return to work has been a rough re-entry. Wish us luck next week?
Sorry to hear the breastfeeding has been rough & sleep has been minimal. And so, so sorry about Seamus, friend.
I know the transition back to work can be brutal. I definitely wish you all luck during this time. I’m always around in DMs.
Done by Forty recently posted…A Kinder Means Testing
Food = sigh. I go through cycles of wanting to cook ALL THE THINGS! and our fridge gets overstuffed with yummy leftovers. Then I crash and it’s like “What do you mean I have to make food AGAIN? I just made food yesterday!” So we eat a loooot more nachos & rotisserie chickens & GF frozen corn dogs then I would care to admit.
I have this problem too! I TRY to freeze half the meals before they become leftovers to battle this problem but it’s not always successful.