My kids and notes: Year 7.7
August 23, 2022
Safety
One of my primary directives is to keep my kids safe. JB had an incident at camp a little while ago where an aide wasn’t respecting their “stop” (playing some game) and while the camp did everything they should have, it brought up some feelings I can’t reconcile and I’ve been sitting with that. I know we can’t protect them forever so part of keeping them safe is teaching them how to handle conflict and difficult situations as far as they are able, and to ask for help when they can’t handle it.
I’m really bad at the latter myself. I hate asking for help, I feel vulnerable and useless and weak if I do. But I also know, in my head at least, that that is ingrained from childhood and not the objective truth. Having not had the experience of knowing when I could ask for help as a child, it’s hard for me to direct JB in a constructive way at times.
Aside from that mundane practical truth that we need to be preparing them to fend for themselves in the future, though, is the stark reality that there are few to no places we can promise are safe. We cannot even protect them adequately as children from disease and mass shootings. This makes me so angry at the world, in so many ways.
*****
Speaking of safety, we keep seeing a parent drop their second grader (JB confirmed their identity) off on a corner of a busy street and gesturing at them to cross alone. At first, I thought it was just a bit dicey but the adults were were still watching so it didn’t seem too bad. Then they got a lot more reckless: the parent was ONLY watching their kid and not the other kids crossing in the crosswalks. They also encouraged their kid to run out in the middle of the street to grab a mask from the driver’s side instead of pulling over. I don’t know what their deal is but it’s not great how often their kid has nearly been run over or hit by a car.
I don’t know when JB will be allowed to cross streets alone but I think we’ll be easing our way into having them practice with closer supervision. There are some terrible drivers by the school.
Life with Smol Acrobat
We took Smol to an outdoor pool for their first “swim” and they LOVED it. Unfortunately even with hot weather and warm water, they got really cold so fast their lips turned blue! But they so much enjoyed splashing and playing with JB that they wouldn’t call it quits until I asked if they needed to get out, and then they only came out long enough to warm up and then wanted right back in.
*****
They’re starting to come out of their shell a little bit! They’ve observed kids playing together at each other’s houses and on the playground and in the pool, and they’ve just been filing these observations away one by one. Out of the blue, a little girl nearby caught their attention and they decided to engage! It was the cutest thing. They just quietly started to hand the little girl toys to play with and … my heart! It was so happy.
*****
They can accurately identify “eye” and we know this because they poke us in the eye when they say it. Ow.
Pupdate
Sera’s first test run with a dogsitter in years went so well. It was really good for her to visit with multiple dogs that were friendly and safe to be around under careful supervision. I was extra nervous about this stay. It’s the first stay she’s had without Seamus and COVID and the memory of losing Doggle still haunts me, but they were great with her and she was absolutely pooped out when she got home. In a good way! No anxiety, she just needed a lot of sleep.
Precious Moments
Smol patting PiC on the arm really hard: MUM MUM!
PiC: I’m Dad.
Me: And so it begins.
*****
Me: My legs are really hurting this week.
JB: Oh no. Don’t tell me you’re dying.
Me: Not from that, no …
*****
PiC: I don’t know where the pool is.
JB: I know where it is! I saw it. It’s outside and where a pool normally is.
PiC: Outside. Where a pool normally is. Okay….
*****
JB: Date night is for you and dad to date each other and marry?
Me: No, we don’t need to get married again. We’re still married.
JB: Noooo, I mean for you to spend TIME together, without us KIDS, that’s what I mean by marry. But you still need to figure out what to do with Smol Acrobat.
*****
PiC: You’re like our Kryptonite, sapping all our powers.
Smol Acrobat: YEAP.
RB40Jr started crossing the street alone when he was in 3rd grade. This was at school, though. They usually had crossing guards and most drivers were extra careful.
I only trusted him to walk home from the school bus when he was in 5th grade.
Oh, we just came back from Thailand and I held his hand whenever we cross a street. It’s a lot dicier there.
Joe recently posted…July 2022 FIRE Update
We lost our crossing guard this year 🫤
I feel like I need to be a lot more alert in areas that don’t use crosswalks and the like.
I’m not putting an age on it yet, but think it’s very location-specific and kid-attention-specific. For us– we live on a 40 mph street with no sidewalks and no road paint. The nearest cross street does have sidewalks, road paint, and even a light… but is 45 mph and 4 lanes plus left turn lanes and allowed right turn on red.
I wouldn’t be ok with my kid walking alone or crossing alone unless I was confident that she would be able to maintain attentive walking throughout. There are a lot of ways that she could be hit by an inattentive driver, and those ways go up while she’s too young to be counted on to consistently pay good attention herself.
I agree about “location-specific and kid-attention-specific”!
Our street is a clear long stretch and people take that as an open invitation to go 60 MPH but the curves mean that you’re lured into a false sense of visibility.
I guess for both of our kids they started crossing streets by themselves ~age 10/5th grade. Not really our intention or anything, just that’s when they started walking home from school/bus stop alone.
I crossed the street by myself age 5 or 6, I can’t remember — but I do very much remember my mom asking me what I wanted for my birthday and that was what I begged for (I had friends in the apartment complex across the street) and got it. But then we moved back to SF and there had been kidnappings so I wasn’t even allowed outside by myself (other than in our flat’s gated/locked backyard) or with just other kids. Then we moved to a small town in the midwest and I was allowed to go anywhere and do anything age 7/2nd grade. It’s a different world now.
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…RBOC
Yeah it varies so wildly and for different reasons. I definitely don’t let the kids be outside alone without supervision if not behind locked gates or doors.