By: Revanche

My kids and notes: Year 11.1

May 13, 2026

Life with JB

Parenting is such a balancing act. I can’t say who was more in the right here, I think it’s probably a percentage of both, but PiC and I had a joking mock-fight this morning over JB.

They have a state project right now. They have to write a paper, give an oral presentation, and make a diorama. JB is artistic enough that they are well-equipped to self manage the diorama so long as we get them the supplies. PiC scavenged a really good box from Costco, I got them a big box of clay for some parts, checked in with some friends for an assist on mini animal figures (no luck there but I asked). I’ve given them home-deadlines that supercede school deadlines to make sure they actually stay on track and won’t end up working on this last minute and then stepped back.

PiC is a perfectionist. PiC has SOOOO many ideas on how this could be good. Really good! And, he’s right, his way would result in a fantastic diorama. (But his way would also take ten times the amount of time and inevitably at some point cause frustration.)

JB asked me if I could remind him that this is their project and their responsibility. They appreciate that he wants to offer ideas buuuuuut please (stuff it) back off. I reminded them that they are perfectly within their rights to tell him themselves, but I did later tell him to get his own state if he’s so enthusiastic about doing a project.

Him: Sooooooo I looked at the diarama. I had ideas.

Me: You need to back off and give them space.
Him: I did! I’m just offering some suggestions!

Me: Well, stop. Let them be their own person. They’ll come to you if they need or want help.

Him: They can be their own person later! They won’t have the ideas if they don’t know what they’re missing!

Me: They won’t BE their own person later if we don’t let them develop personhood now! And they will come to you when they want help!

We’re not actually fighting and I understand his pull just as much as mine. Maybe his even more. I worry that mine means they won’t do the best that they CAN do, b/c he’s right, their perspective is limited. But they need to be independent, too! What’s the happy medium between forcing them to hold the highest standards (and interfering constantly) and being so hands off they don’t develop a sense of quality?

Point for me: They did come to ask me for help a couple of times. I offered an idea (Go collect pinecones to use as “trees”) and I offered a “suggestion” (I can’t find a small enough pinecone! // I think that’s a problem that’s solved by going and looking some more, isn’t it?). They did their thing from there.

He’s a reasonable human so he’s taken my push in the way it was meant and told them that if they would like suggestions, let him know.

Life with Smol Acrobat (5.3)

SmolAc has been really cheesed off about being the youngest lately. No idea why. They’re the most coddled but, oh. Right they want all the same things that JB gets. Hilariously this is the exact same fight I’ve been having with JB for two years ages8-10 where they want all the same things that SMOLAC got (fewer responsibilities, age appropriate responsibilities for SmolAc that they had long outgrown) – but didn’t want to give up any of the privileges of being the older kid.

But some of this difference isn’t a function of age, it’s a function of size and ability. Sometimes JB gets a double patty burger when they’re especially hungry or they order off the adult menu. We allow it because they are a good eater and usually have a decent idea of what they can handle. They’ve had this privilege a pretty long time because they’ve always been an enthusiastic experimental eater. Yes, they miss the mark sometimes and hate what they chose or can’t finish it but we use that as a learning experience for next time. Sometimes concession stand food sucks. We can’t do anything about that except choose “safer” options.

SmolAc is a giant pain to feed because they’re picky and fussy and whiny and easily distracted and takes forever to eat a marginally calorically appropriate meal. We’re not letting them order anything we already know they will let go to waste.

I overheard them telling JB: When I am 100 I can have three burger patties!

Related: They don’t need eyeglasses yet but needed to try on frames because JB was doing it, so couldn’t they? Fine, that’s not hurting anyone. Or when they thought that JB was getting to drink from a syringe for fun but it was because JB’s mouth was so swollen they couldn’t drink from a cup. SmolAc believed that a syringe would cure them of everything, too.

My kids and notes: Year 11.1

Life with JB

Life with Smol Acrobat (5.3)

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