By: Revanche

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (202)

April 15, 2024

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 5, Day 12: I was in a terrible mood yesterday and woke up on the precipice of that terrible mood again today. That, my utter lack of patience for anyone’s anything, and my pain and fatigue during school dropoff when I’ve normally walked twice that distance by the time we’re done – it’s screamingly clear I’m completely at the end of my emotional and physical ropes.

Between last week (travel, Sera’s health scare, hours of catching up, Smol Acrobat suddenly deciding that they’re ready to use the toilet so we have sixteen false alarms a day, Smol Acrobat’s stomachaches that spiraled out of control last week) and the weekend (scrubbing Sera’s vomit out of the carpet, the rug, and off the floor x 4, the washing machine dying, my backup computer turned main work computer trying to die)… I need a break. But I have a full week ahead of me so there’s no room for recovery in sight.

I put myself to work on meditative tasks: washing dishes and cooking turkey for Sera in an attempt to settle my ruff.

*****

I simply don’t understand why people call it “six months of the Gaza war”. It’s a genocide, not a war. The Palestinians are not waging war. A small part of their population is committing crimes and the entire population is being held responsible for it. To quote a friend, “one side in this has the power to exterminate the other and they are using it.” Of course we all know the chaos and horror that suicide bombers can wreak and October 7 was horror upon horror. And then it was followed up by a relentless six month extermination campaign. How is that going to bring any hostages home? They’re murdering indiscriminately, children, women, men, aid workers, it doesn’t matter anymore. Israel is just on an all out destruction rampage. They even killed some of the hostages themselves: 3 hostages killed in Gaza by Israeli troops were shirtless and waving a white flag, official says.

Year 5, Day 13: The Good: Day 5 of 7 pm antibiotics, we’ve finally gone 30 hours without vomit. Yesterday’s changes to Sera’s 🐶 meds and food (6 small meals instead of 2-3, antibiotics at midday instead of evening on an empty stomach) seem to have done the trick.

The Bad: I expected to be half awake on vomit watch all night. I wasn’t, I was fully awake on Smol duty because they went full bore hysteria at 1 am demanding me. Usually they want PiC. I was up until 5 am. They were so clingy they needed a cheek on my cheek, and an arm and a leg around me to sleep. Every time I thought they were asleep and tried to leave, they asked me to stay. In the end I got two hours of sleep. 😭

The Ugly: It may will cost $900 to repair the washer. That’s the cost of a new one with only a 6 month service warranty. It also might take them 3 weeks to get the part. I’m torn. I don’t want to generate unnecessary waste but I also don’t know how much longer this machine has to live.

I do know that I need to do 4 loads of laundry per week, it can only get done during my work day between working the W2, feeding and walking Sera as many times as she needs depending on her specific need for the day, and dropping off and picking up JB from school. There’s absolutely no time in the daily schedule for going to a laundromat. We need the solution that’s going to last years and happens fast.

Also some of us (one of us) only has enough clothes for ten days (it’s me) if the weather doesn’t change so, again, we need a fast long lasting solution here.

*****

Someone bodyswapped my kid! JB finished homework, put away all the clean dishes in the dishwasher and washed the dishes in the sink before getting ready to go to leave in the afternoon all without reminders.

*****

I’ve even been possessed by the spirit of the one warm day we’ve had in ages: I suddenly needed seeds to plant. I wanted to plant some tulips but of course I’m entirely out of season so have pivoted to spring crops instead.

Year 5, Day 14: Rikibeth asked “ok friends & Bsky strangers, tell me your FRIVOLOUS Powerball-winning acquisition goal….sure, housing security, debt payoff, but what’s your ridiculous niche desire?”

And you know, in the moment, I simply couldn’t think of anything fun that I want to own where money is the reason I don’t have it. I want lots of stuff but I don’t necessarily want to actually have it or house it all, if that makes sense. It’s like how I gift the library a chunk of money every year to get the books that I want to read. I could actually just buy them all for myself. It’d cost less since library e-books are so pricey but there’s extra satisfaction in enjoying it myself AND knowing that it’s now available to other people to enjoy, too, making it a multiple-win for the authors if people start to request their books more.

Obviously with Powerball-type money, I’d do both, get it for the library AND get a copy for myself. I guess that could be considered frivolous. I’d love to have some mini-horses who lived at my house and hung out with me but how much time would I have to take good care of them while spending my billions building much needed infrastructure in rural areas?

Oh! Someone had the idea of building a bathhouse / spa / attached office and something like that seems like a great idea. I’d like a chef who managed all our meals invisibly, or like Orro, but that doesn’t feel truly frivolous under the definition of something you don’t need at all. We all need to eat. I just don’t want to have to think about it if I don’t have time or energy. Oh this is frivolous: I’d want horses and dogs with a full staff to care for them properly so that I could ride them or hang out with them whenever I felt physically able to. Obviously I’d prefer to spend all my time with them but, well, money can’t buy me a new body or good health. Probably not. Imagining that really creepy billionaire who does weird things to make himself “appear” or “be” younger.

PiC has been heading up the Washing Machine Problem. He’s doing all the research and did the Laundromat run for this week’s laundry. I’m grateful that his work is a bit slower right now so he can handle that. I just didn’t have it in me. Crossing my fingers that we can get a good replacement in less than two weeks, though.

Year 5, Day 15: Made a good decision today.

A friend of a friend of a friend just cleared out a hoarder’s house and left 20+ garbage bags full of clothing on my donation-collection friend’s doorstep. We normally box up and ship any good clothing that friends / people in the community offer to ship to the Reservation but I do not have the time this week to take on a 3 day project, I don’t have a working washing machine for anything that needs washing, and I definitely don’t have the energy to pick up and store that much STUFF until I have a working washing machine and time. I set up a donation pickup to one of our local charities instead and refuse to feel bad about it. After the year I’ve been having, the optimal solution is the one that doesn’t trap me into another massive over-extension that will only end in tears of exhaustion, muttering direly at boxes, possible back injuries and self recrimination.

Year 5, Day 16: Girl Scout cookie taste test: Adventurefuls are disappointing. Drat! I read “brownie inspired” and expected soft chewy cookies. But no, it was a crisp cookie. When you’re ready for one texture and get the opposite, it’s not really the cookie’s fault but the cookies are definitely getting blamed for at least a week. I’ll see how I feel with adjusted expectations next week.

Taking a mental inventory: I’m looking for cushioned, more water resistant tennis shoes, primarily for walking. I’d like warm boots for colder wet weather, getting my feet soaked in rainstorms is a little annoying. I can wait to shop clearance sales for that. My sandals were ruined a few months back, they still haven’t been replaced. I also need one fancy outfit with shoes because the backup outfit I was intending to wear is like a vise around my unexpectedly expanded ribcage.

Ah ha! @rahaeli.bsky.social reminded me that eshakti exists and is at about the baseline levels of problematic in the industry so I can try to find something for this summer wedding we have coming up. I am struggling with body feelings. I haven’t felt right (health or physically) in my body since pregnancy with Smol Acrobat so shopping has not happened in a few years other than replacing my worn out tees. I have no idea what’s suitable for me because I don’t feel like me!

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