September 21, 2011
First impressions rarely survive the heat of examination
“You don’t seem to be the kind of girl/lady who [fill in the blank with any of my hobbies, interests, or responsibilities].”
Talking to @thefitlounge on Twitter about first impressions, I was amused by the idea that anyone could be offended by a wrong first impression. They were pretty standard in my experience whether I meant to give them or not.
In college, I was described as a “Forever-21 seeming kind of girl” as someone’s confessed first impression. As a skinny-@$$ed kid who wore tank tops and jeans on a West Coast college campus teeming with a million other lookalikes, that was not out of line as far as superficial descriptions went. I did buy tank tops at Forever 21. They were cheap, and I had other priorities. (Bills.) That’s not what he meant, of course. He meant: some variety of a spoiled Asian girl with more time and money than brains, at college because her parents made her go not because she had any goals or ambitions beyond pledging a sorority or following the trend of the month, and seeking the most fashion I could find to catch the eye of the hottest guy on campus. We were surrounded by the like, after all.
Since then, I’ve been pegged as all kinds of other similarly superficial, very stereotypical, “female types.” I’ve been pigeonholed professionally by bad bosses as the “bait” for vendors, clients and colleagues (ick, ugh, and laughable), I’ve been initially dismissed as “only a girl” by people who thought I couldn’t possibly deal with the pressure of X, Y, or Z because of my size or my sex, I’ve been blinked at by people who didn’t expect that I’d bleed geek or finance if you cut me.
Growing past the stereotypes
The people who mattered got past the notion, or the outside face if it was an intentional wall I kept up not to let them in at all, that I was not just a 2-D female. They found that I was a person with a brain and the gumption was of my determination, not dictated by size, sex, weight or anything else. They discovered that while I could be just a simple country girl, I’m a little more complex than that.
I’ve lived a bit of life. I’ve flown in a home-built two-seater plane with a oil tycoon to hear the story of how it was built and why it flew better than his other planes; I learned how to ride horses and practiced martial arts; I learned basic car repairs and diagnostics with mechanically savvy friends so that mechanics couldn’t just pull a fast one because gee whillikers, lil lady, this here part that doesn’t exist needs replacing. (Though, shady mechanics will try that with anyone, male or female.)
I’ve adventured to Comic-Con in many phases: as a volunteer, as an attendee, alone, later with friends, and still later, brought friends who had never been. And for the love of money planning, should anyone in real life accidentally ask me a finance-related question, they’ll trigger a flood of information accumulated over the years.
Then there’s all of my background and history that only lives here on my blog – none of my family or financial life is really casual conversation so on meeting me, you might assume that I had a normal family with a normal childhood and had financial support to go to college and maybe held a job or two afterward.
Working with me, you’d be really confused because I still look like some really young age but I hold an incredible amount of responsibility and I’ve got a very strict code of professionalism so I must be old, but … am I? And I’ll never tell how old I am either. Because where’s the fun in that? 😉
The Value of the Superficial Judgment
In all of this, I’d come to realize that while it was valuable that I didn’t actually care what certain people (the average person on the street) thought of me, the fact that in general, people tend to judge based on appearances meant that any efforts put into directing those thoughts could make a difference where it’s important.
I do care whether people think of me as a “young professional” or don’t really think about my age at all because my physical attributes are just groomed enough to walk a middle ground of dressing for success at the level I want to be at but not being casual (like our C-suite) or overly gussied up.
That’s where Shelley’s suggestion of creating a “uniform” of sorts makes sense to me. I can’t afford a fully kitted out wardrobe with a huge variety of options and I don’t need it either. But a small, carefully crafted professional set of clothing to last a week is just about right.
I rely on the first impression that my professional dress will convey: that I’m someone to take seriously because I’m well-groomed and take my job and career seriously, to offset the first impression that I know my usual lackadaisical self would have given. And then my work speaks for me.
In everyday life, I’m a casual person so I dress accordingly so as not to give the impression that I’m anything different. In that “version” of me, I’m not motivated to dress much more nicely on average since I like to be able to play with dogs, read, work on the computer, do household chores, cook, clean, run errands, or any number of random things. And I’m often reserving the good stuff for work. 🙂 I might be cleaning up my act a little bit overall and eliminating some of the far-too-casual from my wardrobe as I creep toward my 30s but on the whole, comfort is the watchword for the weekends.
:: Have you been commonly stereotyped in the past or present? Was it a stereotype that bothered you or worked for you?
:: Are you a different version of yourself in different places?
Related Topics:
Fabulously Broke on Does holding or wearing designer anything, automatically mean you’re a high maintenance shopaholic?
Stacking Pennies on Designer Brands
December 8, 2010
After all is said and done, we spent an insane amount of money preparing for this business trip. INSANE.
I will definitely use everything that was purchased for many years to come because they are all high-quality materials, and I most certainly used them every single day on this trip so far and wouldn’t have survived it without, but I still cannot believe the total cost at the end of the day.
My clothing cost at least $600. PiC won’t tell me how much my surprise warm fuzzy boots cost, but I know the coat was nearly $500. None of the coats I ordered from Lands’ End (I ordered four to try on as they don’t carry petites in store) fit well, nor were they as flexible. The one he ran out and bought can be unzipped to be just a down or just a raincoat as well as zipped together, and it’s got a lifetime guarantee. Add in new waterproof, lined gloves, a hat, and very thick woolly socks (on sale) to round out the total.
My tech cost another $700. The computer was nearly $400 and then I ended paying through the nose for a 3-pack of the Microsoft Suite which I intended to skip installing except our servers wouldn’t let me access my work email in any way shape or form via anything BUT the installed program. It’s never given me that much trouble before, and on the eve of travel, it kicked up such a fuss, I couldn’t risk it.
Web-only access continued to be a serious problem throughout the trip so it’s a good thing I did install the suite because I would not have been able to work and that’s a huuuuge no-no.
And of course, the tote bag didn’t show up until I was long gone had to be replaced by another one, so I had to hie me to REI for something waterproof and over the shoulder/cross body in the absence of anything lightweight and professional looking. Found it for $80. *sigh*
Honest to goodness, I really should have considered all these costs when scheduling the work trip, not just when it would be slightly less inconvenient to be away from the office. What a huge pain to have spent well over a thousand dollars and wasted all that time shopping and fretting. It was an unusual week and the snow made for an unusual trip and it was an awful lot of fun. But that’s an offsetting benefit you can’t really expense against the costs.
I’ve just been minding the cost of meals out down to recoup some of the per diem money even if it is just a drop in the bucket. Every little bit counts!
November 7, 2010
As I prepare for a trip overseas in December, PiC is insisting that in addition to my need for a lighter, travel-friendly computer, I should really consider his selection of ultrawarm, lightweight outerwear, the Patagonia Down With It Parka:
It retails for $275!
I did my mental “That’s a BAD PRICE” stomp and tried to walk away but he asked me to at least try it on and get a sense for the sizing and the weight.
You guys.
It was so cozy that despite the risk of looking like the Michelin Man’s second cousin (I usually hate puffy anything), the slim fit was just on this side of flattering enough for me to say I really want it. The pockets were deep deep deep and lined so they were warm and fuzzy, there was an inside zippered pocket (be still, my heart!) and the hood zips off. However, all sources say it is water-resistant and not waterproof so a waterproof is still necessary. [Patagonia’s waterproofs that fit are another $250!! Am I crazy or are they??]
I already have a gorgeous knee-length black coat that is frankly ten times more professional and lovely, but it’s also about 8 pounds of wool and silk lining I’m not sure I want to lug overseas, traipsing out into the country with dogs and horses, before then heading into the city and the countryside again. It’s not just heavy, it snaps up dirt and hair like a fancy rug and that’s not going to be presentable halfway through two weeks of travel.
To be clear, traveling light isn’t just a minimalist desire for me, it’s an actual physical need. My body cannot tolerate certain stresses. Carrying, lifting, dragging, toting, and tossing heavy luggage and bags that is typical of business travel is one of those stresses but this isn’t optional so I’m doing my level best to pare down every ounce of unnecessary gear.
Staying very warm is also not just a desire, if I get too cold, my body literally shuts down. And it has a liberal definition of “too cold.”
After combing through all the deal sites, REI, Backcountry.com, steepandcheap.com, Amazon, to no avail, I hit up all my possible gift card “vendors” (a la credit card rewards, hotel points, miles and other points redemptions) for better “financing” to reduce out of pocket spending. No luck there either. I came to the conclusion that I was going to have to make the decision to pay full price or go without.
Then I stumbled upon one site claiming to clearance out last year’s coats for $202 and free shipping in 5-7 days. A quick chat with Patagonia customer service confirmed that last year’s coats were the same slim fit, which was the only detail that was missing from my comparison of the coats. It’s not a store for which I can get gift cards so I’d be out of pocket for the full amount.
I still need a rain coat, hat and gloves. I can cross the extra turtleneck off my list, we found that for $10 at H&M.
Do I suck it up and just go on the hunt for a raincoat and take my existing heavy coat? Or go for the only “deal” I’ve found in the hopes of saving myself some cold, shivery, painful travel days?
Note: Spending $200 on a coat when I’ve already got one and when I’ve been scrimping and saving all my other pennies makes me really grumpy. Plus I’ve still got other expenses. I still haven’t picked that computer, for one thing. While, it is supposed to be my birthday present, I still think of his spending as our spending.
October 26, 2010
Winter is fast approaching, and while PiC regularly twits me about what I think is cold, we both know my winter wardrobe is woefully lacking. I have one really good knee-length BCBG coat, lined with a gorgeous silk, bought years ago, one hip length pea coat, a lightweight knee-length trench coat, and four sweaters of varying weight. In combination with a couple of basic scarves from H&M, I always figured that was good enough but that won’t do here.
Even if it doesn’t get much colder, SF will get much wetter! The rain has already begun so actual raingear is in order. For my upcoming travel to colder climes, a raincoat, a set of hat, scarves, gloves and boots are an absolute necessity. Time’s running out so I cracked my online shopping knuckles and got to work.
I’ve picked up three more long sleeved shirts from Ann Taylor marked down to the standard $20/shirt that I have had to pay for that kind of layer because I wear the heck out of the three long sleeved shirts that I currently own already. They’re already starting to show a bit of wear because they’re so frequently used. If I find a better bargain for equal quality, though, I’m happy to go with that! It’s a shame I don’t have time to trek out to the outlets.
One major coup was scored last week: I have acquired my very first pair of rainboots!
Thanks to the lovely PetiteAsianGirl‘s recommendation, I tried the dav City Rain Boots. I wanted them in classic black, but they were full price ($49.99) in black and on sale for $35.66 at Amazon where I could get free 2-day shipping in a different color.
Houndstooth is just as classic and a wee bit more interesting so I’m now the proud owner of these darlings:
I still don’t actually know what you DO with them, precisely … I wear slacks and trousers and hate carrying anything more than is absolutely necessary but would I have to wear socks with these and pack flats to change into? I only wear trouser jeans when I wear jeans to work – must I switch to skinnies so they can be tucked in? And then tromp around all day in them?
They don’t half baffle me when it’s for casual wear but take it to a professional level and I’m at a loss.
Anyway, I’m hoping the rest of the shopping will be as fruitful, bargainalicious and right-sized! Your recommendations for professional shopping destinations carrying petite sizes would be greatly appreciated.
Left on the list
Warm, lined gloves for small hands – preferably something waterproof as I hate having soaked, cold fingers
A nice hat, also preferably waterproof, good for 20-40 degree (F) weather
Thick, warm scarf that doesn’t shed.
1 more turtleneck
Down, quilted vest, I think these almost always run more sporty than professional but I’m going to need it.
April 29, 2010
Have you ever rushed to the store with a soon-to-expire coupon because you didn’t want to “lose” the $15 (off $30 purchase)? Or gone shopping online to take advantage of the stackable coupon codes expiring in a couple days? Specifically, have you spent money because you could “save” money instead of saving on a necessary purchase?
Guilty and guilty.
It’s a habitual behavior, I’ve noticed. If you’re ignoring all coupons, it’s easy to keep on ignoring even the juicy ones. But once you open the floodgates and start matching coupons to sales to cashback sites, it’s on.
Of late, I had to purchase some work clothes because of the Bekins debacle which is the only time I’ve shopped without even considering price. That meant my Bargain Antennae (powered by guilt!) went up, which has cost even more.
My clothes went astray just after I’d already ordered a replacement for the “good” jeans that I detroyed; I went for trouser jeans which are even more elusive than regular jeans. Supply and demand totally kicked my butt: trouser jeans that fit never make it to the sale rack.
After resolving to suck it up and jump on the fattest coupons I could spot, I was too eager and bought the first pair at only 30% off with free shipping ($69). When a 40% off regular priced merch came up, I couldn’t say no. I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke the new jeans. With free shipping: $59.
Confession: Since I won’t wear jeans to work right now, saying they’re for work is a little disingenuous.
*Note: I actually wore them to work once. For a half day, as we had an offsite that included 5 hours of walking for which my knees demand tennis shoes.
At least I won’t buy jeans for more than 3 years as the average life span of my jeans are 2 to 8 years.
Last night, another sale was on and there were two work-worthy tops in the right size, so I spent another $52.
Luckily I had some forethought. Knowing that I was tempted, I’d redeemed CC points for gift cards so all but $11 of the above purchases totaling $180 was not cash out of pocket. Regardless, that’s a lot of money spent just because there were sales and/or coupons. It’s not that I won’t use them – I’ve cycled through three pairs of pants and 5 shirts over the past 12 days – but it’s definitely a slippery road where buying because of a “bargain” becomes a reflex.
March 13, 2010
This is a guest post by Mr. Credit Card of www.askmrcreditcard.com, a website on credit card offers and deals. Today, he and Mrs. Credit Card present a checklist of recommended working attire for men and women.
The dress code for a workplace is invariably different across cultures and industries. A lucky few can go to work in t-shirts and shorts, some in t-shirts and jeans, while some offices have a strict business-suit only dress code. Below, we outline what we consider the professional wardrobe basics for men and women.
More than just making a good first impression, you want to feel comfortable and confident. How do you build a business wardrobe without breaking the bank or getting a migraine? Here’s how.
Before we start, I want to highlight the importance of finding a style that suits you best. Some department stores, like Nordstrom, have personal shoppers who can help you find the right styles and color palette and advise you on how to accessorize. Having a good start on your working wardrobe will eliminate a lot of unnecessary anxiety and stress especially if you are starting your first or a new job. It will also help you to limit unnecessary spending.
First and foremost, you’ll need a few “anchor” pieces as the designers call it. The key to a good business wardrobe is the ability to interchange the anchor pieces while keeping the Dressed for Success look fresh. Quality, cost and neutrality should be considered when shopping for anchor pieces. Always choose classic styles for anchor pieces.
Women’s Professional Wear
1. Matching suit -Black, dark gray and dark blue are very acceptable colors for any business environment. A matching set of jacket and skirt or pant suit is usually more expensive. It costs even more if you tailor them to fit. Look out for sales and stores that provide free alterations. A well-tailored business suit is worth the investment.
2. Basic black skirt – Make sure it falls just at or below the knee line. Choose a straight cut or A-line skirt so that it is less noticeable if you wear it often.
3. Basic Black Jacket – A jacket should not be baggy or have oversized shoulder pads. i.e. it should fit you well. The sleeves should drop just past your lowest wrist bones when your arms are straight down by your side. The jacket length should be lower than the top of your hipbone.
4. Additional jacket, dress pants and skirts – After you picked out a basic black jacket, select additional jackets, dress pants and skirts that will interchange well with each other. Consider 2 more colors like tan, brown, gray, navy blue and white but keep the colors muted. All these colors go well together.
5. Dress blouses – Choosing dress blouses is the fun part. It’ll help to pull your whole wardrobe together. The blouse can be patterned with stripes or colored. If you are wearing a tan jacket and navy blue skirt, the blouse can have a shade of blue. Consider buying a few whites in different styles, traditional, cuffed sleeves or flared collars and work towards 7 to 10 piece rotation.
6. Shoes and stockings – The general rule of thumb is to keep colors the same from waist down. You want to match your shoes and stocking colors to the skirt or slacks. The only exception is green and bright pink. No patterned or fish net stockings with your business suits. (You get the idea.) Stilettos are meant for parties and the runway, not for the office. Keep sexy boots and “super fancy” shoes for other more appropriate occasions. Also, avoid chunky heels and flat-soled shoes. Basic pumps and sling backs (closed toes) are good choices and preferably made of leather for comfort and style.
One useful tip I learned over the years is if you are trying to find a jacket that matches your tan pants, make sure you wear it to the store when shopping. Also, wear the undergarments that you will be wearing when you dress for business. You want to be sure if you’ll like the effect.
7. Jewelry – As a rule of thumb, it’s better to wear no jewelry than to wear too much jewelry. Save up for a nice set of costume jewelry or real jewelry. A matching set of pearls earrings and necklace (single or double strands), even matching bracelets is both practical and stylish. Sterling silver is another good choice for jewelry as it matches with many different styles of outfits. However, no “noisy” and “big” jewelry. Necklaces should not dangle between cleavages. Definitely no facial piercing.
8. Accessories – Generally speaking, you want to match purse color with shoe color. Luckily, black matches almost everything so it will be great for you to own a black pair of dress shoes and purse. Keep the purse small so you can find things. If you need a briefcase, choose a practical and small one in neutral color. Never substitute it with a book bag, backpack or a shopping bag. Somehow, digital “manly” diver watches are also not very compatible with professional wardrobes.
9. Hair, Nails, Make-up and Perfume – Always maintain a neat and conservative style with hair off the face. Reserve shocking hair colors for Halloween parties.
Nails should be clean, trimmed or sculpted. No bright and shocking colors and definitely no nail art or nail jewelry.
Have you heard that “no make up is just as bad as too much make up”? Yes, you heard right. Keep it simple and appropriate. Smoky eyes are for nights out.
To summarize, here’s what you’ll need for a women’s working wardrobe:
* One matching jacket and skirt suit
* One matching jacket and pant suit
* Black skirt
* Black jacket
* Black dress pants
* Additional skirts
* Additional jacket
* Additional dress pants
* Button up dress blouses
* Shoes and Stockings
Men’s Professional Wear
1. Suits – Obviously, this is the bread and butter of a man’s wardrobe. My suggestion would be to get 2 suits. Suits should be worn every other day. I suggest getting dark colors. Dark gray and dark blue would suit most folks. Whether you buy an off the rack suit or have it tailor made really depends on your body type. If you have a body that is “average”, then perhaps an off the rack suit and slightly altered will do. If not, get a local tailor who is reputable and have a couple of suits made. Depending on where you live, a good suit made by a tailor would cost about $500 (or more!)
2. Shirts – For me, I prefer to get 10 dress shirts. This allows you to wear 5 during the week, send them to be laundered over the weekend, and still have 5 ready for the following week. Choose plain colors – white and blue with some variations are the best. For shirts, I’d prefer 100% cotton as it looks better and feels more comfortable. For dress shirts, I do not see the need to go high end. Shirts from places like LandsEnd would work perfectly. To make them more stylish, having your initials on the sleeves or pocket look nice and makes it unique as well.
3. Cuff Links – I have a couple of shirts that need to have cuff links. I find them quite stylish. I have about 3 to 5 pairs of cuff links to go with them. Like ties, I get new ones once in a while.
4. Ties – Ties are where I would invest a little money. Ties make a great impression. I would strive for about 5 ties (a different tie each day). Buy ties with designs that will last. Plain blue or black ties will always work. A couple of ties with repeated patterns should also be included. Avoid polyester.
5. Shoes – I’d say for most, one good pair will do. You can spend as much as you want but I think the most important thing is comfort and it obviously has to be good looking and high quality. I have owned Ferragamos, Pradas and Cole Hann before. On average, I wear my shoes for at least 8 years. Good shoes do last, so do not be afraid to pay for something you can wear for a long time.
6. Belt – For me, I would say just getting a couple of belts (in case you lose one!) will do. I would suggest a black one with a gold or silver buckle.
7. Socks – I have 10 pairs of socks (different shades of grey and black) so that I can wear 5 in a week, and even if I forget to put it in the laundry, I still have another 5 pairs for the following week. I try to get slightly different designs so I will not get confused when they come out of the dryer.
8. Men’s Accessories – Unlike women, men have it easy here. A couple of cuff links (if you are into that), and a simple dress watch will do. Heck, even a sports watch is acceptable.
Black Tie Wardrobe
One more thing, you would also need to be prepared for a black tie event. For men, that means a tuxedo. For women, it means an elegant dress. You could be invited to a colleague’s wedding or a company events. Have at least one item ready for such occasions to avoid panic shopping.
Some ways to save money on your working wardrobe
Shop at Outlets – There are amazing deals at the outlets for designer labels and the choices abundant. Plan to go in January and July when the sales are going on and you get additional discount off already low outlet prices.
Use Credit Card Shopping Portals – Some credit cards have shopping portals that allow you to earn very good rebates. For example, Discover Cards’ shopping portal has merchant partners like LandsEnd.com where you can earn 5% rebates when you shop for your men’s shirt. At the very least, use a cash back credit card to earn some cash rebates or an airline miles credit card to earn frequent flyer miles.
Make use of friends who work in department stores – Department stores like Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s have sales all the time. At certain times of the year, they offer additional discounts and even allow staff discounts on top of that. We got a Denali North Face jacket for my son at $30, a great savings from the MSRP of $89! You can buy that Donald Trump tie, new wallet, watch, etc. for a lot less. Treat your friend(s) to a nice dinner or a Starbuck’s Gift card with the money you saved!
We hope you have enjoyed this post. Please share any wardrobe ideas you have.
May 25, 2009
Drat.
This summer’s wardrobe allowance: one summer appropriate, semi-formal dress, one pair comfortable-for-walking flats, and one pair walking/running shoes.
I missed the New Balance sale on 6pm.com, but something else will come around soon enough. Endless.com’s shipping two pairs of flats, ETA: Monday. I love free shipping and returns; if I never have to go shoe shopping in a brick and mortar store again, I shall pen an ode to Endless.
The dress allotment, however, is totally covered. Was totally covered. After days of scouring the ‘nets, I found five promising designs on Etsy. Only two of the designers I convo’ed responded promptly, and of those two, one offered a more flexible design. The price was higher than I wanted, but not ridiculous considering the off-the-rack sales prices out there. Together, we drafted adjustments so that it will flatter my body, not just my type, and should fit 100%. Special trips to the fabric store were made, colors were considered, delectable details like “A-line,” “boatneck,” “silk georgette,” “timeless, classic shape” were bandied about.
The cost of buying custom, saving the price of a seamstress post-delivery, might actually beat the cost of finding a great designer dress on sale and having it tailored. It’s certainly saving time and effort trying to find that great designer dress now that the order’s been made, and sewing has commenced.
Sadly, oh-so-sadly, the anticipation for this lovely semi-formal frock has been derailed by the horrifying discovery that the event for which this garment was commissioned is Black Tie. Ugh!
I like being gussied up once in a while as much as the next girl, but with less than a month to go, oughtn’t the intrepid organizer have sent the invitations stating that sartorial splendor was expected? True, it was as much my fault as hers that I simply assumed semi-formal was the order of the day, but still. I’d venture that no one is going to be surprised and thrilled by the late revelation that tuxes and tails will be required.
Now that my new dress has been rendered redundant, but the money’s already spent, it’s back to the drawing board. Rather to the internet! What does black tie mean?
For men, indeed, tuxes or dinner jackets are expected. For women, “remember that black-tie means very formal.“
Some style recommendations:
Look for full-length skirts and dresses; lengths that hover around the knee are usually considered semiformal.
Consider the material and texture. Silk, satin, embroidery, beads, rhinestones, velvet and metallics are all well-suited for formal attire.
Remember that your dress options are unlimited. Consider spaghetti straps or a jewel-neck collar; a plunging back or a revealing front neckline; and side or back slits. Some events may call for more conservative attire, so consider this when making your selection.
Thus armed with information, I’ve dug back into the closet to pull out old bridesmaid dresses because I’m not spending any more money. I’ve narrowed it down to two: the already tailored, navy blue bridesmaid dress and the still-uncut, never been worn, silky peach dress. Seems like the latter would be more appropriate for a summer evening, but it would require yet another trip to the seamstress. Eh. What thinks ye?
