April 20, 2015
PiC took a generous holiday last year to be home with us and, despite working through most of it, I was immensely spoiled.
He was an absolute superman! He only left me the chores I wanted: laundry, cooking, correspondence and gifts, all financials, tending to work and hobbies. Everything else was taken care of.
He was all over it: furniture related acquisition/building/maintenance, Craigslisting, car maintenance and upkeep, reorganizing, dog stuff (usually my specialty but on temporary suspension), keeping the house clean (always his specialty).
Oh, and feeding me fruit. He’s excellent at feeding me fruit regularly. It was great. Very nearly the ideal split of home life, with me continuing to work and him doing stuff he wanted to get done and in a timely manner.
It got me thinking that, despite loving having my quiet time and space, this suggests that my once upon a time dream of being the breadwinner and having PiC be the SAHD and house manager isn’t so farfetched after all. I just assumed that I couldn’t bear that much time in close quarters even with my beloved spouse but it turns out we enjoy each other’s company more than I realized!
The other piece of the puzzle is that after all this time with Little Bean, I do not like giving over hir care to someone else. I want to be the one hugging, cuddling, feeding and even changing hir. Failing that, PiC should be doing it. This is an odd sense of possessiveness (MY BABY) that I never expected to feel, or at least not this strongly, and the desire to be home with my child is utterly foreign.
Mind, I do not want to be a stay at home mom, I’d be terrible at that. Physically, I’m simply not up to it. And eventually, I’d get antsy to do other things, my brain would go right to mush and my temper would fray. I’m not the full time SAHM anyone would want. (Though, when I’m hung up on an idea that won’t develop properly, the idea of just cuddling LB while I think is awfully appealing. I am pretending that ze isn’t heavier than a sack of potatoes and demanding full time attention.)
I want to be home and available to LB, to continue to work and have my family be together.
What would it would take?
1. We need enough money to cover both our salaries and the full cost of good health insurance. Health insurance has forever been a main reason I’ve worked so hard. You can’t afford to be without it when you have a chronic illness. Sure, we could live on less but a) I don’t want to, b) we support more than just ourselves and I can’t force Dad to cut costs more (YET), c) savings is not optional.
2. Potential to grow as a professional and therefore potential to grow my salary further.
3. Be location independent, saving my energy for the important stuff.
I’m not an ideas and vision sort of person, I’m a Make it Happen sort so getting started isn’t the challenge, it’s coming up with a project in the first place. I’m an excellent troubleshooter but creativity isn’t my strongest suit.
Sidebar: I both admire and envy friends who knew exactly what they wanted, whether it was to stay home and rock the Best Mama At Home thing, or to get back into the fray at six weeks and rock the Career Lady thing, and were able to execute the plan.
Since my body is a jerk, a lot, things are a bit more complicated but this has my brain ticking again.
It could be time for a major career change once I lay out the details of what we’d be willing to take on and risk, or another change altogether for the same result. Let’s see!
Are you considering any major life changes?
June 21, 2012
Every time SingleMa tweets travel deals, or StackingPennies finds another awesome trip package, my heart leaps and sinks.
We just had a lovely time in March, aside from catching a horrible bug that lasted nearly three weeks, and already I’m ready for another getaway.
Why?
This is in large part a reaction to the ramped up stresses of other areas of my life. I had high expectations for work-life balance out of the promotion and just when I was digging into the new responsibilities, the position, and the support, a professional hipcheck sent that into a complete tailspin. Thanks.
Not ready to get into all that right now, but the upshot is my brain keeps thinking about places not here. The extra stress has my teeth literally on edge and my body so reactive with nonstop pain that I’m going with it, mentally. Travel is the lie I tell myself for sanity’s sake.
Where to?
At first, I was yearning after an introduction to Barcelona and Paris even though my Spanish is now atrocious and French is non-existent.
Then, Fab Fru-Gal’s jaunt to Italy reignited my love for the country and all the delectable foods.
Katherine’s travels to Tokyo Part 1 and Part 2 and Kyoto booted Japan back into the top Want to Go There Someday List.
When?
Any and all these places would be fantastic but scheduling has become more rather complicated these days. I think we’re going international, at least 3000 miles away, next year for about 4-7 days for a wedding.
A comic convention is still on the table, despite the fact that I may or may not be able to get tickets for SDCC next year (!!) We are still absolutely committed to continuing my tradition of going to a convention because no one wants to see my heart break completely.
Add to those bigger bits the usual routine travels to see the family and vacation budgeting of time and money gets tricky. And call me sentimental but leaving Doggle for too long starts to make me sad too. It helps when we are seeing people with dogs but I much prefer to have our very own pup staring us in the face morning and night. I’m getting a wee bit of an inkling of what it’s like to have a child.
And so, I simply dream.
Where would you go, if you could just GO footloose and fancy-free?
February 23, 2012
A jaunt
Driving through Los Gatos, the hilly, ridgey, close roads and tall trees parts of town, bursting with real fall colors last November, PiC and our friends and I got to admiring homes and the lands they sat on. Estates, practically, the big houses set back into the cliffs, with horse property, a barn and proper lands set round it.
Nothing at all like what we’d acclimated to near the city with our city streets and dirty little suburbs. No clean suburbs for us, you have to make a lot more before you can afford those. We roved by loads of homes, peering through the trees and vines. Good job it was broad daylight or we’d have looked awfully suspicious.
And then we drove past the castle. An honest to goodness castle thing, twenty rooms it must have had, another structure on the side of the property, a well-into-the-double-digit-millions price tag.
It tumbled me back, way back, to those wonder years, when the future was jostling full of sheer and opaque possibilities, unfettered by realism, untempered by failures.
I could remember when a $200,000 house might well have been a $3M house for all that I had any money and that meant I could dream of anything at all.
Anything at all ….
I dreamt of buying not one, but two houses. One for me, one for my parents. Right on the main boulevard of the town, whatever town I lived in, so I could use the walking trail I imagined would be there with my half a dozen well trained dogs. Or ride my horse, the one that stabled in my back barn. I’d definitely have the best library with a sliding ladder ever.
My parents would be neighbors, of course, they’d never wanted to be far from me. Well, Mom didn’t. If I had married and had children, she wanted to be Right There. They had to be downwind of the barn though, I didn’t want to hear any complaints about my critters. 🙂
I’d have two degrees, graduate and professional, and would be working and saving half that income; I’d be volunteering in my spare time, and setting up a charitable foundation, eventually.
Clearly, an unimaginative kid. A secure home base (note I bought two homes outright, I wasn’t dreaming of any mortgages), to take care of my family, to continue the volunteering I was already doing and be surrounded by pets and books. Basically I wanted to be a kid in adult form. Or something like that.
Twenty years later
I never dreamt I’d have spent this much time dinking around on the Internet when formulating Ye Grand Planne. Or any of the other things I ended up doing instead. But when I look at houses now, it’s a little less aspirationally now that I can attach a price tag of salary and hours to each thing. (Mortgages, interest rates, take home pay, egads!)
I still want the 6 dogs, but will settle for three. I shouldn’t get a horse. But the library is absolutely still on the list. Sometimes, things make me happy.
One house. My dad wouldn’t want to own or live in a whole house alone even if I could afford it.
As for the degrees … As much as it feels like being a failure not to have three degrees in total, I’m not yet willing to pay for another degree that won’t pay for itself several times over or that isn’t paid for by an employer at this point in my career. Things may change but the career trajectory is doing well enough to focus on making substantial strides there rather than taking time off to go to school.
Add:
More travel to see interesting things, eat delicious things, talk to interesting people.
More quality time with the people I don’t see enough.
That charitable foundation, yes. And I still want to be a billionaire to make that work. Don’t care if it’s not strictly necessary. Want.
And the things I can’t have: perfect health. My family intact. So instead, peace. Better health. Happiness. Contentment. And yes, ambition.
:: Do you remember your old dreams? Do you know what happened to them? Have you replaced them with new ones or are you still making them come true?
October 14, 2009
I’m just going to torture myself for a bit here.
via Carnival: 3 Day Ensenada from San Diego $99 for an interior room, or $119 for a stateroom.
Or how about ….
via Travelocity: 7-night NCL Mexican Riviera cruise starting at $199 for an inside room.
It gets better: Limited-Time Offer: Book a Qualified 6-Night and Longer Sailing by October 20, 2009 and Receive up to $250 Onboard Credit. Applicable on select sailings on Norwegian Cruise Line that sail between October 16, 2009 and December 24, 2011. When speaking with a cruise expert mention Promo Code TAWLCN.
Offer Extended!: Book an Oceanview, Balcony, or Suite Stateroom on a qualified 5-Night or Longer Sailing by October 31, 2009 and Receive up to $100 Onboard Credit.
NCL Has Reduced Deposits by 50% on Virtually Every Sailing. Hurry, This Sale Ends October 20, 2009.
Book a Qualified Sailing and Receive Two Free Onboard Savings Booklets.
