May 9, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 45: What a terrible night of sleep that was. I thought I was physically up for a walk to the play structure with the kids because I made it there and back without feeling like a hollow simulacrum at the end of it but last night’s many many hours of pain say different. Between Smol’s waking up at 1045 pm crying, and my pain, sleep was a series of catnaps, at best.
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I don’t understand why people act like divorce is a failure or bad. For example: a commenter or two here but they are just an example of what I see/hear a lot. Sure it doesn’t feel great if a relationship doesn’t work out but isn’t it better to have a way to walk away with both parties intact, should you grow apart, instead of being quietly or destructively (or somewhere between the two) miserable / unhappy? I think it’s wonderful that we have the legal option to exercise even if it wouldn’t feel great at first. Especially women.
Though, I suppose as a currently not-religious person, and who very much ignored all the patriarchal bullshit embedded in the religious background that I grew up in, perhaps that’s where the moral judgement stems from?
Personally, I celebrate all people having the legal ability to leave rather than having that limited just to straight white men with power. I wish everyone had the economic ability to leave too, if they needed.
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My 3 hours with Smol started too early because Nap 1 was shorter than usual. We went straight to playing instead of starting with a snack as normal. They were very intent on the new stacking rings toy from the Borrowed Toys box. I used that time to rest a bit, tidy a little, and pack away another bag of 9 month old sized baby clothing for our third and maybe fourth donation box. They cycled through a few more toys solo which bought me time to grab lunch from the fridge (I made the egg salad, PiC made them into sandwiches, teamwork!) and set the table. Usually I don’t have a lot of time before the hawk screeches the walls down around me so that was oddly peaceful. We ate up and then released the Acrobat to play with the vacuum while after clean up. They’re obsessed with both the floor vacuum and the robot vacuum and ask for them every day. Usually it means I’m vacuuming while they sit on my lap and observe with keen interest. It’s a sitting down activity that gets things clean, works for me. As we came up to the three hour mark, they got very cranky and started hitting themselves on the cheeks in frustration over … I don’t know what, but that was a good sign they were pooped out. For good measure, I asked “all done?” and got a very affirmative “all done” sign in return. The attempts to nap were rough and involved at least one round of me going in to give them a cuddle and help them try to settle again. That tear-soaked face was too much. But they finally passed out after an hour of fussing and slept deeply. What a relief.
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This tweet hit a little close to home.
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The SCOTUS leak about the inevitable overturning of Roe v Wade was a real winning way to end the night. I’m putting together a list of the funds we’ll donate to tomorrow. I need a little time to process and plan. NNAF’s site is down right now anyway because of traffic so I’d like to let that ease off a little for them and the smaller funds that are on our list.
PiC and I hugged for a long time as I wept my fury at the horrible people in this country tearing down our rights, left, right and center.
Year 3, Day 46: Tiny terrorist number 2 started the morning festivities at 530 am. Thank goodness for PiC.
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After school dropoff, Smol signed “all done”. They hadn’t been up 3 hours yet but I gave them a drink of water and we headed for the crib. I’m really glad they’re trying to communicate tiredness again, though I should teach them a sign for that, since “all done” could just mean all done with the thing we’re doing right now. They dropped off to sleep pretty fast for which I’m thoroughly grateful.
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After that body blow that is SCOTUS likely overturning Roe v Wade, I really needed some good today. I’ll be donating to abortion and reproductive justice funds later this week.
I put together an update for our Lakota Family contributors. We’ve helped six families directly to date with loads of food, clothing, and household basics. We also sent their Youth Center 35 lbs of supplies, mostly for babies, to distribute to the families when they need them.
*****
2 hours with Smol: we played with musical toys and “your toe wears a block as a hat”. They did a lot of yelling “ja ja ja ja!!!” and a lot of unexplained screeching. After a carb-y lunch, I took the kids out for a walk. PiC had to come along because Smol was being kind of a whiny pain about it. They don’t walk well with just me and Sera. With someone to chase, though, they were happy to walk at least partway around the block. We worked off some of my simmering internal rage at SCOTUS on the weeds and then we did a bit of wandering around in the sun before they pooped out. Weirdly, though they insisted they were all done and wanted to go to bed, they didn’t nap AT ALL. It was just a long solo play session.
*****
I finished enough work earlier in the afternoon to take Smol when they were ready to emerge from solo play, and then took the kids to do another curbside pickup. It’s time to upgrade our toothpaste to the enamel friendly stuff, my dental enamel is not happy. I waved the “old people” Sensodyne at PiC when we got home, and then we enjoyed an earlier than usual dinner of tamales and leftover chicken adobo with rice and green beans.
It was an oddly balanced day: work, Smol Acrobat / JB time, loading and unloading the dishwasher, making PiC’s coffee, and sitting down with our sample ballot for the upcoming primaries to do some research.
There are some candidates on the gubernatorial ticket whose platforms I could get behind but realistically it’s hard to believe they’ll get anywhere. There are some Senatorial candidates who will be about as useful as half a pair of scissors and are about as loopy as a ride at Six Flags. There’s an anti-vaxxer on there, several “my God and my religion will save California” types (no, keep your religion to yourself) , and a few Law and Order Dems that are absolute nos. One of them, a white male Dem who also called himself a hero and incorruptible, and thought his lineage “related to signers of the Declaration” were important to cram in there, touted his Asian-American wife which was kind of gross. It’s mildly cathartic scribbling out those terrible candidates. That leaves a small handful of possible candidates to consider and weigh the likelihood they’ll get anywhere if we vote for them. The candidate from the Socialist Workers Party has the platform I’m most in favor of right now but again, will she get anywhere? Hard to say. Down the ticket, some of the Green party candidates have the stances on issues that I want to move forward but most of them don’t sound even a little prepared to do the work. Their statements are mostly slogans with nothing useful to tell me whether they’d actually understand how to do what they want done in the system we have. One of them is “End poverty in California! Fund schools, housing and healthcare.” Ok, yes. What’s your plan? You have space for at least 500 more words and you did nothing with it. Seems to me if you can’t even write a real candidate statement, you’re not serious about the work. The candidates for AG were particularly irritating. More than half of them were fearmongering and yes, sure, the job is to prosecute crimes but there’s something very unattractive about an AG who’s all about throwing people into jail and says we should “stop emptying our prisons”, or “support the brave men and women of law enforcement”. Sir, we’ve seen the videos. We know who is disproportionately being harmed and it’s not the people in uniform. It might be throwing my vote away but the Green party candidate is a criminal defense and animal rights attorney who said the magic words of “end mass-incarceration” and “reform the criminal justice system”. Do I think he can manage both those things? Well… probably not. But I’d feel a lot less gross voting for him than another compromise candidate. I sure do wish he had a plan of some kind.
Year 3, Day 47: Another 5:30 am wake up with Smol. We spent the first hour together since PiC was crashed out after one too many late work nights.
This early waking thing has gone on more than a couple weeks now. At first, I thought Snough had a point about increasing Smol’s daily physical activity so even though we can’t take them for daily swims, I’ve been taking them for more walks outside. They do PLENTY of running around the house, lots and lots of it, but figured outside air and exertion seemed to be a good idea. Alas, it’s not making any difference at night which, combined with their rash of middle of the night wakings, probably means that they’re getting too much daytime sleep. I hate this. As it is, I’m lucky to get 4-5 hours to work a day so I’m working at hyper speed.
After doing school drop off, three hours with Smol, and school pick up, I was just on the edge of being utterly done in for the day so instead of doing the smart thing and going to rest for a while, I cooked dinner. It was a delicious dinner but I sweated my way through it. Did you know that intense pain can make you sweat? That’s a fun development.
I managed to finish enough work so I could lay down for an hour with a fistful of OTC pain meds. We made it through an early dinner and bedtime to start recovering a little from the day’s energy expenditure but this is definitely one of those wallops that will takes 3-4 more days to come back from. It hardly seems fair that 6 hours of effort translates into 4-5 days of pain and diminished capability but that’s my life.
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Also frustrating: Smol is on an anti-vegetable strike. Even when I cut them up into tiny bits, they’ll eat it up from the spoon and then spit out all the vegetables. They were always fine with the taste of veggie purees, so it seems like it’s the texture they object to, but this is so frustrating!
Year 3, Day 48: After a 230 am sobfest where Smol required a bit of comfort, and we all crawled back to our respective pillows, they slept in until 7 am. That was sorely needed. My entire body is down to the dregs again, and both my hands are feeling fragile. This isn’t going to be a day I can handle the cast iron pan.
Is this the day we go to an official one nap schedule for Smol? PiC protests but I think we should try it even though it makes my heart sad and my body sadder. PiC’s had three 8 am meetings this week and that always makes our lives extra complicated. I have to take a heavier share of the running around with the kids without the ability to take breaks or pace myself like needed. A one nap day is going to make things even harder.
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After dropping JB off at school, we did chalk art on the driveway. Or we tried anyway. They asked for more colors and after I brought out more colors, they locked onto the chalk chips from the broken piece of chalk instead and spent their outside time finding little caches for each chip. Good enough activity. I wanted to pop them in the stroller and take Sera for her belated walk but I could already feel the telltale twinges that signaled my body’s need to crash. I knew that Sera could hang out for a little longer so for once, I listened to my body and kept Smol on a low-key activity run until PiC could take over.
Even after two hours of sitting down, the pain was creating waves of nausea. I vaguely think about how much I don’t want to play through the pain but that’s not really a choice now, is it? At around hour 3 and a half, the nausea eased up a bit. Just in time for Smol to wake up from their one nap of the day. O_O
PiC and I swapped off every two hours of Smol-minding which got us through enough work to end the evening at a reasonable hour. I took the kids for a short walk for the pre-dinner hour and he started reheating the leftovers. Teamwork! Very tired team. But it works.
Year 3, Day 49: Phew. Every night gets more brutal. Smol woke up crying three times in the middle of the night, needing brief consolation before they could go back for another nap. I couldn’t get back to sleep properly between each wake up so the 45 minutes that I finally got when PiC took them out at 630 was not even close to enough. PiC took one of the wake ups, he was still working during the first one and solidly passed out for the third, but he has this gift of being able to sleep through almost anything when he’s tired. Unlike my body which makes no sense and can’t sleep when exhausted. I’m starting to think it’s something to do with my hypervigilence. Some day, I will learn to sleep soundly. Until then, willpower and water.
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After their first nap, during which I was both thoroughly mired in brain fog but still got a whole mass of work done, Smol and I shuffled to the kitchen for cleaning and cooking and snacking. They were amazingly cooperative, for them, and sat in their high chair poking and prodding their food and occasionally even eating it while I cleaned the counters, unloaded the dishwasher, handwashed all the stuff that needed handwashing and got ready for the main event: getting 16 lbs of pork shoulder cooked. The smaller half of that went into the crockpot, it’ll become Kahlua pork and cabbage for the weekend. The larger half went into the oven for a very low and slow roast. That’ll be one dinner tonight and the rest will be frozen and help us out one night and a couple lunches down the road. After you take out the fat and the bones, there’s a fair bit of meat but not as much as you’d expect.
After a full afternoon of work and a little work on the Lakota Families tracking page to log a couple new contributions, I was pleased to be cutting up the shoulder and prepping the freezer packs. Something about cutting up sale priced protein and putting it away for a later meal felt like home to me. Felt like I was myself again for a few minutes. I guess I feel most comfortable when I’m putting a lot of effort into saving money and planning ahead to feed my family.
My legs and back were not so pleased, but when are they ever happy with me these days? The gel mat in the kitchen makes a world of difference though. I wouldn’t be able to move for a week if I were on my feet on the tile for that hour. The gel mat is old and the edges are curling up and breaking but the main part of the mat is still saving my bones.
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Smol was very pleased about the boxes I’ve been leaving out for them. While JB worked on an art project, Smol was putting things in the box and taking them out again for companionship as they cruised around the house. They also like tearing bits off the cardboard and eating them or dipping them in Sera’s water bowl or bringing them to me as small temporary offerings. Then they ask for them back.
Still no luck convincing them to color with the crayon eggs, those eggs are still nothing but entertaining toys to be rotated in their tray repeatedly.
May 2, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 38: Yesterday was a rollercoaster day: lots of conflict with JB; made egg salad for today’s lunches; worked some but mostly laid down as much as I could. After all that, I anticipated today would be Extra Rough. BUT *happy surprise* the day started with slightly lower than nausea-inducing pain. Dare I hope that today’s pain and fatigue on a PiC away at work day will be approximately at normal levels rather than the past few weeks of awful? I need to practice having hope. I’m going to pace myself, not take the emergency meds, and hope for the best.
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These sparkly flats made me smile. A shame they can’t possibly have all the cushioning I need in shoes but I appreciate their adorableness.
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We have entered the age of tantrum and going boneless. I didn’t miss this!
Our three hours today were packed: We read two books, then had a big bowl of fruit for snack. Egg salad for lunch. Washed up and then Smol asked for some time with the vacuum. We vacuumed the closet and once it was cleaned, moved along to trying a new to us toy. Once they got bored, I suggested a walk so they brought me some socks. We took Sera for a poke-along 9-cracker walk. We all got very brisk fresh air. Smol pooped out at the end of our walk on their last cracker and kept sitting down on the sidewalk but they had plenty of energy to continue playing in the backyard once I hauled them there like a sack of squirming potatoes. Sera sunbathed while we played, and had music time. Smol was increasingly whinier with each “no” until they finally caved and admitted with their sign “all done”. They slowly settled down for a nap while I hit the books again and did as much work as I could.
Physically, I’m bone tired, even my face hurts, but I don’t want to crawl under my desk and stay there. This is definitely better than last week.
PiC picked JB up from school while I kept hacking away at piles of work and minded both kids for a bit after Smol woke. I did just about as much as I could stand and hit the leftovers for dinner. Thank goodness for leftovers. I’ll try to cook dinner tomorrow morning.
Smol development!: We got to work on boundaries over dinner. They Greatly Desired the fortune cookies across the table. I allowed them to have half of one. They wanted “more, please.” I said sorry, no, those are not ours. We had ours. Their face scrunched up in dismay and they squealed with anger. Nope. Face scrunched up and this time, actual tears. Still no. Higher pitched screech. Still no. We experienced a new octave, prolonged. Nope.
We worked through all the upset and emotion, we had a little chat about how even if we ask politely sometimes the answer is no, and we definitely don’t get things by way of tantrums. They eventually calmed down and moved on.
Year 3, Day 39: I’ve never enjoyed drinking a cup of coffee in my life, much as I want to, but I’ve made many coffees for PiC over the years and he always claims they were good. He takes it seriously enough that I don’t think he’d pander to my ego if they weren’t good. Since my experimenting with the French press a few days ago, I’ve been dubbed the superior coffeemaker. It turns out that’s because I don’t follow directions. Or rather, I don’t remember them. I asked him for his ratio of grounds to water and then promptly forgot. I feel like he said something like 1 tbsp to 4 oz? Maybe? But it was late and I wasn’t that invested in remembering so I brewed it my way, at twice the concentration and voila! Liquid gold! He was duly impressed until I revealed the ratio and then he was appalled at my profligate use of beans. What? It made an excellent cup didn’t it? So the next batch I made, he got to choose: liquid gold or meh silver?
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April 25, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 31: JB has another wiggly tooth and we’ve gone from the excitement of having a wiggly tooth to Extreme Angst Because It Hurrrrtttssssss. I hope we’re not stuck in this stage for long.
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JB has the day off from school and it’s PiC’s day in the office so I get to work with both kids at home with me! Yippee!
/extreme sarcasm
Since I’m still in a bad fatigue flare-up, I took my in-case-of-emergency (really bad fatigue) days pill and hoped it would help. This is the second time I’ve tried it. The first time was when my brain fog was physically painful, and I couldn’t tell if the meds were why it partially cleared in the afternoon Today’s experience: it doesn’t give me energy or reduce pain. It paused the incredibly painful crashing downward spiral I’ve been experiencing every day for the past few weeks. It’s hitting a hold button (and leaves a bad taste in my mouth). I crashed later in the night so the pause analogy seems appropriate.
JB was assigned to doing Correspondence and self directed activities when Smol was napping and to play with Smol part of the time they were awake so I could get through small bits of work. I’m doing the serious Smol stuff: diaper changes, feeding (OMG this is such a pain), and navigating transitions.
We survived until PiC got home at 430 pm. I wish I felt better but we limped over the finish line and a finish is a finish.
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PiC met a parent at the park yesterday who speaks only Japanese at home with their daughter so their daughter is primarily fluent in Japanese and man do we feel like failures. Neither of us are fluent enough in our secondary languages to pass on much to the kids, but I’d hoped to pass on at least what we have. That’s not going well.
Also under the Feelings category, I’m pretty sure that Smol isn’t hitting any of their age appropriate milestones. They have a lot of babble but no words. It worries me. Yes kids hit them all at different ages but until we get past this I’m going to worry. JB struggled with this too and that was a really rough ride for us all.
Year 3, Day 32: The kids are both big enough to be shifted out of their current car seat situations (Smol from their infant / toddler and JB from their convertible seat they’ve been using for the past 5 years). Smol will get JB’s seat and JB’s getting a new booster. I ordered the new booster yesterday with our 20% off coupon from trading in an expired baby seat and am so mentally wiped that I thought “April 21” was two weeks from now. No, it’s actually two days from today. So yay! I hate hate hate that I haven’t been able to haul the kids on my own in part because the car seat was always too hard on my hands. Now, I may be able to take them SOME places.
***** (more…)
April 18, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 24: Well hello Monday. Starting at midnight with the utterly brutal pain that made it hard to breathe, and then moving right along to the four am wakeup with Smol who somehow managed to drape a blanket completely over themselves like a tiny distressed ghostie and cried for rescue. After a few rounds of patting and signing, they settled back down for a couple more hours. We got our real morning started around 630, that superb night under my belt, with a downpour that didn’t bode well for JB’s playground ambitions.
No wonder I’m tired before I start work. No wonder it felt like two days compressed into one.
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Work felt exponentially more repellent than it should (than usual?). Nothing was actually wrong aside from a couple annoying policy problems I have to deal with. It’s probably that I’m just worn to a thread already and now my brain must somehow turn on and do stuff. Yes of course why not.
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PiC’s work informed him that he’d had a close contact exposure to COVID at work last week and JB’s school informed us that they had a close contact exposure today. This does nothing good for my frustrations with how much we’ve endured and how stupid policies are right now. (Why did it take his work a WEEK to inform him??)
Year 3, Day 25: Two huge reliefs. My pain was a bit less than yesterday’s so I got to sleep and Smol slept right through to 7 am so I got almost 6 unbroken hours! Huge. Not restorative but at least it’s not taking two steps backwards like most nights.
*****
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April 11, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 17: Hello Monday, we meet again. It started with my scalp itching dreadfully. It has for the past four days. Something set off my allergy-to-something that causes me to itch intensely at random times mostly when I’m trying to sleep. Ugh. Also I enjoyed chills and night sweats alternately all night too! Woot.
Then a jolt of stress with the news of a new sub-variant (but who didn’t see that coming?) (And when are we going to get any real protection for Smol and their cohort??)
Then we had JB shenanigans, they and PiC really got into it so I had to step away from work and take them to school to let them get some space.
Shortly after that, our invitation to start daycare in July landed in our inbox with a very short window to respond or lose our spot but we still don’t have a good vaccine. NGAH.
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Smol had such trouble with naps today! It led to a very Smol-activities day. I suspect the first time they were overtired and it took over an hour of fussing and playing to get settled.
I did a lot of work yesterday in anticipation of today’s bad napping and between nap times. We had lunch and then took Sera for a walk. They learned how to give Sera treats and Sera was very polite in taking them one at a time only when Smol was ready.
Then they both played / sunbathed / picked at weeds in the backyard for half an hour. That was a touch too much outside time for all of us.
When they got grouchy over nothing and flopped on their face, earlier than expected, that seemed like a sign. Just in case, I asked if they were tired and all done. They signed “all done.”
A short nap later, I had to retrieve them again because PiC had had a morning of meetings and JB pickup time, and needed to get SOME work done.
This time I spent my hour laying down and reading to them while they sat on my chest, snatching at my glasses like a crow in training and tore paper into bitty bits. That was … Fun? They really need to stop sitting on my chest. They’re heavy!
Thank goodness for leftovers but dammit I ran out of time and didn’t order in delivery for tomorrow and I think we’re going to be out of leftovers by lunch.
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I rounded out the night with reviewing our tax amendments and portfolio. I’m still working on getting CA to cough up my refund for 2017, Federal to cough up my correct refund for 2018 and we’re filing the amendment to 2019 for both now. Crossing my fingers that those will be resolved in the next three months.
A review of PiC’s employer connected portfolio made me rethink my “individual stocks are fine” mentality I had when reading Nicole and Maggie’s thoughts on ther
Year 3, Day 18: The 4:30 am babbling and yips were not at all promising for this day. PiC was my hero, taking Smol at 5 when it was clear they weren’t letting up with their conversational gambits. We had to make a real effort to get through the first part of the morning.
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I’m trying to let myself be honest with myself about the need for space between myself and family who have stirred up so much anger and betrayal with their stances toward COVID that I don’t even know what to do about it. (My therapist would say there’s nothing TO do, just feel. And that’s really hard for me.) Their approach has been, at best, reckless this entire time and I’ve been trying to pretend it wasn’t hurtful and enraging. I knew that nothing I said would make a difference. They’re completely set in their Fox News inspired stance and so I did my best to maintain neutrality toward them. But we’re in Year 3 and while my world has turned upside down, they continue blithely going about their lives with hardly any changes that aren’t imposed by others. And I’m so angry about all the loss, all the sacrifices, all the risk that the rest of us are having to deal with. I’m so angry that my kids have to miss out on family time because the rest of the family won’t vaccinate and some of them won’t even mask around the vulnerable members of the family. My heart is bruised. I’m in this storm and even though I have people here with me, the betrayal of my chosen family is so hard to bear. I feel alone when it comes to them. I know that it’s most intense right now because we’re still in it and because of the news about the vaccine being so much less effective with the new variants. Maybe these feelings will pass with some distance.
But I do have the right to be angry about how their choices directly affect us, now. That right isn’t something I’ve afforded myself in adulthood and it’s been harmful in a lot of ways.
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Poll: Is it possible for kids to stop interrupting and to remember as many as TWO directions they’ve been given after 30 seconds? Evidence currently suggests no. JB wanted to run a message to PiC, and I instructed them: Go tell Dad, then come back to clear the table and wash up your lunch stuff.
They return 14 seconds later and have already completely forgotten to clear the table. Come ON!
Year 3, Day 19: Well, when Smol makes it past 6 am AND has a good first nap, everything seems right with the world. I got some work done / rested on my duff so my body recovered enough from bad sleep and stress. When they got up at lunch time, we went right into a hearty pasta and fruit lunch, which they mostly ate instead of throwing on the ground. Except the sour fruit. That went flying. But a solid meal after a solid nap? It’s like heaven here!
*****
I am bearing a lot of sadness this week over our losses of last year. From one friend after another dying from various causes to (I can only hope temporarily) losing loved ones to their own battles, 2022 is the one year anniversary of a lot of loss, a lot of grief, and a lot of sadness.
I caught myself in a old habitual cycle of blaming myself for being a bad friend, as well, and that was distressing but after a while and after unburdening my heart a little to friends who are still here, I saw where I was sliding down the spiral again.
*****
Smol’s second nap was respectable enough that I managed to get through the critical work for the day and knocked off at 530 just as a blinding headache smashed into my right eye and took over my brain. I popped two acetaminophen and thanked the weather sprites for giving us a heat wave this week, on this day, that meant that I could take the kids outdoors for an hour and catch some warmth to attempt to shake it. We dug holes to plant sprouting potatoes, we found surprise purple potatoes that I didn’t know had ever sprouted because the plants never made it aboveground, and Smol attempted to eat a fresh dug potato. They didn’t like the taste of the dirt. I got some lovely pictures of all the kids and lots more silly bloopers.
PiC emerged from the office cave when we came back inside and thankfully cooked up a quick dinner. I was flat out of ideas and ability to stay upright. My back and legs ached and my stomach was cramping up a storm.
Naturally this being the night that I feel the absolute worst and couldn’t even stand up for shower, this is the night our accountant finally sends over the tax return for review. Of course!
I logged another hour at my desk poring over each page and marking down corrections. Glad I’d made a list of likely problem areas beforehand, it gave my brain a place to get stuck in when all my body wanted to do was fall over and stay down. It’s just too close to the filing deadline for me to be comfortable with pushing it off another day when she might not be able to make the edits for a day or two. I prefer to file in FEBRUARY so we’re well past my comfort zone. And it’ll be such a relief to shelve that to do.
Year 3, Day 20: I’m very sorry for all the people who hate it but I love the short heat wave that brought us high 70s – low 80s today. My grieving soul and aching body deeply needed this brief hug from the weather. I love the heat, I love being able to walk around outside in just one layer and not three. I love how fast my towels dry and how they smell almost toasty when they do. I love how quickly dishes dry when we air dry them. I love how I’m not freezing from the moment I get out of bed to the moment I get back into bed.
I don’t love the necessity for lots of sunblock every outing and lotion for thirsty skin but it’s worth the tradeoff for water balloon games and working outdoors and soaking up the heat to defrost my frigid marrow.
JB is among the set who doesn’t appreciate the heat by the by, they flung themselves through the doorway with the dramatic flair of a person discovering an oasis in the desert. That lasted until they realized this means cold treats and water balloons. Then they got on board with it.
It’ll go back to normal tomorrow but for today, I’m appreciating the good we have since the bad we have (so much pain, so many aches) is ever-present.
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I was worried about Smol’s inattention to reading last month. Today they decided to set that at ease with a vengeance. Not only did they very much want me to read to them before every sleep, they wanted a minimum of four books and at least two of them were specific requests. They refused to let me sing their going to bed song until I read Carl’s Afternoon.
Year 3, Day 21: Whew. A solid first nap from Smol let me get through a huge portion of my work this morning.
PiC took them out for an hour in the afternoon and I got through another lot then, plus their second shorter nap. I finally felt less stressed signing off this Friday than most every other Friday.
We got through this week but it was still very much a fail on the physical activity side of things. PiC was never able to get out for a run and that always makes a week feel not good.
*****
I did get our taxes done though! I was shocked we were due for a refund.
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Smol’s finally starting to get the “ready” sign a little bit, they were previously trying to slap MY knees, and “read” is coming along nicely.
They’re getting into absolutely everything and I can’t say with any certainty if we’re going to survive all this intact. We’re so tired.
I am really glad that we have a meal ready to go tonight. So tired.
April 4, 2022
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 10: Somehow, it’s never easier in the way you’d think it’ll be when just one of us has the day off. One of us is trying to use that time to get a lot of work done and then overdoes it, leaving the other one to overdo it with childcare and meal prep, and then everyone’s grumpy.
On top of that, Mondays are definitely the day you find out that someone screwed up two months ago. That despite your weekly confirmations that progress was being made on this project and finding out that not only was it not being made, it was never going to be worked on ever, and all your reassurances to dozens of stakeholders that it would be ready soon were wrong. Yes definitely a Monday thing. Chewed up precious precious time I did not have to spare. Chewed up patience I did not have to spare. Harumph.
Today felt like Friday. It was not.
*****
Smol times… While this is my favorite age range for babies/toddlers, it’s also the time they start the real tantrums when thwarted and it lasts longer than the time it takes to distract them with something else that’s shiny. They’re also really quick to spot anything you’re holding and declaring they MUST SEE IT. So thaaaat’s fun. (more…)
March 28, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 3: As promised, the Things Got Even Harder edition!
Challenge 1: 3 hours of sleep, y’all. Painsomnia had me deep in the marrow and it burned until 3 am. Of course, right when I finally drifted off, Smol’s white noise app, which runs on an iPhone so old it’s literally splitting apart, shut off and up popped Smol like a chirping jack o’lantern. I fixed it and went back to bed quietly cursing, and finally slept at 4 am. Fab. U. Lous.
Perfect way to start an incredibly hard first day of a tough week.
Challenge 2: PiC had to go on site for work today. That left me with Smol most of the day. So naturally….
Challenge 3: Smol woke up after a 45 minute nap sobbing fit to wake the dead. I’d prepared myself for a short nap and so I maintained my emotional equilibrium. I sat on the floor with them patting and humming, my butt going entirely numb, waiting for them to calm down. Usually they take about 10 minutes to stop crying and then signal they’re ready to get going. Today was weird. Of course it was. They kept kneeing me in the stomach when I stopped humming or patting, so I kept it up, working on my phone as much as I could while also patting and humming. My arms and butt were losing feeling steadily. But I figured I’d enjoy the cuddle however long I had it, it’s rare that they sit still anymore. Then they finally sat up, I got ready to get up, and FLOP. They burrowed onto my left shoulder, right cheek bright red. They’d been sleeping! And were going to keep on sleeping. Alrighty. So they got a catnap laying on me while I did what little I could on my phone. Momentary regret that my phone is too decrepit to have more work apps so I could make the most of that time.
Challenge 4: When they felt ready to get up, it was time to go go go for three hours. Time for food, play, more play, try to cram in a minute or two of work here and there whenever they veered off to do their own thing for a bit. Already tired, this was a particularly rough patch.
Challenge 5: Realizing I botched my own weekly meal / dinner plans by not ordering earlier. They sold out. Sigh. I’m too tired to kick myself. I’m just disappointed. We’ll figure it out.
*****
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