December 17, 2021
1. After much vaccine appointment stalking, we got lucky and found a site doing mass vaccines. And boy howdy do I mean mass. There were hundreds of people there. It was all outdoors, mostly masked except for Mr line cutter, and generally congenial. Minus that white woman (notable considering we were a sea of brown and black people of all ages who weren’t having hissy fits) who showed up and loudly decried having to wait in line. 🙄 The actual children didn’t act so childishly. After a long wait, we got our boosters, JB got their second vax, the admin and vax administrators were all very kind and patient in the face of the seemingly unrelenting hordes. Even the lady who was checking us in and confessed she had come several hours earlier to help with something else entirely and was pulled into this was patient even when I politely asked to switch manufacturers when I found out they had everything available. Even Smol, up for much longer than they were accustomed to, hung out with us amidst all the strangeness and was patient. This ate up half our day but was worth the peace of mind and I’m so grateful for so many parts that went smoothly: no traffic jams, we lucked into great parking at an immensely crowded site, my body was able to cope with the long wait, my just in case jacket for JB was gratefully received because of course they’d thought they didn’t need a jacket.
Challenges this week: Still fighting this dang cold.
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December 10, 2021
1. Is there anything more satisfying than bringing your dog fresh blankets out of the dryer?
2. Saturdays feel like days where I get to choose everything I want to do in whatever order I want, in whatever increment I want.
Sundays feel like days where I have to do what I have to do.
I would like more days like Saturday.
Which is not to say I don’t appreciate the value of Sundays. Even if I wanted to be doing something else, the things I am doing are things I wanted to get done so there’s satisfaction there: cooking a meal, teaching JB a little about food, letting the kids be together and playing and feeding each other so they build their bond absent parental involvement, cleaning and vacuuming. Making arrangements for people’s birthdays.
Challenges this week: Another nasty cold landed and got the whole clan done to Super Sneezy Sera. Bad times y’all.
I was asked privately to help organize for a PF friend in need but it’s hard for them to ask for help, so they wanted to stay anon for this. This is someone from our own community who has been going through some rough times.
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December 3, 2021
1. Korean food has been a real revelation to me in adulthood. Ban chan, not to be confused with Bon Chon (the Korean fried chicken which is also great), soondobu / tofu soup, jap chae, bulgogi, bibimbap, it’s all so good.
2. I’ve been annoyed with my mouse for AGES and I finally replaced it. A mouse that responds at the speed I want it to! AMAZING!
Challenges this week: Work has been extra overwhelming and it’s taken extra efforts to take steps back to recalibrate, and not to work until midnight each night.
Grieving our losses from this year has been creeping in at odd times, striking me when I don’t expect it, and sometimes it’s crippling. It passes but it’s going to take some time to really absorb all the losses.
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November 26, 2021
1. With some trustworthy help with the kids, I feel the hardened shell of my soul softening some and swelling with a trickle of much missed patience for JB. I hate that I’ve been so closed off but under this much constant duress it’s been impossible to unclench my emotional grip.
It’s not going to last, this is a very temporary help, but I’m observing and taking some heart that maybe the frozen feeling of despair we’d been existing in can and will pass when we have more balance in our lives, when we aren’t holding on for dear life or fighting back to back just to survive.
Challenges this week: suffering from the lesser plague. Not happy about this.
Direct aid needs:
1) The GoFundMe has been set up for a friend of friend escaping a DV situation.
2) I had intended to be done with all our Lakota Giving for this year two weeks ago but we had a huge outpouring of donations and I’d been steadily working through fulfilling needs for families. Last night I took a last look at the list and ran across an individual whose situation really wrung me out. This young man, at the age of 30, is a paraplegic with limited use of his hands. He lives alone and it sounds like he lacks any mobility aids as he lives mostly in the dark, being unable to reach the wall switch. I’m inquiring into what he has and what he needs. I strongly empathized because my chronic pain threatened to leave me alone and immobile at a very young age but even if you didn’t have that experience, I’d think that would sound like a miserable way to live. JB sure thought so. I very much hope we can help set him up with sufficient aids to function reasonably well. Ideally I would love to be able to outfit him with a wheelchair if he could use one. If you’re able to pitch in, a gift (since donations and payments are charged fees) to admin@agaishanlife.com through PayPal would be going to a really good cause.
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November 19, 2021
1. I was able to send PiC out to do outdoor stuff with his friends for a second weekend in a row and that felt really good. I was happy for him and happy that I physically was capable of managing both kids alone while he was gone. My fatigue before now had been too overwhelming, even if it was across one of Smol’s naps.
Challenges this week: A friend asked me to help them as they help a friend and her two babies escape their abuser. It’s been a huge challenge to find any resources that will help her. I think she’s going to need some direct aid. She can be helped through Venmo: mikansuki (last 4 digits of phone: 7803), or Zelle: mikanorangesuki@gmail.com. I don’t think there’s a better use for money than helping babies get to safety, is there?
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October 15, 2021
1. PiC stopped by a Japanese market and picked up some astonishing California rolls that used REAL crab. The hamachi was perfect too.
2. A mutual friend has been fundraising for Kristen, a dear friend, who suffered a devastating blow financially this year after working so hard to get out of the hole. The goal needed to safely get her into a safe and stable housing situation away from her abuser was met! She’s put my financial advice into action for years and was making so much progress towards gaining her financial freedom on a limited income until this happened. Even I had to sit down when I heard the latest news and I’ve seen some financial abuse shit. She’s been a tremendous support and comfort to me these past years, sharing much of her (big and small t) trauma to help me work through therapy and (my small t) trauma. I’m so grateful that she will have a measure of peace and safety for a while.
3. Tanja’s book Wallet Activism will be out soon and I’m very excited for her (and us)! Anyone interested in an ebook giveaway?
Direct aid need:
1. Tami who blogs at Disabled Girl on FIRE is working at replacing her income while still protecting her health as benefits have dried up. We can contribute to her ABLE account to help out.
2. Devon needs a Type O kidney. I learned a little about transplant chains this week.
3. Crickette was finally able to move out of a terrible living situation and now needs a hand with moving / living expenses.
4. @popelizbet is an attorney for DV and SA survivors and is currently fundraising to help immigrant DV survivors pay litigation costs. Help them help others? In all the time I’ve seen them online, they are good people. They do a ton of community organizing to help vulnerable people.
Challenges this week: I miss my friend. And I worry about them.
The daily slog continues to slog along without a break. We just have to hold on.
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October 8, 2021
1. We just barely survived last week and Friday night seemed like our last gasp. I was on heavy pain meds and they blunted the illness and fatigue driven pain but the trade off was I couldn’t fall asleep. Ironic since the pain was keeping me awake in the first place. None of this is the good part. The good part was that Smol’s first waking at 9 pm was surprisingly not as bad as usual. I cuddled them, dosed them with meds, and cuddled them some more for about 15 minutes. Long enough for them to fall asleep on me and start deep breathing. Usually I put them back in the crib before that because I don’t want to create bad habits but it’d been a long week of misery for both of us. Comforting the wee babe in their sadness seemed right. The transition back to the crib was peaceful for the first time all week, and their second 3 am waking was also relatively smooth. I didn’t get much sleep but PiC did which meant he was rested enough to cover the whole morning so I could try and rest up.
2. It was so warm and pleasant on Saturday, we did a little picnic.
3. Our state refund check went missing, and I was annoyed because every time a check has gone missing in the last few years, it never turns up. Four checks, all gone. I had to go to some lengths to get the checks reissued. Miracle of miracles, this one did show up after I reported it missing (as I always do) to USPS!!
4. Sometimes you can just tell JB to take the baby and they take the baby and play their little hearts out. I cherish these (very loud) moments.
Challenges this week: The rough seas with Smol continued into this week. We’re both worn down to nubs.
We are both struggling with a major influx of work, and not enough staff to handle it, and not enough hours in the day. This shall pass, right?
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