Year 6, Day 322: I’m so unsettled. Insomnia last night was severe, but the fatigue was mostly at a bit of a distance. I was able to pull some weeds, plant a few seeds, air out the house and do all the laundry, buy gifts, clean and pay bills this weekend. All this was followed up by a nap I didn’t want but sorely needed. It should feel good to have managed as much as I did but instead I just feel like an overshaken bottle of soda. Maybe this is a weird side effect of DST?
Money: We have had Giving money come in since our last support push but I’ve been thoroughly overwhelmed so had to wait a bit to pick our next family from the One Spirit Okini list. This time, I selected a mom whose kid needs clothes and kitted them out with some of each of the requested items (jeans, tees, hoodies, underwear, socks, a pair of shoes). I bought a few pieces in the next size up, too. It sets my mind at ease when I have the next immediate size of clothes on hand and wanted to give a little of that peace to this mom. We also loaded them up with multiples of the requested hygiene items: shampoo/conditioner, body wash, toothpaste/toothbrushes so they ought to be stocked for at least several months.
Year 6, Day 323: Time for another grocery takeaway! Once in a while, our neighbors get a badly timed grocery delivery and ask us to come take some produce off their hands. I trotted over today and picked up eggplant, bok choy, avocados, zucchini and some frozen chicken. PiC’s ambitiously saying we should cook all of it when I was going to split it further with another neighbor. We’ll see if we actually manage that but in the meantime, I’m moving along the big sack of apples that I would normally have fed to the dogs to a friend whose dogs can enjoy them. I really wanted to find some horses to share those apples with but I’m not friends with any local horses at the moment. Now that is definitely a problem that needs solving. Anyway these little food shares fire up my gratitude engine. I’m glad to share what we have with our neighbors and that we have enough. And these little extras that we get frees me up to give more to the people who don’t have enough outside of our circles. I like to think of it as a giant community cycle of some kind, maybe concentric circles where we push out help from our center, even if we never meet the people we help outside our local circles.
Year 6, Day 324: Trainer stuff: I’ve been struggling to get back to my “good” performance in working out: completing all sets assigned on my 3-4 days of written workouts. The CFS kicked my ass for several weeks, the depression spiral and suicidal ideation period was another asskicking. Overall time and energy have been hugely scarce on top of all that, and some days had to be rest days.
I have never gone a week without doing some sets but it’s never what I’d call enough. It feels like I’m wasting my trainer’s time because so little progress is made one week to the next. But this is a mental exercise in seeing the service of my trainer as separate from my performance of the workouts. If my body could just consistently improve, I wouldn’t need him to begin with.
Money: I’ve redeemed our Cigna Wellness Incentives for the kids and myself as our dental appointments are all done. That’ll be $150 in our pocket which covers the premium. PiC’s $50 when he does his well check will be profit in our pockets.
Year 6, Day 325: DST is kicking everyone’s asses. SmolAc sat up crying hysterically for an hour? hours? in the middle of the night, I don’t know when it was or how long. Just that I had to cuddle them until they finally settled down and fell asleep at 2 am. I’m so tired.
Work stress: I can taste actual adrenaline, I’m so stressed these days. I hate this.
Money: JB’s friend is asking for bookstore gift cards for their birthday. What’s an appropriate amount to gift kids turning 11-12? I’ve usually spent $20-25 per kid when gifting books or cash for the younger set, usually shopping from Bookoutlet if I can to save some cash. I’m not sure if $25-35 or more makes sense. To add to the confusion, this latest party involves the host telling us that they’re giving the kids $40 worth of credit to use so I have an idea of what they’re spending on the party itself. I don’t usually know that.
Year 6, Day 326: Having a bit of an existential crisis internal scream-fest. The existence and use of AI is destroying my professional world AND destroying the one planet we have and the helplessness I feel about that, though we fight against it daily – literally, is eating my sanity. I was just telling a friend that if all we did was bullshit anyway I could just shrug it off some. But I can’t. The stuff we output actually matters. So, between the massively organized fraud that people are perpetuating and the use of AI to create utter slop in ways that are going to deeply impact (actual real life things I can’t get into here but it’s serious), oh my GAHHHHHH. We are fighting against it, daily, and have been since the first ChatGPT came out. It’s grinding me down.
Money: SmolAc was invited to a birthday party and hah! The stack of books that I bought for the last party they were invited to (but arrived too late) can now be wrapped for this kid’s gifts. MRSP: $40. I paid $22. Stash of gifts, FTW.
Year 6, Day 315: Day one of solo parenting. PiC is away at a work thing this week. I’ve been bracing myself for this for weeks, telling myself that I would moderate my expectations for work and household stuff. The goal: keep the kids fed, clothed, alive, get them to and from school. Don’t break myself trying to do the impossible.
How we coped: burgers at the local place with outdoor seating. Stern directions to head DIRECTLY for the shower after we got home. Everyone in bed for math tutoring and reading time. SmolAc was happily sandwiched between us “reading” while we painfully inched our way through one equation after another.
From The Diplomat – Callum: You’re a military-industrial complex papered over by a Constitution.
Boy does that description of America hits home especially hard since this administration has been murdering right left and center and has torpedoed all the soft diplomacy we used to do through USAID.
Year 6, Day 316: Day two of solo parenting. I had a very tight timetable for dropping off JB and SmolAc this morning to get back in time for a meeting. I made all the runs in exactly 60 minutes and managed to get to my meeting in time. Score! JB had an afterschool activity at school so that bought me an extra hour to “rest” (working from bed). That helped.
Picking up JB late meant that I went straight from school to the orthodontist, then to pick up SmolAc a little earlier than Monday in hopes that we’ll be able to get dinner on the table earlier, get homework done, and get to bed earlier. That’s not how things worked out of course.
We got home much earlier yes, we ate dinner earlier also yes, but JB ran into trouble with their math homework and I had to teach them how to do it step by step, work through several problems, and then figure out how to create a story around how to solve that type of problem that would stick in their brain.
We did not hit the 8 pm bedtime. We did not remember to take out the garbage bins. We definitely did not have 5-7 minutes for my workout. But we survived intact.
Year 6, Day 317: Day three of solo parenting. And there’s my limit! Did the drop-offs this morning again. Kept running into people we know who haven’t seen me in months (PiC has been doing this run to save me time) so they wanted to catch up. It’s touching that they seemed so delighted to see me but that took a whackload of energy. I drove him and felt the exhaustion buzz set into my limbs.
The best encounter was a surprise appearance of our neighbor dogs who nearly shivered out of their skins with excitement when we spotted each other. I adore them and the feeling is mutual and I never walk away from them wondering if they actually like me or if they’re just being polite/friendly like I do with humans.
The one really good thing this week: the crushing suffocating relentless fatigue of the past several weeks has finally lifted. I’d forgotten what it felt like to only have pain without dragging the 1000 lb weight of fatigue with me and it’s so tolerable. My fingers are randomly swollen. My lower back aches. My upper back and shoulders are tight as a drum. And it’s still so much better than being crushed by fatigue. I am grateful. (Update: It lasted one day. I’m still grateful for the experience of that one day.)
Year 6, Day 318: A friend shared that her Asian ex-GF has gone to become a police officer in the Bay Area and my brain stuttered to a stop. WHAT. Really? In the years 2025-2026? That PD is notoriously racist even for police.
It also made me reflect on this scene from The Diplomat that felt similar though I wonder if one could legitimately make the argument the CIA is both a rotten agency AND still does SOME good. I don’t know enough about them to comment on that. I definitely don’t feel like we can make that argument for American police. I don’t know of any police that do any amount of good sufficient to counterbalance even a fraction of the evil they do.
Stuart: How are you not furious? Eidra: Stuart, I am a young tiny Asian American woman at the top of one of the most baldly paternalistic arms of the UG government. I am furious all the time. If I could go after terrorists and human traffickers with an organization that didn’t have an 80 year legacy of racism and human rights violations, I would. Stuart: We should be getting this for the recruitment video. Eidra: There is not another better CIA or America. The ones we have are fucked up. We make compromises. Some days we feel ok about that. Some days we have gin.
Year 6, Day 319: Confusion. The garden faucet has had a slow drip for months. I’d made the mistake of using it and then it wouldn’t shut off completely. I can’t replace it because the jerks here before us installed some kind of bizarre lock on the faucet that our handy friend says has to be cut off if we don’t have a key for it. There is no key for it. I stuck a jug under the drip and have been using that to water the garden until I solve the problem. I went to do the usual garden watering dump today and the jug is empty. The drip has stopped?? Woo!
I haven’t had time to figure out how to fix our oven yet. Maybe it will also mysteriously fix itself? Please?
Year 6, Day 308: A sad and scared worry. On the weekend, I’d been up and about for maybe 1.5 hours doing basic chores and my body buzzed with the sort of exhaustion warning that means the longer I do this, the harder the crash will be. I’ve “rested” (doing almost all the usual parenting and some of my work and some of my housework) for almost a month. What if this is my new baseline of awful? What if, unless I do something drastic like quitting my job (in this economy/fascist country??), this is the best/most my body can do?
My job sucks right now so obviously I am not fundamentally averse to quitting but I am completely averse to not having income and the consequences of that (eventual poverty). That’s the curve my mom’s reality took: work really hard to build a solid foundation, get sick, lose eveything. That takes very little foresight to predict if I don’t save and invest enough first. (And even then I occasionally wonder: really, how safe is our net worth?)
I wish it wasn’t a choice between potentially gaining health improvement in the short term by way of committing myself to the long term consequences of having cut my income at the peak of my career.
Year 6, Day 309: Today I’m reminding myself that the reason that I stay at my current job is that I have a level of autonomy that would be difficult to get elsewhere in the industry and that it’s entirely remote and that latter bit is what makes it possible for me to survive having a full time job while being a full time parent and doing all the other things that I need/want to do. I will still be sad and complain now and again but those are the two things I have to come back to – these are the things that would be very difficult to find in the COVID+6 years world where everyone is irrationally hot to get bodies back into office despite there being ample evidence that many jobs could be remove (and therefore more accessible to the disabled community). My therapist doesn’t think it’s healthy for me to think of myself as disabled but if I require a job that lets me work from bed for two months, or else I wouldn’t be able to survive doing my work AND being a parent, I’m not sure what else to call it. I don’t need to be called disabled but anywhere else in the professional world, what I need to do well at my job and manage life would be considered an unreasonable accommodation.
Year 6, Day 310: Is it ironic that while I’m still slowly shedding the tentacles of depression that bonded to my brain, death metal felt very soothing? Maybe but hattip to Fleshgod Apocalypse (a friend’s rec) and later on, The Hu, for helping ease my mind through a rough patch.
Shutterfly sent one of their “A glimpse of your memories from twenty years ago” emails and it served me a picture of me with an old friend, and an even older friend who died of cancer last year. Wow that hurts.
Year 6, Day 311: I love dental cleanings. I love that it’s only a 7 minute drive away. I especially love when I get what feels like an A or B at my exam. I got a “looks good” from the dentist, a “looks pretty good, not much build-up” from the hygienist and gum measurements show some improvement since my last exam. My goal is to have no 4s or 5s in 6 months. Hope hope hope.
Other things that are good: one friend’s divorce from a suddenly awful spouse who just upped sticks is final. Two more friends are divorcing abusive husbands. I hope their dissolutions are quick and drama free, I don’t trust those men even an ounce.
Trading unhealthy relationships for better circumstances FTW!
Year 6, Day 312: An unseasonably warm day today was an unanticipated treat. We’ve had a couple weeks of rain on and off. Even hail and a thunderstorm once! That was actually pretty neat since we don’t get a wide range of weather here.
I’m dragging into this Friday but at least still practically upright despite all kinds of staffing drama this week. I’m still putting a few of the smaller fires out but the worst of the solvable problems this week have been.
Year 6, Day 301: It was a mental health crisis weekend wherein my brain was taken hostage by the depression and it was rough before it passed. I think it was, at the very least, a culmination of the pressure of having to enforce what felt like idleness (which means working like maybe one person, not 6, and still parenting, and trying to keep abreast of the most critical household stuff) for so many weeks, having the pain hit like a freight train as soon as the CFS let up even the littlest bit, and frankly, the dam just broke. I’m not past it yet, there are lots of whispers of “what would be best” but the worst of the death doldrums have passed.
Year 6, Day 302: I’ve had a white hair every few years since my early twenties so it wasn’t a surprise to find this year’s iterations. But I think it’s got company. There’s about five of them? Which led me to thinking: why do people call them greys or silvers? Do they appear grey or silver instead of pure white on other people? Yes, my brain is wandering because it is firmly fixed in the fog.
Year 6, Day 303: I’m finally just about back at my baseline which is roughly 65% human. I don’t know what the other 35% is but it’s not helpful.
Year 6, Day 304: Every Winter Games, I learn a little bit more about the sport of figure skating, mostly from social media. This year’s little learning came from Courtney Milan on scoring and medal possibilities. I don’t have any time to get deeply involved so I appreciate these small glimpses.
Year 6, Day 305: TWO wins today. Animals, of course. Our tiny dog neighbor came by for skritches and love. He’s delightful, likes to politely sniff noses, and is properly spoiled so he always smells good.
While I was doling out the love, I noticed the ravens from last week were back. Not only that, the ground one (they usually come in pairs and split up: one up high as a lookout and one on the ground) kept quoorrkkking and walking / hopping a little closer to us every few seconds. It kept a minimum distance between the strange people and the dog, but it was clearly heading my way. And the longer I petted dog buddy, the more the ground raven puffed up his feathers until he was nearly round. I can’t tell if that was posturing but as soon as our neighbor and dog friend walked away, he slicked back down to normal proportions and then looked at me very expectantly. It’s delightful and astonishing it took so little effort for them to be comfortable enough with me that I can approach within 6 feet of them now. I’m slowly building my Corvid Coalition.
Year 6, Day 294: I keep wanting to make a box cake. Then I remember: it’s so mediocre I won’t enjoy it. Which, I’ve always known what it is BUT I liked it just fine. I took advice to use butter instead of oil, milk instead of water, and added an egg to make it better and still, meh. I keep wondering if it’s me or if something changed with the mixes. Everyone else likes them just fine. I used to live week to week for my Friday night box-cake-and-laundry ritual in middle and high school. I want to reinstate the ritual! But not if I can’t enjoy the cake part of it. I’ve gone searching for other ways to make it better. It feels like by the time I’ve added the butter, the extra egg, the ricotta, the pudding pack, maybe I might as well make the whole damn thing from scratch? I can’t remember the last time I did a cake from scratch, if I ever have. But it feels a whole lot more energy intensive than I can afford. Which takes me back to being grumpy about box cake not tasting quite right anymore.
Year 6, Day 295: Last summer I impulse purchased beautiful Maya Kern skirts with enormous pockets. Advertised as “fits a Nintendo DS”! I don’t have a Nintendo DS but I do have a phone and a wallet and keys and kids who always need snacks and water – I foresaw a fabulous future of magical pockets full to bursting. It was going to be my Mary Poppins moment.
However. While the pockets were absolutely not oversold, the waists are a simple elastic and they defeated me. All of my other skirts have defined waists so I never had to think about it before. I could just pair them with pretty much any shirt and they’d be fine.
Maya’s feed is full of lovely women of all shapes and sizes, mostly plus size with more shape than less, looking wonderful in their skirts with a simple top tucked in. When I put it on, and tucked in a tee (because when packing my bags for that weekend I wasn’t thinking beyond “clothes for the top part”, “clothes for the bottom part”) I looked drab and frumpy. Drab, I’m used to. I’m ruler of sweatpants at work world. But frumpy, ugh. During bedrest, I scrutinized the pictures of Maya’s customers: trying to take notes on how they styled their outfits to get some ideas and even asked some of them for their thoughts. The simplest one seemed to be adding a belt so, using the existing customers’ pictures as a guide, off I went shopping for belts in various colors.
Next problem: I’ve never accessorized with belts successfully. I’ve bought belts but they’ve never made an outfit look better. Fashion bloggers made it seem so easy! This week I finally tried on the belts and promptly made the outfit look much worse. I texted bestie pictures to confirm and she both confirmed it did NOT work and gently guided me to use different color combinations whereupon voila! The belts work for me, not against me! Honestly. Only I add accessories and end up looking significantly worse. There’s a whole world of rules around colors and shapes and lines that I’m overdue to learn in order to dress my adult self.
Year 6, Day 296: The to do list is about a mile long and growing. I’m adding things that need to be done faster than I’m able to do them.
So much grumble.
Year 6, Day 297: Bedrest again. I managed to clear my call schedule for the week though, so at least while I’m confined to working from bed, I don’t have to fake my way through video calls. Yay for that.
Year 6, Day 298: Depression has hijacked my brain.
Year 6, Day 287: We let JB have a friend over for the weekend AND we did fun stuff with the kids on both days, so now I’m paying the piper. Again. Well, I suppose it’s not “again” if it never stopped. Worst game my body plays – is it virus or is it CFS?: slight congestion, brain fog, fatigue, body aches, massively sore throat. Since I still can’t take off work, I still cherry pick only the most critical work and the rest just has to wait.
I’m relieved to see that, for today/now, Haitian TPS status is preserved.
I have had Rizzoli & Isles on for background these past two weeks and was really sad when they cut out one of the main characters at the start of Season 5. Looking him up, the waterworks turned on – the actor had died by suicide over a decade ago and they had to write him out of the show. I’d excuse myself saying that being bedridden for weeks has me maudlin, and maybe it has, but I’m pretty sure motherhood broke my thick armadillo shell of stoicism. I cry over the most random things.
Year 6, Day 288: Accounting fun bits: I’m changing our annual tracking sheet variables. I used to define Fixed and Variable spending as separate categories. The idea was that we had more control over Variable and could cut back on that type of spending in a pinch so it’s good to have that spending pre-identified. Several years later, it’s never been useful information so it’s all just Spending. The side income category isn’t useful anymore so now I track Reimbursements – I’d like to know what income is actually repayment from friends or entities (FSA, Delta Dental, etc).
Looking ahead to 2027 when both kids will be in public school, there will be a massive savings on the daycare line item. In its place, I need to project the cost for summer camp for both kids since the dependent care FSA is up to $7500 – can we use that full amount. A shame that couldn’t have been increased years ago when we could make full use of it. But two kids, summer camps seem to run $500-800 a week (on the higher end for some of the specialty education options like science stuff). PiC found an art camp year but $1000 a week was far too rich for our blood. Let’s say they’re in 8 weeks of camps x 2 kids x average $600 a week: holy smokes, that’s $9600 for part of the summer. There we go, we could easily use up the $7500 FSA for 2027. Phew. That’s one question answered.
Year 6, Day 289: JB’s dental woes continue apace. More of their adult teeth are coming in crooked. They haven’t come through yet but we’re definitely going to need braces again when they do.
SmolAc’s latest dental X-rays confirmed they will need braces eventually, too. Drat. I knew it was a strong likelihood but hoped. *Mentally allocate $6000-7000* Unfortunately our dentist no longer refers to the one we are currently using for JB because they don’t like the quality of their work. JB’s halfway through their treatment, so we have to stick with them until we know what we need to do for Phase 2. I bet we are only paid up through the start of Phase 2 but best to review the paperwork and be sure. Meanwhile I’ll need to do a bit of research on the recommended local orthodontists. This change in quality is a damn shame, their office is so convenient for us.
Year 6, Day 290: I’m on a fairly annoying weekslong quest to improve my working from bed conditions. I’ve got a lapdesk that tilts. It’s been fine for 1-3 days working from bed but that’s half of what I need when I have to work for weeks in bed. I really need a lapdesk that tilts and is mounted on a swingarm so that I can move it away from my position on the bed rather than struggling like an upside down turtle when I need to get out. I’ve searched all over and there are dozens of options, none of which fit the bill. Accidentally ordered one in a fit of optimism only to realize the measurements were all wrong, so that’s going to back. I spent a day trying out different set ups with the stuff that I already have on hand, that didn’t help, it just set off a cascade of pain. Whoops.
Related: I tend to save the Ilona Andrews blog to read in big bunches, especially to stave off depression after long bouts of fibro or CFS flares, and so I’m only just now reading the Christmas Eve post. Innkeeper Innkeeper we might get our next Innkeeper this year!!! (Also those straw mushrooms are the correct mushrooms to use in tom yum soup but our Thai restaurants started using sliced white mushrooms instead. Yuck. So I feel Ilona’s pain.)
That news really hit the spot.
Today was the first day there were signs of the CFS receding even the littlest bit after several weeks of dying slowly inside from fatigue. Hilariously, the heartburn and fibro pain immediately flared up in its place.
Year 6, Day 291: I’m up to feeling about 15% human today! That’s well up from the 0-3% I’ve been feeling for about 3 weeks. I’ve been in the sub 20% range for 7 weeks. This is the danger zone. This is where I feel juuuuust human enough that I will force myself to do “little” things I need or want to do, repeatedly, because I haven’t sunk under the pressure YET and willpower through until collapse. If I do that when I’m nearer my baseline of 65%, I can recover in a day or three. At 15%, it’ll be weeks of recovery. This round I’m working on being extra mindful of this tendency and communicating better with PiC. More honestly, more transparently. I’ve always been one to hide my weakness but it’s too dire to hide now. It’s been hard crawling out of this hole I/we dug for myself.
In exercising, this impulse is precisely what gets me in trouble – this hurts but I can grit it out! Then I am laid up for 3 weeks. Thank goodness for my trainer keeping me on very calibrated workouts.
We’re meant to see our friends this weekend and I want to! But hello, self, all the weekend socializing that we’ve done through January is exactly what took me down to 0-3%. So. Right. Being self aware that 15% is good but not GOOD. I need to refill this tank a great deal more because I have to solo parent one month from now and we cannot risk my being a sludgepile when it’s just me and the kids.
Please enjoy some self-awareness and a walrus vocalizing with me.
Year 6, Day 280: Snow adventure with new friends completed! It actually went much better than I had feared. The new friends were incredibly gracious and considerate housemates (making my anxiety flare up around whether we were the gross, gauche, inconsiderate housemates by comparison because we were not in the least bit prepared for the levels of FOOD they perform at). All the kids got along like a house on fire. Naturally JB was at the forefront of all the ruckus, being both the eldest and, well, themself. The 3 younger kiddies gladly and loudly followed their lead, crashing up and down the stairs, amok amok amok.
The snow adventure itself was also loads of fun. The kids tried skiing for the first time despite so much trepidation and I stayed safely on the sidelines with my bruised / busted tailbone. I even accidentally made the acquaintance of someone who is nearly a neighbor to us back home! It was fun for all and now I need a week to recover from it all. Plus do 18 loads of laundry. Cold weather/snow gear is so bulky.
Year 6, Day 281: ACK. I can’t tell if this is because of a virus (very possible, JB went down hard with a sore throat and headache today) or if I’m just so exhausted that my body has completely given up and fell “sick” but I feel like barely warmed over death. Between my muscle aches, fatigue, brain fog and massively sore throat, it’s awfully close to what they might have. A friend has pointed out that if I feel sick, that’s pretty much being sick. So the two of us are stuck at home, together, sick and miserable.
I’ve got two whole hands of ginger so I scraped a chunk and tossed it into a pot with chicken and garlic in hopes that we’d have a warm nourishing lunch while I was too tired to exist. I still had to work, I’m covering for other people even sicker than I, this month is critical to making progress in the backlogs that accumulated over the holidays, and I have to complete annual reviews this week. I have so MANY.
Year 6, Day 282: I didn’t think it was possible – laundry is my favorite chore (sincerely) – but I’m too tired to do any more laundry. I’m six loads in and all the ski/snow gear is clean, some is still drying. Most has been squished down and packed into the newly dubbed Snow/Winter bin. I’ve never had enough cold weather experience to warrant a full outfit, this is novel.
But between the *gestures at self* and the work that I’ve dragged myself through, there’s nothing left in the tank so even though I resent it, rest has to come first, or at least as soon as I can wrap the two most important work things.
I carved out a few minutes to cut out bag shapes from one of the sheets of washed and steamed fabric. I got as far as two sets before my whole body was shaking, and on the verge of passing out collapse. Tis unfair and I’m grouchy.
Year 6, Day 283: The annoying byproduct of this process of prioritizing health is knowing that none of the less critical things, the fun things especially, are getting done. I really want to do them! I want our counters cleaned off, my desk area tidied, the piles of accumulated junk sorted and recycled. I have to settle for up to ten minutes of hobby time as the antidote to work.
Today’s microdose of fun was pulling the now clean but incredibly wrinkled fabric out of the dryer and steaming them. It took me a bit to figure out how to do it but then it was like magic! The crumpled all to hell balls of fabric opened up like a blooming flower and I could see the patterns and colors again. Yay! I’ve hung them up for now so they stay relatively line free until I can figure out how much of it can be used. They’re weirdly shaped scraps but I’m pretty sure I can get at least one large bag out of the biggest piece and maybe one tiny bag out of the smaller one.
Year 6, Day 284:Rant: I’m so tired of whatever this is, more and more it seems like a CFS flare up, that I can’t even sustain my anger at still being knocked down and useless. I am angry in my head, and stressing over everything I absolutely cannot do, but I can’t even use the rage as energy like normal. /huff
I did manage to submit the Costco clothing order for the second Lakota family we’re helping but I hadn’t been able to do the second dry goods order they need.
Sigh. Anger brought to you by my making commitments that my body cannot keep. JB wants to table at this craft fair this fall, and I’d like us to try, which means we have to be making a fair amount of goods every month through June to have enough stuff to put in an application. Having multiple weeks where we’re not getting anything done makes me itch.