Year 4, Day 244: I’ve spent all year preparing for the end of the year: clearing holiday shopping ahead of time, getting (almost) all the check ups done before December, etc. Now that it’s upon us, I’m flabbergasted. How did it get to be December?? SMH. Also, we’re back to the grind of just the two of us trying to do ALL THE THINGS. We had a very lovely reprieve, it was rejuvenating even though I was short on sleep the whole week. I forget how much feeling supported offsets feeling tired. Under the “but no thank you” heading, Smol Acrobat is sick AGAIN. I bought them
On Bluesky, @vikrambath.bsky.social skeeted: “Very normal college admissions process we’ve got here in the United States of America” with a screenshot of an article: “Esther’s academics weren’t “stellar”, Kim said – only a 4.3 GPA 1520 SAT and nine AP courses. But in her personal statement, she wrote about her mother’s fight with breast cancer. And she was admitted to the University of Pennsylvania. “That was her trump card. It was a unique situation that she overcame,” Kim said. “To be frank, she got really lucky.”
My good friends back in the day were accepted to Berkeley, UPenn, Cornell, Columbia. I never once thought about their application process back then but these little snippets into college admissions processes today are at least a little unnerving. I wonder how much of that is limited to the colleges I’d never have tried for and wouldn’t expect my kids to try for, and how much of this has spread across the board to more … normal? run of the mill? standard? colleges. I don’t know what to call them exactly, but the ones that are in our pay grade.
(Whispers so I don’t jinx it: Smol Acrobat fed themselves eggs this morning and salad at dinner! With their own hands!! The way they eat their pizza is a complete travesty but I’ll take it!)
Year 4, Day 237: This is the one week a year that I get help from someone I love dearly and it’s precious precious time. Last month I had planned to take time off this week to spend with them but then my boss crash-landed with urgent deadlines and projects and and and. I am MIFFED. I’m also working really hard at not letting it consume this week, regardless of the urgency. I’ll do my best (at work) but my best no longer means “at the expense of my loved ones”. This is the one week where someone else can tend to a million kid questions, provide a lap for kids to play a game together, can bond with them and be the fun one while I am up and about doing the million things that I have to do. They are also a splendid cook so this is the one week I get to go with someone else’s meal flow without having to plan. I absolutely appreciate the hell out of it. I’m still a frazzled mess, a week of help is just enough of a taste for me to desperately want more.
On the other hand, I’m skeptical that we could find someone else who could (eventually) provide this third adult help so seamlessly. I don’t get along all that well with many people. (And I cherish my alone time.)
Year 4, Day 238: Well I’ll be! Amazon / UPS keeps sending me failed delivery notices for the 30+ grocery orders shipped from Amazon to the second Lakota family. I spent an hour tracking down every single tracking number (UPS) and then finding the related USPS tracking number since they handed off to USPS and then confirming that USPS hadn’t actually lost the groceries.
Despite the alarming number of notices, so far it doesn’t look like anything has been lost yet and half of them were successfully delivered to the post office. Fingers very crossed that the rest arrives safely and soon.
Year 4, Day 239: I did not budget half an hour this morning to discovering that something exploded in the robot vacuum’s guts to form a crusty layer of yuck on all the surfaces and had to be dug out bit by painful bit. I also did not budget another hour for dealing with people management problems. But there those hours went, anyway. Insert my pained sigh. As I told a friend, on the outside, I am patient and gracious and helpful. On the inside I am yelling and kicking rocks. She assured me that was having self restraint and being professional, not being two-faced.
Yesterday was a rough parenting day. I was very upset with JB and JB was really upset with over an incident at their class and I felt like garbage afterward when a dear friend and mentor gave me their more clear-eyed observations that I did not disagree with. I’m so tired of feeling like all I do are make mistakes. Then Smol Acrobat got extremely belligerent with me over my not allowing them to carry two pieces of Pyrex that were too large for their little hands. They screamed in my face “I CAN DO IT!!!” and swung at me. Typical toddler emotional dysregulation. I carried them to a corner for a quiet time out and sat with them until they calmed down, but it was exhausting, especially when overlapped with the fight that JB and PiC had. JB decided they had better things to do than finish setting the table – a job they’ve been responsible for every night since they were 5. These conflicts feel more fraught.
Year 4, Day 240: Thanks to good planning and pacing, we had time for all sorts of things we usually can’t fit into a day.
Downtime: I laid down to rest with my computer to shop for jeans that 🤞 I hope will fit and picked up cold weather gear for our Lakota sponsee.
We took the kids and dogs for a long walk in unexpectedly beautiful weather. Sera was also unexpectedly peppy! for that walk.
And we put together the dinner feast for dinner. I ate so much I was nearly rolled to bed.
Year 4, Day 241: Do you ever have dreams or nightmares that are so vivid or emotionally intense that you aren’t sure the events of the dream didn’t really happen? Then you’d be upset at the person who was the subject of that dream or nightmare? This used to happen every night, it used to always be fights with my biodad or brother. It’s a lot less frequent now but when it does happen again, like last night, I wake up really confused about reality and memories.
Probably related to that: it’s been two (three? I can’t remember) weeks of working late nights and I’m tuckered. I gave myself the day off to spend with the family. We managed an errand, time for the kids to play at a playground, and a little venture out to a tourist trap ice cream shop for an indulgent treat and the Christmas lights. We stayed up too late but it was nice to make a memory.
Alas, Smol Acrobat’s nose started dripping again and they’ve gone and contracted another virus. Please cross your fingers that this one blows by and doesn’t turn into anything much worse.
It also just sank in that we’re nearly at the very end of November. How did that happen?? I work all year to be ahead of the curve on holiday things and by November I’m always flabbergasted at how we got here.
It’s Covered California Open Enrollment time. We don’t need it next year but we may in the future, so I looked up what a Covered California Gold plan for the four of us would cost and what we’d get for that money. They only showed a premium price for a minute, which was very annoying, but it looked to be just a shade under $2000 a month. That buys a family of four:
$17,400: Out-of-Pocket Maximum $0: Medical Deductible $0: Pharmacy Deductible $35: Doctor Visits $65: Specialist Visits $35: Mental Health Outpatient Visits and Services $250: Ambulance Trip $350: Emergency Room Visit $35: Urgent Care Visit $75: X-rays and Diagnostic Imaging Imaging $75 (CT/PET scans, MRIs) Hospital Facility Fee $330 per day, up to 5 days
Free Preventive Care: annual checkups, immunizations, screenings. Pediatric Care: Free vision care and preventive dental care for children. Pharmacy: No drug deductible. Your plan helps cover prescriptions from the get-go. Eye Exam: Free, One Per Year Glasses: Free, One Pair Per Year Dental Cleanings: Free, Once Every 6 Months
I do wonder if there are any hidden fees or restrictions that I’d only discover after going through the process. We probably should do it a few times between now and whenever we will be likely to need it so we have a better idea of what is going to be needed.
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I realized I hadn’t visited Joe Udo in a while, losing Twitter links to posts and my general schedule has reduced my blog reading. I had thoughts on a few posts.
First, you need 40 credits to be eligible for Social Security. You can earn up to 4 credits each year. Almost all Americans earn enough income to earn these 40 credits over their working life.
The benefit (Primary Insurance Amount or PIA) is calculated from your average indexed monthly earnings (AIME.) This takes your highest 35 earning years and averages them out to a monthly earning. Once you have the AIME, then the benefit is calculated with the following formula*.
A) 90 percent of the first $1,115 of his/her average indexed monthly earnings, plus
B) 32 percent of his/her AIME over $1,115 to $6,721, plus
C) 15 percent of his/her average indexed monthly earnings over $6,721.
40 credits ✅
Highest 35 earning years? Not there yet. I’ve been working since I was 17 so that’s only about 24 earning years. A quarter of them were low wages. Four years of working multiple piecemeal jobs during college, another four working an entry level job. My first post-grad salary was $23,000. I doubled it by the time I left (after a grueling four years with abusive bosses). Anyway my AIME today would be composed of 24 earning + 11 non-earning years. It’s just as well that I doubt we’ll be able to retire in less than 10 years. Maybe I’ll run some calculations just for fun. But then again…
Social Security is a bit uncertain for my generation because the program will start to run out of money in 2033.
The state of politics being what it is today makes me think SS will crash and burn and a whole lot of people will be plunged into poverty. A number of my own relatives are entirely reliant on SS for their income and while some of them can rely on their adult children to help if needed, that’s not true of all of them. We certainly can’t rely on it.
IMO, life is too easy for FatFIRE retirees. They don’t have to struggle at all. That makes life boring. Sure, travel and getting new hobbies are on every retiree’s to-do list. However, those will only keep you interested for so long. There is no challenge. You need challenging goals to keep life interesting. People are happiest when they’re pursuing happiness, right?
FatFIRE retirees are high achievers. They won’t be happy with a relaxing lifestyle.
I believe you can recover from being a high achiever. I have. 🙂 Though I have many more interests than I have time, money, or energy, so I guess even without achievement, I’d be hardpressed to be truly bored.
My 2030 ideal life is very different than my life today. But we’ll be in a different stage of life then. At this point, we have a child living at home. My current life is almost ideal for this stage.
When I was an engineer, I was stressed out and unhappy. I quit so I could spend more time with our son. It worked out very well and life is great today. I work a bit, cook, take my son to various activities, repair the house, and deal with the rentals. I’m busy, but I’m not stressed out. It doesn’t get better than this at this stage of life. We’ll look back on this period fondly someday.
My conclusion is the ideal life will change as you go through different stages of life. It’s good to dream about the future, but you need to be happy today as well.
I agree that for right now, my current life is as ideal as it can be for this stage given our real life limitations. I get therapy, I garden a little, I have a reliable life partner whose company I still enjoy. I love the dog and kids even if they make me bananas sometimes. If I could subtract work from the equation without disturbing anything else, including income, that’d be even more ideal but I’m sure something else would slid into place as an irritant or difficulty (the world. The world supplies frustration in spades). We keep trying to do our best and that looks different from one day to the next.
Our ideal lives will change ten years from now and fifteen years from now, and so on. And, of course, the work leg of this current ideal life may not last long depending on shifts that might or might not happen. That’s always been a risk. I hate that part.
Have you ever held an ideal (for being labor) job? How long did that last? What’s your ideal life right now?
Year 4, Day 232: I submit a motion for Mondays to be abolished. JB vomited twice before 9 am so no school for them. Smol Acrobat woke up late and dragged their feet every step of the way. Their fever is finally broken, and they’re still coughing a bit, buuuut they just want to play at home. No no. No no no. No. You need to go play with people your own size and age at daycare! I need you to be with people your size and age. I’m also in a mystery back and forth with Kaiser, I don’t know why. They called me but won’t tell me why they called. I called back and asked – no answer. 🤷🏻♀️ PiC injured his back a couple days back and we’re not sure yet how serious it is. I’m topped up on Sudafed, Tylenol/Motrin, and an antiviral that’s trying to fend off Smol’s germs at least partly successfully or unsuccessfully depending on how you look at it. I’m coughing, sneezing, congested and tired but it’s not as bad as it normally would be. Indescribably grateful the antiviral helps me get through enough of the day.
I wish I could rest more during the day but alas. Unexpectedly pressing and unavoidable deadlines sprang into our lives last month and I have to deal with them. We are slowly crossing out stuff on our to-do list, though, and that is satisfying. Never mind that the to-do list might be a hydra. We’re not thinking about that today.
Year 4, Day 233: Because our total contributions to date for the November Lakota fundraising this weekend was $1700, I waffled over the plans for spending it. Try to shop in bulk for the Allen community? Focus on helping families directly? Hit the Holiday Okini? They all have their challenges. Then I spotted a posting from a 72-year old grandmother, in need of dialysis, with a broken washing machine, needing a bed for herself, and a bunk bed for the grandkids she’s raising. The four teens she raised needs clothes, and the household needs cleaning and hygiene supplies. That decided it for me. We’d outfit a couple families as completely as possible. I wasn’t sure we had enough money to tackle more than the washing machine and furniture but I went for it anyway. Thankfully, while I was pricing out bunk beds (4 stores, 3 dozen beds) to find one that we could afford AND that would ship to the Reservation, another group clubbed together for the washing machine and then a few large donations came in.
That left me with a lot of shopping to do on a larger than usual budget. What a good problem to have. I’m so grateful to generous friends and readers who make this possible.
I also picked up a second family that is out of food and filled a giant Subscribe and Save order for them. Amazon is unfortunately the only place that consistently ships food to the Reservation. Every other store I’ve tried is an exercise in futility.
Of course since I spent my morning happily shopping for families, I ended up working deep into the night to catch up on work. Worth it!
Year 4, Day 234: Uh, I have bitten off more than I can chew. Belatedly realizing that’s an ironic turn of phrase because the REASON I put myself in this position is that Family 2 for November is a household of 12 children and adults who are out of food. I couldn’t put off ordering another day, I can’t bear the thought of people going hungry on my watch. Sadly, you need a vast amount of food to feed a family of 12. I consulted with a friend who has experience with providing food to large families and she confirmed that the 26 items I bought in bulk wouldn’t last more than a week. A case of chili makes one meal. If only Costco would let me ship to PO Boxes, that would make such a difference.
Quick recap: I’ve a huge deadline looming at work, and ALSO am neck deep in over 100 items in various stages of processing to keep track of and pay the bills for. Also, we have to finalize the fundraising for our daycare teacher by tomorrow. EEPS. Deep breaths.
Unrelated I love this Cyndi Lauper song, Fearless. I’ve always been a fan of True Colors but this one grabs me.
Year 4, Day 235: We’ve wrapped up the daycare teacher fundraiser, write her a nice note, and PiC is set to pick up some pastries for the teachers tomorrow. That’s one thing down.
About 3/4s of the two Lakota orders have shipped, sometimes one item per shipment, making me really wish that we had the option to ask for these giant orders to be shipped all together. But that would probably be impossible, my guess is that products are in different warehouses and they simply couldn’t. But one can dream.
It’s time to put together our Thanksgiving meal menu. Can’t scrape together the brain cells for it just yet but definitely stuffing, maybe turkey, maybe prime rib instead?, mashed potatoes yes, and …. What vegetable? JB used to vote for Brussels sprouts. We haven’t done them in a while.
Year 4, Day 236: Friday food review! We leaned hard on takeout again this week, just trying to get through. We grabbed a family pack at Jollibee, fried chicken AND mushroom beef patties, which got us through two nights. I did do a very easy honey butter salmon bake one night and that’s relatively reliable. Otherwise Smol was the greatest of pains during dinners.
Rain set in this week, bringing some impressive thunder and lightning. I worried my plants would drown but when I checked on them, the older batch of onions’s green tops shot up another two inches. Just from two days of rain! I was trying not to overwater them, now I’m not sure if they’ve been stunted from underwatering.
The cough is definitely still lingering for me, with some random bouts of horrible congestion. JB’s cough still sounds awful, it’s a deep rattling thing, but their energy is just fine. Smol Acrobat seems to have turned the corner finally. They’re still extra moody, and sobbed for 3/4 of the drive home today because I was driving and couldn’t hug them. PiC’s back is pretty bad, it’s being diagnosed as a herniated disc at the moment just based on physical exam. I hate that they’re not willing to scan it yet, and I hate that a herniated disc sounds so awful.
Year 4, Day 225: Remember that rest I was really hoping to get this weekend, but knew I wouldn’t? I was not wrong! The three hour party turned into a five hour rendezvous because the kids REALLY didn’t want to leave when the party was over and our friends clearly needed help cleaning up after the … 100? guests left. That is a wild guess, it just felt like 100 people. Far too many people. Smol Acrobat and I were overwhelmed before we even got into the house so we hung outside for a while. I didn’t mind but my body most definitely minded. Then Smol’s body took a swan dive into a fever during a terrible night of “sleep” wherein I had to get up to hug them six times, once an hour or so. Naturally, they woke up at 7 am refreshed and chirpy while my joints were rusty and creaky like the Tin Man’s. I couldn’t raise my left arm half the day and my knees were shot.
On the plus side, I did manage to plow through enough work to call it a day, order toothpaste for Sera, and pick out a holiday card for a friend’s kids.
Year 4, Day 226: Smol Acrobat and I are miserable today. Very little sleep and they’re feverish and alternating between chills and sweats. I’m not very symptomatic, thanks to my antiviral, but I have an echoing chamber of nothingness in place of my brain and the body aches are this side of overwhelming. PiC took the day off to take care of Smol so I could work. It should be my turn to take the day off tomorrow, since Smol won’t be able to go back to daycare until they’re fever free for 24 hours. They tested negative on our home test. PiC insisted he’d take the day again and take care of them. We should probably split the day.
I am going to try to catch some rest tonight since sleep deprivation is eating me alive. The irony is that when Smol is sick, my subconscious goes to hypervigilent mode and wakes up 4-6x a night listening for them even if PiC is taking the night shift. So even when they aren’t waking me, I’m waking me. Very counterproductive, body.
As extra fun, JB’s jaw expander just fell out of their mouth. How is that even possible? It was glued in!
Year 4, Day 227: Smol’s fever is down, thankfully, but they’re still dripping like a faucet with a hacking cough. We’re juggling a bit of work and staying home with them today. About half their class is out sick too.
You’d think it was obvious to me at least that we’re doing this without much help but my therapist observing that out loud was a funny perspective. She recently observed: “you don’t have any grandparents, or aunts and uncles, or friends that are helping out. You’re doing a lot on your own.” And … yes.. Day to day, I forget that the reason other people around us can do so much is they have family to rely on. Hell, I’ve been jealous that other people have family to rely on and I still forget that that’s why I feel overwhelmed at times. If it’s not done by me, then it’s done by PiC. And if he’s not doing it, then I’m doing it. We expect JB to help out but there’s only so much that they can do while also attending to their schoolwork and activities, AND still being a kid – they still get hours a week of just being a kid doing whatever they want (within reason). It’s a lot more obvious to me on days like this that it’s just us when the chips are down. I get one week a year when my favorite relative comes to stay where I can relax but that’s it. Just the two of us.
I’ve been putting things to my list to buy when the Black Friday sales come up but some prices are good enough to buy now. I surprised the family with a refrigerator whiteboard and everyone was quite pleased with it. 🎉 Little wins!
I’d better add a hairbrush. All the little protective tips on mine have fallen off, I think I’ve had this one since 2002, and hairbrushing hurts. I also want a new desk chair and a whiteboard for my office. My desk chair is still good but not good for me. My body needs something with a lot more give. PiC can have this one since he’s just been making do with a dining chair.
Lots of small things to keep on my radar. Returning PiC’s crappy bike light for a refund. Sending thank you cards and personal winter holiday cards. Figuring out how to handle the holiday card for the wider masses and how many I need to send – we haven’t sent one since 2019. I hate that Costco stopped doing photo prints. They were a good low cost alternative. Making sure everyone has medication supplies through January, no one wants to be fighting pharmacy crowds in December. Buy some real Sudafed, speaking of the pharmacy! Finish organizing the hand me downs to share with small cousins. Repair my skirt’s torn pocket.
Year 4, Day 228: When PiC asked me on Sunday how my work week looked, I mumbled some not words in reply because I couldn’t yet wrap my head around the future yet. Sadly, I wasn’t prepared as to how this whole week would be wrecked by the mutant virus circulating through Smol’s daycare. It’s been a week of coughing, sniffling, and worryingly high fevers. The doctor just confirmed that their lungs sound bad all over. But since their breathing is still fine so we’re to keep an eye on them and report back in two days if the fevers continue. The doc expects this will need another week or two to clear up, at best. I don’t even want to think about “at worst”.
I was overly optimistic about my antiviral ‘s ability to safeguard me from Smol’s germs, too. I’m congested and my throat is giving off all the warning signs.
Naturally this is when a new major deadline that can’t be pushed off springs up at work.
And since nothing is going our way right now, I ran the wash and found after the fact that a diaper had somehow gotten mixed up with the clothes. It left white bits on EVERYTHING including my favorite (black) t-shirt.
I would like to quit everything now, please.
Year 4, Day 229: Friday food review! Fancy baked potato night: baked taters topped with butter, sour cream, cheesy broccoli, bacon crumbles, shredded cheese and our homegrown chives! Everyone not named Smol Acrobat loved it. Smol Acrobat’s excused, they are so sick this week. The bacon crumbles are amazing by the way. A bag from Costco has made eating so much tastier. I add them to eggs some mornings, I topped my Mac n cheese with them and that was heavenly.
Year 4, Day 218: There is going to be so much disruption this week. Two tomorrow for Halloween: the kids’ school parade and then trick or treating. Two appointments on Wednesday for the kids, and PiC has a procedure that requires anesthesia Thursday so I’ll have to handle the drop off and pick up of everyone that day. Taking several deep breaths as we plunge headlong into the fray.
Underlying all this has been a gratitude for the flexibility that I have had to DO all this stuff in the first place. Unfortunately this gratitude was shattered today with news that I can’t share yet. If things go in one direction, the job as I know it, with all the stuff that makes this job good for our lives, would probably go away. It’s always been work, of course, but it has also been a set-up that let me do my best work at the least cost. Losing that would be devastating.
If my job changes substantially next year… whoof. The urges to (obsessively) go through our money to figure out what our options are and to wander the neighborhood muttering imprecations under my breath are strong. This timing is crappy. We’ve lived with slightly bated breath for more than a decade as this grew from a start-up and it was always possible for it to disappear at any time but it’s still crappy timing. We’re projected to pay back the emergency fund next August at best so that’s a small stresser. My health is improved but not enough to add a commute to our lives and work in an office again, even if I was willing to. That’s the much bigger stresser. The cost of commuting and in person work is too high. For now I don’t know anything concrete will happen so I just have to hope like hell that the economy swings things in my favor.
I’m also on my 12th sore throat for the year. I would really like my body to stop overreacting to viral infections by causing sores in my throat which is nearly as bad as getting sick.
Year 4, Day 219: We had a break with Halloween tradition this year, inviting new friends out since our usual Halloween friends were booked, and the kids had a LOT of fun. The new friends haven’t ever done it this way before and their mom predicts they’ll want to do it this way again next year. The kids were like Energizer bunnies, still bouncing to go go go after we adults were throwing in the towel. We even stayed out an hour too late and they STILL wanted to stay out later. My body wanted to have some words. Of course now I’m also going to have angst over whether our usual friends will be free and want to go out next year. I don’t mix friend groups as a rule, it gets too chaotic and it’s harder to enjoy each set of friends so we’d have to pick.
It’s spreadsheet day but after working until almost 11 pm, after walking miles for trick or treat, I simply have to push that to another day. I love spreadsheeting.
Year 4, Day 220: The world’s worst dental appointment was had today by Smol Acrobat who screamed all the way through their cleaning. I have no clue why. They’ve been eagerly anticipating this appointment for weeks and excited about all the goodies. They specifically freaked out about having to lay down for the exam and cleaning, so now we have to practice doing brushing and flossing laying down.
I plowed through my work in four hours and rewarded JB for their hours of chores and mostly staying occupied without bothering me too much with a trip to the library.
We still haven’t celebrated our wedding anniversary, so we need to decide if there’s something we actually feel up to doing. One more hectic day to survive this week, first.
Year 4, Day 221: Today was the MARATHON day of this marathon week. Drop off JB. Drop off PiC. Drop off Smol Acrobat. Go home, scarf three bites of breakfast, and turn back around. Pick up PiC. Work for a while. Pick up JB. Take them to self defense. Pick up Smol Acrobat. Pick up take out for dinner. Yell at my phone’s touchscreen for refusing to work. Make it home slightly late for the PTA meeting.
Brain: fried. Body: Extra crispy.
Year 4, Day 222: Friday food! I took another run at seafood pasta because PiC needed a low fiber diet this week and tried this recipe with shrimp, scallops, and calamari. My first try was only with the calamari using another recipe and while it was ok, it was pretty bland. Adding a lot of butter and broth turned things around nicely. I also accidentally harvested a plate of tiny potatoes while I was fertilizing the garden so that turned into a small batch of Japanese curry. Enough to feed four and have some left over. We relied on freezer food Wednesday, the Trader Joe’s Indian and Costco lasagna, which are all delicious but absolute torture on my sore throat. We’re on week two of that particular beauty. I need non-spicy foods for this throat. We tried a new Thai restaurant yesterday. It was pretty good and they had DUCK. The pad kee mao duck could have used a lot more duck but it was tasty nonetheless.
I also knocked out a few outstanding to do things: Putting out the final Lakota Families call for the year, sent the call out 2 emails, sent cards to my doctors to thank them for being supportive and attentive healthcare professionals. I pulled some special stickers to mail to a friend.
Year 4, Day 213: 89% humidity. YUCK. Not only is it terribly uncomfortable, it’s making our green onion’s soil moldy. Double yuck.
I almost skipped ordering a couple of Bonne Maman advent calendars this year. A few years back, they were $35 each so I didn’t mind paying shipping on top of that. Also, the pandemic was new. $45 after tax and shipping for a bit of joy wasn’t too steep. This year it’s $45 PLUS another $15 for ground shipping PLUS tax. Over $100 for two? Couldn’t do it. Happily, this morning I spotted a free shipping offer for orders over $65 and so jumped on it.
Also I feel very stupid. I’d just completed a course of the antiviral meds about a week and a half ago. Then another sore throat comes up again on Friday! Out of frustration and concern that taking it too often will make it ineffective, I stubbornly refused to take the next course of antiviral meds for a few days. Kept hoping it would go away so of course it’s just gotten worse by today. Sigh. I have an earache and a whole lot of regret for not taking it immediately like I should have. It was right here.
Year 4, Day 214: It officially smells like fall-cold. There’s a crispness and a cold layer to the air that signals the start of real cold weather. I would normally enjoy this but for the sharp stabbing pains in my throat when I inhale deeply. Continued regrets. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers.
I just discovered a whole stash of comments from the last six months that WordPress randomly hidden from me. ARGH. Rude! Will be making my way through those.
Year 4, Day 215: My therapist would like me to believe that I deserved a childhood, and to be a kid when I was a kid. I firmly believe this for my kids and for all kids, and want to do everything I can to help all of THEM. But believing that *I* deserved one and didn’t get it? I’m having a real mental block (or emotional) with that. Heck, I don’t even think I “deserve” (am worth) to use the furnace during the day to be warm in the house. I feel guilty using the space heater to get warm (only at intervals when I’m too cold). This is an oddly thorny issue to get through.
Those jackals at Lifetouch have ramped up their grifty ways. The Digital package with a class picture and 2 digital images is now $42. The Basic package (with 5×7, 3×5 and 2x3s) is $27 but they’ve taken away the class picture and it costs $18 to add a class picture. I don’t want the basic package and am annoyed at how they’ve engineered it so you have to pay $40+ if your kid cares about a class picture (they do) no matter what you get. That extra $15-20 could go to help someone pay a bill. I don’t want to waste it on Lifetouch. And we can’t get JUST the class picture, you have to get a package. *grumble* And WHO wants 8×10 school pictures? I’m sure someone does but I sure don’t want them every year. Never did when I was going to school, don’t now. Also they’ve doubled the prices. It used to be $15 and then $17 for a Basic package with a class picture, some wallets, and a few 5x7s. That’s why I never had this level of irritation over it – about $20 was an acceptable price. Now it’s more than $40 for less than what we got before.
Year 4, Day 216: I’m plotting the calendar for next year at work and at home. For home, I’m trying my absolute darnedest to schedule appointments for next year in the first 8-9 months of the year. If we can avoid regular appointments in the last three months, then the holiday crush might feel less bad. Right?
For work, I’m working on coverage for everyone’s hoped for vacation times and that preparation starts yesterday. That may still be too late! There are so many logistics to juggle: recruiting! Hiring! Training! Bah!
This is my deliriously tired attempt to assert some measure of control over what feels like endless chaos against the bigger backdrop of the world in chaos. There is so much terrible that’s out of my control. I’ve got to start focusing more on the things I can affect to avoid giving in to fatigue and despair.
Year 4, Day 217: One of many rushed days (still in my future), I had to wrap up work after picking up JB to take them to a family event hosted by PiC’s employer.
What a time to find out that I’m not cut out for the spinning teacups anymore. Thankfully it was low key regret, nothing major, and the kids loved the buffet. There was an abundance of hot dogs but we’re apparently entirely spoiled by Costco hot dogs, no one else’s hot dogs seem worth eating. Dinner for Smol Acrobat was: popcorn, watermelon, crackers, a single slice of a turkey wrap, a cookie and some hot dog. JB’s dinner was many popcorns, cotton candy, a quarter hot dog, many many swedish meatballs, some pasta salad and penne pasta with meat sauce.
It went longer than I expected so it was quite painful having to finish working but finish I did! Because I’m responsible. Tired but responsible.
Even nature is getting into the Halloween spirit! Our spiders have blanketed our hedges with spiderwebs. It’s not as obvious as the store bought decor but I think it’s beautiful and not at all creepy as long as I don’t have to touch the hedges for any reason. There must be 1000 spiders in there to have spun this many webs. (Very little exaggeration, the hedges are huge and the webs are legion.)
For next week, I’ve ordered the Halloween themed snacks for JB’s class. I’ll put aside a set of plates and napkins to contribute to their class party next year so that doesn’t feel so last minute and annoying when it comes up. I’ve scribbled my list of wants and needs to shop for during the Black Friday sales (a tiny kingdom for two sets of travel sized bottles that won’t spring a leak after a couple years!). I’ve worked up a gift checklist so I can keep track of whose gifts are already taken care of and methodically wrap and store them instead of haphazardly sticking them in the gift box and trying to remember who gets what. PiC will be having some screening tests at the hospital so we’ll have to manage his diet more carefully next week. He feels like it’ll be simple so I’m going to do my best not to worry too much. But I do plan to make him a simple seafood pasta since he liked that. Last time it was too simple though, with sliced calamari in sauteed garlic and olive oil. It needs more flavor. I’ll add shrimp but it needs something else.
Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.