About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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May 21, 2015
Don’t fall for this E-Z Pass scam!
As usual, poor writing, inaccurate information, and a zip file are all reliable signs of a scammy phishing email. These are often addressed as “Dear [Last Name]” without any honorific or appropriate title, it lacks any useful information like where the violation was supposed to have occurred and how much it costs. That last bit is intended to get you to click on the zip file they’ve attached, of course.
Quick Thoughts
~ Every time I see someone use the phrase “mommy and me brigade” or something similar, it’s basically always pejorative and annoys the giblets off me.
~ Pork is not quite as forgiving as chicken. In other words, I dried out the ends of my first pork shoulder roast trying to get it to hit the recommended 160-170 degrees. But the middle was yummy! And I don’t mind dried roast pork if it was suitably fatty to begin with, the fat sort of keeps it from being a piece of cardboard.
~ OMG getting plans together for this year’s SDCC has been just a long stinking marathon of hurdles, it feels like. Getting badges. Getting hotel rooms. Getting parking. Every single thing was some sort of lottery and involved coordinating with half a dozen people.
~ Joss Whedon was harassed off Twitter by the scuzzy scuzzers who think that death threats are the best way to express their negative opinion. I wish I could say I was surprised but since rape and death threats are common currency of these scummy people, I just wish that Twitter would finally step up and do something about abusive users. It’s a great tool, but it needs to stop being an online Wild West.
Tell me what you think!
Tell me what you think in the comments!
I personally hate the idea but would you object to the occasional sponsored post here? It costs actual money to keep the site up and running, so I’m considering what might help pay those bills.
May 20, 2015
My primary points partners these days are SPG and Hilton, with only a dash of Citi Thank You points, so it’s no wonder I didn’t realize that Citi was hiding some points from me.
Back in 2011 and 2012, they withheld 20 and 158 points, respectively, supposedly for late payments but since I didn’t pay late fees or interest, I’m skeptical. Regardless, all I had to do was find the withheld points in the Account Summary (which, shame on me, I haven’t checked in ages) and click the box next to each set of points to reinstate them. Easy as sliced cheese!
It wasn’t much, but hey, I have a use for them. I’m only a few thousand points away from picking up another gift card for PiC.
It’s good to know that you might have some points stashed somewhere, for any of your rewards programs. Check your accounts once in a while!
May 19, 2015
A friend recently eclipsed my career by a rather heady margin. Robin and I have had a friendly almost-competition where we push each other to achieve our goals and making our way up the ladder like a pair of dueling rock climbers has been a fun pastime. None of our other peers were interested in our frank discussions about earning money, negotiating salary, trading tactics and giving one another a good shove in the back to do the uncomfortable thing.
This week, Robin was promoted to the C-suite.
I cheered, of course! It was a move we’d been discussing for a while, as he contemplated whether it made sense to move up there or elsewhere.
Then I realized: oh crap, I can’t match that anytime soon! One of the things I’ve always prided myself on was keeping step with him. It’s one of the things that makes me feel less resentful of the bias against women in the workplace – at least I’m keeping pace with my fantastic male friend, I’m not doing too badly.
Every so often, I get this uneasy feeling that I’m failing myself, failing to live up to my own expectations. It’s not because of comparing myself to others, though I won’t lie and say that I’m impervious to the outside world as competition, it’s because I have an internal set of benchmarks that I don’t always acknowledge.
I keep hearing this echo: you’re getting older, what have you done this year? (more…)
May 18, 2015
As I mentioned some time ago, I’m an affiliate of Donna Freedman’s new course (check it out if you’re interested in writing) and I decided to put my money where my mouth is. Or fingers are.
Of course, no new experience, especially for self improvement, should go unblogged, given the particular bent of this blog. Come along for the ride and maybe you’ll find a reason give it a try yourself.
I’m coming to this course as an already established blogger who probably isn’t going to quit anytime soon so Module 1, addressing the “why” of blogging is more of a reminder that stories have value, and writing stories well makes them more accessible.
There are hundreds, thousands, of blogs out there but I struggle to find consistently well-written, unique, compelling blogs. I love reading, even more than I love writing, and finding a fresh authorial voice with stories to tell is like finding That Exact Spot on the puppy’s belly that, when scratched, melts the furry marvel into a limp-limbed puddle, cross-eyed with satisfaction. In other words: bliss.
Maybe that’s why I think this course can be such a boon. So many people have tales to tell and selfishly, I want to read them. And I don’t think I’m alone in that desire!
Aside from that purely selfish point of view, while not everyone’s job requires any amount of writing that matters, some of us do. Having that knack in your toolbox lets you present yourself, your ideas, and proposals to the best advantage. Another way to get your way? Why not!
May 13, 2015
I’m revising a friend’s advice on parenting for our family.
1. Don’t have more kids than you have hands
Don’t have more kids than you have adult bodies. Ages ago, as a child-free professional auntie, I liked a 4-1 ratio of kids to adults. I stand by that number.
2. Fight only the important battles
Also the ones about socks. Cold feeted babies are angry angry babies.
3. Always have fun
Laugh at everything that would otherwise make you angry. Bitterly, hysterically, whatever, just go with it. You’re both sleep mad.
We’re keeping hir turned away from the television but like an owl, hir head swivels around until it’s just about 180 degrees looking back to continue looking at it. The lights and movement draw hir eyes right now but it’s far too early for hir to develop a tv habit! I’m considering being a heartless mom and moving the one tv into our room when ze gets older. For now I think it’s true that ze is just looking at the lights and movements.
The growth and development ze experienced coming into hir third month was astounding. In the space of four days, ze started paying attention to mobile toys, music, rattles, and trying to intentionally use hir hands as hands a couple times:
Ze very deliberately played a game with me and hir bottle one night: open mouth, clamp down on the nipple, spit it out, grin, repeat. Ze did this four or five times, each time sipping a few drops and grinning as ze spit out the bottle. Then finally, ze was done playing so ze grabbed my hand that was holding the bottle and very firmly moved it towards hir mouth and started drinking normally.
In hir little playmat with mobile things, ze had been swinging at the hanging objects aimlessly. One day, ze reached up with a fist, punching the air and then paused. Ze gently waved it at a ring. And again. Then started whacking the ring like a piñata!
Ze isn’t breaking any records but hir pediatrician is pleased with growth and ze made it through the first round of vaccines with about the expected level of rage, followed by a good long sleep. Weirdly, ze was more infuriated by the attempt to Baby Tylenol hir later that evening.
The search for a nanny had become a bit desperate. We hadn’t found anyone that really suits. The first mother’s helper we tried seemed alright at first but her competence seemed to taper off. By the fourth day, I was still repeating basic care instructions and it was driving me nuts. [When baby cries, check hir diaper. Why does that have to be repeated??] Then it was ok. Then it was not.
Ze has opinions and is very vocal about them. Yep, that means All The Crying. But also that the chirps and squeaks that impressed me so earlier turned into full near-words and now ze will lay around talking at you for minutes at a time. You don’t even have to be in front of hir, as long as ze can hear you respond.
Ze has more patience now. Before, the very second ze was GOING to have a dirty diaper we were in hot water. Totally not fair, btw. With the graduation to size 1 diapers, ze is also a bit more mature and patient about waiting a minute for a change.
Ze hasn’t quite doubled birth weight but ze is HUGE compared to birth size. Looking at pictures from the first week is a startling contrast. Luckily I am an obsessive photographer so we have chronicled the whole way here.
May 12, 2015
Well, that didn’t last long.*
We are cautiously optimistic.
After some real stink bomb interviews, we found someone who was a great deal more “home style” than the others. Ella didn’t have a professional looking resume, her English wasn’t enough to get by so she needed a translator. But. Her meeting with LB was the best of all, she immediately (with permission) picked up LB and had a whole conversation with hir. Ze was grinning and responding with coos and cackles.
We decided to have her start a few days a week to rescue me and see if our read on her and our instincts were right. I’d be right here to assess the situation so we both felt like it was the only way to really get a feel for how well we’d work together.
We mostly spoke Spanish. Well, she spoke and I limped along painfully translating each word and eventually responding about two sentences behind in every conversation. It wasn’t awful but it sure was a workout for my brain and hearing me butcher her native language couldn’t have been easy on the ears.
What stood out from this trial period?
She brought a translator to confirm details with me each of the first few weeks, having estimated rather accurately how much we were clearly communicating. She could have just let us struggle along and figure it out slowly but instead she made sure we were on the same page. She even asked, “Is there anything I want her to differently?”
She paid attention, took initiative and took direction well. When I spoke directly to LB, suggesting it was time for exercises or to play for ten more minutes before eating, Ella was ready to execute without my having to translate or repeat myself. This wasn’t a test, I was willing to repeat myself for her when necessary but she paid attention so that I wouldn’t have to.
When LB was upset, she quickly cycled through the troubleshooting as I suggested things. She knew what to try but also took suggestions readily. She didn’t have to be told that as LB’s mother, I’m going to know what’s changed and what’s working right now. Sometimes I don’t know but when I do, Ella is receptive. We’ve disagreed about things on occasion but it’s not become an issue.
A couple of our interviewees were pretty condescending and the gall of that in the face of not being able to hold the baby!
Life is looking up
It took a few weeks, and I had to repeatedly tell myself to step back and let her do the job because it’s darn hard letting a stranger care for LB, but I’m feeling a lot better.
Physically, “just” working the desk job again instead of hefting LB’s ever-increasing weight for 8-12 hours a day makes such a big difference. I’m tired enough from the broken sleep at night, adding the full day workout was too much. Now I can recover a little and just have two jobs: make the “bread” and make the milk.
I can think! We’re not running out of diapers or wipes or whatever because I’m not too tired to think ahead to when we need more.
This place is cleaner. When I’m stuck on a work problem, I clean to think. Since LB is hanging out with Ella during the day, I can do the dishes, wipe down a counter, or sort the pile-up on the table.
Hell, we’re cleaner! Never in our lives has the opportunity to brush our teeth and shower been so precious.
I finally finally got to cook again. It was just a crockpot meal but that represented a milestone.
I still wish that we could handle childcare on our own, or that Mom was here to mind her grandchild like she always always wanted even if it meant she teaches the kid even more mischief, but what’s the use of wishing for things that can’t be?
Like I said, cautiously optimistic because sharing my work and home space is weird but so far, so good!
*And after a miscommunication, Ella quit. Rather than seek clarification, or accept my clarifications when I realized that she had misunderstood, she stopped showing up. So that sucks. And we’re back to square one. But I guess I can enjoy this time of not getting dressed every day while we search for a replacement? Bright side? Anyone? Bueller?
May 11, 2015
“A tiger can’t change his stripes” strikes me as a terrible metaphor. No, he can’t, not without a bucket of hair dye and opposable thumbs but what does that have to do with whether not he can be trained or taught to hunt differently? Or, say, whether a person change their habits?
Anyway. That came up because I have a secret. Or I had a secret. I shared it with PiC and now it’s your turn.
Several years ago, I made a large loan, with a very long payback date. Large to the tune of five figures. Not high five figures, I didn’t have that kind of buying power. But five figures that I scraped and scraped (and scraped some more) to save at a time that every penny was cherished. That savings, and the loan, represented my hope that things would get better someday.
Because the loan mixed family and money – which I’ve since learned almost always equals disaster – and because making mistakes like making loans on unfounded faith irritates me, I buried it. Refused to even think about it. That’s not like me, but since the money was gone, ostriching was to preserve my sanity. And embarrassment. You understand.
PiC never knew I’d made this loan, it was made long before our marriage and my policy of “la la la that never happened” kept it safely buried.
Over Easter weekend, it occurred to me that the loan is officially due this summer. It’s time to either get it back or truly mentally cut it loose. This particular monkey’s had a free ride long enough on my back!
About three stilted and awkward conversations later, it’s been suggested that I might actually see my money back mid-summer. This is me not holding my breath… sort of. (Just in case, cross your fingers?)
Then it was time to tell PiC.
I would have told him anyway but, regardless, it felt weird. “Hi honey, I either gave away or am getting back a LOT of money!” He took the news like he takes most of my money maunderings: with a nod and a shrug.
I mused aloud: assuming it really is repaid, what am I going to do with that money?
He piped up: I can think of a few ways to spend allllllll that cash!
*pause*
Me: [skepticism face] [I know he’s trying to get my goat]
Him: Dammit, no, I couldn’t! I’d want to put it on the credit card for the rewards! What have you done to me?!
Me: HAH! HAH! I knew I trained you better than that!
I kid, but at the same time, I’m immensely proud of how PiC has taken in all the money talk that’s come his way in the past decade.
He’s really easygoing in his money habits which means that in our relationship, I’m the “doer” as he calls it. When I’m dissatisfied with a service or when someone tries to overcharge me, I’m not confrontational but you know I’m going to write a letter or make a call and get my darned satisfaction!
In recent days, he’s done me proud, I tell ya!
A) He called out the car rental folks for causing a serious delay for us. They borked pickup, sending someone out to get us more than an hour after they were expected, didn’t have the reserved vehicle at the location I’d specifically called to confirm, and didn’t have a clean vehicle at the second location. Hugely inconvenient. He got a day knocked off the rental bill.
B) After I explained the long term consequences of an “only happened once” interest charge on a credit card, he called the company and had the interest charge removed and the now-triggered ongoing charges waived.
What does this have to do with tigers and their stripes?
Not a lot. Just that, with time and patience, maybe some of the familial relationship can be repaired. Maybe not.
Either way, PiC’s a great example of someone learning to be better with money even when it’s not strictly for survival.
And if we get that money back, it’ll go a long way to shoring up our cash flow, and just maybe my faith in people.