About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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June 28, 2011
We finally did it.
We finally caught a phone deal at the right time and although I missed out on the “ideal” plan that I had in mind before, the one we settled on comes out a bit cheaper than the previous one so PiC and I have consolidated ourselves from a three service group (each of us and my parents) to one single carrier, upgrading him to a smartphone in the process.
Our two smartphones are free, and thanks to a corporate discount, the activation fees were waived ($35/each) and we get a 10% discount on the phone-only parts of the plan.
We have unlimited data, although only the first 2Gs are high-speed. After that, they throttle the speed, but so far, it doesn’t seem like we even come close to using a G each in a month.
It might have been a mistake to just go with PiC’s phone choice, though. He picked the G2 which was free with a 2 year plan and he liked that it came with the slide out keyboard. That’s perfect for him but with small hands and a very differently configured touchscreen in combination with the very thick phone and case, I still can’t adjust to either option and typing has become a huge chore. I’m frequently tapping away while walking and grumbling: “I hate you!” as I make mistakes.
Interruption: I caved. I found another touchscreen sans slideout keyboard option for free and quickly called for a buyer’s remorse exchange. Thanks to a quick on the trigger CSR, though, the order was put through without overnight shipping which I was willing to pay for at $12. Unless UPS works a whippy shippy by Friday, I’m traveling over the holiday weekend without a phone since this one has to go back by Friday. That’ll be a challenge to coordinate.
Ah well.
Back to the good stuff. We’re now paying, after taxes, around $150 for four phones, two with data, two without, unlimited texts for all, 1000 minutes between the four of us. We were paying something like $210 across three carriers for three dumb phones, all falling apart, and 1 smartphone that didn’t work 80% of the time. It’s not an enormous savings but it will add up and so long as I can get back to functioning, we’ll all be the happier for it. 😉
June 20, 2011
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| Borrowed from a free Owly comic, one of the most expressive non-verbal books I’ve ever had the pleasure of “reading.” |
My oldest friend, measured by years we’ve known each other, not by her age, was feted recently. She’s expecting her first baby and we both traveled fair distances to meet each other for this event. I can’t remember the last time we were able to spend time together.
That’s always been the story of our friendship, actually.
We met as children of primary school age, then separated by district lines until that same bureaucracy funneled us back into the same schools. Through high school we remained good friends, despite sharing few classes. We had little in common other than a drip of superficially similar background but we fit like two bits of puzzle without jostling, always kindred spirits, always loyal, no matter how long since last contact. It’s the kind of relationship that doesn’t needa crisis or a reason to prove that it exists.
In the years following, her faith and our lives have taken dramatically different directions and yet neither of us have felt any distance grow between us. No moss has overgrown our friendship; no differences diminish the value of our connection.
And so, with the coming of her baby ever-imminent, PiC and I headed down south so I could spend this joyful time with her. Now typically, I’m a bit of a groaner when it comes to these things. I hate them, to be honest, having been to so many bloodless affairs. Wedding and baby showers can tend to become gift grabs when all and sundry are invited, fancied up for the look of the thing, and frankly, I tired of it long ago.
But this shower was a labor of love by her other closest friend who hosts beautifully and thoughtfully. The guest list was a small, curated mix of close family, family friends, and dear friends, and the mum-to-be was able to spend good quality time with most of the attendees such that everyone who traveled was able to share some wisdom and laughter. The food was delicious – always important – and plentiful, and the guests all seemed relaxed and comfortable.
She and I saw the guests off and stayed well after to help clean up, spend time with the hostess and her family, and we later packed her gifts for her travel back. Despite being quite far along, she was doing the dishes while I cleared the table, dried the dishes, and watched the kids. Clearly, my friend is not a brat and we’re still a good team. We later spent a good half day together catching up and running other errands.
I spent $100 on the shower, for gifts on and off-registry, lunch, and gas (because she generously offered to be the driver during our post-shower bonding time), not counting travel costs to SoCal. We noticed that it’s a funny thing with babies that people can’t resist buying all kinds of things so you go off-registry so easily. Guilty.
But, look, I’m not going to get to see my niece or nephew related by long-time friendship much so I have to start the nerding-by-osmosis early and often: books and bonds! My favorite gift to the baby was a black and white Owly book. Mama-to-be says black and white is supposed to stimulate the baby’s brain. Favorite gift for me was Mama-to-be assuring me that yes, if I *had* gotten her child superhero underpants, the baby would have worn them. (Guess what I’m going to buy next?)
I also brought back a few offers to help with wedding planning from old friends I hadn’t seen in ages which was really generous and a possible line on other wedding related stuff. It was one of my best trips back down south in a really long time.
June 16, 2011
Doggle’s Details, continued.
Now that I’ve shocked and appalled you all with the high cost of living in California, and particularly in Northern California… 😉
I’ve never paid more than $50 to adopt a pet, and rarely even that much, in the past, so this adoption was quite a bit unusual in a number of ways.
I have never considered purchasing from a breeder or a pet store – my philosophy against that is clear. Those future pets will eventually find homes because they were bred with the intent to be sold and someone has a vested interest in placing them elsewhere; animals in shelters and rescues are only a step away from euthanasia. I am an adopter, always. I was that kid hauling home strays trying to figure out who they belonged to and how to get them home if they had a home. Once in a rare while, we would become the new home. My parents were sympathetic but they weren’t crazy or wealthy so it was a meal and a roof until the dog could be placed somehow.
It was a lot easier, back in the day down south, when we had a yard. Someone was sort of always around to keep an eye on the pups running around or keep them separated if you had a new stray in. Surrounded by friends and family nearby, you could even easily phone someone for a quick drop in if you really had to on an extra busy day to feed the dog(s). We never did that but you always knew the safety net was there.
Now, though, PiC and I wanting to bring home a dog is a very different story. The simple lack of a yard alone changes the game entirely. Add in the frequently inclement weather, our working hours and commute times, all of these spelled out a need for a completely different approach.
Suddenly, we had to satisfy a profile if this was to work. We couldn’t just pick a nice looking friendly pup and call it a day. We especially couldn’t have a puppy: they need attention, socialization, training, access to the outdoors/potty pads every few hours while they’re learning bladder control since neither of us wants to have to unteach bad habits we helped instill.
I’d been wanting an older dog; PiC prefers larger dogs. We knew we needed a dog that enjoyed going for walks but could tolerate being indoors for long periods of time. This dog had to be dog-friendly and kid-friendly because there are loads of both running around here, and not a barker by nature. We’ve been living with a barker below us and it’s driving us batty but we tolerate it. I guarantee you, however, that the neighbors would not be so tolerant in return. There are some incredibly petty people in this HOA.
Looking at shelters alone didn’t quite cut it. While they were great starting points because they had all kinds of lovely dogs we were limited from the outset against adopting specific breeds, and the local shelter is heavily stocked with those specific breeds. My favorites were cut straightaway, the jerks! They don’t allow Rottweilers, Pit Bulls, Dobermanns, etc. Breedists. I despise blanket restrictions like that. I love dogs of just about any breed and pit bulls especially because they can be so very good-tempered, intelligent and trainable, and the local shelters prescribe mandatory training classes when they adopt out pit bulls which is absolutely smart, so it’s a great set-up for their lives, but noooo…. *still bitter about this*
We stumbled across a specific breed rescue that pulls northern breeds from shelters and puts them into foster homes directly, and while Doggle’s actually not really a pinpointable member of any of the breeds they cater to, he’s close enough that they couldn’t resist him.
He’d been with them a year, had a surgical procedure and follow-up, vaccinations, a microchip placed, and was mellow the whole time. Reviewing that year with him, his foster mom was able to give us his history of behavior, preferences, reactions to people, other dogs, changes, diet, toys, length of time he was happy to be left alone – all of this practically before we ever came to see him. When we met him, he was this chubby cheeked cheerful fellow that just radiated curiosity and goodwill. He’s been that way ever since. It would have been tough to get that consistent and detailed a perspective from most shelters.
While our local shelter does do fostering and would have been half the price, they didn’t have anyone that fit enough of the profile that wasn’t a Pit. (I love our Doggle and wouldn’t trade him but I’m still annoyed on behalf of the Pits who won’t get placed because of places like ours.) I truly look forward to moving into a home where the only rules are our own: a dog that is in need of a home, trainable and gets along with other dogs and people.
The high(er) cost for his adoption, then, was because of the rescue organization that we went with. They are non-profit, yes, and it also costs a lot to rescue, care for and maintain the dogs for the length of time it takes to get them to their permanent homes. All the volunteers, going all the way up to the top of the organization, work for free. (I checked.) While I’m not one to pay a higher price for perceived value, this was a higher price for something we put a high premium on: knowledge that we could rely on and the availability of a pet that was the right fit.
Also, let’s not kid ourselves about the cute factor.
June 11, 2011
I feel like we’ve had our Doggle for ages. In reality, it’s only been a few weeks so it’s a good time to see for the best to start counting up the first month costs to see the damages in stark bleeding red. Just in case anyone was under any illusions about how “fun” and “exciting” and “easy” it would be to adopt a pet. 😉
Our tab started at $290 from the gate, and that was before any creature comforts for our new beloved beastie.
With that in mind, and my off the cuff refusal to spend $500 in the first month of dog ownership, my (insane) quest was to gather all the most needed things on the list for under $100 since we still had to visit the vet, he had some meds to continue, and a license to obtain.
We were lucky that he’s generally so low maintenance in the daily-occupation department. He hasn’t been a toy-loving pup, he’s uniformly ignored them at his foster mum’s for the past several months and other dog companionship isn’t terribly important to him either. I don’t have to feel guilty that he’s not getting a sibling any time soon! Turns out, dog stuff has gotten much more expensive since I last shopped for it.
The list of Stuff:
1. A bed: he squished the life out of a gifted bed with all his huffy-puffy flopping (see below) so he needed a secondary.
2. 2 1 leashes (I normally keep a backup and he’s still learning leash manners so we may eventually own 2. Will just buy one for now). $20, plus tax
3. A secondary collar for training, $21, plus tax
4. Food, $30
5. A car hammock, the interim solution instead of a new car. $40, plus tax
6. Food and water bowls. $30, elevated bowls as he’s an older, taller dog
7. Shampoo
8. Comb & Brush. $19
9. A tie down $18
Total: $250
That’s a pretty spectacular fail on the budgeting front. Economizing on the really little things, we don’t actually need a second leash – he’s a puller but not out of control. He had a grooming right before we picked him up so I opted out of buying shampoo, I’ll be brushing him out regularly and since PiC really doesn’t want his fur stopping up the drains (he’s got some mega-thick fur that clumps) and we don’t have a yard, we’ll be bathing him at the local Pet Food Expresses. Oh. Yes.
Baths: $45 for 4.
By the by, my pricematching reveals that Amazon is failing spectacularly where it was once brilliant at undercutting the B&M retailers on many of these items.
His visit to the vet included an exam, baseline bloodwork because of some previous history, medications, vaccinations, treatment and came out to: $250.
Three weeks in, and we’ve clocked $835 on the dog cost meter. We still have licensing to go but that won’t be more than $36. If PiC was unconvinced before about my setting the emergency and maintenance fund at a $5,000 minimum, he’s come over now. I’m about to kick that up to $10,000 at this rate!
Because this guy is older, and has had at least one questionable bit of medical history, he’s more prone to the age-related illnesses. The visit was only up about $80 due to the medical history and not really an age thing, though, any dog with Of course, we are already ridiculously attached to him, and it makes sense to set aside a huge e-fund for him. I’m not willing to make serious medical decisions based solely on finances.
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As to the Doggle himself, he’s been a hoot. He’s been with us visiting family and friends, north and south, and he’s been coming out of his shell with each step. The lucky fella was gifted a bed and bag of goodies on his first day home by our fellow dog loving blogger friends and he’s slowly deciding that chewies are good times. But already he’s getting curfewed – no chewies after 10 pm.
He’s trying to train us, particularly his Alpha human, that packs must always travel together and therefore bedtime is the same for everyone. Safety issue, perhaps?
He’ll go stare at PiC, wagging his tail slowly, a grin on his face, turn and pace to bed, whoomp into his bed. Wait fifteen seconds to see if it worked. PiC doesn’t appear? Repeat. Over and over and over … and over. Night after night, he tries to wheedle PiC to conformity. This tactic literally smooshes the stuffing out of his beds. (And does not work as PiC is not trainable.)
It’s entertaining because he doesn’t whine, bark, growl or otherwise vocalize frustration. Just whoomps wherever he’s making his stand. He’s pretty great all around, truth be told, mostly quiet, though almost puppy-like on occasion when he catches a scent or sees a smaller dog he’d really like to meet. Good with strangers, people or canine, he’s like a cat during the day, hanging out while we work and morphs back to a goofy dog, loping over pleased as punch to see us when we come home at night. He was definitely not a fan of the air dryer when we bathed him and probably not so much of being washed in loads of soapy water for fifteen minutes either but he still let us do our thing without making any real fuss.
I’ve been evil ear lady since he came home, and though he almost matches me pound for pound, I can basically – under protest – clean and medicate his ear solo. We wrassle, but I still get the job done between an iron grip and a strategically broken up Pupperoni stick.
It’s been a huge change working our lives around his needs. His routine is our new routine, he has to go out twice a day because we have no yard, and we are learning how to live with a new family member whose needs we have to plan around. But to be perfectly honest, he’s been well worth it. Even if we do Swiffer three times a day now. 😉
June 3, 2011
Over the years, I’ve been witness to a great many friends and family pledging their troths, and in the planning processes, not too many of them have gone the way of the ‘zilla: Bride, Mother, or Groom Edition, but there have been a few. As we get older and wiser, some of us are getting cranky and less tolerant of these behaviors. We certainly are no longer willing to entertain the demands when they’ve blasted beyond the boundaries of sanity.
While it’s wonderful to share this day of joy with your family and friends, and it’s even more joyful if they can participate if they can offer their love and skills with you, there comes a time when you’ve created an indentured servant of your friend or loved one and it’s time to stop the madness.
Happily, selfishly happily, I’ve only been observing the latest dramas from afar and shaking my head but I can say that without a doubt a compleat set of poor performance has been displayed by someone I thought I knew and it’s quite disappointing. We wonder if this will wear off post-wedding – I sure hope so as I imagine there’s no excuse to act like this afterward!
As witness….
* Inviting your bridal party to every one of your serial wedding shower events, and telling them they must buy you a gift for every one of the events – Not Kosher.
* Telling a dear friend who has lovingly created a piece of art you commissioned that you plan to use for an integral part of the wedding that everyone will see that you’d “rather pay for those materials so that he/she ‘can buy you a real gift'” – Not Kosher
* Sending people back of beyond to select flowers in the perfect shade of “your color” for one of your celebratory events that’s not actually the wedding – Not Kosher
* I couldn’t say that doing the above for the wedding itself was Kosher, either. But I would expect you to order your flowers from someone you pay to abuse like so.
* Insisting that people follow your schedule for six-nine months before the wedding, the whole time block, for everything you deem important to the planning process – Not Kosher
* Asking for favor, upon favor, upon favor – should not ever be couched as a demand. Or a right. I don’t care how “bestie of bestie friends” you are. You’re asking for favors. Their time, skills and resources do not actually belong to you.
* Asking your bridal party what their budgets are for dresses and then demanding that they buy dresses precisely four times that amount will break something.
* Telling your invitation designer to go back and change the design again after you’ve gotten specially sized envelopes, special card stock and a specific design on no budget because your sketch would look really cool on there – Not Kosher
Conversely?
* Don’t offer yourself up to do favors for people endlessly and then be angry or put off when people take you up on it, ever. The people you whine to then are the same people you whined to before when you weren’t being asked to do things. We hear both sets of whining.
* Don’t offer your professional services as a gift, and then sit down at the table after failing to render a service to negotiate a fee.
* Don’t insist that you have to be kept apprised of everything but never respond to any updates or requests for input.
* Insisting that your way is the only way and then completely failing to contribute to making your way work by reason of absenteeism, lack of communication, sulking or alcohol – Not Kosher
For the record, equal opportunity exasperation here – all sexes, ages, and creeds have been guilty of something in the above list.
Shaking our heads over the latest spate, a good friend of mine has firmly stated her adult life rule: I don’t have room in my life for this. He/she and I were never close and this confirms that that couple is now on that short list of people I just don’t need.
Have you been trounced or bounced about in a similar game of My Life is More Important Than Yours? Would you, like my friend, draw a line and say Enough?
May 26, 2011
The average American wedding is said to cost in the neighborhood of $25,000. The average Asian wedding, of all the weddings I’ve helped to organize, are in that neighborhood as well, if not more depending on your guest list. We may not have too much set yet but I can tell you this much: that’s not happening.
It’s actually sort of funny that we’re caught in between the weird expectations of both. We have gently corrected people from all sides of the equation: no guys, we’re not throwing a big American-tradition wedding because we don’t actually have to live up to everyone else’s expectations. No, guys, we’re not throwing a Gigantor Asian wedding because we don’t actually have to. We’re not inviting many members of my family and depending on our guests to subsidize the bill. (To clarify: Dozens of family guest lists have been created by the phrase “who cares how many people are there? They’ll pay their own way.” I am happy to be an anomaly.)
We’re setting our own budget and paying our own bill out of pocket. And doing it our way. #utterlyforeign
Confession time: We have barely been saving for this thing. Yes, we have been together for years, but I honestly was not expecting to be engaged this year. I wasn’t expecting anything at any time. As far as I’m concerned, this thing just happened. For me, I’m scrambling to get ahead of the 8-ball. But the half lifetime of good habits means that we won’t be piling debt upon debt, we won’t be going into debt for this wedding, and we won’t be spending our entire cash reserves for it either.
You all know that a budget was certainly the first thing I’d want to do before we committed to anything. Still is, since we’ve only talked about plans in theory and the only thing we’ve I’ve spent on so far is a dress that I expect to return to J.Crew returned to J.Crew.
PiC, however, is not addicted to personal finance, nor a PF blogger, so found my need to laser-focus on immediately carving out savings goals disconcerting. I don’t blame him, though I did pout for a minute. 😉 Things are different now that we’re becoming more and more bonded – we move more slowly than I’m used to and I can’t make all the executive and financial decisions in a split second. The flip side of that change is that I no longer bear all the burdens alone. It’s a fair enough trade, I think.
I digress.
I’m working with a skeleton number mentally and that’s actually ok for now.
We’ve noodled our guest list. It’s not final but it’s down to 180 which is near miraculous considering what we were starting with. We’re happy with the concept of a tiny ceremony and a casual lunch type meal with the bigger group of people we’d invite (and therefore feed). Pictures are important to him, and by extension, me, so we’ll have to hire an actual photographer.
With those factors in mind, the three most important items we’ll have to worry about are: setting a date, booking a venue, and booking a photographer.
I’m aiming to keep our total cost within the $7000 range. I’d like to make it a challenge to myself, but I’ll be honest with y’all, I’m a bit worried I won’t be able to do it.
Obstacles:
Feed 180 people delicious food,
Hosting them in a relatively nice, clean (not relatively), place,
Caveat: Homes and backyards are not an option, we don’t know anyone with that capacity
Have great photos.
Do it all without stressing overmuch. **
Have I missed anything?
** Being annoyed doesn’t count. It’s not allowed to count.
We’re pricing things out now. The little things are easier. A marriage license: $100. Dress alterations: $ UM. Airfare to SoCal before the wedding: Southwest Rapid Rewards! <3
The big things, they’re negotiable. It’s a start.
May 22, 2011
That second day was our transit to Ko Phi Phi, and I hate to say it didn’t make a great first impression on me. I’m not one for a high season touristy destinations in the first place and PP Island is nothing but a tourist destination. We’d originally agreed to go there because we wanted to spend some time on an island and didn’t have a particular preference while my friend did. It was gorgeous but now we know!
We also got there on a Sunday late afternoon, almost everyone was smoking, we were surrounded by “helpful” hawkers of rides and hotels and my immediate reaction was “Get me OUT of here.” Being hot, tired, hungry, claustrophobic and choking on smoke tends to do that. So we got, and ended up trekking to the back of beyond to the other bay and found ourselves in a hilariously dank, horrid, hole in the side of the mountain room for the night for 1000 Baht. We immediately started planning our escape for the next morning.
My friends were due in the next afternoon so we were out of that room like a shot, after taking a few photos of PP Good View’s crap rooms: my good friend Millipede that hung out on the wall half the night with me so that I stayed awake watching him starting at 4 am, the cracked, stained, holey office ceiling tiles, the neon green bed skirts, the nauseating salmon pink walls, the other creepy crawlers that came in the middle of the night. We missed photographing the towels that served as our blankets, but there will always be the lovely sliding glass doors that couldn’t lock from the inside but COULD be padlocked from the outside. Readers, friends, compatriots, don’t ever stay at PP Good View. I don’t care how frugally you wish to travel, it’s a death trap.
Ahoy Boat! (Us, getting out)
You bet your belly buttons we picked a much nicer hotel after that (like it was hard to improve on that, a benefit of staying in a dungeon) and bedanished to my dear friend’s requested per night budget of $15/night. Yes, I was (over)reacting a little but PP Good View was what you got for that much, or you could stay in town at the dorm rooms for half again that price but “in town” = in the heart of the partying and I’m just too old for that.
Out of respect for my friend’s budget, the fact that she’s been on the road for months and doesn’t have income, though, I was up front with her as soon as she was off the ferry about the fact that the hotel was twice the rate she’d asked me to find and verified that we could a) try again to find another place closer to her budget or b) the three of us were willing to chip in and make up part of the difference if it was too much of a hardship.
I felt like that was fair to all parties. PiC had oked the offer and our other friend agreed that she would much rather stay at a nicer place and pay more to cover a share for budget traveler friend than go too bare bones for health reasons. Friend 1 waited until she got in to pass judgment but being upfront about the money and having options removed any tension from the situation. All were happy with it in the end and paid in full without any reservations.
Our stay at the Paradise Pearl was more expensive than I preferred, but we did get the rate without breakfast buffet included. They would have tacked on an extra 1000 baht per room if you booked online, which works out to approximately $35/day/room, but booking in person they offered me the non-buffet included price and called it a “discount”. That’s not a discount, it’s just the removal of a double-the-price buffet – they charged 250 baht per person if you just paid separately for the buffet. I couldn’t get them to give me a real discount for a week-long stay, but not being forced into an upsell was better than nothing. The rooms were quite comfortable with water, coffee, tea, towels, real linens, and you could pay for internet (so I was only online for a few minutes for the entire week!).
You couldn’t get away from the cursed mosquitos, inside or out, wherever you were. Housekeeping left the front and side doors wide open to invite all the wildlife in. There weren’t mosquito nets and we’d totally forgotten to bring citronella candles/lamps or mosquito coils. I was about to start hunting geckos to keep in our room in hopes they’d eat more of the dratted things! Our dinners were open air affairs too, sitting by the beach nearly every night with the sea spray under the trees, and we were both diners and dinners. Ahh yes, the wonders of the tropics! 😉 I laugh now but we were pretty grumpy about taking on likenesses of smallpox victims. Not exactly a bad tradeoff for these views, and waters, though:
Speaking of island wildlife, the cicadas and cats were unbelievable. You couldn’t hear the ocean for the din of the cicadas. They were deafeningly loud, like construction going on just overhead in the canopies in some areas. It soon became part of the aural landscape but I liked that, at first, it was a bit humbling to be so surrounded by nature as we so rarely are in our walls, concrete and manmade material cities.
You couldn’t go anywhere in the island without tripping over a cat and they were not shy about inviting themselves into the empty seats at your tables. Some especially audacious specimens invited themselves onto knees, and once right into my lap! I don’t share my expensive, very delicious, crab, so kitty was unceremoniously dumped off. (Bitter kitty went on to destroy a cicada so I felt a little guilty…)
Not one of the more forward ones, just a cute momma and her baby
The hours trickled by slowly, as we trekked from hotel to town, to the viewpoint, through the woods and along the coves, boating around some of the islands and bobbed about in the almost unnaturally clear waters. Our days, though, as ever, just melted away. I wore my wristwatch during most of the trip but didn’t bother to figure the time difference. The latter mainly because I had been too lazy to ask the difference in the first place, and then to do the math. I acquired an odd distaste for time differences so I wouldn’t bother.
