November 6, 2023

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (179)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 4, Day 218: There is going to be so much disruption this week. Two tomorrow for Halloween: the kids’ school parade and then trick or treating. Two appointments on Wednesday for the kids, and PiC has a procedure that requires anesthesia Thursday so I’ll have to handle the drop off and pick up of everyone that day. Taking several deep breaths as we plunge headlong into the fray.

Underlying all this has been a gratitude for the flexibility that I have had to DO all this stuff in the first place. Unfortunately this gratitude was shattered today with news that I can’t share yet. If things go in one direction, the job as I know it, with all the stuff that makes this job good for our lives, would probably go away. It’s always been work, of course, but it has also been a set-up that let me do my best work at the least cost. Losing that would be devastating.

If my job changes substantially next year… whoof. The urges to (obsessively) go through our money to figure out what our options are and to wander the neighborhood muttering imprecations under my breath are strong. This timing is crappy. We’ve lived with slightly bated breath for more than a decade as this grew from a start-up and it was always possible for it to disappear at any time but it’s still crappy timing. We’re projected to pay back the emergency fund next August at best so that’s a small stresser. My health is improved but not enough to add a commute to our lives and work in an office again, even if I was willing to. That’s the much bigger stresser. The cost of commuting and in person work is too high. For now I don’t know anything concrete will happen so I just have to hope like hell that the economy swings things in my favor.

I’m also on my 12th sore throat for the year. I would really like my body to stop overreacting to viral infections by causing sores in my throat which is nearly as bad as getting sick.

Year 4, Day 219: We had a break with Halloween tradition this year, inviting new friends out since our usual Halloween friends were booked, and the kids had a LOT of fun. The new friends haven’t ever done it this way before and their mom predicts they’ll want to do it this way again next year. The kids were like Energizer bunnies, still bouncing to go go go after we adults were throwing in the towel. We even stayed out an hour too late and they STILL wanted to stay out later. My body wanted to have some words. Of course now I’m also going to have angst over whether our usual friends will be free and want to go out next year. I don’t mix friend groups as a rule, it gets too chaotic and it’s harder to enjoy each set of friends so we’d have to pick.

It’s spreadsheet day but after working until almost 11 pm, after walking miles for trick or treat, I simply have to push that to another day. I love spreadsheeting.

Year 4, Day 220: The world’s worst dental appointment was had today by Smol Acrobat who screamed all the way through their cleaning. I have no clue why. They’ve been eagerly anticipating this appointment for weeks and excited about all the goodies. They specifically freaked out about having to lay down for the exam and cleaning, so now we have to practice doing brushing and flossing laying down.

I plowed through my work in four hours and rewarded JB for their hours of chores and mostly staying occupied without bothering me too much with a trip to the library.

We still haven’t celebrated our wedding anniversary, so we need to decide if there’s something we actually feel up to doing. One more hectic day to survive this week, first.

Year 4, Day 221: Today was the MARATHON day of this marathon week. Drop off JB. Drop off PiC. Drop off Smol Acrobat. Go home, scarf three bites of breakfast, and turn back around. Pick up PiC. Work for a while. Pick up JB. Take them to self defense. Pick up Smol Acrobat. Pick up take out for dinner. Yell at my phone’s touchscreen for refusing to work. Make it home slightly late for the PTA meeting.

Brain: fried. Body: Extra crispy.

Year 4, Day 222: Friday food! I took another run at seafood pasta because PiC needed a low fiber diet this week and tried this recipe with shrimp, scallops, and calamari. My first try was only with the calamari using another recipe and while it was ok, it was pretty bland. Adding a lot of butter and broth turned things around nicely. I also accidentally harvested a plate of tiny potatoes while I was fertilizing the garden so that turned into a small batch of Japanese curry. Enough to feed four and have some left over. We relied on freezer food Wednesday, the Trader Joe’s Indian and Costco lasagna, which are all delicious but absolute torture on my sore throat. We’re on week two of that particular beauty. I need non-spicy foods for this throat. We tried a new Thai restaurant yesterday. It was pretty good and they had DUCK. The pad kee mao duck could have used a lot more duck but it was tasty nonetheless.

I also knocked out a few outstanding to do things: Putting out the final Lakota Families call for the year, sent the call out 2 emails, sent cards to my doctors to thank them for being supportive and attentive healthcare professionals. I pulled some special stickers to mail to a friend.

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October 30, 2023

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (178)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 4, Day 213: 89% humidity. YUCK. Not only is it terribly uncomfortable, it’s making our green onion’s soil moldy. Double yuck.

I almost skipped ordering a couple of Bonne Maman advent calendars this year. A few years back, they were $35 each so I didn’t mind paying shipping on top of that. Also, the pandemic was new. $45 after tax and shipping for a bit of joy wasn’t too steep. This year it’s $45 PLUS another $15 for ground shipping PLUS tax. Over $100 for two? Couldn’t do it. Happily, this morning I spotted a free shipping offer for orders over $65 and so jumped on it.

Also I feel very stupid. I’d just completed a course of the antiviral meds about a week and a half ago. Then another sore throat comes up again on Friday! Out of frustration and concern that taking it too often will make it ineffective, I stubbornly refused to take the next course of antiviral meds for a few days. Kept hoping it would go away so of course it’s just gotten worse by today. Sigh. I have an earache and a whole lot of regret for not taking it immediately like I should have. It was right here.

Year 4, Day 214: It officially smells like fall-cold. There’s a crispness and a cold layer to the air that signals the start of real cold weather. I would normally enjoy this but for the sharp stabbing pains in my throat when I inhale deeply. Continued regrets. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers.

I just discovered a whole stash of comments from the last six months that WordPress randomly hidden from me. ARGH. Rude! Will be making my way through those.

Year 4, Day 215: My therapist would like me to believe that I deserved a childhood, and to be a kid when I was a kid. I firmly believe this for my kids and for all kids, and want to do everything I can to help all of THEM. But believing that *I* deserved one and didn’t get it? I’m having a real mental block (or emotional) with that. Heck, I don’t even think I “deserve” (am worth) to use the furnace during the day to be warm in the house. I feel guilty using the space heater to get warm (only at intervals when I’m too cold). This is an oddly thorny issue to get through.

Those jackals at Lifetouch have ramped up their grifty ways. The Digital package with a class picture and 2 digital images is now $42. The Basic package (with 5×7, 3×5 and 2x3s) is $27 but they’ve taken away the class picture and it costs $18 to add a class picture. I don’t want the basic package and am annoyed at how they’ve engineered it so you have to pay $40+ if your kid cares about a class picture (they do) no matter what you get. That extra $15-20 could go to help someone pay a bill. I don’t want to waste it on Lifetouch. And we can’t get JUST the class picture, you have to get a package. *grumble* And WHO wants 8×10 school pictures? I’m sure someone does but I sure don’t want them every year. Never did when I was going to school, don’t now. Also they’ve doubled the prices. It used to be $15 and then $17 for a Basic package with a class picture, some wallets, and a few 5x7s. That’s why I never had this level of irritation over it – about $20 was an acceptable price. Now it’s more than $40 for less than what we got before.

Year 4, Day 216: I’m plotting the calendar for next year at work and at home. For home, I’m trying my absolute darnedest to schedule appointments for next year in the first 8-9 months of the year. If we can avoid regular appointments in the last three months, then the holiday crush might feel less bad. Right?

For work, I’m working on coverage for everyone’s hoped for vacation times and that preparation starts yesterday. That may still be too late! There are so many logistics to juggle: recruiting! Hiring! Training! Bah!

This is my deliriously tired attempt to assert some measure of control over what feels like endless chaos against the bigger backdrop of the world in chaos. There is so much terrible that’s out of my control. I’ve got to start focusing more on the things I can affect to avoid giving in to fatigue and despair.

Year 4, Day 217: One of many rushed days (still in my future), I had to wrap up work after picking up JB to take them to a family event hosted by PiC’s employer.

What a time to find out that I’m not cut out for the spinning teacups anymore. Thankfully it was low key regret, nothing major, and the kids loved the buffet. There was an abundance of hot dogs but we’re apparently entirely spoiled by Costco hot dogs, no one else’s hot dogs seem worth eating. Dinner for Smol Acrobat was: popcorn, watermelon, crackers, a single slice of a turkey wrap, a cookie and some hot dog. JB’s dinner was many popcorns, cotton candy, a quarter hot dog, many many swedish meatballs, some pasta salad and penne pasta with meat sauce.

It went longer than I expected so it was quite painful having to finish working but finish I did! Because I’m responsible. Tired but responsible.

Even nature is getting into the Halloween spirit! Our spiders have blanketed our hedges with spiderwebs. It’s not as obvious as the store bought decor but I think it’s beautiful and not at all creepy as long as I don’t have to touch the hedges for any reason. There must be 1000 spiders in there to have spun this many webs. (Very little exaggeration, the hedges are huge and the webs are legion.)

For next week, I’ve ordered the Halloween themed snacks for JB’s class. I’ll put aside a set of plates and napkins to contribute to their class party next year so that doesn’t feel so last minute and annoying when it comes up. I’ve scribbled my list of wants and needs to shop for during the Black Friday sales (a tiny kingdom for two sets of travel sized bottles that won’t spring a leak after a couple years!). I’ve worked up a gift checklist so I can keep track of whose gifts are already taken care of and methodically wrap and store them instead of haphazardly sticking them in the gift box and trying to remember who gets what. PiC will be having some screening tests at the hospital so we’ll have to manage his diet more carefully next week. He feels like it’ll be simple so I’m going to do my best not to worry too much. But I do plan to make him a simple seafood pasta since he liked that. Last time it was too simple though, with sliced calamari in sauteed garlic and olive oil. It needs more flavor. I’ll add shrimp but it needs something else.

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October 23, 2023

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (177)

Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 4, Day 206: I wrote to all our CongressCritters today to reject KOSA and genocide, and to ask them to support trans people and codifying access to abortion. The world is horrible and we’ve got to do what we can. A friend recommended the Jewish Voice for Peace site and 5 calls was also helpful.

I used to expect the holidays (and stresses) to begin in November but it’s sinking in that it really all starts in October. Harvest, Fall and/or Halloween events, pumpkin carving parties hosted by friends, pumpkin carving or decorating contests. Our weekends are triple stacked this month. Then it’s birthdays and Thanksgiving (which of course I have complicated by fundraising for the Pine Ridge reservation and I’m worried that we won’t be able to do much this year but I’d like to try). Before you know it, you’ve got to be ready for the end of the year.

This reminds me that I haven’t wrapped the gifts we’ve already purchased. Wrapping them would make me feel a little better.

Good thing: Smol Acrobat slept through the night last night! First time in 6? weeks? Have we ever strung together more than two full nights in a row? Not for a very long time.

Bad thing: They got stuck in Terrible 2s mode several times so we had to take two timeouts before dinner. That seemed excessive but ultimately helped. They had time/space to work through the explosive feelings. When they started acting out at dinner, asking if they needed another timeout got them out of the broken record cycle. They weren’t punitive timeouts, I sat nearby until the feelings petered out, it just removed the audience for the tantrum and the temptation for JB to third-parent which sets off the cycle all over again.

Year 4, Day 207: Yesterday I started the day at about a 1 out of 10 in energy. Today’s almost as bad but not quite. Let’s call this a 3. The morning walks weren’t as taxing today. Sometimes I forget, on the really bad days, that it can get a little better so this is my reminder that it can.

Reminding myself that, much like Sera 🐶 needed 2.5 days to recover from Saturday’s dinner and playdate, my own body needs at least a week to recover from last week’s jam-packed schedule. I wouldn’t let myself off the hook for JB’s class this afternoon, despite my overwhelming urge to crawl into a blanket nest and shut the world out. It might be silly to think that skipping one class will lead to a rash of skipped classes but that’s where the whole “If you give a mouse a cookie” syndrome kicks in. Let me skip one, I’ll try to skip them all.

Also *whispering* two! Two nights Smol has slept through the night! TWO.

Year 4, Day 208: Huh, JB took the warnings about consequences if they keep making us drag them out of bed on school mornings to heart. They were up and dressed and making continental breakfast by the time I dragged myself out of bed. (With a literal pain in the neck, several vertebrae are deeply painful today.) Can this last? WE SHALL SEE.

The weather shifted abruptly from grey and foggy to Far Too Warm today, can’t tell if this correlates to the ache or not.

In any case, the sweet potato slips experiment is coming along nicely! Yesterday we spotted tiny rootlets on all three of the sprouts. They’re tiny (both the sprouts and the rootlets), so I had worried they’d be non-viable. Hopefully we’ll be ready to plant them this or next weekend. Our weather is all over the place, so maybe it’s best to give the roots more time to grow before challenging them to the Great Outdoors.

I do wonder why it seems like the green onions grow much more slowly in soil than in water. They shot up an inch or two every day submerged in water. Now, in the soil, they’re creeping much more slower.

Year 4, Day 209: This day is using up all my can, possibly even all my rolling with the punches. PiC’s morning meeting ran long so I had to mind Smol Acrobat during my early work hour. We spent it outside dumping potting soil in the containers. They enjoyed mushing up the dirt clods. Then they decided to dig for potatoes in the fresh soil. Applying the transitive property, their logic was something like: If that bag has dirt and potatoes in it, then this bag that now has dirt must also have potatoes in it! The green onions have a white fuzz on the top of the potting soil. Oops, overwatered. Scraped away the mold and set them out in the sun to bake up a bit since we’re having a heat spike today.

After just 20 minutes of frantically working to clear the work decks, I get a call. PiC’s bike blew a flat tire and they were walking the rest of the way to daycare. *deep sigh* That’s another hour lost.

“There’s stuff I don’t wanna miss, and I’m afraid I’m gonna because I already promised too much of myself to too many people.”

That’s a hell of a line to hear when I’m feeling the latter part pretty keenly in my own way.

Year 4, Day 210: Crawling into this Friday. My neck has been sore most of the week, always vastly more tiring than I remember between bouts. Luckily I managed to score an appointment with the massage therapist because she had a cancellation this week. I was a bundle of stress about the work I wasn’t getting done in that time beforehand but so glad that I didn’t talk myself out of it. My list of things to do for work and for home feels endless: get Home Depot to refund my money for the item they still haven’t delivered from a month ago, update the Chewy order for Sera’s 🐶 meds and treats, pay our twice-yearly tax bill, make a list of things we need (to shop the Black Friday sales), set aside cash and checks for the school fundraiser fair, schedule next year’s eye appointments for earlier in the year so I don’t spend my fall ferrying people to and from the eye doc.

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