By: Revanche

Money is an emotionally charged subject …

August 1, 2006

or I must be highly emotional right now.

Just called BroDucky and explained that because of the recent renewal of the auto insurance and the phone bill fluctuating, and his ticket -still unidentified, but I know that it’ll be a hit on the bill- I wanted him to think about if he might be able to contribute a little more each month and to get back to me.
He gives me 200 per month to hold onto for his portion of the auto insurance (we all take turns every two months). It’s just that the timing on that has not smoothed out enough so that I have the correct amount at the time the bills are due so it’s kind of an overage/underage issue.
Theoretically that would be 1200 every six months, enough for a third of the insurance bill with some extra for his portion of the cell phone bill (approx 30/month, if he doesn’t go over). When I add that up: ~ 900-1000 for the insurance (I’m overestimating but I’m not sure how much the ticket and reducing the deductible will cost us. Unfortunately the car loan that PadresDuckies have requires that the deductible be no more than 500 – yet another reason not to like that loan – and I didn’t know that.) Anyway, approx 1000 for the car insurance and 30 x 6 months = 180. If he goes over, he pays the extra, but generally he’s in the realm of 30ish/month.
I made sure to speak entirely in Vietnamese so that my coworkers couldn’t understand what I was saying but also because there are phrasings that sound “softer” or more polite in Vietnamese than English. Plus it forces me to stay calmer because I do get riled pretty easily when it comes to BroDucky and money.
He was very nice and amenable to the request – he thanked me for calling early enough in the month that he could try to figure out how to accommodate and said that he’d see what he could do.

I found myself almost crying when I hung up. Is it because it’s just difficult to talk money with my possibly-reforming brother? Is it misplaced guilt for asking more of him when I think that if he could give more, he would/should/could offer it? [Which is stupid because he hasn’t had a good few months at work and if he has extra he’s a spender, obviously.] Is it because I almost can’t believe we had a short, almost-adult conversation stating a need and a solution? Is it just actual relief/hope that maybe he’s starting to get his act together and understands that he has to be responsible for his actions? *sigh* Whatever the reason, I feel weird about being upset – in the sense that I’m not perfectly calm – after a conversation that could have gone a lot worse.

2 Responses to “Money is an emotionally charged subject …”

  1. Kira says:

    I am a lot the same way – I want to take care of everything, and I really hate to ask anybody for anything. I understand where you’re coming from, especially when the plan had been laid out and everything was supposed to work, and then through nobody’s fault you’re the one that has to go asking for help. It’s really frustrating sometimes. One thing to keep in mind is that often we think that asking someone for help is going to be a much greater burden on them than it actually is. It gets built up in your mind so that it becomes this big deal, but since the other person isn’t privy to your mind, it doesn’t seem so big. =)

    Also consider that you’re making a lot of sacrifices for your family and their financial well-being, and I’m sure it gets to you when he has the money and he doesn’t do the same.

  2. I hope you’re right about it not being as big a deal as it seems to me…. obviously I don’t want to create more burdens for anyone but at the same time I hate feeling like the tax-collector, y’know?

    It thoroughly gets to me, so I definitely have to adopt a bit of the “don’t think/worry about it” perspective because it drives me nuts obsessing over it. I’m trying to take my own advice here ;P

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