Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (312)
May 25, 2026
Year 7 of COVID in the Bay Area
Year 7, Day 22: Butts. Home insurance and earthquake insurance are due this week. That takes the shine off my win against Comcast – they had several outages and I got them to credit my account $20 though they tried to put me off after $5. Our credit card bills were temporarily sky-high this month thanks to JB’s surgery and SmolAc’s party that we’d planned well before this layoff happened (sigh). I considered cancelling it but it didn’t make sense to cancel the only party of this kind that they’re going to get. We don’t do big parties yearly.
I’ve been saving cash gifts for the kids to use in their futures, outside the 529. I didn’t want to lock ALL their future money into that one vehicle, they’ll need to pay for necessities at some point, too. Finally decided to put that money in a short term CD for now to grow it a bit more. That buys me some time between now and CD maturity to make a decision on where it should grow next.
Year 7, Day 23: Struggling with feeling like a failure today. It’s not just because I received the first of what may be many rejections to job applications, this was one that I absolutely expected. Knowing it was coming doesn’t seem to shield against the sadness that comes with the slog. My inability to envision a path into the future now is also tough. I agree that there are no future proofed jobs, and the world is more unpredictable than ever. There should be some comfort in knowing this mess (both the work and the world) isn’t about me but right now it all feels like it’s too much and hopeless.
It’s a sad work or “work” as the day goes on from bed kind of day. I’ve built up my pillow fort and thrown my Oodie on top and snuggled in to do what I can. This week’s focus has been negotiating the agreement of what we will commit to doing before departure and trying to find and close every possible loophole.
Year 7, Day 24: I’ve never stopped doing my little points earnings things: MyPoints, Swagbucks, Bing, Evidation, Fetch, Ibotta, MrRebates, Rakuten (still want to call them ebates out of long habit). They are each the tiniest of drops of money but where they had become gravy with two good incomes, there’s a new (returned?) sense of urgency to tick all the boxes to supplement the soon to be dwindling income with every possible penny.
My friend who is currently out of a job is as unconcerned as I am concerned. I have never had her outlook on life, or the supports that allow her to develop that outlook. But I’m trying to inch my way towards the happy medium between the two of us. It’s an excruciatingly slow process. My amygdala is screeching all the time, the only change is in volume. My efforts to take deep cleansing breaths and leave the screeching in the background is not aided in any way by the bleakness of job market.
Year 7, Day 25: Holy unexpected price drop, Batman, our car registration went down $62 this year. That feels like the only bill that’s gone down, what a savings. Feel free to imitate the … uh, DMV … other bills!
I’m sad today. I can get out of bed today, yesterday I mostly needed to stay in bed, but I’m sad that I finally hit a milestone salary only for it to be ripped away. I’m sad that I had my own 401K for only a very short time (though glad I did max it out every chance I got). I’m sad that I had my own FSA for such a short amount of time when I’m the person who uses the bulk of the account(s). All of this makes me feel like a burden and a failure. Losing my whole income means that I have to pull back on direct aid, that makes me feel like garbage. I know I have to put my oxygen mask on first and I also know some folks are living on such slim margins that stopping my help will likely make a measurable negative difference.
Things I will not miss: the bureaucratic stupidity with which every section of this company was run. The stupidity and laziness of the HR department which has screwed up payroll a dozen times, caused distress and frustration with regular HR questions and with this entire layoff.
Year 7, Day 26: Moments of TV levity. Elementary, when Joan takes Sherlock to task for using the memory of Moriarty as an excuse not to move on with his romantic life and he realizes she’s angry with him. He says “Watson?” in such a pleading tone.
JB asked me last night if there’s any chance we would lose the house and have to move because of my losing my job.
I hadn’t thought about that but they were so anxious about the unknowns that I did the quick math. Accounting for cap gains taxes, 1.2 times the amount we still owe. I have a little more than twice that amount in just my regular brokerages without touching any retirement savings. I wouldn’t because it doesn’t make sense to liquidate for the full amount but I COULD. So that’s a point of anxiety relief for them and a useful data point for my own anxiety.