The worst kind of gift etiquette?
August 9, 2007
As the organizer of bridal parties and bachelorette parties in the past, I’ve always paid my way and a little more for the bride if we were going out, and for some, if not all, of the supplies involved in the party. At the time, I was also usually a broke college student as well, so I always took the bride at her word: “Please don’t get me a gift, I just want you there.” Was that a terrible faux pas? Obviously, I was both very close to the bride and very very financially stretched just buying the dress and paying for the activities so I didn’t feel terrible about being very honest about my circumstances. Now that I’m a professional, still struggling, am I obligated to swing the pendulum in the other direction, spending more than I ought just because I never have before?
The other thing is that I want to do a gift right, if I’m going to do one at all, and have passed on the gift-giving occasion in favor of a more appropriate, personal gift at a later date before. Of course, my friends and I are casual people about the gifting thing. If anything, I would rather give the happy couple a really nice 1-year anniversary gift celebrating the true date of their marriage if I can’t give but a token gift now. After all, only the three of us (and all of you!) know when they really got married, and that feels much more personal.
As a recent bride.. I truly mean it when I don’t want any gifts and I jus want to do a dinner where we each pay our own way or whatever.
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Plain and simple. I understand that, but many brides don’t and expect a gift to be given, regardless… It depends on the person and how casual you are with gift-giving in general.
My friends and I have an unspoken rule about not buying each other gifts because frankly, we might as well just keep the money ourselves and buy what we each want …
But then again, some of my other friends are less understanding and want to do the whole $100 gift thing which I cannot afford… even on my salary which they think should be more than enough to give $100 gifts with (sigh)
I’d much prefer the personal gift, over a forced one. Even just taking us out to dinner is nice, or calling and saying: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I knitted some socks..
way more personal š less forced, and less contrived in my opinion.
Oh, or even doing a thing where we go to hang out together and watch America’s Next top model while she makes bruschetta in the kitchen as snacks
I’d love that over some cheesy wedding bell gift…
I’m sure she’ll understand, as I have already invested enormous amounts of time and energy helping her both just as a friend and as a wedding planner. It’d still be nice to be able to give her a nice big gift, but instead I’ll just organize great big fun get-togethers!
Etiquette says that you actually have a year to give a wedding gift. So if you need more time, there you go. However if you are struggling financially, then I believe it should be ok if you do not give a gift. If you believe that the bride and groom will not be happy with that, then send your regrets and wish them all the luck in the world with their marriage.