By: Revanche

Ooh, burned by the future MIL

December 28, 2007

It’s almost sort of funny now, but a few days ago, I wasn’t nearly so amused by the conversation I had with BoyDucky’s mother. She’d been almost forcefully cheerful and friendly to me all day – highly unusual, in fact, has NEVER happened before – but I assumed it had nothing to do with me. Apparently, she was just setting me up to get me to ride with her and BoyDucky to their business, so she could give me a piece of her mind. So we could have “a discussion,” I mean.

The highlights were as follows:

1. You two need to make a decision about marriage. NOW.
2. You can’t keep living in two separate cities. Unless you’re not getting married, then it doesn’t matter.

** I couldn’t help myself, I clapped my hands and said, “Oh that’s an option? Great! We’re set then!” As you can imagine, I got a LOOK from BD.**

3. You need to find a job in Northern CA, regardless of how well you’re doing at the current job because one of you is going to have to make sacrifices. *ahem* SOME people actually quit their jobs, have kids, and then come back to their jobs years later.
4. You need to stop “chasing the money” (that’s what it’s called when you’re working instead of popping out the babies) and put your family first. (ie: yes, the family I don’t have yet because I’ve already got my hands full!)

** I was still just laughing at this point, saying “sure, one of us can stay at home. BoyDucky! He’d LIKE to stay home with the kids. I’ll work really hard, get some major raises and be the breadwinner.” That screwed up her tirade for a few minutes. She regrouped, though. What a trooper! **

5. You should just quit your job here and, if you can’t find a job like you’re doing now, just go be someone’s secretary. You’d probably be good at that.

** Laughter stopped. **

6. What are your parents doing? I think your dad should just get some job somewhere and work for someone. Or maybe he just won’t lower himself like that. What’s your mom doing? etc. etc. etc.

** The funny left the building. **

I keep hearing that I shouldn’t have high expectations for a MIL, that some MsIL NEVER become reconciled to the DIL until they’re practically on their deathbeds (in one case, literally) but is it really so unusual for a MIL to have a little respect?

Leaving aside the whole can of “how dare you judge my parents when you know nothing about them” worms; I doubt that anyone who had any respect for me would suggest that I dump everything I’ve labored so hard to accomplish to go have babies on their say so. Not because it’s a priority for me, but because she wants grandkids and the other kids aren’t giving it up. Is this a generational thing? The one that dictated the older generation would give everything up to have kids and take care of them? I highly respect my parents for the sacrifices they made, and return the favor in kind, but giving up everything for kids I don’t have (and maybe, don’t want) yet is not happenin’.

Besides, it’s just not practical. I already have two dependents, and taking away my income to live on BD’s doesn’t work at all.

Is this as laughable to anyone else as it was to me? Or does it just sound familiar?

Ok, I guess it’s not that funny now that I think about it. Just kind of sad. But boy, she got me good with that secretary thing. After all, it was just a probably that I’d be good at it! All kinds of implied insult. *eyeroll*

5 Responses to “Ooh, burned by the future MIL”

  1. Mrs. Micah says:

    Ouch. I appreciate my MIL more each day.

    If she gets on you about kids again, suggest that she adopt some. 😉

    And parents can of worms. Yeah. Ouch.

  2. Kacie says:

    Ugh. That was over-the-line of her. Maybe she feels excluded from your plans. Who knows?

    I hope she realizes that it’s not her place to tell you how to live your life!

  3. SavingDiva says:

    I’m sorry to hear that your future MIL is so difficult. I find her comments out of line. I don’t think you should have to deal with that type of treatment. BoyDucky should have stepped in and told his mother to stop…

  4. Ugh.. I feel for you.

    My Ex-MIL was kind of like that.. but to Ex, not to me.

    I hate that comment about being someone’s secretary… and the whole judging your parents.

    It’s like she doesn’t think you’re good enough for BD. Then again, a lot of Asian MIL’s don’t think that, except for a couple.

    But the one that really gets me is the “give up your life to have babies” or else you’re not making the “right choices” in life. Who is she to judge that!?!?!?

    OMG I’m getting worked up over here. Sorry. 😛

    My best advice is to grow a thick skin and keep truckin’ along. As long as you and BD communicate, love each other, you’ll know when things are right or wrong. She can’t force you 2 to have kids just because she wants a grandchild.. ugh. Put the pressure on someone else please 😛

  5. ~Mrs. Micah~ I’m very happy for you, knowing what it COULD be like 🙂

    Yep, I can deal with the fuss, but you don’t talk about my parents!

    ~Kacie~ She’s traditional Asian, so she knows that it’s her place to say *whatever, whenever* 😛 I’ll live.

    ~saving diva~ To his credit, he did speak up at one point, in the awkward silence to defend me, but as I’ve asked him before to be moderate in his defense of me, he didn’t make a big thing out of it. I know her, and if he’d asked her to stop completely, especially in front of me, she probably would have been embarrassed/angry and lashed out.

    ~FB~ Oh yeah, you got that right. She totally doesn’t think I’m good enough. She gave him a whole list of reasons why I was a bad choice when we first started dating!! (He didn’t tell me until I guessed that she had.)

    Heh, I’ve decided that as long as she wants to pretend that she’s just our buddy and “*haha* when are you having babies and are you guys going to live in the middle of your work and his?” I’m just going to say, “yep! That’s a great idea! We’ll live in the middle!” And leave it at that.

    I’ll be ready when I’m ready. I feel for BD because HE’s totally ready and I’m not, but you can’t force it, and neither can future MIL.

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