By: Revanche

Labour of love

October 4, 2009

The funeral was this weekend.

I managed to keep it together for the most part but it was difficult. Everywhere I went, I was introduced as an adopted daughter. That made me smile because, let’s be honest, it’s been a long time since I felt like a part of my own family. Or even since I wanted to be part of my family, the way things have been.

I can’t have been the only one who heard echoes of their father’s voice as we organized the family, completed chores, cooked, ate, and rested together. At first, it was oddly comforting to “hear” him as the days went by. But it was upsetting too. He should BE here, this shouldn’t be happening, it’s not right that he’s not here for this! *”This” is the moving. The family was scheduled to move into another house and nothing is going the way it would have if he were still here. Everything would have been like clockwork.

The resounding sense of wrongness grew louder as I watched the family dynamics shifting. The teenage daughter, already struggling with her relationship with her father, now struggling with the lost authority figure. The brothers quietly trying to find the right place and pace for their new responsibilities. We’re all busy with necessary chores, but we’re also driven by a need to fill the hours with work, to keep moving.

We worked on the house yesterday, after recovering from the funeral. Locks were changed, outlets taped off, walls washed. Painters and carpet cleaners were scheduled, and I’ve been asked to help out again when they arrive next weekend.

That’s where I’ve been, mostly. And that’s where I’ll be, mostly, until we get adoptive mom moved in and settled safely and securely. And after that? I’ll be a consultant as my friend learns the financial ropes his father always kept safely tucked away. Yet another reason to hit the books even harder and make sure I’m up on my money knowledge.

4 Responses to “Labour of love”

  1. L.A. Daze says:

    You seem like such a great ‘adopted’ daughter. Hang in there!

  2. Dealing with such a loss must be very difficult … I’ll keep you and your adopted family in my prayers.

  3. Sense says:

    It’s tough to lose someone like that, for sure. My heart goes out to y’all. You are doing good for him and his immediate family, and hopefully keeping busy is helping you get through this, too.

    Even though his life sounds like it was cut short, it seems like he made a huge impact on the lives of many people. And really, who can ask for more than that? …To be able to say, “My life mattered.” That is a huge accomplishment. He was obviously a very special guy whose influence will extend far beyond his passing.

  4. Revanche says:

    L.A. Daze: That’s why they adopted me. 😉 No, it’s the least I can do, they’ve been really good to me.

    The Lost Goat: Thank you.

    Sense: Knowing that he made his peace with it helped, a little, too. He was ready, even if we weren’t.

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